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Is my son a heroin addict?

I know little about drug addiction just the stuff I've read here on the computer.  My son is now 19 almost 20.  Since highschool he's had a problem with addiction.  Around 6 months ago he moved back home after a hard life of drug use living with drug users.   He really wanted to go to college and I wanted to give him a chance.  So I signed him up and he attended for maybe a week or two than withdrew.  Had been out of work for months finally finds a job that I believe he may have loss yesterday on his 5th day.  My husband and I went away for 2 days and come back to find him sick.  Throwing up,pupils so tiny I could bearly see them and having a hard time even walking.  I've seen this before maybe twice and he's always swore he was sick from eating something bad.  My question is is this throwing up and sickness from withdrawal or from just coming down off of the drug?  He's really been trying the past few weeks.  He's with us all the time.  I don't see signs of what I would think to look for in a heroin addict.  But than again I don't know what to look for.  Why the sickness only some of the time?  I've seen it like a total of three times.  But I also know that he lies pretty much non stop.  I tried to tell myself he has had no money so how can he be doing drugs but than again I just don't know.  Today when he got home looking a little better I got my keys and said lets go take a drug test. First he said ok than he finally said " fine I was coming down off of heroin." So I than told him to get off of our property until he's ready for help.  I have three other young boys here and we have just been through so much else in front of them.  He"s really a sweet hearted kid.  Two weeks ago he begged for help told us we should move.  He was saying he was addicted to pot.  So thats when we said ok we can't move but no more going to friends.  We tried to watch him but prove to be impossible.  My husband is extremely hard on him and doesn't want to hear a word from him.  Well, as the mother I am having such a hard time.  It's ripping my whold family apart.  My husband and I cant say one word to each other about my son.  It's like he has no heart when it comess to him.  ANY ADVICE would be great.  Thanks, one broken hearted mom.
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Avatar universal
i feel for you and wish i had answers. Truth is I am going through this same thing.yesterday was 7 times sense Dec that my son has died and had to be revived.  My question is how many times can this happen before the brain loses its ability to come back. he was with people who left him out for god only knows how long in his car by himself unconscious they took his money and thank goodness stoled his dope. and as much has i hate that they stole the money for his babies and there homeless mother. if they hadent taken the money would he had more to use. I  tell myself I know that call is going to come that they could not bring him back, I just cant prepare myself. Just feeling crazy
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Avatar universal
Dawn - - I am so very glad that you keep looking and searching for your answers.  The answers are out there.  Knowledge is power with this one, like so many other things.  Cat is correct that you may use methadone about anytime. And it doesnt "keep" you from using another opiate either.  Keep asking your questions and looking for the answers.  Still wishing you and the whole family "all the best" ......................
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Avatar universal
It's possible for someone NOT to have been addicted to heroin to be on methadone... sometimes methadone is used for pain control. I'm not sure what the majority is, but everyone I've ever met using methadone was for a dope addiction. If he doesn't take it he will get sick, but it has a long half life, so he could possibly go a day or so without taking his normal dosage and be ok. Methadone is VERY hard to get off of. It stores in the bone marrow and many people have been on it for a LONG time. There are a strong few that have managed to bear thru a methadone detox but its pretty rare that people make it thru. The residuals are pure helll from what I've read (no personal exp there). You can get high on methadone, and you can still use other opiates on it as well. Can't really comment too much more with my lack of personal exp. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've taken it... Just want to add there's some great advice, love and support up above here by some really great people. Let people make fun of you for coming here D - cuz when we love and support each other we go all the way. - sending SMILES to you!!!! :)
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Avatar universal
sorry thats you CANT find these answers on the heroin website! opps
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Avatar universal
hey i have a question for anyone who might know the answer.  can a person not addicted to heroin take methadone?  If so what would happen?  Shoot i had another question but forgot it dang it.   my son has been hanging with the ex addict non stop and i was just a little worried about him taking some of his pills.  Does that guy have to live on that stuff?  when can you get off of it?  isn't it a lesser from of heroin?  thanks for all the help you guys have given me.  everyone has been teasing me for getting on here but they just dont understand.  You can find these answers on the heroin website.  and you so get a better understanding for what you guys have gone through.  I'm very thankful to everyone of you.  Your awesome and you are so helping people!  Your great people!!!!  Thank you, dawn
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Avatar universal
I understand the problem with your husband and the drugs being around other children. I did not mean bring him home and let him live their under wrong conditions exactly. It may have sounded that way. I am saying go get a professional interventionist who can see about a plan to confront him and offer the treatment he needs. How and where he is offered help is through the planned intervention PLANNED. Go watch A&E on watching how they work if your not faimilar with them. Of course he is in denial, that does not mean he will deny the help when it is offered professionally by the INTERVENTIONIST. That is just my best idea. You have other sons who may follow him into help, at least you know you did every thing resonably possible. This is about life and death not about being a good mom in the past. Just be a good Mom and try this, it can work. It may not work, least you did your best. I feel for you, God Bless, Focus on intervention!
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186166 tn?1385259382
i am the mother of three addicts (YIKES)...and somehow, i am still sane :)

