Just wondering

[leeisgettingclean]

So as you all know I have been off pain pills now for close to two weeks.
   What i  am wondering is, how do you get the people out off your life that you know are bad. I have some life long friends that just dont understand that i am truly done. I am not tryin to preach to them, i know you have to want it to understand it, but these people really are getting under my skin. It sounds mean, but i just want them to go away and leave me alone, but how do i tell them.
  I still have not used, and my cravings have somewhat let down, but these people are triggers. I feel really happy with my new life. I have even started working a 2nd job, and i see now that i had no energy when taking those pills, now i wake at 4 or 5 inmorning natuarrly feeling good. I want to stay clean, but now i have to do some foot work and clean out my closet, any advise?

[worried878]

One thing I have realized is u dont have to be young to make bad choices.i have...still have to work on it and i am pushing 50...but we pay dearly for those bad choices...we would hope as we grow older we would learn to never make bad choices..but in reality..it can still happen..guess u learn by ur bad choices as u r identifying the people in ur life who serve no purpose cept to bring u down....when u get clean there r lots of things u gotta let go....well mostly people but also habits etc...they gotta go..they r toxic to u now...maybe oneday they will not be toxic..but they r now...and moving forward includes kicking people off ur shirt tail who do nuttin but drag u down  

It is hard to let go ...ur doc was toxic and u let it go...now u have to delve into friendships and let them go..these were things u probably never thought of when u put the pills down...things crop up during the first 90 days/most fragile time of clean time...that is a good reason why those who succeed seek aftercare....letting go is hard...then the triggers that caused using come popping outa nowhere..anyone here on this forum with more than 90 days of clean time...also called mean time cos it is hard...will probably admit getting clean..ie detox..is nowhere near as hard as staying clean

users are surrounded by people who use..that is what we knew ......when we go to the clean side..leaving the dirty side behind ..u can not take them with u unless they wanna go..and u never know..they may one day meet u on the clean side..until then..u gotta let them go
Good luck to u..a friend who would give u a hard time about ur new freedom u have being clean is not really a true friend...they may catch up with u one day...and u will still be there to be their friend

[dominosarah]

Anyone who does not support you in your sobriety is no friend. This is all about YOU now.  I know it is hard to do but you really will feel better when you dont have that hanging over your head.  They told me i wouldnt make it 15 minutes and why would i want to stop, was i working for the cops the whole nine yards.....I was bound and determined to quit the pills and knew i had to give them up.  I havent looked back since and haven't regretted once telling them asta la bye bye.  I have made real friends now.  Friends who share the same interests as i do. Friends who accept me for who i am and are very supportive.  I have become very selfish in my recovery.  If people places or things make me uncomfortable i dont go there again.  It is all about me and what i need to stay in my recovery.......sara

IBK........the fish bite here at night!!!!!!!!!

[IBKleen]

Very well said Marty!

[MMarty]

I almost suggested changing your phone number but wasn't sure how that would come across. I would do it myself so that I could choose who to give the new number to and have some control over who I kept in touch with. It's a sad fact that misery loves company and there could be some jelousy in your recent victory over the devil. Some people also relish the failure of others and will gladly help you take a fall. ANY one not conduscive to your new life choices or a positive energy needs to be cut out like a cancer. You are in healing mode right now and will be for a while. You need support and positive energy. That is what friends are for and if they can not step up and offer that to you they are not friends. Now is a time to think of only staying clean, one minute and one step at a time. There is no room for anything that could trip you up.

You do know this but it does help to have it said to you. I am sure there must be some guilt in cutting ties but it's just that they are now in a different place in life than you are at this moment and the two are not cohesive?

[whitie]

You dont have to burn bridges, but if they dont understand what you are going through and ARE trying to get you to do the pills again.....then you need to tell them to ESAD or pound sand.

believe me, people I know are like .....Damn dude, you really are doing it. quite a few said they like me alot better now, say I am much nicer  :]

[IBKleen]

Hey hun,

What I meant is once you are clean, it is easier to find clean people then to find users.

So, you like the great outdoors? That is great and healthy to boot. I have two Jeep Wranglers so I am all over the off road stuff.

Are there any clubs in your area? You should check that out.

