Fear is really what kept me hanging on. I got used to taking the pills before I did anything(work, jammed, hangout, concerts, social events) and got used to it after a while. It made me more motivated, energized, happy, like superman. Then the day came where I didn't have pills and I thought something was wrong with me. I had really bad social anxiety, panic attacks, loss of ego, judge myself really bad. So in fear of that I took the pills so I didn't have to feel that way. Then I found out what a withdrawal was and in fear of that I indulged. Then eventually I was just taking the pills to feel normal. The past year it was a fear of leaving the house without taking a few just to feel normal. I just think it is crazy how these pills change and shape our minds. If I knew what I do now, boy, the trouble and money and wasted days I would of saved..
Just think, we lived a normal life once, what is stopping us from getting that back? We had a good time without pills, what is stopping that from happening again? The pills are stopping it and making you feel the way you do, physically but mostly mentally. I hate the feeling of my life being a blur, a fog, a cloud and just all in all feeling crazy.
Congrats on your clean time now, 25 days right? Fear kept me back from quitting too. The thought of not using drugs was scary, but now the thought of using IS scary. It's amazing how our head clears after quitting and all the positive changes that come. Your doing great so keep doing what your doing.
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