Just wondering

[FibroMissa]

If some of you will share your experience.  I'm sure its been done on here before but feeling sad and alone today and would just like to hear of how some of you did it.
What were you taking and much of it? did you taper? cold turkey? how long of withdrawal (physical) did you have? The worst symptom for you?
I'm not sure if the anxiety of doing it is doing me in worse then just giving it up finally.  I feel like everyone is angry at me and I'm terrified of life off of oxy.  My doctor may drop me, my mom is supportive yet even she must be wondering when it will finally end.  I"m so scare that I'll be mean to my daughter or something while coming off. She's already dealing with my separation and impending divorce and is very sensitive and i'm terrified of what it will do if i'm all snappy and cranky.  My anxiety is higher than ever and I am taking alprazolam .25 couple times a day for anxiety but I don't think its even touching it.  My fibro pain is up which is probably due to holding myself tense and anxiety.  Just need to know you're all out there today.
thanks for listening

[moonshyne777]

I'll be joining you Monday, I am going ct off of 100 mgs of oxy a day. Like you I am also sick of being controlled by these pills. In my opinion they are the devils medicine! My grandmother will be coming up to help me thank God! I have a two year old and a one year old and am scared of how I'll handle life without oxys but what should scare me more is continuing life with oxys. I hate the hold they have over me and I want to break free and live my life clear headed and free of addiction. I know I'm in for a helluva ride but I'm looking forward to the positives. No more pill counting and having to waste money on them when I run out before my next appointment, not eating properly, not being able to get through a day without pills. I wont miss any of that! I can feel the toll these pills are taking on my health. I have not had a period since November and I'm definitely not pregnant. The abuse has affected my cycle. I also dont eat right and feel run down and just plain crappy. I am ready to reclaim my life and give my babies a mommy who doesnt pop pills. I will be there for you and I know that this forum is amazing in helping people. Another thing I plan on doing is getting aftercare. Its all good to detox but the mental part is the really hard part and your mind will play games and you might even convince yourself you got it beat and can take just one. thats where aftercare comes in. People to support you when your feeling weak and can hel push you in the right direction. I have been looking up NA meetings in my area and will get out to a few meetings to find the group thats right for me. Anyways hang in there and WE WILL DO THIS!!!!!!

[chasingthehigh]

I kind of have self diagnosed myself with Fibromyalgia!  LOL!  I was originally prescribed pain pills for back pain...or basically whatever I could come up with so they would give me more.  Sad, I know.  I do now have pain throughout my whole body...my hands and feet too!  It hurts like hell to get out of bed in the morning or during the middle of the night...I walk like an old lady!  I'm sure the pain pills are causing that pain.  Anytime I have come completely off the pills in the past, I have had NO pain and always say to myself to remember how good you feel without taking pills.  I am so sick of worrying about running out of pills, checking the time to see if I should take more, having it dominate all my conversations with friends...  It's definitely time for me to quit...I just need to pull the trigger and do it!  I don't know if tapering slowly will work, but I'm scared to death to go through the sickness of CT.

[FibroMissa]

You could have fibromyalgia, what were you diagnosed with when he first gave you oxys? I'm hearing more and more about how they don't advise it for fibro or chronic pain patients as you'll never seem to be able to kill the pain entirely and because its chronic as your tolerence goes up so will the dosage.  I'm seriously hoping that once I'm off that some of the pain may not be there.  I've had more pain in my hands and feet since I increased my dosing! so when I'm off them after friday I guess I'll see in time just where I'm at.

I know that disappointed feeling, it ***** but maybe it's a part that's saying its time to end the addiction.  the counting and clockwatching ugh...I'm going to be so excited to be rid of that!  I know it won't be a picnic but I gotta do it.  

Message me anytime!

xo D

[chasingthehigh]

You know...I was wondering the other night if I have Fibromyalgia...I am in constant pain...even in my hands...they feel like I've been in a death grip all the time.  I'm sure it doesn't help that I take as many oxys as I do...I think that makes the pain worse.  I really struggle with the pain when I get up during the night...it hurts just to walk across the floor to the bathroom!  My feet even hurt.  