as bad as this sounds...you have to let go.  oh how wonderful life would be if we could just love them sober, huh?  we cant...but what we can do is let them know that they are loved and that we are ALWAYS here to support their recovery but not their addiction.  we can let them know that whenever they decide that they have had enough and want help...we will be there for them and do whatever we can.

i can tell you that out of my three sons...only one is clean and sober and has been for over three years.  HE is the one that asked for help and that is exactly what we did.  he realized that he could not do this by himself and asked for long term rehab...meaning at least a year.  i feel blessed that we could afford to send him...but let me say that IF we could not...i would have sold my soul to see that it happened.

i too faced alot of what you are going through with your husband.  my husband did not understand addiction AT ALL...and i think more than anything HE felt as if he had failed our son and didnt know how to express his feelings with anything except anger.  my son had been in jail and instead of bailing him out...i left him in there until all the plans had been worked out and he was to leave the next day for rehab.  we picked him up late that afternoon so that we could spend time with him before he left for a year (he was 18).  i ran to the store and my husband "believed" my son's story about having to go somewhere and let him leave the house.  OF COURSE...he came back high on crack and my husband went beserk.  he told him that he was not going to spend over $100,000.00 sending him to rehab and that he was going back to jail.  my husband was soooooo frustrated that he started throwing his clothes out the door, at which time i proceeded to throw my husband's clothes out the door ! ! !  so what am i getting at???  i think that it was at this moment that my husband started to realize what addiction was all about.  seeing our son...who WANTED help and asked to go to rehab, go get high the night before he was to go...helped him to understand that our son's addiction was stronger than he was.  seeing me throw his clothes out the door and telling him that if he took my son back to jail, that he would not be allowed back in the house...helped him see that i meant business.  my son had had enough and wanted to the chance to turn his life around and i MEANT that it was going to happen come hell or high water.

my other two sons are still in active addiction.  i can not and will not support their addiction and have been forced... for my own sanity...to distance myself from them.  my heart breaks daily at the thought of them slowly killing themselves...but the ugly reality of the situation is that until THEY decide they want help...there is absolutely NOTHING that i can do to change that.  what i can do is take care of myself.  it wasnt until i decided to become as selfish as the addict in them, that i was able to let go.

my heart is heavy knowing everything that you have gone through and are going through right now.  i'm soooo sorry that you do not have the support of your husband to help you through this tough time.   please find some meetings or seek help from a therapist to help you work through this.  as mothers we tend to try and take on the world...to "fix" everything and everyone that we love...but in the process we loose ourself.  if there comes a time that your son comes to you and asks for help...YOU need to be healthy yourself in order to help him.

