Kicking a Terrible Habit...Need Help

[SmokeyMcDude]

   I smoked my last balloon at 4A.M. last night. I was doing about 3 a day for 5 months. I saw a doctor today and unfortunately, she was not very sympathetic to my situation. (I do live in Utah and most citizens, let alone MD's are Mormon so I wasn't expecting much of anything.) I have all the workings for the Thomas Recipe, Librium and 1 Xanax pill (from earlier scripts), Mineral Suppliments, Fish Oil, L-Tyrosine, B-6 and even some Melatonin to help me sleep. (which I doubt I will) I am feeling totally and utterly drained and my entire body aches, I have another balloon but I really don't want to get into it. I am literally inches away from the toilet trying to drop it in.
   Anyway, I was never an addict of anything before I had hand surgery about 7 months ago. I would describe myself as having a hippie mentallity (weed, beer, LSD and mushrooms are all ok) but when I got a Vallium script I was introduced to a world I'd never experienced before (and wish I hadn't) Needless to say the Vallium didn't last long and heroin is becoming ever popular in my state and also easier to get a hold of. For 10$ a balloon I thought I could spend everyday getting peeled back with no problem. WRONG! I felt like I was slowly slipping away and I couldn't get a grip on my life anymore, I haven't lost my job (yet) and just want to get back to my old life-loving self. I have lined up many trips and festivals this summer and don't want to be dependent on smack to have fun at Telluride. (which is more fun that this brown **** anyway.)
Basically I have some questions:
-Does booze help the withdrawal symptoms? I never had a problem with alcohol as I have a very sensitive stomach but would a couple of beers calm me down? I would think that and Librium would be a recipe for sleep but I don't want to over do it.
-Also does weed help at all? I have a nice bong and a satchel to burn through but I don't want to exacerbate my symptoms.
-When should I take my Xanax? After 2 days or on the 2nd day? Basically when is going to be the worst because it's really bad right now and I don't know how it could get worse.
Any secrets that the Thomas recipe hasn't told me would be greatly appreciated, I'm getting really down on myself and considered shooting a lethal dose rather than going through this hell on more than one occasion. Any help would be appreciated.

[opi]

i can only naswer that booze could make ya weak and use again...just hang in there man it gets better,,,follow thomas recipe and ride out the storm,,i was a very serious oxy 80 user and went cold turkey,,,,been eating vitamins,bananas,calcium,smoothies and stuff like that,,,,,it suks and it's hell but i am well into week 2 and fell way better,,,,,i still have broken head but i am not sick and exhausted anymore,,,,,,legs are still killing and don't sleep much but screw it man,,,,i don't wana be it's biacth anymore...i found that posting wether good or bad helps...gets the mind off things and these ppl know a thing or two about a thing or two.....hang in there man,,,,,it will get better...don't dwell on how horrible it is cuz it makes it worse,,,,tell a joke to us or something,,,it'l help

[SmokeyMcDude]

Thanks man, that's what I've been trying to do. Just take my mind off of how terrible I feel. I don't have any jokes right now but maybe when I feel better I'll come back and tell you a good one. I really need to flush that balloon down the toilet but I feel like i'm crippled by this drug. I feel like if I flush it, I'll feel worse because I won't have that safety net if things get really really bad but I know it will just prolong the process and make things worse. Ugh...... that's about all I can muster right now.

[FLaddict]

For your brains sake I would avoid as many substances while detoxing as you can. Drinking and smoking pot is just going to supress your brain chemistry longer and make you feel like ****... I would only take the xanax if you can't sleep. Immodium is a god's sent for more than just the terrible "two-sies".. Melatonin, vitamins, calcium/magnesium supps help with the restless legs. Keep posting and stay strong. I have been off of heroin for over 8 years... and off pain pills for almost 9 months after a 2 yr run with them.. Its a much better life man.. Stay strong and Welcome

[Flutterby111]

Drinking made me sick for a whole day, felt as though I was withdrawing again, and I'm like you, never had a problem with it, sensative stomach....I woudln't....again.  I'm not drinking for a long time!!!  I was hungover the next day all day from 3, yes, 3 drinks.....terrible.  Good lcuk!  Drink gatorade and water!!! and tea!  keep posting, it's great here!  

[josh231]

when i started w.d. off pills and stuff weed does help cept it makes me think about my back hurting and junk but it does take away the pain  but boooze will prolong the recovery

[SmokeyMcDude]

My girlfriend got me some immunity tea that I think i'm going to try, I finally flushed that balloon down the toilet. I even opened it first and was going to take a little bit off, but in a surge of willpower just threw it all in the water and pulled the lever before I could re-think it. I had 1 beer and it seems to help a little. It's giving me a bad headache though so I'm going to try some OJ or that tea and see if that helps. As soon as I can get out of bed.