I'm disappointed in myself...instead of tapering down on the oxys, it seems as if I'm increasing my dosage.  Now I've taken too many of my pills and will have to get in to the dr. to get a refill sooner than I had hoped.

[Tawni27]

Thanks for that, hope to talk to you tomorrow... G-Night!

[FibroMissa]

Thanks for the support Tawni, I will be on here a lot over the next few days as friday approaches then probably even more though I wish I had a laptop lol.  

Fibromyalgia mainly consists of fatigue, joint pain, sleep disturbances, chronic widespread pain.  I was diagnosed about 9 years ago and was coping rather well with limited pain meds but got chicken pox in 2007 and have since had an awful time of it but now I"m thinking that all the pills I take just make it all worse.

[Tawni27]

Can you tell me the syptoms of fibromyalgia?

[Tawni27]

Yes I went C/T at home, and it took about two weeks to feel like I could start getting out again and having a life but it took me about a month before I felt GOOD!  The amazing part is all of the experiences you are going to have after the first few days,  When you are about 3 days in, take a warm shower and just relax in the feeling of the shower running down on you, also go out side early in the morning and listen to the birds, it's beautiful, and let the sun shine on your face thats my favorite one the feeling is wonderful.  Life for me is great now, now that I am clean my hubby has been able to follow his dream and has joined the army, so I am no longer holding him back either.  You have so much to look forward to.  Cant wait to talk to you during your journey.  If you ever need anything please message me anytime.

[FibroMissa]

Thanks for you post! Did you go CT at home or were you in the hospital or anything? Congrats on your success! 8 months is fantastic :) the messages people post are really helping me to get ready for friday.  Do you remember how long it took for you to start to feel better?

thanks again :)

[Tawni27]

Hey there and congrats on taking your first step!  I have beenclean for 8 months, I was taking 40mg oxys 4 times a day and 5mg codones up to 10 times a day, also I was taking 2mg klonipins at least 5 times a day and also 2mg lorazapams 2-5 times a day.  I quit all of it cold turkey the day after i took all of the pills I had left at once NOT SMART AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!  I was not thinking at all!!!!!  Anyways it was very hard but so very very worth every second of the pain and crap that I went through during w/d.  I still have the occational cravings but I have learned to just think of something else and stay busy.....Godd luck you can do this!!!

[FibroMissa]

thanks for your comments :) Congrats on your six days!!!
What were you coming off of and how much? is clonidine for anxiety? I do have some xanax on hand.  My daughter is 9 as well and I do (thank god) have my mother coming to stay for as long as I need her. I'm very anxious as it nears but I know its for the best.  What was your worst symptom if you don't mind me asking?

[mercedeze]

Missa I am on day six and am going to be completely hnst it was torture the first five days and today I am actually up and trying to do thngs around the house. I did it cold turkey and then yes got scard and came clean w my doctor. He pt me on clonidine which I havent had to take @ all 2day bt wish I would have had it 4 days ago. And I as well have a 9 yr old daughter who thnks its just a stomach bug.i had lots of support frm them my mom and husband they basically had to take care of her during thz time. I would recomend trying to get a family member just to watch her for a couple days bcuz its hard to do anythng. And just believe n urself u b the one n cntrl dnt let the drugs be. I am here 4 u if u nd me or nd to call smeone

[FibroMissa]

thanks so much for all of your comments!!  Radiostar55: I keep going over your last post in my head...the fact that you were able to flush your hidden stash away is amazing.  Congrats again on your success so far.  
Fuzzy thanks for your comments as well.

Thanks to all of you who are making this journey a heck of a lot easier than it would be :)

[Radiostar55]

I had close to 80 30 mg of Oxy in the house when my Doc said to taper down.  The Diazphine really helped with WD I beleive the Xanaz and clondine will also help..I told me wife that I had 10 or 20 which I gave to here and she flushed..But Day 1 I lied I knew I had another 50 or 60 stashed away. Day 3 while soaking I said NO more I got out of the bath and flush 55 30mg of Oxycodene down the toliet..So I KNEW I could get them..I had no pains for anything I did these drugs for fun  I'm 55 years old>Go Figure. Forget the Taper..You must get those Meds from Doc and Just do it.  Post as much as You like we are all here for support and help..You will Yawn alot, Sneeze alot  Running nose.  But long Hot Baths really help the first 3 days..YOU CAN AND MUST for yours and your duaghters sake!!  

