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I've taken the jump from a slow Vicodin Taper...

by All1Mind, Oct 06, 2009 02:21AM
I"ve been a lurker for quite some time. So I'm gonna make it short and quick because I think my story is very similar to others and I'd like to share and possibly give hope to those trying to quit Vicodin.

I've taken Vicodin for many years for migraines, and pain in general. Yes, once prescribed xanax for anxiety, and vicodin for pain, I admit, I've picked up some bad habits. I was to use as needed but ended up getting into the routine of waking up to 2 to 3 10/500 vicos and taking one or two after lunch time. At most, I'd take 6 pills, and that was rare. But here's the thing, I stopped last year for over a month and I LOVED how I was feeling and I felt as though my life was somewhat back. I was still taking little pieces of xanax 3 times a day to rid me of those little cravings and social anxiety things that would pop up. Always feeling like I was looked at weird because maybe I looked different, but I didn't, I felt different, maybe had a tired look in my eyes, but I was for the most part there. At a place where a lot of us would not mind being at all. Under some kind of control, and not taking vikes.

So, I relapsed one day randomly and it's been going for months now, waiting for my scripts, trying to pick up early, scheduling around those effing pills just to wake up and function. Downhill spiral.
Deeply depressed and feeling guilty about relapsing, I started to get that feeling again, where I thought, this is b.s., it's time to get off of this, deal with my headaches another way (yes, vikes and a quick nap rid me of headaches like magic. Doesn't work for everyone, but my doc and I agreed that this was working.) But still he didn't know I was taking them in the morning for energy and all that... I AM AN ADDICT.... My first step right? right....

In late August this year, I started my taper, very slowly, still falling short on my scripts, but not as bad.
My taper was 1 in the morning, 1 after lunch and when I felt like blah.. (we all know what that is) and sometimes I'd cheat and take another or 2 in the morning if it I had to. (i probably didn't have to, it was the addiction telling me to have a better mornng and take 2... ) I'd also take a .5 piece of xanax (i get the 2mg bars, a lot of them from my doc which I control for the most part. Dangerous, I know, because I believe I've been taking them for over a year. So I have that to deal with after this Vico mess...

Right now, I am finishing day 3 of my big jump off the vico ride... I jumped at 1 pill per day. Very confusing and stressful to decide when to do it. So I decided at the end of this last script, so I don't have any to take "just in case" or anything. No choice. Just time to man up and do it... So here I am. Diving into the 4th day (apperantly the most crazy of the days) .. and I am feeling it. Sluggish. Yawning, not motivated to do much, body aches, stomach is trippin', and I'm for the most part getting through just fine. My job is extremely demanding and today was my first day working without anything but the xans (.5 mg when it got bad in the morning)
I'm not doing too bad. People this can be done. I would suggest something less addictive or as dangerous as xanax but it's all I have, and like I said, I'll deal with that through out the months to come. I know it won't be as easy as this.

So for the most part, my mind is kept motivated, although a lot less into the fun stuff. I wish I could lay in bed all day but it almost makes it worse to do that for me.

My friends, you are truely blessings on this board. To take the time to talk to people and share stories.
I am going to get through this uncomfortable mess soon enough. I mean, if I can wait for scripts and obsess about when they're coming next, why can't I use that time to work towards getting clean and dealing with my pain another way?

It can be done. It feels like hell on earth at times, and you want to crawl into your bed and tell the world to leave you alone, but muscle through it. Get on your feet. Be a little bit of the person you want to be again, just a little at a time. Yes, it hurts, but life hurts.... and this pain is so worth getting past this vicodin addiction. You can do it!! For all that are trying, and all that want to start trying, PLEASE KNOW, that it is possible and I am doing it now for me and for my life.... with a lot of help from these forums.

