It's Saturday... and Holding

I came here to my getaway for a change in environment.  I swore I was not coming near the computer...no internet connection here, but my neighbor has wireless and I'm using his wireless router at the moment.

Anyway...seems as though there is a lot of determined people here of late that are posting.

I went to see Pursuit of HappYness last night.  The will smith movie.. a bit drawn out at the end... I was getting antsy...but it was a HAPPY ENDING.   Just reinforeced in my mind that we can through the worst with losta hard work and determination.

Hard work and being focused is a winning combination... I'm reinforcing this thought into my head.   No one is LUCKY... people work hard for accomplishments... and I know that has driven me all the time, I'm just losing sight of that at the moment.

I know I can do anything I really want to do.  I know I can have anything I really want... I have to depend on me to get me there.   I know this.. it will be my mantra for the day.

I keep telling myself I have to go through this to get to the other side.  There are no short-cuts to this mess.. and I'm just repeating what plays in my mind all day.  Maybe it will help someone turning the corner.

Thanks the support here... I'm OK.. even if it's just for now

Talk to you all Monday
Gip

[orangefyre]

We are strong and can accomplish whatever we set our minds to. I know your story, I know your age, and you are AMAZING to me. Hell, I almost idolize you...
You are a super duper woman, and deserve a huge pat on the back and a big hug for what you've conquered!
Kudos, Gip. You are doing it!
So am I.
Lisa

[chemmonster7]

Hey how are you today? I left some posts for ragdoll in hopes I can help. I hope my mood is better today and can give good advice had bad 2 days want drugs!!! but I will fight it lol and has any one talked to vicaaddict? a little concerned hugs

[orangefyre]

HI! No, I sent her an email, I will let you know if I hear from her.
I'm doing better than great. Cold is gone, and feeling GOOD.
I went to the Vitamin Shoppe and got a high dose B12 and WHOO...
I am buzzin around like I used to on Meth! LOL

How are you, sweetie???
Lisa

[chemmonster7]

Im glad your feeling better, Im diong better today have to go grocery store grrrrr hate it but like to get out of house but its cold here today Bbbrrrr lol

[vee108]

Gip..you are so right about that movie "Pursuit of Happyness"..I went to see that movie on New Years Day..when I came home from the movie I dumped all of my pills.  I said if he could do that; I can definetly do this.  Anyone here that is feelin a little down should go see it..it will give u some inspiration to hang on.

[nefesh]

Yo! I also admire you and your can-do altitude... please forgive me for sharing this next thought - as you would sagely say "take it for what you paid for it" or somethin' like that... - Again, I think it's great to realize that focus and hard work, and depending on yoself, will definitely reap big results... Most folks think that relying on/trusting in Heaven somehow makes our part small, doesn't matter so much anyways, etc... Except mebbe the exact opposite is true!!  When we realize that we're totally dependent, on MOTU (Master of the Universe) and that everything and certainly all our successes depend on Heaven - it only makes our role more important!!  It's no longer just bum-de-dum l'il ant me building my anthills... it's me giving it my all-out get-out so that I can merit getting picked up not by a hollywood agent, or the CEO, or a pro scout, but by MOTU Itself!!!  And the difference is that sometimes, when we're down, and we feel like we've blown it again, and sometimes it even seems like what the hell is the point of this anyways I feel so bad I want out I'm just hurting everyone... well, if you just turn the ole heart towards dem Heavens... and also other people... things, miracles (it's all a big miracle really anyways) lucky "coincidences" (nuthin's really a coincidence) can happen... Sorry again, I just worry for you which I guess is pretty dumb considering how GREAT you are truly doing!!      Continue being yoself, i.e., inspiring everybody!!                    L, Nefesh

[gipsee]

Thanks sweetie... and Kudos to you too... I never knew that Methadone was so available and so difficult to get away from.

Enjoy your clean new life and loved those kids....

Gip

[orangefyre]

Could we keep in touch? Does that freak you out, or creep you?
Anyway I would love to hear from you from time to time, if you don't mind.
It's up to you, and how you feel about it. my email addy is      ***@****.
I would LOVE updates and insights occasionally. Thanks for ALL you help when I was going through the WORST.
Lisa

[vee108]

Not a dumb comment at all..matter of fact I agree with u; believe me I can realate b/c this is recovery x 2 for me...I've been here before, so I am worried for me too; hope this is the last time.  My problem is that I FORGET very QUICKLY...in a few months I tend to forget the hell that I'm going thru now and that I went thru yesterday..my prayer is that I keep this experience upfront in my mind so I can remember the agony when I think about popping a narc.