[newmanagment]

for real, flush the balloon. done is done bro, and you said your done. you need a safety net, you have us!! drugs arent a safety net, its a surefire way to put yourself back into addcition. sounds like you have all the makings, but i think the beer is probably not gonna help. but it may relax ya, and so may the weed. but i would be carefull. like opi said , the beer has a way of lowering the willpower you have now, and lets the demons escape. I have no problem with medicinal marijuanna, but thats something you have to decide, and see how you feel when ya smoke some. i wouldnt suggest getting blasted, may lower your willpower as well. i have had several friends hooked on H, and like cocaine, it is gonna be a long hard fight to get urself back. but sound like you are ready for that fight. so keep ya chin up , and protect it with your left... good luck bro, flush the ballon, man up, and lets do this ****.....

[cathy5841]

wow, i know absolutely nothing about heroin.  but i do know a lethal dose would be a permenant solution to a temporary problem.  this will pass.  it is a hard road to travel, but to obtain freedom from  the hell in which you live you must travel it.  and it is so worth it when the fog finally lifts.  you can do this.  it aint pretty and it aint easy but it s doable.. you can get clean.  have you thought about the suboxone option?  google it and you can get lots of info.  if you are gonna go cold turkey  and follow the thomas receipe...get some immodium for the stomach issues they will come.  also for the rls and muscleaches take hot baths with epsom salt.  eat plenty of bananas for potassium.  for the chills use an electric blanket or heating pad
good luck and keep posting
cathy  

[SmokeyMcDude]

I read a lot about suboxone but I hear it's just as hard to kick as heroin. I would rather just go through it all and be done with it but I really didn't expect it to be this bad. Even after reading all the posts on the internet and doing research. I am literally soaked to the bone in sweat and my body hurts like it never has before. I am starting to regret flushing my only source of instant "feel betterness" but you guys are really helping a lot. Thank you so much.

[newmanagment]

i feel your pain bro. but that instant feel good is only prolonging the inevitable. i think it is possible to die from heroin w/d's , so if ya get too bad, go to ER!!  if you think it is ok and ya can handle it , stay here. i wil be up a minute, and ill help all i can. do this, list all the things you want when ya get clean. it may take your mind off it.

[cathy5841]

i totally agree with you on the sub.  i went cold turkey myself from any opiate i could get mostly oxys in the end.  if you had the balloon it would only postpone the enevitable.  to be clean you gotta go through it.  soak in a hot tub of water for as long as you can.  i would soak til the water got cold and let it out and refill with hot.  do whatever you have to to make it.  it is all about survival that first week lol.  you can do this.  dig deep within and find the strength the heroin stole from you.  keep posting...keep reading...it will get better.  i have 96 days clean and it is wonderful, it can be yours too just press on.
cathy

[cathy5841]

here is some info that should help you


Let's start with the good news! Even though withdrawal can be pretty uncomfortable, it's not dangerous to detox from heroin, no matter how much you've been using. And the worst of the physical detox is over in four to five days. Some people say it's like having a bad case of flu. But it is really important to remember that your tolerance to heroin will drop after detoxing - it is likely that if you start using again in the same amounts  you will overdose. Many people have died from this sort of overdose.

Not everyone will go through the same things - what you experience in heroin withdrawal depends on how much and how often you've been using. For example, if you've been using every day for months or longer it will probably be more uncomfortable than if you've been using once or twice a week. How you cope can also depend on your general state of health and how much support you have. If you feel you need 24 hour support while you detox you could contact us at ADAWS for more information.

What to expect in withdrawal
It can really help to know what to expect when you're withdrawing from heroin. The more you know about what's happening, and what to do, the easier it is to cope. This is a list of things reported by people who have been through heroin withdrawal.

12-24 hours since using

You might be starting to feel agitated, irritable or just `not right'.
You might be sneezing and have a runny nose and eyes.
You might suffer goosebumps, sweating and hot and cold flushes.
You probably won't feel much like eating.
You'll probably do lots of yawning!
After 24 hours you might experience some or all of these symptoms:

strong cravings to use, cramps in the stomach, and maybe some diarrhoea (the trots)
feeling a bit sick, no appetite, maybe some vomiting
backache, pains in the legs or arms, and maybe a headache
restlessness when you're trying to sleep
feeling run down, irritable and finding it hard to concentrate
hot and cold flushes and sweating.
Days 2 - 4

For most people, this is the worst time. You will probably still be suffering the symptoms listed above. But hang in there! It's like having a bad flu - it won't kill you, and it won't last forever.
Days 5 - 7

Most of the withdrawal symptoms begin to settle down, and you'll start to feel lots better.
After 2 weeks

Nearly all of the symptoms will have disappeared, except maybe the tiredness and irritability, and you may still have some cravings to use.
After 3-4 weeks

Your sleep gets better.
Your mood and general health improves.
The cravings start to get less and less.

