Just an update on my addiction to pain meds

[Travis161991]

As you may know From my last post, I have been addicted to pain pills since I was 13 due to my 2 herniated discs in my lower back, also knee surgery.  I am 18 now.  Since septemper 27 2009, I have went to taking 12-18,  30mg Roxicodone's and Oxycontin 80's, to just taking 2 percocets 7.5/500 a day and one, 2mg ativan to help take the edge off and to help to try to get some sleep.

My Doctor has been very understanding, and has helped me alot.

But I still have very bad withdraws, and i knew I would have, but i was ready and determined to get my life back,  I dont get that much rest but when I do its not long.  I am staying strong, And am ready for anything these withdraws throw at me.

I could probly say a lot more but I keep forgetting what i was going to say, and get confused.  But that will go away soon I hope.

But anyone with advice or just a response would help me alot,  I am very happy that i stumbled upon this website,  Because they are so many people that has had the same problem can relate to my problem. And any support would very helpful!

Thanks

[ZJILLIAN]

Good Morning! You are so brave. About the dreams and terrors: I like to think of the drug as the "enemy"; and this enemy is very smart and cunning. He knows how to scare and tempt and disguise himself to even look like you. So in the dreams, when you are asleep and have surrendered control for a bit, the enemy attacks with terror, memories, promises, all the tools of war. The nights wear you down, but laugh the terrors off; you are wise to his game and won't be fooled.

Thinking about you today.

[salsinator]

Hi Travis - You have some great supporters here.  Thanksfor posting.  I'm proud of you, you are doing so well.  As I have told you behind the scenes and others here have also told you, take it slow, a huge jump like you have made will take some time to adjust.  Take Care

[Travis161991]

Yea it is around 9 at night here also.  But I do anything i can to keep my mind occupied just to keep my mind off of the withdraws, and pass the time.

And my dreams are starting to come back,  But i am worried, because I have very bad night terror's, when i was on pain meds i did not have to worry about having night terror's( very bad dreams ) but now i do.  I also get the dreams were I take a bunch off pills ( in a dream ) and it feels like im high and all my pain is gone away, then i wake up and im not high and the pain is still there.  It's a pain in the A$$, but its got to be done.

Thanks for the support!! it helps me a lot!

-Travis

[ZJILLIAN]

Well it is night here and that always feels good to me, making it through the day ok. How are you doing? I am a great fan of distracting yourself as much as you can during wd. Anything will do; even cleaning the tile in the bathroom with a toothbrush. Just something stupid and mindless. Really helps me. Also today I had the image of surfing the withdrawal....like I am balanced on a surf board ABOVE the anxiety and all AROUND me the waves crash and bang but I am calm and poised surfing the withdrawal.

[Travis161991]

Hey ZJILLIAN!! im Felliling like **** today I just now opened up my computer to get on her,  I have been In the bed, And the bathroom most off the day.  But im Still hanging in there!!

TamTam36-  I excercise as much as I can which is mostly walking because I am limited to what i can do because of a car wreck I had a couple of week back that left me with 3 broke ribs and a cracked chestbone.  But when I do excercise It does make me feel a little better.  I just can not wait until i can be myself again, and get my memory back!!!

Thanks for the support everyone!!!


-Travis

[TamTam36]

You are doing great! Way to go. Opiates kick my butt for 11 years. I know what its like to deal with chronic pain on a daily basis. I know it can be tough, but exercise as much as you can. Your natural endorphins will help with your aniexty and help you get more sleep. It takes a while to put your body back into its natural routine. I know it did me anyway. Continue to taper and communicate with your doctor. I have now been opiate free for 15 months and it feels wonderful. I am no longer in that haze and my memory returned slowy back to me. Keep up the good work. Stay focused!

[ZJILLIAN]

How are you doing? Woke up this morning and you were the first person I thought about. Hold strong.

[Ella789]

  So proud for you !!!!  this is a hugh accomplishment!   I know the big opiates are hard to get off of too!    You are doing so good  and  you are also bringing your tolorance levels way up by doing this.   Give it some time, you will be able to jump before long and no longer a slave  to this way of life.   You have a Dr. who can help with some Clonidine when you jump ?    Or are you trying to get off the pills completely?  Sorry, I did not read your posts very well as I am in a hurry. lol  

I just wanted to say that I think you are a tough guy to have come this far and you can do this.   Best wishes to you :)
If you have stomach issues, try Immodium.   Hot showers/baths.   Some muscle rub and heating pad.   otc pain meds  for inbetween the others.   Get alot of good drinks into your body and some light soups/foods if you can tolerate it.    Keep posting  I'll be thinking abt. ya !!

Ella

[Travis161991]

Yea tapering is going somewhat good, i made a huge jump from taking 12-18 30mg Roxicodone and some Oxycontin 80mg, too only 2 percocet 7.5/500, and i take one 2mg ativan at night.  My mom holds on to all of them so that is why I can stick with, and also i want my life back!!!

And I try to stay occupied as much as i can but it has been really rough, and the past three days i have been walking to help.  thats about all I can do right now because of my car wreck I had a couple of weeks ago that left me with 3 broke ribs and a cracked chest bone and some internal bruising.  So the pain is pretty bad, when you are try to get off pain meds when you still need them lol

But today has been the worse day yet I have not even been out of the house today, I did make myself get in a hot shower, it seemed to help me relax a little.

I do live in south carolina and it is humid here.

Thanks for the support!!!

[broknbck]

tappering down goes the smoothest if you can stick to it. slowly is the trick or you may as well go cold turkey. my tapper lasted 1 month and no depression after. and sleep was ok too. just shaky hands. keeping occupied is crucial. i even went on a road trip cross country.

also if you live in a high humidity state, that tends to make injuries hurt more. i moved out to the desert - Phoenix and the pain is never around unless it is monsoon and the rains.

[avisg]

Travis  my fellow SC person:).If off it great you have a good doctor that can make getting clean far easier then feeling you are all alone .Thats a major drop at once I can see while you would be ertiable . I would not jump anymore until your body has a bit of time to adust to that magor drop.Plz be carful with the benzos they are so addicting but I am gald you are getting from your doctor and he is oversee it .i am sure he has discussed recovery care with you thats is so imoprant in helping you stay clean I could not do it without it .We are here to see you threw.

[Travis161991]

Thank you!!! for the support, I love this website, and I don't think I would have wanting to stop if I did not find this website.

My family and friends are all there for me and wanting to be very supportive, but I have kinda been pushing them away, because I get so angry and irriatable, and just want to be alone all the time.  but this website helps me a lot to deal with my addiction, because I can come on here and talk when I want to, which is all the time now lol.  

Thanks again!!!

[ZJILLIAN]

I, right now, am thinking about you! I, right now, am sending you as much support as I can think through space to you. Just remember how many people are here who have experienced what you are experiencing. Don't scare yourself. Distract yourself, write lots of posts.  Remember " All things pass".