Just found out son is addicted to Heroin

[goodmom809]

My  almost 21 year old son got my ex and I together Saturday afternoon to tell us he is addicted to Heroin and needs help.  We took him to a local hospital and he is now in detox.  All we know is this will be for 3-5 days, then he can be in their rehab program, which is only a day program.  Doesn't seem like enough to us.  We're trying to research long-term facilities.  My ex has good insurance, thank God.

Son has been using drugs and drinking since he was in high school but I was stunned to learn of his heroin use.  He had a friend who was declared dead from a heroin od about 6 months ago, and son talked about this to us - told us heroin was bad stuff.  I guess he was probably using then.

My question (ha - one of about million!) is this:  What are good long-term rehab facilities that help a user get to the root of his problem?  My son has been in drug programs, been to counselors, etc, but no one seems to want to go "back" in his life to when all this began, and help him get over the original problem.  As a "graduate" of therapy myself, I know that you need to look at the past in order to go forward.  

And yes, I realize that I am no longer a graduate of therapy, and need to get help myself.  God, this is so hard, and I'm having alot of trouble wrapping my mind around this.  

Please, when you respond, address it to "goodmom" because I'm trying to believe that I am.

[goodmom809]

Thank you, IBKleen.

We are to meet with son's counselor tomorrow, who wants to release him from detox and put him in a day program.  I'm not thinking this is the right thing for him, as he will still have access to the friends and places he's used to!

Wouldn't a residential facility be better?  I've heard Hazelden is good.

I saw a post by the doc on the expert forum, tho, that said ".  The facts don't lie-- kids in their 20's who go through residential or other step-based treatment have a HORRIBLE success rate. "

Any opinions on this?  I tried to post to the expert forum, but couldn't figure out how to do it.

Goodmom809

[Ella789]

Yes,  I think the forum Dr. is right also.   Sad but true, it is tough for anyone, but a young person with friends that use, it is a bad deal.  I think it is because they do not have the life skills that the years can bring, experiences and all the living they haven't done. I don't know,  it is tough for anyone but a young person, wow.   I know how hard it was for me with Norco,  I can not imagine H !!  Please try again to post in the "ask a Dr." forum under Addiction.   Click on the "Post a question" .

Best wishes to you  for your son.

Ella

[LateAugust]

Goodmom,     I also am the mom of an oxy addict.    And I too was a good mom.. My daughter  used heroin when she couldn't steal or manipulate her way for more monies to buy oxy.   Heroin is a lot cheaper than oxy,  so they make that leap a lot,  and I think your son probably started out using opiates?

Two years ago I didn't have a clue of how bad oxy addiction is.....  or the statistics  for successful withdrawal and abstinence for opiates  which I would prefer not to post here.

My daughter went thru rehab 3 times,  altho we had to drop her from our insurance as she quit college when she was 20, we spared absolutely no expense in every ************** available.in patient out patient  addiction specialists  psychiatrists counselors   the list is truly endless.       If you want my honest opinion,  based on my experience,  and my daughter is now 22 so we have been living this night mare for 2 years........   If you have the means to do so, I would recommend no less than 6 months of treatment.....   in patient.        This is the longest "clean time" my daughter has had:    30 days in patient    60 days intensive out patient 30 days normal out patient and is now in sober living for the next 6 months.     This is not court mandated,  she does not have any legal problems (probably the only thing she doesn't have a problem with)  but for her,  the 30 day treatment centers  were not enough.      I can't tell you how much I love her,  and how I would do anything for her.....  but  sometimes a mom's love is not enough.  It is hard for me to think she is 300 miles away,   she won't be home for Thanksgiving,  but what a small price to pay for her  to kick this addiction that I hate with every ounce of my being and was stealing my daughter's life.       If possible they need out of their environment  and eased back in.....   again this is just my experience and for the first time I have hope my child will live.

If you ever want to talk please send me a msg.  I am so sorry for your heartache and that of your family's..........  and also for your son..... there is no doubt this is not where he wants to be either.


Trust me,  I do know what you are feeling and your fear....    

  

[worried878]

always know this is not a reflection on u and ur mothering capabilities...cos it is not..it is a disease and ur son has it...and yes a good counseler will get into his past and figure out his triggers perhaps..in reality it will be he who figures this out..once he is clean and thinking clearly he will feel them..they hit u like a ton of brix...the drugs keep us in escape mode..we do not feel..when clean the feelings bombard us like a bad case of the flu...people who use r expert escape artists...we do not want to feel nor cope...so we escape..until those coping mechanisms change we can not truly be free...and more than a 24 or 90 day detox is needed..it is a life long battle..people will coast along fine for yrs...then a major stressor hits them and it is so very easy to escape again rather than deal with the problem in front of us...an addict is never "cured" only in remission until the next major life blow comes along..and relapse//be it alcoholism or pills/the urge will be there to escape...to not feel...to make the pain go away

