Issues w/ Recovery - need advice (CATUF, Beach, fish, others w/ experience) & my dear friends

[Mis Take]

First let me say to all of my friends here, I have missed you terribly and have tried to check in from time to time to keep up.  Life has been a bit hectic but Im hoping that as it settles, I will have more time to spend w/ you all.  This forum saved my life (and my husbands).  Not to be dramatic, it just did.  W/out it I would never have known the options available and would have either ended up in jail or dead.  So for that, thank you and I promise to give back what I have receieved as soon as a little normalcy takes hold.  Please keep fighting, it is so worth it.
  
NOW FOR MY CONCERNS AND QUESITONS:
I am really needing advise on a part of recovery that I have never heard anyone talk about.  Because of my own struggles and confusion……..I am hoping that someone with more time and experience can better help me work through all of this.  

The last couple of weeks have been the hardest since the day I quit taking Oxycontin and began Suboxone.  I have not had anything since March 19th --79 days ago.   This is the problem I am having and why I can see how relapse is almost inevitable if you do not have support (forum, NA, counseling, etc.) from outside sources.  My husband and I quit at the same time and basically started at the same time, though since the day we quit, nothing in our actions have changed.  We take care of the kids, which of course we have always done, but did little else to change our situation.  We lost everything as this “thing” began to spiral out of control, yet for 8 weeks after stopping, we did nothing to better ourselves or to try and regain.  Whenever we had free time, he went upstairs to play his game and I went in the back to “talk” and read here.  Then, out of the blue, we both were more visible to each other and to others.  Finally, two weeks ago, we had a situation resulting from our days of active addiction (showing that we are continuing to pay for it b/c we are not changing the habits of using. ie - still not working, not facing problems that began back when..etc.) 1st question - Is it normal to have a time in between active addiction and LIVING?  We believe now that it has allowed us to work out some of the mental baggage and grief that comes w/ addiction ---- and also know that it gave us the time and opportunity to continue to “hide” and not deal with the problems arising daily.  Not thinking of all of the issues is a hell of a lot easier than listing them out and dealing with them.  

So, anyway, due to the final event last week, he and I stayed up and talked all night.  We motivated each other, gave constructive criticism, and developed a plan.  We were so excited for whatever was to come.  Also, we met with our parents and asked them to please cut us off (no more $$$) so that we have no more choices.  Growing up is not easy to do, no matter what the underlying reason.  In asking them this, we said that we have beat ourselves up for so long that we now think that anything but positive will only hinder us.  Everyone agreed and though not all have stuck w/ that, we were on our way.  However, as each issue or stressful situation has come up, I am having a lot of trouble “coping” without extreme stress, emotions, and the desire to “run” away.  Now, I am dedicated to making this work, getting our lives back together, and moving forward - but my coping skills are lacking and issues and feelings are coming up that have reminded me of when I started abusing and when I increased.  

My questions are these; What can I do to lesson the stress, if anything? How can I learn the needed coping strategies to deal with this? How do I handle the fact that there are not enough hours in the day to fix ALL that is “broken” and raise my children?  Does everyone go through this to a degree? And Did we do the right thing in jumping in, cutting ourselves off from all monetary help, and  distancing myself (ourselves) from the negative people in our family?  It is very hard to prioritize when everything needs to be done TODAY and each of us has so much to do.  

Since last week, we both have gotten off our asses and gotten jobs (bout time) and have started dealing with the important issues one by one.  However, there are still days where getting under the covers sounds much better, and on those days, less is accomplished.  Thanks for taking the time to read this NOVEL.  I appreciate any insight you guys could give me and/or constructive critisism that u have.  

TO MY DEAR FRIENDS:  I PROMISE TO BE BACK SOON!!!  I HOPE ALL IS WELL AND JUST KNOW THAT U ARE ALL IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS, I MEAN THAT!  IM OFF TO WORK NOW....WILL CHECK BACK TONIGHT TO SEE IF ANYONE HAS ANY THOUGHTS.  THANKS, TRACY  

[LIZZIE LOU]

hey sweetie...i have missed you so much and have been worried sick about you.   i have another forum friend...who stays away for long periods of time...but this is the true sign of relapse for her...so i have been scared.

beachtowel and i have always said that getting off the drug of choice is the easy part...staying off is the hard part.

you know that davis went to a year long program in taos, new mexico.   i always refer to it as rehab...but that is really not what is was.   it was a life skills program.   that is what an addict seems to have the most trouble with...once off drugs...especially one that started young in their teen years.   i have been told...many times...that an addicts life...the progression of life skills...ie. coping...arrests with the progression of addiction.   kind of like christian...the 10 year meth addict...his is very street mature...but mentally and emotionally...he is back to his teen years.   this has been the hardest part of his recovery...not knowing what to do...what to think...how to basically live.