my thoughts and prayers are with you...
kim
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Avatar universal
Dawn - - Lesa is, of course, giving you real time and tremendous advice ....  I am glad that you have some personal space today to try and relax and regroup. It could easily have been much worse.  And once again - this isnt about you and any parenting issues from youth - - surely you can recognize that Matts problem goes back to early days .... It is a disease thats got genetic predispositions ... be open and honest with your younger boys - - they have a great risk of ending up with Matt and his other friends - - they dont have to, but the chance is there. You already know about some things from your brothers deaths ... Dad needs to make an adjustment or two - but moving out isnt the answer for you right now - and that wouldnt be in Matts best interest either. Do some research on your computer and keep increasing your knowledge ... stay in touch with the friends that you have made here .... and best of luck to you and the whole family ...
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Avatar universal
Me again.. first I would like to say.. take a deep breath as with everyone home you must have felt suffocated and very alone... I'm very sorry that all the blame seems to be coming back to you.. Now is the time for gaining knowledge on addiction/drugs read as much as you can..ask questions.. I was a junkie at 16 used for 4 years then turned to crank (speed) for a couple.. I was very young as you can see.. I have since married for 27 years and have sons of my own.. I have always been very open about my drug use..  sparing only the details that were for me personal.. they also watched me struggle with addiction to other drugs as I have had need of pain meds... In my honest opinion.. Your kids at home now know more about drugs then you do.. they have been watching and learning what drugs do.. Now is the time to talk.. be honest.. they are trying to be with you.. they know when we lie to them.. You can not hide what they live....... I'm happy to say my sons and daughter are all drug/smoke free... responsible and knowledgeable on the effects and dangers of drugs/alcohol..
Matt.. You have not failed matt... how can we fail we we give it our best shot.. the reason for my drug use at such a young age.. I was Angry.. very angry and hurt.. the dynamics with your husband in my honest opinion.. have effected him more then he has let on.. or perhaps he has.. I can tell you with my first.. it seems as if he catches the brunt when things are not going well as I think my husband expects a different maturity.. He is much like me.. sorta head in the clouds drifting along.. you know.. the youngest.. like him.. productive works with his hands.. My point.. my son and I have spoken how this effects him.. it hurts.. although no where as extreme as I think is your sons pain.. I hope you do not mind me approaching you this way but this is how it reads..
It took 6 years for me to get it together.. and end my affair with the needle and street drugs.. I did not do bad worked had kids a successful marriage.. but not till I received therapy did I have the desire to be clean for myself..
As before.. all you can do for your son.. is love him.. meet him for lunch tell him you are thinking about him.. I know the od scared the sh!t out of you.. but I hope it also did the same for him.. I have slept in abandoned cars under bridges.. in the field next to moms farm as I was not allowed on the property.. This is ok.. he is lucky summer is coming if this is the path he chooses.. He chooses.. Unfortunately he is an adult.. They had put me in a few drug houses.. haha what a joke.. it just pissed me off more.. You are not turning your back.. You are giving the kids at home a chance to live in stability in a home that blame and in fighting is not going on..
I must say your husband is very angry and I hope you realize you did not cause this our bring it on yourself.. I learned awhile ago that taking on others guilt is a very bad idea.. I hope you stay and seek support as I feel you are not being handled with enough respect.. You are trying to be a mother and protect your child.. as a she bear.. your husband should acknowledge this and be understanding.. but he is hurt and angry.. I'm so sorry for this.. Please feel free to contact me as I would be more then happy to open a dialogue with you..Hugs for a worried mom....lesa
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Avatar universal
Hey Dawn I'm with you.. I will be typing back I'm slow :) I just want you to know.. You are not alone.. more to follow..
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Avatar universal
No, we don't have anyone that matt could go and stay with.  i wish we did.  its always been just us.  it really ***** having no family.  well i have a sister in la but she is an *** that believes i need to wash my hands of my son.  and i have a brother in tenn.  didnt grow up with him.  great guy even sent matt a ticket once to go and visit but i think that was more about showing my son all that he has.  hes a great guy just a little swollen headed rich guy.  which hey he worked hard his whole life so hey he deserves it.  two of my other brothers killed themselves over drug use.  and my well off brother had to deal with all of it alone.  so i think he's had his feel of dealing with what drugs do.  he's already taking care of one of my brothers son that was left behind when my brother killed himself.  bought him a car paying for his college giving him a monthly allowence.  i don't think my son really would leave anyways.  he always says he would never leave his girlfriend of 4 yrs.  When my son asked us to move i think it was more so that he wanted to know if we loved him enough to move.  i don't actually think he would move.  when i got to the hospital the other night his first words were wow you do love me.  he feels unloved because he feels like such a bad person.  I tell him all the time that he is my world.  and i couldn't live without him.  we fight like cats and dogs always have but when we are done we hug and kiss and tell each other how much we love each other.  We have a weird relationship kinda because we kinda grew up together.  we were only 18 when we had him.  we had no family no friends moved far away form my parents.  so he was all i ever had.  when my husband and i would fight i would talk to matt.  would never do that today but being young and stupid i had no idea that was so bad.  ive always talked to matt about everything and him with me.  my husband blames me for whats happening with matt now because his whole life when he would come to me i would just listen and talk instead of getting mad and punishing.  at 14 when i found out my son was having sex i went and bought him condoms and said that i wished he had waited.  I went to the girls parents and talked to them.  but that was about it.  i guess i just never did the right thing with him.  i can't telll you how many tmes we would talk about drugs and how they would ruin his life.  and he was the perfect little boy that would tell me "mom i would never be that stupid".  so now with the other kids dang i have no clue do i talk to them or do i not say a word?  growing up my parents talked to me about nothing i knew nothing of drugs.  and i just grew up scared to death of drugs.  how do i get that???  Last night my 11 yr old was talking to my 8 yr old about what he found.  i told them it was something used to smoke tobacco in.  well they came back with but you could smoke meth or crack in it too.  I was shocked!  Heck I don't know.  I have no idea how you do that stuff or what it even looks like.  I asked my son how in the world would u know that.  he said tv.  ok sorry i think im rambling.  my husband went back to work today.  he's been home for like 6 days.  so yeah today is the first day i can talk without him coming in and telling me i will cause a devorce.  Sorry,  take care, Dawn
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Avatar universal
D- none of this has happened due to bad parenting!!!!!!!!!! Stop beating yourself up!! You do what you can for people, including your children, but you can't control them no matter what. Addiction is a disease that is hard to understand, and hard to recognize for people when first dealing with it. It was NOT bad parenting. You hope and pray for the best for your kids but at the end of the day - it's not up to you what decisions they make, it's up to them.