Aftercare can help so much...continued//not a detox..the physical part is so easy to overcome...it is the mental part that causes relapse later on...he will make it thru the detox...physical pain is not the issue for an addict as a rule..it is mental pain..i do beleive it is a chemical deficiency than an addict has to make them prone to coping/well not coping but choosing escape as the mechanism for stress relief...many/like me started using narcotics for pain/i am a chronic pain patient////but the pain of addiction can actually be much more difficult than physical pain..it is mentally exhausting....the pills weave a web around the brain...a web that screams for the drug that has actually caused so much pain/emotional pain...if u have ever looked at maslowes hierarchy of needs/the need for the pills/alcohol/whatever can be at the top over thirst and hunger

All of the support u can lend...reading and understanding where he is at is so very important so that u can help him///but in reality, only he can help himself...and u sit back and know u did the things u could do raising him..u did ur best...and placing any blame on urself helps nuttin..it really does not...so dont do it

[Htownnofrown]

Memorial Hermann Prevention and Recovery Center in Houston, Tx saved my life. I was also an opiate addict. Since doing a 17 day residential, 43 day outpatient I now have 112 days clean and sober. Sorry for the brevity, but I have to be up early tomorrow morning for work. =)

[goodmom809]

Just wanted to give an update.  Son was to be released from detox yesterday and go into the day program, but his dad and I said no.  We believe he needs inpatient - for a long time.  The counselor was concerned about him going away somewhere, then coming back home with no support.  

The plan is to send him to Hazelden as soon as everything is set up, then to a halfway house after that.  Until he leaves for Minnesota he is staying where he is - we have to pay extra for that, but it will probably be a drop in the proverbial bucket compared to what is to come.

I love my son's counselor - she is tough with him but very kind and caring.  It took a couple of hours for him to "choose" Hazelden yesterday, but she stuck with it and he is glad she did.  He told me later that evening that he's just plain scared, and that he knows it was the addiction talking when he insisted he could manage with the day program.  

There have been many, many tears shed in the past few days, and it's so good to see my son cry - to not be afraid to feel.  I am so proud of him, and I know that he can do this work that needs to be done.  Right now, his main worry is that there is no smoking on the Hazelden campus!  (They believe cigarettes are a gateway drug)  I told him he'd better start tapering off now - everyone at the center he's at now smokes like a fiend, and constantly!

Family meeting tomorron night at the center - I need to find out how to keep on living my own life and not let my every waking moment be consumed by my son's problems.

[goodmom809]

Thank you, IBKleen.  It really helps to come here - this isn't something my friends will understand.

The hope is that we will find a halfway house here after he is released from Hazelden, so that he can make good connections.  He already is very grateful for the meetings he goes to.  He's made a couple of friends at the hospital, and I'm so appreciative of their concern and caring for him in the midst of their own struggles.

[goodmom809]

So, the insurance company refuses to pay for residential inpatient treatment.  They say since my son is doing well (after 5 days?!?) he doesn't need it.  We don't have $100,000 to send him to Hazelden for three months then whatever it costs for a halfway house.

I just can't believe it.

[LateAugust]

We too had to pay out of pocket   there are  quite a few places cheaper than Hazelden  tho.....  if you have insurance are  they saying they will  pay for absolutely no inpatient treatment?   I thought that was pretty much a staple with insurance coverage,  if we had not had to drop our daughter  from our policies, because she quit college  at 20 when her addiction was out of control ....  a lot of her addiction treatment would have been covered by both of our policies.

It is great  you have a good repore with your son's counselor,   she may also be able to direct you  to a center that your insurance will cover.     I'm sorry   I know the whole process is so frustrating,  when all you want is to get some help for your child.

[goodmom809]

I've tried researching facilities on the internet, but it's so overwhelming.  The web sites look nice, but how do you know if it's a good place?  Anyone have recommendations for either good places to go or places to avoid?

LateAugust, the insurance company is saying no inpatient.  (Hazelden is on their list of providers, so it's not the facility itself.)  I guess we're coming up against one of the reasons for the need for healthcare reform.  I guess they don't consider a heroin addiction to be a life-threatening medical problem.

[LateAugust]

I absolutely agree with you......  it is so hard to find help  and to know which  place is the right one  or the best place......    not trying to get political   but I have no idea of how  kids do it,  when they need help if there is not an adult involved,,,,  they are immature  and their brains are  a bit out of whack to say the least........  pretty pathetic  or so is my opinion.   All  I can encourage you to do  is to continue to search out the places you have seen on the Internet  and most importantly  talk to your son's counselor and  what places they may recommend,....     there is a huge spectrum in the cost structure and we found the most expensive was not necessarily the best,  

I would also challenge your insurance company.....  excuse me for being blunt  but that is flat out     *s    that   heroin addiction  is  not a life threatening disease,   good luck to you  and please know  that you are not alone in this fight for trying to save our kids from a life of addiction.  Bless you for all the support you are giving your son,  my  best to you.  

