Just the OC addiction?

[Twist1285]

I am 21 years old. I have been clean for just under a year. I was addicted to Oxicontin(8-10 80's/day/ IV use) I am currently on Subutex, getting close to stopping. The problem that i have having, is that I feel like i've lost myself. I still work I own a small construction company, but I just don't feel the same....ever. I worry about everything all of the time, I never react the same to situations, I just feel....i don't know just anxious all of the time and lost, confused, and scared I will never be back to my old self. I did lose everything because of my addiction to Oxi's, lost my business, my girlfriend of 6 years, lots of trust and respect from family, and many friends. I have gotten the company back, and my girlfriend is letting me back in, but it's not the same....nothnig is. I keep thinking back to when i was younger and how I felt....I was in lots of trouble then, I moved to Florida and got my life on track, then had a back injury and got hooked on Oxi's. Does anyone else relate to this, I am currently going to therapy but the doctor just doesn;t really even listen he just makes notes. I don't miss the drugs or the high or the sickness obviously, I miss myself and who I used to be.....will I ever feel right again? Thanks for reading

[cattalina]

I understand how you're feeling 100%.  I'm 23 and I did H for almost 7 years, I got clean ({hopefully} for good) April 17 2007.  I've been on Suboxone since the first week, and I'm trying to come off of it.  And right now, it seems like, is harder than the first month.  I completely hear ya... I don't want to get high, I def don't want to be sick (coming down from the subs is bad enough), but I kinda feel like I don't even know who I am anymore.  I've been trying to get out of this depression or what you want to call it, some days are good, some not so good.  They're always better than they were when I was getting messed up tho. People say that this **** doesn't last forever, people that have been here, so I'm really trying to have faith in what they say.  I guess in my heart I know that things happen for a reason,(even if we don't understand them) and once we get thru this part we'll be better people than we ever were.  Good luck Twist, and if you ever need to vent, I'm around!!

[Korley]

You could very well just have a chemical imbalance, I would recommend talking to a doc or a therapist. If you do have a chemical imbalance then the right meds will help. Good luck to you!

[Savas]

You may want to ask this on the other addiction board. You should also check out Fladdict's p-file over there. She's got a good write up on suboxone in it that could explain why you're having problems.

Also, there's a suboxone board (naabt.org) that could be helpful as well.

One of the hardest things to figure out, btw, is which of your problems is being caused by the drug...and which are personal garbage coming out because of your stopping using.