How to make heroin withdrawal easier

Withdrawal symptoms are your body's way of getting back to normal. For most people, it's not a very pleasant thing to go through, and there's no magic way to take away the symptoms. But there are lots of things that can make it easier:

It won't hurt not to eat for a few days, but you could try something light (like toast).
It's important to drink lots. Six to eight glasses of water (or juice) a day will help flush the toxins out of your body and make you feel better. Sip slowly if you are feeling a bit sick. (But skip coffee and coke, especially at night because it will make it harder to sleep.)
Disturbed sleep is a normal part of withdrawal. It can be frustrating, but you will start to sleep better as time goes on. Try to get used to going to bed before midnight and avoid sleeping during the day. Skip coffee and coke at night.
Listen to music.
A bit of gentle physical activity (like walking) is good as it releases `feel good' hormones in your body.
Warm baths or showers are great for aches and pains and to help you relax. You could also try hot packs.
Massage can be really soothing.
Tell your diary how you're feeling - writing or drawing can help get you through rough patches.
Try to keep busy: draw, paint, write, sew, watch a video, play cards, read, walk, talk to animals, get into a jigsaw puzzle, make phone calls (but not to other people who use!).
Don't use large amounts of alcohol, sleeping tablets or tranquillisers to help you get through. The danger with this is that you might swap one habit for another and end up with a pill or grog problem. Medication prescribed by a doctor can help with some symptoms of withdrawal, but there's no magic potion that will take away all the symptoms.
Plan a reward for yourself for getting through detox.


Check out the section on cravings for some tips on how to cope.



If you are going to use heroin again once you have been through detox, remember that your tolerance will have dropped - using the same dose will very likely cause you to overdose.  

Also remember that slip-ups are not failures. If you do use again, try to work out why - the experience is something you can learn from.

Last updated: Thursday, 31 January 2008  

[SmokeyMcDude]

Thanks for the info, I have to work on Monday but I have Tuesday Wednesday off so hopefully it isn't like it is now when I wake up on Monday. Let's see 4AM this morning, so 4AM tomorrow morning is 24 hours. 4AM friday is 48, 4AM saturday is 3 days 4AM sunday is 4 days and 4AM Monday is 5. I bet I'll feel better... I pray I do, otherwise 7AM work is going to be hell, hopefully they don't fire me. Man I'm stressing out, this really sucks. I am never touching that **** again (hopefully).

[cathy5841]

i will certainly pray for you tonight and continue to do so daily.  i think that you will be better by monday.  just stay in touch here it really is a lifeline in the rough times.  pm me if you need anything.  i will be at work tomorrow but i am on the forum there all day.  take care of yourself.. stay strong and beat this....we will help you...you can do this....and you better not touch it again...lots of ppl die when they go back...their tolerance drops....read that post carefully so you inderstand the dangers...good luck, i know you are gonna make....my prayers are with you

[newmanagment]

your tolerance will drop, my friend left detox, 2 days later he got high for the last time. so dont go back, n if ya do please be carefull. we dont judge, so ya can always tell us. but dont try to go back where you were. its gonna be a rough weekend, but we will be here for ya!! like cathy, feel free to message me if ya need any support. you can make it. ask yourself this, are you tired of being a slave to dope? r u a strong willed grown *** man? comon bro , it will get better, but ya gotta step up and fight for your life. try making that list, matter fact make 2. one of what you have with dope, and one of what you will have if ya get clean. much love, and many prayers....

[SmokeyMcDude]

Thanks again guys, I'm going to the bath for now. I'll try to talk to you tomorrow or later tonight.

[newmanagment]

be easy smoke, enjoy the bath. n hold ur head up bro, u gonna come thru... much love

[cathy5841]

hey smokey, i hope you are getting some much needed rest.  i was just checkin in on you.  let me know how you are.
cathy

[feohmoon]

Just wanted to say hello, you are doing the right thing...this will be difficult but not lengthy,  Hang in there...smoke some weed if you are into that...listen to any music that makes you feel good...no alcohol though...too hard on your body and your mentality,
Do what you were planning with the vitamins, supplements, etc. and you should be good Monday.
Please continue posting....this forum is a lifesaver.
Peace

[cathy5841]

hey how are you this morning?

[SmokeyMcDude]

Today is terrible. Way worse than yesterday and I barely slept a wink last night. I just forced a banana down my throat and did my mineral suppliment, B-vitamin, fish oil and a librium. I have a feeling I'm going to be throwing that banana up any second now. Thank you for the support, I would be high right now if it weren't for this forum.

[bmc1976]

Just keep going strong. You are doing great! Once you beat addiction, you learn that nothing can stand in  your way! It will get better. Just hang in there. If it weren't for withdrawals we would probably continue to use. It's just our body letting us know that what we were taking can kill us. You can beat this! Best of luck!
Brian

[bmc1976]

Another thing that really helps is exercise. I know that's the last thing on your mind right now but just a little walk works wonders. I was addicted to pills but I'm sure it will have the same affect. It's hard to muster up the energy, but trust me on this one!

[bandnmom]

Sorry you are felling so crappy but I promise it does get better and when it is said and done you will see it was so worth it! Stay strong the worst is almost over!