[gipsee]

You made me laugh... although I know you are concerned.  And thank you for being concerned.   I've opened up to quite a few people about my plight since I've gone through Withdrawal.   Somehow it keeps me grounded.   I will try really hard to keep my resolve.  

As I said in a previous post... you are so very deep thoughted... but sweetie (this is the part that made me laugh) don't worry about me... I have an 85 y/o mother that does that to a point of smothering me... she's very good at it...and that's her job.  

I'm a big girl, I've been taking care of myself for a very long time.   I'm ok... at least for today.   Tomorrow isn't hear yet.

Last night I packed my car to come here, got in the car and of course the radio is always on... and the Song that started playing was "Don't Stop Thinking about Tomorrow" by the Eagles... YESTERDAY IS GONE... yerstady's gone.

Today I am good... Tomorrow is not here yet...YESTERDAY IS GONE.

Take care of yourself, and the rest will follow.  

Gip

[gipsee]

I dont talk here about my religion.  Or my faith in God. But understand something.   God gave me capability.  God gave me drive.  God gave me an understanding of people that scares me sometimes.   It's up to me to live the my fullest capability and it's up to me ... ME ALONE... to use what he gave me.  He doesn't do anything FOR ME but he is inside me allowing me to use what I have to the fullest.   Do I pray?  Yes... Am I grateful for his gifts.. Sure I am... but I can also ignore my potential and do nothing but depend on others to do for me.  I'd much rather people depend on me.   That also keeps me grounded.

I monkeyed around for three months pondering over my pill usage and by some (I know I shouldn't compare) I was using nothing by comparison.   My problem to me was HUGE as someone abusing 20 pills a day.

Can I falter... sure.. any one of us can.   One pill would be too much, 100 pills won't be enough.   Don't forget I've already had a consultation with the Dr....she's not going to RX me this stuff any longer like she used to...and I have no one to go to for "street phramacuiticals"... I wouldn't even know how to begin.. something I don't want to learn how to do @ 57.

Again, you take care of you...you can't carry the burden for me all of us or any of us...all you can do is offer a shoulder.

Gip

[gipsee]

Did you know up front.. that movie was based on a True Life situation?

I did not going in... man was that kid cute or what..

Making a lot of typos today, using my laptop.. I'm not used to this keyboard.

The progress of that movie really reinforced to me.. my destiny belonged to no one but me.   Man it really hit home.  Some time you just have to do what you know in your heart is the right thing and go for it.   Trouble is... using Vicodin.. was never the time to take big decisions seriously... I know that now... LOL

It was indeed a GREAT MOVIE for me to see at this stage of my life.

Gotta run....My G/F is having dinner... and she's a wonderful cook... and some old friends are going.   So it's again, something to look forward to.   Best thing I did was get away this weekend.

Gip

[snarkyaddict]

You said:

"My problem to me was HUGE as someone abusing 20 pills a day."

There is a lot of truth in that.  Addiction is addiction, and it seems, in my experience, that amounts didn't matter when it came to withdrawl (withdrawal).  Withdrawl (withdrawal) from 4 pills was just as hard as from 10.  

I have also wondered about the role body weight plays in these addictions.  I weigh about 115 pounds, hubby weighs 230.  I was taking 10 pills per day, and he takes 20.  Yet my addiction seemed more desperate; he could go with much less when he had to with fewer ill effects.

Thoughts?

[gipsee]

I think you may have latched onto something there.  I'm very small too Size 4 = 112 #'s...I was up to about 119 before withdrawl (withdrawal) but lost some ground with the runs.

But my g/f is using way... way more than me.  She is a bit heavier than I am a size 10.. dunno the #...she is a professional, maintains (only god knows how) she pops bunches of percs, vics plus an occasional Xanax to smooth out the jitters when she's low.  And on top of it washes this doo-doo down with wine.   EWWWWW.. see I never liked that feeling of losing control.   I don't even like percs... after I had a surgery I'd ask the Dr. for Vics.   I guess it's all about the tolerance level.  Honestly two years ago, a whole Vic .. taking one whole pill at one time put me in a stupor.   But a month ago, I took two in the morning to get to work.   Once it decides to progress it does rapidly.   I never chased the High until just recently.  Your pretty new here don't know my story.  I just new and know I wanted out.

But I do think size has something to do with it.