Think about what I said to you - make a plan of attack. Although you're in a tough spot between Matt and your husband, that's not an excuse to flounder on this. You can do this, you will get thru this. Now go get a manicure.... lol  :)
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Avatar universal
there is no way my husband will let him stay here any longer.  yesterday my 8 yr old found a pipe with pot in it.  he asked my husband if it was  a crack pipe.  we have dealt with this stuff for a long time.  and afterhis overdose the other night i really hoped he would see the light but hewent right back to hangin with the same drug addicts.  Ive begged him to go to meetings withme  and he swears he has no problem.  I even asked him to just get on here with me to read what some other people have gone through and he says no way.  we tried telling him if he is to live here you have to NOT hang with the drug addicts anymore.  but the minute we turn around thats where he's at.  When your old enough to not listen to your parents what so ever and to tell us how stupid we are and that we need to shut up and mind our own business well than its' time for him to live on his own. If it were up to me I would give him a little longer being that he just started his job and hasn't even gotten a pay check in but my husband won't go for that.  Years ago when we found out he was doing drugs we should have gotten him more help.  Yes we did go to meetings than and stuff but the minute he would say he didn't need it anymore because he would never do any of it again.  I would believe him all the time.  Huge mistake!!!!  bad bad parenting on my part and believe me i will die with that being one of my biggest regrets.  but i can't change the past.  in 6 months when my son ends up dead of another overdose i will than more than likely see that making him move out was a huge mistake.  you have your drug addicts out there and you have your good hearted people out there like me that seems to mean well but screws up all the time. Im in this position i have been with my husband since the age of 14  i love him dearly  we have 4 boys together  he's a very hard worker and its taken very hard times and work to get to where we are today.  We provide a great home for my kids lots of family time lots of hugs and kisses lots of support in things they do.  I stay home with my boys.  So i could move out and not be able to afford to feed them and try to save my 19 yr old.  which last year i did move out to a great place in the moutains where my son could have gotten away from all of his friends.  He wouldn't even come with me.  Well he said he would visit if he could bring his addict friend which I said NO.  so it seems i will either lose my 19 or lose my whole family.  I hate that it sounds like im choosing one over the other but i don't really know what the heck to do.  If i leave my husband my other kids will not take it well at all.  i just don't know if me leaving my husband will save my son.  if i knew for sure he would move with me and start a new life i would do it in a heartbeat.  but I just don't think he would.  I think he wants me to move out of here but get a place close by so he could live wiith me but he would not stop hangin with the same people i have no doubt about that.  so really thats not fair to my other kids are my husband.  u cant' keep giving when all the other person does is take.  when I had some control and could have made him go to rehab i choose to believe and listen to my son.  stupid stupid stupid but i had never dealt with drugs and really thought my son would not ever be in this situation.  i have no control any longer.  i ask him everyday to get help and tell him how much i love him.  i tell him about the stories ive heard on here.  im not the only person parenting my other boys so i have to respect my husbands wishes.  the whole thing makes me sick.  thanks for any advice because every word helps,  Dawn
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Avatar universal
Dear Mom,

If your son is using Heroin then he is a Heroin addict. Qualifying the level is not really help full except in determining the help he needs. I suggest not kicking him off your property until you have actually done an Intervention with someone trained/ AND highly skilled in doing them.

