Its his recovery

Ok heres my question ...My son has been in detox / rehab & was going to out patient rehab .......He failed an opiate test for me But passed all of them  in out patient rehab ...... He decided that out patient is not for him & wants to go to NA meeting & has got a sponsor ....He is 25 years old ..... He needs to do what he feels best in his recovery ...... Alot of my friends & people on my site think that he will relapse if He doesn't do the out patient ..They are mad at me for telling  him that it was ok to quit rehab ..... This is his recovery not mine ...
My question is ..can he stay clean without going to out patient rehab ..& do you recommend anything else? It seems as if the mother is always the blame ....I'm sorry I'm just sick of the blame going on us parents ................Trish

[bjb456]

Is he strictly an "Opiate addict?"  You have failed to mention how long he has been an addict and what he has been addicted to?  Also, how is it that he passed for "them" and "Failed your test"...  Unfortunately you have not provided enough detail for me to provide advice.  I am also not  Dr. but simply a "poster looking for advice".

[greeneyes16]

Yes his drug of choice is oxies....Hes been an addict for 11 months when he was in college & graduated & realized he had a problem... I don't know how he passed for the out patient rehab drug test  & failed for me ...... It was the same day ......my Gut is telling me that he is clean .....I just pray he stays clean .....

[corey411]

Trish, We're not to blame for the addiction but we are to blame if we enable them to use. Do not turn your back on what your feeling. He is 25 years old and it is his recovery but it is your house and you need to make the decision whether he can stay there and continue to use. Going to out patient rehab...in patient rehab....NA will not do anything if he is not ready. I know you want to hear different but what I will do is give you the truth as I know it.....you cannot have it in contract form. Quitting rehab is not a good thing....you know that. How do you know that he passed their drug tests? Are you sure he quit? Could he have gotten thrown out bc he failed a test. It's hard when you can't get that info from places bc they're not minors. I would call him on that one. I'm not trying to make you feel bad but I know that I am. I'm sorry. This is tough and I remember it very well. It took alot for mr to see. My son never got into trouble before but the drugs will change us. I really hope that things turn out. I will keep you both in good thoughts. Love, Corey

[LateAugust]

I'm   sorry  but  I had  said on your earlier post  that my daughter passed     all of her IOP  urine tests with flying colors   because she knew when they would be given  and perhaps the urine you found in your son's room was for your drug test and not for his IOP treatment.     Because my daughter had no idea of when I would give her a test   and by golly she flunked........  with me  not the treatment center,       the only advise I can give you is to follow your gut     your maternal instint    and yes  my daughter went thru rehab  3 times  and yes  we did everything under the sun      but she has almost  8 months  with no oxy        I never thought I would see this day    and it has been absolute hell  not trying to be a drama queen but it is our kids  and is harder than hell.....       As you know she is now in 6 months of sober living  a long way  from home    not what I want  I miss her so much my  heart aches      but    so minor in all we have gone thru.     You know your son better than anyone       and  as a mom  I think you really have to follow your gut in what is best for your son.    Because there is no magic answer  if there were  I would share it with you in a nano second,   I am grateful that I didnt give up my daughter,  because quite frankly I am not sure she would be alive today if I/we did,  BUT  that is our story  OUR life     and  you need to find that place in your heart of what is best for you and your son,     Please  know only my best thoughts and prayers are with you and  your family,