Is the worst over yet?

[Skipndaisy]

I started using hydrocodone regularly 1 1/2 years ago when my dad was dying of cancer. It made me numb to what was happening, so it didn't hurt so bad. A week after his death, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I went a few mos without using then started having some neck pain and guess what I was prescribed? Hydrocodone 5 mg which I took only as prescribed due to fear of harming baby throughout pregnancy and breast feeding. However, after weaning baby off breast milk about 5 mos ago, I began taking them off-the street, 30-50 Mgs per day everyday. I'm now on day 3 of withdrawal, determined to quit for good. I feel agitated and legs are restless. Have been taking Xanax and muscle relaxors at night when it seems the worse. Haven't been sick, just mostly restless. Aching went away yesterday after a trip to tanning bed & sauna. Too tired to do anything but shower today, though. Can someone please tell me if the worst is over? Will I start feeling normal again? I've been working hard in the gym lifting and running and am so ready to get back to it, but don't feel like lifting my toothbrush now. Oh, I'm also on 10mg Zoloft. Wondering how much fatigue is from withdrWals and how much is from depression? My oldest daughter has been diagnoses with autism since my use began, so I haven't really dealt with that or losing my dad soberly yet.

[Skipndaisy]

Thank you so much! I'm still hanging in. I just keep thinking of the money I'll be saving and making lists of all the great things I can do with all the $ I was blowing: buy new running shoes, join a Crossfit Class (something I've wanted to do but thought too expensive even though it would costs way less than my habit!), take my mom to see the new Madea movie that's coming out on what would have been her & my dad's 49th anniversary so she will be distracted from being sad. I no longer have a therapist due to insurance changes. I do have an appt with a psychiatrist who takes my insurance, but it's not until March (the earliest they could see me.) I just feel awful lying around for the past few days and not being able to do fun stuff with my girls. I'm just faking the flu and relying on help from family with my girls which ***** but I keep thinking it will be for the best. I really appreciate the encouragement. I didn't think I was doing enough hydro to feel this bad when I came off. Obviously I was wrong, but from reading others' posts. I'm thankful it wasn't a lot worse.

[katmandu516]

Hi! And welcome to the forum. I know exactly what you are going through. I went through the same thing. I was on a dangerous cocktail of oxi's/trams/and vicodins. For 3 years. You are on day 3 and are definitely in "The thick of it", which means, the worst part. I was jumping out of my skin around that time of my detoxing. Didn't get off the couch and ate chocolate all day!! Was my only pleasure. Regarding the RLS, you need to take hot Epsom salt baths. They come in aromatic flavors if you like aromatherapy like I do. Put 1 cup in a hot tub and just soak your body, as long as you can. The magnesium in the salts remove the poisonous toxins of the drugs that are in your system. Believe me, you will feel better after that. Take as many as you want. You need to be tough girl, dig your heels in and push forward. Your almost out of the woods. Give it a little more time...a few more days and you are home free. I also suffer from Major depression and I'm on Cymbalta which I think actually helped me get through it. After you're finished detoxing, if you're on depression meds, I'm assuming you have a therapist? Get to him or her and talk about all these terrible things that have happened to you all at once and ask them how to deal with them. I asked the same question you are asking now about 3 times, when I was detoxing too!! Mine was "When will I start feeling better?"  So please know you are so not alone, and if you have to ask 10 times, just ask. We all have gone through what you are going through now, and you will feel like your old self in no time. Just don't quit now..Write back and let us know how it's going.

[clean_in_ks]

Welcome to the forum!  Glad you found us and congrats on already being 3 days clean!!!  That's HUGE.....usually 3 days is "right in the thick of it".  We all seem to want to know "when will the worst be over".
In GENERAL....the first 7 days are the roughest.  There are SO many variables though that affect each one of individually.  How long we used, how much we used, what the drug is, how old we are, etc.
We had a guy around here last year that swore if you could make it thru the first 100 hours....then you could make it. (the detoxing part at least).
STAYING clean is a whole other challenge for us.

The thing is, you have been masking your emotional pain (as most all of us do) and you will need to find someone to counsel with or talk to.  Some of use a therapist, an addiction counselor, a pastor, a sponsor in AA or NA, or someone that understands addiction and can help us.  Any one of those or a combination is great....I've never heard of anyone getting TOO much help...lol

We have this "thing" we talk about around here....The 3 "S's"....meaning the 3 in the word SUCCESS.....to successfully STAY off our drug of choice.
They stand for:  Sources, Secrets, and Support.

If we don't permanently cut off ALL our sources for pills.....we will eventually return to using. (we think we won't....but if we're truly addicts and have a source, we will)  We need to share our secret addiction with someone (in the flesh) so we have some personal accountability and won't just "use behind our secret".  And the aftercare support is crucial....I use the analogy of swiss cheese.....once we take away the drug....we leave big gaping holes.....and we can be torn apart/fall apart very easily ( and return to using)....but IF we fill those holes with something healthier to help us learn knew coping skills and get to the bottom of the emotional junk we've been pushing down inside of us for so long....we become stronger and stronger.  We don't pull apart....or break so easily.  We intentionally fortify ourselves.

Hope you'll keep posting....let us know what you'd like help with or any questions you have.....this forum is FULL of wonderful caring people.

[CRSeaside]

Dear Skip n Daisy,
  From my own personal experience the mental part of the withdrawals is a more lengthy process. You'll need to work out why you needed the drug as a crutch.
   I hope you can continue to expend energy in the gym. That will help with the physical withdrawals.
   With lots of Love and attention I hope your daughter gains confidence.
Autistic children have more programs available to them than just the previous decade.
   She needs you, it is wonderful that you got off drugs.   Pamela