I also fish and I love going at 7 am when they are up and biting. I just sit there in my chair and hang. I have met some really cool people just sitting on the rocks.

There are lots of ways to meet new people who share a common interest.

[leeisgettingclean]

yes i love outdoors, love riding 4 wheelers, fishing, and so on. I do know what you mean that there are alot more * Clean* people then there are users. I know what i have to do, and i am ready to do it. I know that these people are not true friends, and i am out to make true life long friends. Thanks to eveyone , you all are great : )

[christos24]

sorry to say, but if these close friends aren't fully supporting you in your recovering and celebrating in your sobriety from opiates, then they are not true friends. I understand that you histories and great memories with these people, but anyone in my life that is either detrimental or in anyway negative towards my sobriety I know I cannot be friends with for the time being. Maybe a few years down the road once you are more stable and have been clean for  a long period time you can start seeing them again, but the worse thing you can do now that you are clean from opiates is to surround yourself around the old friends who either used with you, encouraged your use, or in any way was haulting you in your recovery.
I found it so hard and ended up in denial about certain friends I had, that though they didn't use opiates or were in anyway using friends, they were still living a lifestyle that may not be filled with taking opiates, but using other substances.
I found after two years of trying to hold onto these close friendships that if they were one of my real true friends that they would have not only put aside any of their partying or use of less addictive, more socially acceptable substances, and encourage my continuation of living a clean life, but took the time away from the partying atmosphere and spent real time with me just enjoying each others company or doing something that doesn't include any legal or illegal substances.
For a while I found it real hard to push myself away from those friends, which happened to be so many of them, but now that its been a year or more I know that it was the best decision because I now have friends that I am able to hang out with that I dont have to worry a bit about being triggered or pressured into doing anything, and I find that I am making incredible memories everyday that just like I tried holding onto with my friends that did not respect my sobriety, holding the nostalgic memories and the history we shared, i now have that with people who I truly relate to and have no worries at having to deal with that ever.
I did have to change my phone number, not just to avoid friends, but to separate myself from the people I was buying or using with. And I found that all the worrying I did about whether or not these people were going to understand what I was doing or going through or that I would have to deal with a friend that wouldn't understand and fight me about it, but fortunately most cases that is not a problem. Most people realize the boundary of respect. Though you cannot make your old "friends" or "buddies" stop using, you can give them hope by showing them your success story on how you got clean and stay clean. Stay strong and congratulations on getting and staying clean off of opiates, that is such a tremendous step and also one of the hardest steps to ever take in one's life, I really congratulate you. I wish you the best of luck and keep me posted on how you are doing- Christos

[IBKleen]

Lee and Cassie,

Both of you are young. I am not saying that you haven't made good friends in your short years but you may have made some bad choices. I know at your age I did.

There is no need to isolate or stay locked up in your house or not enjoy life. The only need here is to make new friends...clean friends.

You were attracted to your using friends for a reason. Now you need to seek out non-using friends (believe me, there is more of them) and how ever you do that is great. Do either of you have hobbies? Certain things you like to do?

[Cassie415]

Hey Lee if you figure out what your gonna do about this let me know lol i have the same situation. All my friends just party drink and do drugs non stop it is sooo hard. I have been in complete isolation for 10 days lol. Good luck with it and congrats on 2 weeks!

[shelby001]

i would have to agree with leeisgettingclean, you need to leave those friends behind.  sad isn't it?  but the statement is so true, on a bad day it would just be too easy to slip back into the whole pill popping business if you have friends that use.  i'm sorry, i know it's hard to leave people behind but you are making changes that will make your life SO much better.  maybe one day they will call you up, ask you for help?!
hang in there

[IBKleen]

Ask yourself this: What do you really have in common with them anymore? I had to change people, places and things in order to get and stay clean. Just food for thought.....

[leeisgettingclean]

thank you so much, and you only gave me the answer i already knew, guess i just needed to hear it from someone else : )

[MMarty]

You know they have to go or in a moment of weakness on a bad day...one of your "friends" will offer you a pick me up and you will be right back on the rat wheel running the same race over and over and over. You HAVE to stay away from anyone not helpful in keeping you clean...period.

I am inspired by your story...keep on moving forward....you are almost free! M