you are not alone in these feelings...i know there are many here who feel as overwhelmed as you do.   but there are a couple of members here who i think can really give you a boat load of information on this subject...catuf and beachtowel.   i hope they see this post...if not...i will bring it to their attention.   they have lived this...they have the life experiences to help you.

you are doing an awesome job tracy...moving in the right direction with your life...and accepting the fact that you are lost and asking for help.   so many addicts would just turn back to drugs so they didn't have to cope.   this shows me that you are truly into your recovery.

can't wait to talk to you...

huggs,
kim

[ambrljsmm]

very shortly id like to suggest finding a counselor i myself am going through same plus more issues as you its extremely hard for me not to say f@#k it go back to stripping(stay clean)but go back pay bills but i dont i keep striving for help through welfare just started with a physciatrist and still go to counseling with help of mmt.i wish you and i the best as well as everyone else who needs and/or wants it...this is truly a struggle...Amber

[Yoda99]

Trace, you're back!!!  You got the email I sent to you, right?  Yes, I just answered my own question because you wrote back to me.  I am forcing myself to stay off of the computer today.  I have a lot of paperwork to do and between all my addictions (computer, tv, food, haha), I don't get anything done.  But check in with us when you get home and let us know how you're doing.
Much love,
Yoda

[LIZZIE LOU]

you are so right...it is a struggle...learning to live again...or even just learning to live...period.

you are making great decisions and seem to have a plan of sorts.   keep up the good work...you will get there...might not be an easy road...but if you want it...really want it...you can make it.

huggs,
kim

[beachtowel]

Your right not to many people talk about after care in recovery here and your post hits many points. I'll try to answer some of them if I can to your satisfaction.........
First I agree it is easier to hide under the covers and hope it all goes away but that won't help....
Dont forget that addicts are impulsive, compulsive personalities so in regards to your negative family sorry there is no fast fix.......
As addicts we make victims out of our closest which are usually family.....
As addicts we say we have been straight for 79 days look at me I'm cured you can forgive and trust me now.....
You both got jobs that is a great step I don't remember reading about N/A meetings or a drug conselor to help with your recovery....
Addicts relaspe, they have a hard time with a new job boom, there family doesn't trust them fast enough boom, the bills can't get paid boom, the kids are to much to handle..boom..........
Oh yes then there is the cravings, maybe we could party just one night just to feel better boom, oh hell everybody thinks were just scum who really cares.........boom......my back really hurts its legitimate pain...boom and now my tooth really hurts Motrin 800 or Tylenol extra strength doesn't touch the pain only Percocets or Vicodin or Oxycotin will relieve my pain......boom....

Recovery is very hard work and it takes dedication you have the benefit of your husband for support even though your both addicts that can be a very slippery slope to walk on....
You both should help each other to fight this disease and do the steps the first one is the hardest to do to admit that your powerless agains't your drug of choice and that your life has become unmanageable.......
If you truely submit to this idea your recovery has started. Addicts lie like no others honesty even though is a very tough thing to stand up to is very forfilling in the long run and a must in recovery.....
As far as those covers go Tracy the Demons of addiction will find you where ever you go even under those covers....

[tztlady]

First, congratulations on your clean time!  
Yes there is a period of time where life just seems overwhelming and you get that feeling of "where the hell to I start" when thinking of "fixing" it.
I remember when I got clean in the 80's I came out of detox, 26 yrs old, no drivers license, a 6 yr old daughter, warrants from stupid tickets I never took care of, kicked out of college, etc. etc.

I got a 30 day token at a NA meeting that was a key ring and I remember thinking "I have no keys, no home, no car,"

It took time and a lot of listening and tackling one issue at a time.  First comes making a list of what I need to accomplish.  Next comes writing out the steps I need to take to accomplish the goal.   Then, lastly and most importantly, I prayed for the willingness to take action.

You are right where you are supposed to be.  I am in awe that you and hubby had the courage to ask for your parents to help you.  I got my support through prayer and I am not a religious person.  I took each goal and prayed for the strength and willingness to achieve it.
Example:  I had no drivers license because I had traffic tickets and had warrants.   That took money to fix and I had none.  So I called and found out that I could "work it off" by putting on an orange vest and going out with a clean up crew to pick up trash and pull weeds on freeways.  I did that for about 10 days and cleared my warrants.  Then I was able to get my license back.