[eagle1950]

No matter how you feel this second you are so very close to outrunning that monkey! And it is so worth it. Benadryl helped my sleep, also sleepytime tea (celestial seasonings) and melatonin.....warm/hot showers baths. Heating pad for RLS and abdominal cramps - I would find a couple more benzo's if I were you, but schools of thought differ.....use the immodium - smoothie type yogurt shakes helped me - also ensure liquid nutrition (or Walgreens brand) are almost total dietary supplement for short term. Lots of people here to help you - Cathys post above just about says it all - good luck to you

[cathy5841]

smokey, you can do this...thats why we are here...when you get weak we just drag yoy lol  this forum really saved me too, keep referring to the list i gave you last nite...you will make it.
cathy

[SmokeyMcDude]

I can't even get off the couch. Or my Lair (as I like to call it) I have everything right next to me. Pills, water, an orange for later, laptop and TV. If the Librium gives me some sort of relief I'll try to make it out for a walk, although it's a very dreary day today. It's making me feel worse to look out the window. Not quite sunny but not quite raining, just dull and cloudy. Thank god Cash Cab is on or I'd be going crazy.

[bmc1976]

I know what you mean. I felt the same way! I've been through withdrawals more than once. When I was able to get out for a walk, it made a huge difference.
Just do what works for you. You are doing great! Hang in there. All of this will be in the past soon. You can make it.

[cathy5841]

i see you still have your sense of humor...thats a plus...keep it and keep posting

[SmokeyMcDude]

My mom just stopped by for a suprise visit which did not go too well. "what are all these vitamins?" "why didn't you tell me you were sick?" "you seem agitated." God that wasn't fun. I don't think she knows much of what's really going on though, just told her I had the flu. She never comes to my apartment, especially without letting me know as she lives about an hour away. It was strange and I could tell that her mother's intuition knew that something was going on that i wasn't telling her. As far as a weather update, it started raining and the thunderstorm is at least entertaining. The librium helps although I had to take 15mg to even feel it. I just can't get past the fact that tomorrow is going to be worse than today. Ugh...
Anyway, I feel selfish and would like to know what's going on in your lives? Anything exciting?

[bmc1976]

Don't feel selfish. Almost all of us have been in your position or are there right now. This thread is for you! My mom did the same thing when I was detoxing. Man it sucked! I didn't have any of the vitamins laying around or I'm sure she would have questioned me. I just said I had the flu. Well that rain really nails that walk you were gonna take!! Just kidding. But man you have to try. I swear it will help. Maybe tomorrow. Take care and keep posting. We are here to help you get through this!!
brian

[mommy52713]

just reading your post and want to let you know i am so proud of you i know this can be a very trying time but it does get better. think of how far you have come dont look back you can do this . keep posting and let us know you are ok . holly

[Mawmaw3]

Smokey, 2 years ago my daughter, who lives more than 300 miles from me and her  (step)dad, called and asked if we could come for a visit. Since mine and hubby's anniversary (24th...2nd marriage for both of us) would occur during the time she wanted to see us, we naively thought perhaps she was throwing us a party. Huh. It turned out she wanted to tell us she had been addicted to Oxy for years, and had recently been going to a methadone clinic to detox. Boy, did that take the wind out of our sails. But you know what? That long trip was worth it. She said that when she was finally able to confess to us what had been going on, it made it much easier for her when she went through the wd's from the Methadone, even though she was so far away from us.

And something else...both hubby and I had felt that something wasn't 'right' with her for quite some time. When she and her husband and my granddaughter came to visit us, hubby and I thought it was strange how she and her hubby left the house to 'go for drives' several times a day and left the granddaughter with us...now we know that they were going somewhere to do their DOC.

So yeah...sometimes Mom's DO know something is up with their kids, even if they aren't sure what it is. Maybe you should fess up to your Mom...you might be surprised how supportive she will be.

Mamaw

[cocobeanlisa]

Have your girlfriend go rent the movie "Things we Lost In the Fire"

After seeing that I think you will want to just ride this out, There's no soft easy way.

Yes you will hurt, sweat and feel like hell, but the good news is it will pass.  And when it is over you will feel like your in heaven (again)... Hold on and have your g/f help you out on this.  You will need lots of soup, ice cream, oj and gatoraide..hold on and yes stay away from all booze, it will only make the stomach worse....

This will pass, the less stuff (drugs) you put in your body now the less that you will have to detox from... And suboxone for me was not addictive, If I take more than I should I got sick to my stomach and never got high, so I never wanted to take more.

cocobean

[cocobeanlisa]

Have your girlfriend go rent the movie "Things we Lost In the Fire"

After seeing that I think you will want to just ride this out, There's no soft easy way.

Yes you will hurt, sweat and feel like hell, but the good news is it will pass.  And when it is over you will feel like your in heaven (again)... Hold on and have your g/f help you out on this.  You will need lots of soup, ice cream, oj and gatoraide..hold on and yes stay away from all booze, it will only make the stomach worse....