[Prospero73]

Do a search on MedHelp for "suboxone."  Scroll down until you get to a blog by a doctor on suboxone and traditional treatments, which has some good information and some good comments, including a long one by me.  

[whitie]

this story reminded me of a young gal that picked up some heroin for herself and her friend. right now shes in court being prosecuted for a murder charge of some kind. its on the local news, and she said it was the other girls idea, but they dont care.


you want to attract law enforcement, get involved with heroin. its  a nasty *** drug and they are focusing BIG TIME on it.

I wish you all the best,inregards to your son getting his life back

[goodmom809]

Thank you, Prospero - very enlightening read.

My son is still doing well.  He had day passes on Saturday and Sunday, and spent Sat with his dad and Sun with me.  Today I took him to the p-doc for Suboxone.

Now his counselor is talking about him going to a 3/4 house from the hospital he's at.  He applied, and we're going for orientation tomorrow.  Son says he doesn't need to go, that he's doing fine.  We're not listening to him!  I'm hoping this is a good place.  At least it doesn't cost $27,000 + per month!

Thank you all for helping me deal with this.

[goodmom809]

Well, I guess counselors and treatment centers care until they don't care anymore.  Or maybe til they run out of beds.  Or maybe til the insurance stops paying.  I'm not really sure why.

Got a call from my son's counselor yesterday that they are sending him "home" on Friday, after 13 days in treatment.  His dad won't take him.  I'd said last week that maybe he could live with me, but I'm not seeing how that's possible now as my new husband is not supportive.  All he does is criticize me for the way I handle things, and he sees my son as being spoiled.  (Of course, his children are perfect.)  During the phone call yesterday the counselor mentioned that my son could also go back to the apartment he was living in before with his friend.  I don't understand that, as last week she told us all that wasn't a good environment for him.

He's very upset about the release - he knows he's not ready.  We went to a 3/4 house orientation the other day and he says it's not for him, at least not now.  He flip-flops between saying it's "too restrictive" to "I'm not ready to make a decision like that".  The first statement sounds like the old him - he hates rules and regulations and always thinks he knows better than anyone else.  He's been this way since he was a little boy, and no one has been able to get through to him.  He's made progress on this in treatment, but it's way too soon to say he's changed.

I know he wants to stay clean, but I don't think he has the strength or the resources yet.  

My current husband and I are fighting all the time.  I'm watching this new (1 year) marriage be destroyed before my very eyes.  I can't talk to him - I can't tell him anything about my son - because I get zero support for MY feelings and MY worries.  He's an attorney who works in the juvenile system and sees "bad" kids all the time.  He just thinks my son is another bad kid.

[whitie]

thank you so much for the update. I love it when people update their threads, because then we can learn more.

you are doing what is right. family should always come first. your son, needs a GOODMOM like you.  I can tell you my mom was always there for me(my dad did too,just not as lovingly,but more physically), the black sheep of the family. I never like authority either and was a radical, still dont. many a times, I was in trouble... but mom was always there. and because of her , I eventually became a success in life.


sorry to hear about your new hubby, and I will refrain commenting on his attitude.  as for your son, this is nothing that just ends easily. it takes commitment and time to get clean. I would say its best he stay with you for awhile. I can say that often, it may boil down to who he hangs out with.

hes very fortunate to have a mom like you.

[goodmom809]

Thank you, Whitie.  What kinds of things did your mom do that were the most helpful?  The least helpful?

Sometimes I don't feel like being the mom.  I have needs and feelings, too, and they just keep getting trampled.  My son is choosing to ignore the advice of everyone - he thinks he's stronger/smarter/better than everyone else and he will be the one to kick the habit on his own.  Without giving up his pot smoking, drinking friends.  (He plans to give up the heroin addicts.)  

Today I asked him what his plan is, as he's being released tomorrow.  He says he doesn't have a plan.  I got so frustrated with him (I was already very upset about how all this is going down).  He said, "mom, you should see a counselor".  My husband said the same thing last night.  My response (to myself) is that I wouldn't need a damn counselor if you two weren't giving me so much grief.  I've been in counseling, and it was very worthwhile, but I just DO NOT have the energy to go looking for a counselor right now, then telling the whole story, blah blah blah.  Why do I have to be the one that goes for help when my son won't do it?

Sorry, REALLY bad day.

[goodmom809]

Day 24, and he's hanging in there.  He's gone to meetings every day, but hasn't really found one he likes where we live.  Apparently there aren't too many young people going to AA around here.

The biggest problem now is that he's extremely bored, since he's not hanging with any of his friends.  He goes to outpatient rehab every day from 9-2 - rides his bike to the train station.  Rides his bike to meetings.  Looking for a job, but not very hard.  I'm looking for a job, too, and I haven't found one either, tho.

How does he find new friends?