Alot of them scared the hell out of me, but that's the thing. I may have added months to this by reading the horrible stories that some poor cats have to go through. I pray for everyone on here seeking help. I'm 34, I have no idea about NA or AA, I don't have the option for rehab and I don't have a support system. It's all me doing this, and if your scared to take the dive, I wish I could stand there with you and show you how it can be done. Don't let the idea of withdrawling scare you out of trying. I've done that.. wasted precious time.
So yes, I hurt, yes I have totally uncofortable moments all day long during this period of detox and I am just a simple man with no super powers. Just a hopeful soul.

Take the moderate to severe pain and jump in the hot bath... rest when you can.. drink LOTS of fluids and eat fruits and soups. Keep food and fluids in your system. I'm hurting right now but I thought I'd create an account and let people know a few things about what I'm going through. It feels good to vent.. but yes, I hurt and my sleep *****, but roll around for the hours you're able to.. it's uncomfortable but can be tolerated.. everyone is different, I know, and I know not being able to sleep right is the worst, but it can be tolerated.

Please pray for me through my days 4 and 5.. and I guess through my entire journey through this detox, however long it may last. I'm hoping for a month or two of a little bit of weirdness and not feeling perfect, maybe even longer, I don't know, but I'm hoping and trying, that's my motivation.

6 vicos a day, to nothing... man, the battle is there, and I want to win it...
I know I have plenty of work ahead of me but I'll get there.. one day at a time... and oh how time takes it's sweet ol' time.. *sigh...........

I can't thank this board enough.. thank you thank you thank you.. !!
By reading here often, I found my way of taking care of the vicodin thing on my own. I pray that I'm doing this right. But who cares? I won't die.. I'll just feel horrible for a little while. Time heels us all...

I hope to be on here to check back daily as this rolls on...
I pray for everyone on here... take that next step.. even if it's a little slow, it's something in the right direction.

p.s. no one in my family knows about any of this, I've luckily been able to do my thing and stretch, feel like ****, feel the restless legs and just play it off... I refuse to let this take me any longer. Well, I'm trying.. Like I said. One day at a time.

Thank you for reading.. <=)

oh, and I have no idea when I'll stop feeling the withdrawls, but like I said, I'm just eating healthy, when I have no appetite I munch on some crackers, I stay away from the energy drinks and just try to do the right things during this time...
Please pray for me as I will you*

Good night friends... I wish us all the best of luck. We can do this.. as long as we're willing to try...

any advice on how to at least deal with the wds is VERY welcome... I'm an open book and willing to hear feedback on my situation...

Thank you.. !!!
Member Comments (2)

by Greatgreebo, Oct 06, 2009 02:36AM
To: All1Mind
Very inspirational...you are almost done with the WD's for Vic's so just ride it out. Hot baths, get yourself MOVING and keep positive. Right one my man!! For the benzo's...you know the drill....slow and easy taper after a year of using. CT is not an option. I'm on day 11 (12?) of a relapse CT...I've got the creepy crawlies and I feel like I'm nervous as he!!, but....I am feeling like me again...and that's a good thing.
Keep posting. I'm feeling so much better after reading your post-you rock!!

stay strong and good job-you can do this
Greebs

by All1Mind, Oct 06, 2009 08:59AM
To: Greebs
Thank you so much Greebs. Here I am, starting day 4. Just woke up, ready to hit the shower and get to work. I'm doing well. Nothing that isn't new. Aching, but still willing... Hurting, but still fighting... I hope to be here writing soon with huge exclaimation points all over my words saying DAY 30!!! and 40!!!

I appreciate your words of encouragement..!! They help more than I realized..

You and I need to slowly take care of this benzo thing.. it's tough but the thing is, it can be done. Take it slow my brother.. I'm rootin' for you!!

I hope to have time to get on here daily, although my days are demanding and when sleep creeps around, telling me it's time, I drop everything and take it, so I don't always make it on. I'll always try though.

Stay strong and know that you're a LOT better than you're feeling. I must keep reminding myself of this, I must keep reminding myself of this ... over and over.. =)

take care!!
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