This will pass, the less stuff (drugs) you put in your body now the less that you will have to detox from... And suboxone for me was not addictive, If I take more than I should I got sick to my stomach and never got high, so I never wanted to take more.

cocobean

[SmokeyMcDude]

My mom has some really bad OCD problems and I think if I told her, she would think herself into a panic. I really believe that she's doing that right now but can't put her finger on what's wrong. We have a pretty tough history, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder in 7th grade and all throughout high school I tried multiple times to kill myself via overdose on tylenol and alcohol. Multiple hospital visits, liver damage and even 14 months in-patient at a state hospital later, she just can't really handle anything like this. Especially since my dad left her and I was the only boy in the house (one sister), she is really attached to me and I would feel terrible letting her down like that. I feel terrible now. She takes medication for her OCD problem and I think I inherited some of it, racing thought and obsessive thinking, but I really feel that if she knew her baby boy was doing heroin it would crush her. And if she gets crushed, I get crushed and it's not a good cycle. I think I can man up and get through this but I just pray I don't do anything this stupid ever again.

[cathy5841]

you wont if you keep remembering the w/ds...i think God lets us go through those to give a better chance at staying clean...you are doing good.  you are about to make it to the close of another day,
cathy

[ithink]

You might want to listen to some of those Mormons that are all around you.

[Gobig]

What you've heard about sub is not true.  Done correctly, it's probably the best way to detox - much nicer to your body, and it gives your mind a chance to readjust.

[SmokeyMcDude]

   I'll take their advice, but I don't want to join a cult started by someone who was born in 1805. That's what I don't get about mormons, what about all the people born previous to 1805? Were they just screwed or **** out of luck? Anyway that's another rant for another day.
   To Gobig: I tried suboxone once just from a friend to come off of heroin, it worked fine for a week (and I was splitting them up into 4ths) but as soon as I came off the sub, I had terrible withdrawals even though I was (by that time) taking a half of a 1/4th.

[Shotrock]

I'm with you that Sub was devil, I couldn't beat it second time ,1st time 10 days of torture 2nd time couldn't do it. Everbody is different some people swear by it. Hang in there we're pulling for you. Anyway you do it. Get your Life Back!

[Gobig]

I went from 24mg to 2mgs to nothing in 6 weeks - started going to meetings when I started the sub.  The w/d was no fun - but nothing near going c/t.  It's an option - and if done right with proper guidance, can be relatively painless.

Good luck!  You going to go to meetings?

[Gobig]

The easiest part of this whole thing is what you're doing right now - even c/t.

[SmokeyMcDude]

This is really tough, I have an appointment with a detox center but that's on Monday and I don't think I'll need it by then. I also have an appointment with a doctor licensed to prescribe suboxone on the 25th but like I said, I'd rather go through it now for a  week than trade addictions. We'll see what they recommend, probably meetings or psychiatry visits or something along those lines. We'll see and I'll repost on Monday.

[Gobig]

Good deal - you're on the right track.  

[Gobig]

I had to wait a week b4 I went to a sub Dr., so my normal Dr. gave me methadone pills, I had to wait 48 hours b4 starting the sub.  Went very smoothly.  You're not trading addictions as long as you're on sub to detox - sub maintenance is another story - not the story you want.

[SmokeyMcDude]

By the 25th I should be over it right? I don't want to start sub if I'm not even going through w/d's right? I'll see what the detox center recommends but I doubt my insurance will cover it.

[newmanagment]

smokey, hope all is well with ya

[worried878]

Librium will relax you...that is what they give alcoholics in our hospital for detox....I had about 10 valium and would take little pieces...like 1/4 here and there...still have a few as i dont really like to feel tired so i did not abuse them at all....i took ambien to sleep   about 3 mg a night...librium should suffice...i took the ambien because it does not give me a hangover in the mrning like melatonin does..i just do not tolerate melatonin well...i feel like a good nights sleep is a key for my success with quitting as i am ill when i am tired...and I did have a glass of wine at night to relax...may not be looked upon as ok but i do not have a drinking problem and felt ok with it...i know it is bad to trade one drug for another tho and alcohol is a drug...I am not ready to give up social drinking or my corona on the beach/wine with friends in the evening as of yet..if it begins to be a problem i will have to re-examine it

[SmokeyMcDude]

Thanks newmanagment. I'm still going through hell but I'm positive it will get better after tomorrow.  
To worried878: I took 2 ambien, 2 librium, nyquil, melatonin and drank a couple beers last night and didn't sleep a wink (ok maybe for 30 minutes tops) but it was hell. I was drowsy but no matter what I did I couldn't relax enough to fall asleep. I'm going to try the regime again tonight and hopefully I get some sleep.

[Gobig]

Re: sleep - don't fight it - it will come.  Benzos would work better - or at least relax you to some extent.  You should also be on klonodine (sp?)  Your Dr. should be able to help you quite a bit.  

[SmokeyMcDude]

Librium is a benzo. I went to the doctor and she basically said to deal with it as I got myself into this mess. All she did was made me an appointment for a detox center on Monday. Which is after 5 days of WD's so it will almost be over anyway. Like I said up above, I live in Utah and when mormons here the word heroin, I get slapped with a pretty heavy stigma.