It is maybe you will have stay away but do not do that until he is really offered the help he needs, and he turns down the help he needs during a planned intetervention, a plan for him. Turning him away is a last resort not a first resort. I realize you already did it, but go get advice on presenting a planned intervention.
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Avatar universal
would be nice to hear from matt .................................
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680303 tn?1239984840
theeagle gave a great answer. My heart goes out to you. My son is 21 and in the Navy, lost his dad at 9 but by the grace of God stayed away from drugs as far as I know and I believe I am right. I wish I had his head at his age, I was a mess with so much potential.
I went into a hardcore long term drug facility that saved my life. There's no ***** footing around this stuff but I would say to see if they even have those facilities like they did in the 70's and before. These easy rehabs imo are a joke but the boy needs support too.
To the other mom who posted, my heart goes out to you. I can cry for you. I can't imagine how hard it is for you women and your husband's need to hug them back but also set them straight. God knows them and I will pray right now for their recovery and your peace. God bless you.  
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866358 tn?1239915573
I too am a mother of an addict. He is about your son's age. We have gone through alot in the past 4 years. I am divorced from his father and we have not included him into the problem.
My best advice is not to give up! I think he has a better chance of recovery in a place that he feels safe and not the streets. If you have somewhere you can send him-relative, etc that is a good "solution" but the relative needs to know all the details before agreeing to your son moving in with them. And consider which is more important your sister thinking your son is bad or getting your son well?
Pot will not make him throw up from withdrawals! He may be crabby at best. He is coming down off of something. I am not familiar with heroin just pain killers and have seen my son very sick from withdrawals.
From one mother to another I know your pain. You are not alone. You have done nothing wrong. It was his decision to take whatever. It can be your decision to help him get better but you need boundaries if he stays at home because of the other kids. He needs to know that. He needs to know what you are willing to do and not do. I wish that I had taken a stronger stand earlier and maybe we wouldn't have taken so long to get to where we are now.
Always keep the lines of communication open with your son.  If you can't talk with your husband please talk to someone. I learned many years ago that everyone has problems. No one has a perfect family. Just fine someone that you can talk to and preferably someone that knows the problems. Consider Al-Anon. That can help you with your decisions. You have to stay strong to help your son.
I wish I knew the "magic formula" to make everything better to help you but I am in the same boat. Remember there are always others that are in the same boat. You are not alone!