[fuzzypeach27]

I was taking 900mg codeine phosphate a day. For three years. Even experimented with tramadol but went through withdrawals wa that. I would mix codeine with energy shots and red bulls for ultimate buzz or I would separate the codeine and paracetamol. I tried to cut down and It never worked. I had enough with a bleeding stomach and an ulcer. I just thought when will it end. I knew were it would end but was that depressed I didn't care. So I don't know how I just thought well f u c k it. And went for it don't get me wrong withdrawals were harsh and are still going day 16 clean now, felt depressed etc. But there is light.It can be done if you believe.

[fuzzypeach27]

Hi Fuzzy here.

I went cold turkey. I tried to taper but I liked it too much. I just went for it a blind leap of faith. Your not alone. Every one here are from all over and with the time differences there is always some one on-line.

You can do it, Keep posting keep reading. I have to look up some of the meds cos we call them different things.

Wishing you luck and if you fancy a blether just keep posting. Even if its for a rant.

[FibroMissa]

thank you both, your sharing with me helps alot.  I"m hoping to be able to do this at home with help from my mom. I've been delaying it as was able to get my doctor to prescribe more but it just seems so out of hand now.  I don't want to think about oxy constantly anymore.  I want to look at the clock to see what time it is not to see how long till next pill.  I know everyone is different but tapering is just not working at all...I always seem to go over... so right now 60-80mgs of oxy per day and .5 of alprazolam so not sure how it will affect me.  My mom mentioned hospitalization but I don't know how on earth I would swing that.  I really really hope I can do it at home, in some ways I'm excited yet scared to death.  thanks so much for your support.  

[Radiostar55]

Thanks for the nice comments.  YOU CAN DO IT!!  I was honest with my Doc.  He said NO Xanax or Cloindine..He gave me 10 days if Dizaphine..First 4 days are the hardest and lack of sleep really *****..Be honest with your daughter..I finally told my oldest daughter (age 20)  I was so ashamed and embaressed to do so..But she is really been supportive.  Take Long Hot Baths, just try and relax...Physical W/D will go away after 4 for 5 days  Then Its the mental..But if I can go 14 days free of 120 mg of Oxy and 2-3 Somas at night for years you can too!!  Keep posting

[tellit2her]

Hi there Missa, sounds like you are doing well today as you are sharing your thoughts and feelings, and that is a large step to recovery. Today is day 46 for me coming off of a 23 year opiate addiction (oxy's, vicodin,lortab and fentanol patches) along with benzo's. I am doing well with just a little residual withdraw feelings of anxiety and a little shame for what I did to myself. I know that when I turned in the towel of addiction it was quite painful even in a drug detox center it was painful. I was in detox for 8 days and went into inpatient rehab for 22 days. I really did not start to snap out of it until day 32. During that rough period I was always looking for a softer way to recover. Something to cushion the pain more better, but as an addict I always tried to find a way to escape the pain and thats popping another pill to make things go away. But I am glad that I suffered so now I can use that time of vomiting, chills, body aches and pains, anxiety, skin crawling, bugs, itching, yawns, teary eyes and goose flesh to remind me of how it really was like coming off of opiates and benzo's. Scared me so much, not in a hurry to do anything stupid to escape lifes pains. So now, I am focused on recovering everyday by attending OutPatient rehab group meetings 3 hours a day 3 days a week, group therapy and one on one counceling. I have been to 3 day detox's and really never worked or coped with becoming clean. Enrolled in a methadone maintenance program as I exhausted all other avenues of becoming clean. Its what I needed because I have to go to the clinic everyday, urine screens every other day for 90 days, group therapy, counceling, doctor, nurse and Intensive Outpatient all in 1 building and it keeps me very busy and concentrated on my recovery. So far and being quite honest with you, there has been NO cravings or thoughts to use at all, and thats quite a big thing for me not think of using or wanting it in my body today. And I save money not using pills that costs me 200.00 a day. So anyways, I am happy for you as you seem to want to become healthier and live today without using. My hats off to you. God Bless, Mike in NC