[cathy5841]

smokey, google all those dtugs you are mixing together for sleep in think they may counteract each other...try just a double dose of nyquil, or just the ambien...you are overmedicating and having the opposite effect.  hang on though, whatever you do dont use.  can i ask, what is a balloon?  i am sorry i was just curious.  hope you get better really soon,  you are in sight of the proverbial corner...you are gonna make it
cathy

[SmokeyMcDude]

Thanks for the advice, I'll look them up. A balloon is a gram of black tar heroin. It's wrapped in plastic then put into a balloon, to cover the smell I suppose. It smells like vinegar. God that get's me jonesing. That smell get's me everytime.

[newmanagment]

i would tell ya why they put it in the ballon , but ya probably dont want to know!!! LOL
and dont be using no vinegar to wash the windows , we dont need ya relapsin ... much love bro

[SmokeyMcDude]

Update: I slept a little last night, got to bed at around 4AM and it's 8 now so 4 hours is pretty good. I woke up with a terrible cough and a bad sore throat though. It sucks to be sick AND going through WD's. I'm not looking forward to today because supposedly it's the worst of the worst (48-72hrs). 4AM tomorrow will be 72 hours so hopefully when I wake up, it's not so bad. My throat is really killing me so I made some tea with honey, hopefully that helps. I managed to save that 1 Xanax I have until today so I think that will really help at night.... I hope.

[swtbreezie]

KEEP those running shoes on!  You can out run this thing, like I think oxy says "work it if it works for you"  Drink that tea and keep running, the w/ds feels like the flu sometimes.  Try to get some gatorade and vitamins and calcium and stay hydrated hot baths with epsom salts helps so you can soak up the magnesium, it all will help the RLS.  Hang in there YOU CAN DO THIS!  Stay Strong!
hugzzzzzz
swtbreezie

[Gobig]

No, you would not go on sub if you stay clean 'till the 25th - the is day 2, correct?  You'll be detoxed by Monday - but once you feel ok, you really should think about going to meetings every day.  You're less vulnerable now than you will be next week when you're starting to feel better, but you still feel like you're dragging - that can last a while - and you'll need support.  Besides, meetings (NA or AA) are fun.

Wow - your Dr. is straight out of the 1950s!

[Gobig]

Thanks for the Librium heads up - not that I'll be taking any - didn't realize it was a benzo - is it short acting or long?

[cathy5841]

hey smokey, glad you got some sleep.  now i know you feel like you can not drag your body, but if you would try just a short wwalk it helps speed up the process....come on you can do this....if not today maybe tomorrow.  just hang tight, you will turn the corner soon, you wont be well over night, but better enough to have hope.....i will check on you soon.
cathy

[SmokeyMcDude]

Thanks Cathy, It means a lot. I'll try to get out today but so far, the only thing on my list is watching No Country for Old Men and the million dollar Price is Right tonight.
To Gobig: Librium is about in the middle, Vallium and Kolonopin are long acting Librium is in the middle but much more subtle than the rest and Ativan and Xanax are the short (more dangerous and potentially abusive) ones. Librium doesn't hit you like a Xanax or a Vallium would but it's very noticeably calming. I think the real term for it is Clordiazepoxide, you can look it up. Apparently it's mostly used for alcohol withdrawals but I figured it couldn't hurt me as the Thomas recipe said it's better than Ativan or Xannys.

[cathy5841]

WOW, YOU ARE ONLY 21...you have so much life ahead of you.  i am very proud of you for making the discision to take your life back...you are doing great...press on...keep your eye on the prize of freedom.
i will chec on you again soon.
cathy

no, i have no life and they pay me really good at work, and they give me very little to do. lol

[JAXX55]

I don't know much about Heroin, I was coke and meth. However, I do know people who have struggled with that demonic, hellish drug, and I can only suggest you seek professional medical help to detox. From what I know detoxing on your own can be very dangerous for a drug as strong as heroin. If you get the help you need NOW, you can get clean in a safe way, go on your trip CLEAN, you won't need beers, bongs, or any other B's.... AND, you'll regain your will to live.... Once all this is said and done, you will be so grateful you didn't waste your time trying to go it alone. Just suck it up and go to the nearest rehab, get yourself clean and move on to a healthier, and happier life..... Trust me IT IS NO FUN TO TRAVEL ANYWHERE trying to hide your dope!!! Looking back, I was just plain stupid. And that's just it---I'm NOT stupid, so I got clean. End of Story.... Good Luck Bud!  =)

[kris123]

I use to do coke and when i was getting off of it i was like you inches away from the  toilet trying to flush the rest of it - i did it and it felt so great - i know it is hard - just toss it you will feel so much better or at least i did but i don't know what the withdrawels are going to be for you. once you do it it is gone and what did it to make you feel good for a little while and then you feel like **** for hours and days -

[cathy5841]

hey smokey, how you holdin up babe,  let me know how you are.
cathy
hey jaxx, scroll up and you will find a post i copied and pasted for him from a heroin site.  he is doing great and nearly has this beat.  he will need to find some after care to stay clean...we will talk about that in a few days lol

[cathy5841]

smokey. talk to me.  let me know how you are.  i will check again soon
cathy

[wait2long]

i hope you succeed and get past the withdrawals, but remember getting clean can be easy compared to staying that way, this is where the hartd work comes in...and i agree with gobig...sub is not trading addictions nor is it the devil...it is a lifesaver for a lot of people...its also one of the safest drugs around...withdrawals are not as bad as everyone says, i have heard of plenty of success stories from people who were on long term suboxone treatment... you could also use it for short term...
but i would keep this in the back of your mind, sub is sure better than having a relapse and going back to H...
so stay strong and keep plugging away!!!