Another (sorry if I am rambling) was college.  I had graduated from community college when I started using and was a year into the university.  When I got on drugs I just "didn't go back" and didn't officially withdraw.  I was kicked out of the univeristy.   In order to be allowed back in I had to face the officials.  They told me they couldn't trust that I was serious this time and to go back to the community college for a semester, take 9 units, and if I got decent grades they would consider letting me return to San Diego Stare Univ.

So this took 5 months to do, knowing I didn't even need the classes but I had to suck it up.  

There were times when I thought "it's too much, whats the use?".    It took so long to make the amends I needed to.  

I had the support of NA members and I had a "program" to work by working the steps.  I had a sponsor who helped me write out each step and understand them.  It really is about life change and a change in thinking.  It is also about compassion and determination, both of which you have.

I hope this helps.  Please feel free to email me if you ever need to.  ***@****
Blessings

[DannyFL]

Congrats on your time w/out using. First let me say, you are asking the right questions. I am happy to finally see someone here who is interested in taking the necessary steps to STAY sober. So many people in here think that once they get the drugs out of their system, they will just be normal people again. If you are an addict, this is most certainly NOT the case.

Now I am going to drop the bomb! Guess what my fellow addicts, drugs are NOT your problem! I will say it again.....Drugs are NOT your problem! They are your solution. They are how you run from your problems, or how you numb yourself from the true problem. And until you work on the true problem, which is, in fact, a mental illness, you will NEVER stay clean. Now many of you won't believe me, you will still take the ever popular "Detox" plan of recovery, but mark my words, one day, you will eventually pick up again, and as you wonder why, I want you to remember this post. One day, when you have finally had enough, you will be so beat down and fearful, this may save your life.

It's very simple. There is 1 proven way to lift that awful mental obsession. It has worked for hundreds of thousands of addicts, and I have yet to meet one person who has done this correctly, that has relapsed. If someone were to say to you, "I have a magic pill that will permanently remove your addiction," wouldn't you take it? I would.... That would be the greatest gift anyone could ever give me! Guess what???? It EXISTS, only...............not in pill form.

Well, lucky for me, someone gave me this gift, a little over 13 months ago. I was tired, desperate, and had nowhere left to go. I had no more family to rely on, no friends, I had single-handedly destroyed EVERY relationship I had ever had. No one wanted anything to do with this heroin addict, because I had already ripped them off too many times. Now, many of you may say," I'm not that bad, I have never done heroin, or even had to steal to get my drugs." But trust me when I tell you, this addiction WILL bring you to your knees if you give it a chance to. I started with roxycodone 30mgs, then worked my way up to Oxy 80s, but soon enough, it just wasn't enough. Plus I didn't realize that narcotic pain killers are just synthetic heroin anyway.

So now I'm homeless, carless, familyless, friendless, and had a hole in my body where my spirit should have been. The ONLY thing I could think to do, was drop to my knees in the pouring rain, and pray to a God that I didn't even believe existed! Not 30 minutes after I finished asking this God to help me or kill me, my mother, who had already disowned me,......found me and took me to my last hope, a treatment center. To make a long story short, they promised me that if I went to AA or NA meetings every day, and just did exactly what they told me to do at these meetings, I would have my pill. Well, lucky for me, I was scared enough to listen, and I did what they asked of me. I got a sponsor, who guided me through the twelve steps of recovery, and believe it or not, I sit here 13 months later, clean and sober, with an exciting outlook on life. Today, my life is about helping other people, and believe me, it's better than any high I ever had before. So there's your pill, take it in, swallow it whole, and work the twelve steps, it has been PROVEN time and time again. Best of luck, and congratulations, you have just sat through an NA meeting!

[Mis Take]

I came home for lunch and had to peek and see what responses I had gotten.  To "give away" where my self confidence lies, I was expecting a lot of "get over it" and "grow ups" from some.  I certainly wasn't expecting what I received.  These responses truely show what kind of ppl you all are and your very unselfish stake in other's recovery.  So, for all of that-- thank you so very much.  I