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Avatar universal
I agree with catt.. if you could get your son on with us.. it may help. as addicts have traveled his path and may be able to reach him.. I'm very very sorry for the pain and fear you must be feeling.. the situation with your husband must be heartbreaking also.. if your son could just sit down and read the post and responses on the forum it may as it did me.. give him the support he needs to get clean.. Please take catts advice for yourself.. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers...
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Avatar universal
Oh boy... I'm so sorry. I am so sorry. Are you okay? The lack of communication with his father certainly does have an impact but you can't control other people's reactions. Is there any way to make a suggestion to your husband about possibly learning about addiction? Sometimes when something is hard to understand, it's easier to be frustrated and p'd off... So maybe introducing your husband to this forum maybe, or just info in general. Try the NA website maybe - other online sources. I can honestly tell you that I don't think your son is a bad kid, as a matter of fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that he is very much like those of us with a history of opiate abuse. We all have a tendency to have alot more in common than most people realize. Do you think your son would be willing to talk to any of us here from the site? If he's willing to talk to other heroin addicts I'm certainly here... Please bring it up ok? Also please try to drop some information on your husband about addiction. He needs to realize this is your son's life we're talking about, not just a "bad habit" that needs to be broken... Perhaps a little understanding of the disease will change his perception of the issue? Let me know if you need anything ok? I honestly mean that - check your inbox here when you get a chance. Hang in there.
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760862 tn?1243097304
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through!   I have sent you a PM.
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Avatar universal
My son overdosed last night on heroin.  He was brought in not breathing.  we just got home and my husband will not even look at him.  Again i know that's got to kill my son.  He tried to win my husband over with im sorry and im still going to move out in 5 days.  but nothing from my husband.  He won the hearts of everyone in that hospital.  the nurses were crying for him.  He so nice and sweet wishing everyone a happy easter.  but not even a look from his own dad.  sad!
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Avatar universal
The emotional turmoil you are in is absolutely breaking my heart. I'm a recovering heroin addict and I can tell you that my story and your/son's story are identical. I was your son at one point in time and to a maximum degree. I'd like to comment just on you for one second tho. Please find an Al-Anon meeting and find one soon. Addiction is a family disease it affects more than just the abuser. Since you are in a position where you can't really discuss this with anyone, those meetings would help you as well. You'll learn a bit more about addiction by being around people who have gone thru or are going thru what you are going thru. Now as far as your son... it's pretty safe to assume he's using something. It is not your fault that he is an addict. Many factors play into what end up driving an addiction, but it is still nobody's fault. And as far as people saying it doesn't matter what you say/do until he's ready... I believe that's only partially true. Yes your son needs to want a change but sometimes situations come about where we as the addict, say hey - yea that person is right, and decide we actually do want a change for ourselves. Everyone is different and everyone gets this their own way - no way is right or wrong. All I can tell you is my own personal experience and after years of my mother helping me fight my battles, helping lessen the extent of trouble I got into, and generally playing the addiction game with me... the day she stopped and said no I won't play, is when I stopped using heroin. (it was actually everyone I loved that told me no) It will be 2 years this Friday which is a real miracle, you can trust and believe that!! Now I'm not saying that will work for your son cuz everyone has to hit their own point of revelation like Lesa said - but like I said above sometimes it does matter what the people closest to us say and do. Rome wasn't built in a day - this is a long process no matter what so the best advice I can give you as a woman, mother and person is to help yourself. Get to a meeting, get into counseling, hit the gym, call a friend, whatever you need to do to keep yourself sane. If you lose sight of who you are to drown in your son's addiction, well, that won't help anyone! Keep posting ~ Catt
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Avatar universal
Good morning matthew1989..
I'm very sorry to read of your pain and frustration.. I'm also very sorry to read of your sons desperation when asking you to move.. I also understand that we just can not pack up a family and move like that.. I was wondering if you have any relatives that live out of state or even out of town.. as a former junkie myself I recognize the plea to move as with most of us.. we had to move from the town we were using in.. as junkies the only peps we know are other junkies and dealers as most had given up on us that were in any position to help.. I understand your heartbreak at having to remove your son from your property as it is important to protect the younger ones and keep some kind of harmony in the family.. You are really between a rock and a hard place.. please do not be sorry for venting here.. this is what we all do.. is help anyone effected by addiction.. addiction is not a character flaw nor is it a weakness.. it is a disease not caused by your actions our your husbands.. although it would help your husband tremendously if he eased up and realized as with any other disease it has symptoms.. unfortunately the symptoms are what you describe.. You son is redeemable and I bet he is wonderful young man.. loving and cares for his family.. these you instilled in him and are still there.. You are not killing you son.. you are trying to give him a chance to hit bottom so he can find his desire.. Support is very important and being in a home when dad is so hurt and angry himself is not conducive to support and getting clean.. I know alanon has been suggested to you but I would also suggest family counseling as you have other kids who are also going to grow up and make decisions.. as for matt.. all you can do really.. is tell him you love him.. you miss him.. and when he is ready to get serious about getting clean.. you will be there for him.. we really do have to fall to the bottom to pick ourselves up.. living the life of a junkie is very taxing on our emotions health and energy.. we all reach a point where we know we can not go on..I just hope he finds his soon.. warmly lesa
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First of all thanks for the kind words.  I'm kinda losing my mind here feeling like im close to losing my son.  Than i think about what his brothers are seeing and i know they have had enough.  but i feel like im sacrificing one for the others.  ive been with my husband since i was 14 hes the love of my life and last year broke my heart big time.  i lost my parents when i was 25 and 26 and compared to this those things were nothing.  i know i wasn't at fault for any of those things.  how do you not feel like it's your fault when its your kid?  you raised him!  while he was on our insurance i should have got him into rehab.  its not like we didn't see he had a problem with addiction.  hes had horrible things happen to him because he was too messed up to do anything about it.  i should have done something more than talk to him.  when he told me he didnt need help i always said ok ill let you do it your way.  What the heck that was not being a parent!  he even tried to kill himself at 14  and yes we went and talked to people for a while but when he would say this isnt' helping i would say ok than we don't have to go back.  hes the first of our four boys and i feel so horrible about being such great parents to my other boys but matt got short changed cause we were young and stupid.thats not fair!  and my son is always telling me mom you guys are great with my brothers but boy u guys really messed me up.  we were only 18 when he was born and had no clue what to do.  we have never had family we have always been on our own.  we were so busy working and building our lives that he got short changed.  at 18 i didn't have the understanding that i have had with the other three.  and never anyone to ask.  my husband believes he always had a house food everything he needed and that should have been enough.  sorry venting causes i don't know what else to do anymore.  thanks for the ear and the thoughts!  dawn
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