[SmokeyMcDude]

Sorry it's been so long, today was absolutely wretched. I have a terrible sore throat and a bad cough along with the peak of my withdrawal symptoms. Ugh... But I hear it's only going to be better tomorrow though so I can definately see the glimmer of a tiny light at the end of this deep dark tunnel. I took that Xanax pill that I had tonight so hopefully that calms me down a bit. I can't express how grateful I am for all your support (everyone) and I really think I'd be chasing the dragon if I didn't have someone to tell me to keep on truckin'.
To wait2long: I have an appointment on Monday to discuss Detox but I think I'll be much better by then, I hope I will. I think she's going to recommend some counseling or meetings which I am definately not opposed to. My work has been extremely understanding as well and I'm grateful that they let me take a week off. (for the "flu") I can honestly say that things are beginning to look better. Even though tonight is the worst I have felt....ever.....in my entire life. It will be easier on me tomorrow. Plus my girlfriend is here to rub my back. It almost puts me to tears to see that so many people care about someone struggling. Thank you again. I will post an update tomorrow.

[cathy5841]

whheww, i was beginning to think i lost you. lol  hang in there you are about to see th \e light.  i am really proud of you for hanging on.  you are doing a great job, i know it aint easy but you are doing it.  when you get up let me know how you are,
many prayers
cathy

[bmc1976]

Hope you're feeling much better today. Things should start looking up very soon. Just keep going strong. You're doing great. What I always told myself while going through withdrawals and craving a pill was that I wasn't gonna let these past few days go to waste because I know one day I'll have to go through it again. Just keep the strong mindset that you have and push on. You can do this!
brian

[J7__NYC]

Smokey, you're the man buddy. I haven't posted on your forum here yet, but I've been following along the whole time.  It's funny how how helpful this whole site is here- you don't even know I exist but thru these postings you (and others) may have saved my life.  I'm on on day 5 c/t from oxys and was scared ******** of what was happening to me.  It sounds like ima day or so a head of you so I can tell you that today is the FIRST day i'm starting to feel better, signifgantly better.  It's my brother's bday so I have to go out to meet him, and my parents tongiht for a dinner.  I'm not crazy about the idea (for other reasons) but I'm infinately grateful that I'm not worried about making sure I have a couple pills for this event, or worrying how low my supply was and purposely w/d all day and crushing up my last pill before dinner.....basically- I feel slightly alive again today, not an F'n slave to some bs pill/drug.  you're there man, just keep pushing.  I'm talking like i have 3 years clean, lol, i'm still w/d and could be back tomorrow chasing pills..but im sayin it feels great to feel human again and I' know you'll make it man.  Keep your chin up. I'll check in with you later on today when get home.  

Jc7

[Peaches5036]

Hi,
Have you considered re-hab?

I would highly reccommend going to NA, Narcotics Anonymous,In fact I think it's essential.

First of all you will meet others who UNDERSTAND YOUR PROBLEM PERSONALLY.
Get a sponsor ASAP, someone who has succesfully recovered from drug addiction and can give you 24/7 support. Go to alot of meetings, every day if possible. if you used every day, you can go to meetings EVERY DAY. DRUG ADDICTION IS A DISEASE OF SPIRIT, BODY, MIND.

Having a peer support group, is essential. Doctors can help, but they are not addicts, ( some of them are, I know several who are in my recovery group as well as lots of nurses).

I am a recovery alcoholice/pot head. Tried a few other drugs as well over the years. I got into recovery in my 50s, after a life of  PROGRESSIVE ALCOHOL/POT  USE.

Alcohol is a drug too. A very powerful drug. Legal, but insidious. All drugs are cunning, bafflling and powerful. They take over your life and lead to MORE.

WE HAVE MANY YOUNG PEOPLE IN OUR RECOVERY GROUP AA/NA .
MOST OF USE ARE CROSS ADDICTED, (ALCOHOL AND DRUGS).

You can get help today. You don't need to sink into the ever increasing hell worlds of depravity. I hear some extremely sad stories of what people do to get their drugs. Crime, prostitution and worse. I hear stories of young men and women who will and have done anything to get high.

Remember it is PROGRESSIVE. Most of us start out as nice kids., chasing bliss, looking to feel good. Many of us have mental and emotional problems which are painful and we seek a release, using drugs and alcohol as a SOLUTION.

Through the grace of God and AA, I have been alcohol/drug free for almost 6 years now.  I've seen so many people die of this disease of addiction.My darling husband died from this disease. not pretty, tragic for sure. he was a wonderful man. Young and old. It doesn't discriminate. We started young, never anticipating how bad it could get.