want to say something to each of you but there is one theme that is constant throughout.  You are ALL correct in that I do need a counselor or NA meetings to guide me through the final stages (the rest of my life).  My husband and I have actually looked into the NA meetings in this area and have gone to a few counselors.  I wish they were half as intelligent as you all are.  The first put in a video and took my 100 bucks, the second took my 80 bucks and told me to see an addiction counselor.  The medical system in Alabama needs a little revamping, lol.  Anyway, my doctor is a real advocate for NA/AA, so we believe that it is well worth the effort - and it's free (which helps).  Now that I have read these replies, I will put that on the front burner.  Danny, a magic pill sounds "right up my alley" so thank you for sharing your story with me.  TZTlady, my goodness, I don't know where u are now - but how far you have come and what you did to get here is nothing short of amazing.  The courage, selflessness,and  humbleness (if that's a word) of recovering addicts is awe inspiring.  You are someone to look up to and strive to be like - thank you for sharing all of that and feel free to ramble to me anytime.  Amber - Sounds like you and I are in the same boat.......but at least it is now floating.  You are doing great things to better yourself and your family and I can only work hard and hope that I have your dedication to stay clean as I am tested. Beach, thank you very much for everything you said and the questions you answered.  As always, you are very helpful and insightful.  You def have a grasp on what I am going through and thinking(scary thought, hu? lol)!  You are so right about the BOOMS - I have hit a few already, and it's hard, but doable......just have to stick with the program and stay "out of the covers"  Why the hell does everyone know to look for me there.  LOL  Thanks again, you are a very smart man and I appreciate your taking the time to read and respond.  Oh, one more thing.....I read your reply to the fraud scripts post and couldn't help but smile.  I went through the same thing (in a way) but thankfully was never caught - though close - very close.  And when I read what you did when stopped, I thought, that's exactly what I would have done.  Glad you were at least able to wash it down (surely had to wash down a bit more w/ it, hu?)  Anyway, your honesty is refreshing, and though your right....Im the BEST lier - Im honestly glad your here to respond.  NOW, last but certainly not least, my two friends (partners in crime) and crazy ladies.......thank you for not being mad at me for being away.  All I could think of was they have got to be so pissed that I have not been on for so long.  It makes me so happy that you accept me back when I can be back and are happy for me when Im gone and doing well.  I feel like I have missed so much!!  The beach wedding - can't wait to hear and I haven't checked my email in like 10 years, but I better have some pics and Yodes, I have been keeping up on you and all your trips.  Lucky dog - all over the place!  I miss you guys and I cant wait to get back and yip yap.  Life in the fast lane really puts a damper on my social life. lmao!   THANKS TO YOU ALL - IT IS APPRECIATED!

One thing that I forgot to mention......I am much happier now than I have ever been in my life (even before pills).  This is a strange concept for me.  I now have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, not a "pot to **** in" and I wasn't 1/2 this happy when we were bringing in the big bucks.  I remember something CATUF posted back when......that the change during recovery is like ....life is in black and white before the first pill and is now in color.  It's that significant of a shift.  And, that's exactly how I feel!  Material things and the like have really taken a backseat to all of the important issues and ppl in my life.  Friends that I have had for many many years .....I now have nothing in common with anymore.  I am now MUCH MORE concerned with my relationship with God, my family and the direction my life is heading now.  Many of you have played a crutial role in this change - and it's positive so thanks again.  I love you guys!  Better get back to work - before they start wondering!!!!!!  Talk to you all soon.

love tracy

[OneTwo083075]

I've been in recovery now for a few months, for alcohol and have quit pills also.  I went to rehab for three weeks, and found it to be so not what I expected.  It was more like lessons in life skills, teaching addicts other ways to deal with the stressors in life, not with drugs or alcohol.  Before I went, I didn't realize first of all, that there were so many others just like me and second, that I needed to be taught how to live life like a "normal" person (whatever that may be).  I realized I have been an addict all my life, whether I was on drugs and alcohol or not.  Anyway, I have continued with AA meetings (I am in Alabama also and there isnt' any NA to speak of around here) and they have helped me SO much.  Everyone there is pretty much trying to figure out life like we are.  If you can find a meeting, NA, AA, CA, they are all the same to me, I would suggest trying one out.  You don't have to commit to it, just try it.  I find it so helpful to be around others like me.  Other people who have no clue how to live life and are floundering around day after day.  The strength we can gain from others is amazing.  Sorry to ramble.  I can so relate to your questions.  I am still trying to figure out how to live without pills or alcohol.  I don't know if the day will ever come that I feel normal, but I am finally beginning to feel like "me," if that makes any sense.  BTW - thanks to everyone here.  You guys continue to be a great source of support for me, day in and day out.

[Mis Take]

thank you for posting back.  It is so nice to hear others who are "feeling a bit lost."  We rednecks have to stick together, a?  hehe (if they only knew)lol lol   Anyway, it sounds like you have found a group that you can relate to and I plan on doing the same.  I didn't realize that we didn't have NA here, the doc told me that we did, but maybe he just meant similar programs (AA,CA) so whichever we have, I feel like it will be helpful.  From my understanding, the principles are the same and that's what Im after.  I am truely a believer that sharing w/ ppl who have the same problems, issues, and past turmoils can be so uplifting.  This forum has meant the world to me and I would truely be lost w/out it.  Im glad you are here too and I hope to see you post more.  THanks again for sharing your story, it really is helpful to not feel so alone in all this mess.  Take care and keep fighting.

Sincerely, tracy