Some of us do need mental helth meds and other medical support. Even in this area, we need to be careful .

PLEASE CALL UP YOUR LOCAL AA/NA GROUP TODAY. LIKE RIGHT NOW.

My daughter was an active  alcoholicic /addict. she got clean and sober , at the age of 25, about 6 months before I got into AA. It was a miracle. She too tried several suicide attempts, during her teenage years. She is a wonderful person now, a loving wife and mother, went back to school, has good jobs and is very happy. She is a miracle.

EXPECT A MIRACLE. YOU ARE A PRECIOUS CHILD OF GOD WORTHY OF RECOVERY.

PLEASE CALL A LOCAL AA/NA GROUP TODAY.

Much love , may God bless you, PLEASE KEEP ME POSTED.

Peaches

[SmokeyMcDude]

Update for today: I woke up today feeling a little better from the WD's but my sickness has taken a turn for the worse. I couldn't even open my eye in the morning because it was filled with gunk (gross sorry). Nose congestion, achy body, my throat is unbelievably sore and I have a cough that keeps irritating it as well. All these are multiplied my the fact that I don't have heroin in my body to fight these pains. I feel like this would be a "one day of work" kind of sickness but the WD's are making it a crippling one. I'm feeling really weak today but I'm glad that I called my dealer and told him never to speak with me again, otherwise I think I'd have called him today or even yesterday. At least I have my kittys to keep me company, they are really affectionate and I think it helps to have a furry thing to hold on to when my girlfriend is out. (I have a picture of them in my profile.)
Anyway, I will try to keep me head up but I'm getting pretty down on myself today.  

[newmanagment]

smokey, sounds like ya are sick on top of the w/d's. that sux bro... but dont be down, just remember that you are gettin clean, and your body will in time learn to fight sickness without the dope. dont be back sliding , you sure dont want to have to go thru this hell again!! stay strong and focused, and keep that chin up bro, your gonna be seeing the end of that tunnel real soon, and if ya need to chat to keep your spirits up send me a message. much love

[cathy5841]

hey, you know me by now. lol  i am just checking up on you.  the real flu is really going around right now and it seems you may have caught it.  i hope you get better real soon.  the w/ds are bad enough by them selves.  let me know how you are when you get a chance.
many prayers]cathy

[SmokeyMcDude]

I actually got outside today. My girlfriend and I bought me some new (much needed) shoes and I got a haircut. The haircut sucked because the lady kept trying to small talk me but I just felt terrible and wasn't in the mood to chat. But I feel good that I could get out of the house.

[bmc1976]

That's a good sign that you got out and about. It sounds like you're taking a turn for the better. It really does help to get out. It kind of takes your mind off of things. You are doing  great! You're heading in the right direction and hopefully all of this will be in the past soon. You should be very proud of yourself!!

[cathy5841]

hey smokey,  i am just checking up on you.  i missed your update today.  please let me know how you are.
prayers
cathy

[cathy5841]

knock, knock. its me again...where are you?  is everything okay?

[JAXX55]

hi there. Thanks for the info. I hope it is helping him. I watched that show called "intervention" the other day, and it had two girls that were best friend's growing up, and both became OC addicts, then switched to HEROIN. Finally after a couple years they got clean, and one got pregnant, and it's the one who got pregnant who didn't make it, ended up dying. VERY sad show and I'm not a cryer, but jees that was SAAAAD!!! Anyhow, it made me think to come back here and check up on Smokey. Hope to hear from him soon!? Keep us posted and Thanks Again!  Jaxx

[cathy5841]

i so hope it is helping him somewhere.  he just disappeared on me.  i kept messaging him and i get no response.

[SmokeyMcDude]

Well an update for the last long while. I relapsed (suprise suprise) and ended up doing too much. I stopped breathing and luckily my girlfriend was around so she called the hospital and I ended up in a big ordeal. Shots of Narcan and going in and out of conciousness. Anyway, after that ordeal I found myself in a hospital detox and treatment center and the University. It was a lock-down facility and it was pretty much a necessity. They put me on subutex 8mg 2x daily. That worked fine and dandy and they started to cut it down day by day. I'd was in there for about 12 days and they cut it little by little each day until it was down to nothing. I went home, was totally fine for a couple days....then CRASH!!! The subutex half-life is 36 hours so after a couple days, it was out of my system and I absolutely went downhill. I called around and no doctors could see me so I broke down and finally told my parents. My dad is friends with a doctor who is licensed to prescribe suboxone and he saw me that same day. Ever since then I've been on 8mgs on sub a day (1/2 in the morning and 1/2 at night) and it's working great. No withdrawals (obviously) minimal cravings and best of all, I'm not doing any heroin! I am going to try to cut down my dose EXTREMELY slowly this time and I'll try to update this thread or maybe start another one. I just wanted everyone to know that I'm alive and thank you very much for the support. Especially Cathy, sorry for bailing. Anyway, if you stumbled upon this thread to help get off opiates then take my advice and tell someone close to you about your habit. It's the only way you're going to get clean.