Kicking a Terrible Habit...Need Help

[SmokeyMcDude]

   I smoked my last balloon at 4A.M. last night. I was doing about 3 a day for 5 months. I saw a doctor today and unfortunately, she was not very sympathetic to my situation. (I do live in Utah and most citizens, let alone MD's are Mormon so I wasn't expecting much of anything.) I have all the workings for the Thomas Recipe, Librium and 1 Xanax pill (from earlier scripts), Mineral Suppliments, Fish Oil, L-Tyrosine, B-6 and even some Melatonin to help me sleep. (which I doubt I will) I am feeling totally and utterly drained and my entire body aches, I have another balloon but I really don't want to get into it. I am literally inches away from the toilet trying to drop it in.
   Anyway, I was never an addict of anything before I had hand surgery about 7 months ago. I would describe myself as having a hippie mentallity (weed, beer, LSD and mushrooms are all ok) but when I got a Vallium script I was introduced to a world I'd never experienced before (and wish I hadn't) Needless to say the Vallium didn't last long and heroin is becoming ever popular in my state and also easier to get a hold of. For 10$ a balloon I thought I could spend everyday getting peeled back with no problem. WRONG! I felt like I was slowly slipping away and I couldn't get a grip on my life anymore, I haven't lost my job (yet) and just want to get back to my old life-loving self. I have lined up many trips and festivals this summer and don't want to be dependent on smack to have fun at Telluride. (which is more fun that this brown **** anyway.)
Basically I have some questions:
-Does booze help the withdrawal symptoms? I never had a problem with alcohol as I have a very sensitive stomach but would a couple of beers calm me down? I would think that and Librium would be a recipe for sleep but I don't want to over do it.
-Also does weed help at all? I have a nice bong and a satchel to burn through but I don't want to exacerbate my symptoms.
-When should I take my Xanax? After 2 days or on the 2nd day? Basically when is going to be the worst because it's really bad right now and I don't know how it could get worse.
Any secrets that the Thomas recipe hasn't told me would be greatly appreciated, I'm getting really down on myself and considered shooting a lethal dose rather than going through this hell on more than one occasion. Any help would be appreciated.

[SmokeyMcDude]

Well an update for the last long while. I relapsed (suprise suprise) and ended up doing too much. I stopped breathing and luckily my girlfriend was around so she called the hospital and I ended up in a big ordeal. Shots of Narcan and going in and out of conciousness. Anyway, after that ordeal I found myself in a hospital detox and treatment center and the University. It was a lock-down facility and it was pretty much a necessity. They put me on subutex 8mg 2x daily. That worked fine and dandy and they started to cut it down day by day. I'd was in there for about 12 days and they cut it little by little each day until it was down to nothing. I went home, was totally fine for a couple days....then CRASH!!! The subutex half-life is 36 hours so after a couple days, it was out of my system and I absolutely went downhill. I called around and no doctors could see me so I broke down and finally told my parents. My dad is friends with a doctor who is licensed to prescribe suboxone and he saw me that same day. Ever since then I've been on 8mgs on sub a day (1/2 in the morning and 1/2 at night) and it's working great. No withdrawals (obviously) minimal cravings and best of all, I'm not doing any heroin! I am going to try to cut down my dose EXTREMELY slowly this time and I'll try to update this thread or maybe start another one. I just wanted everyone to know that I'm alive and thank you very much for the support. Especially Cathy, sorry for bailing. Anyway, if you stumbled upon this thread to help get off opiates then take my advice and tell someone close to you about your habit. It's the only way you're going to get clean.

[cathy5841]

i so hope it is helping him somewhere.  he just disappeared on me.  i kept messaging him and i get no response.

[JAXX55]

hi there. Thanks for the info. I hope it is helping him. I watched that show called "intervention" the other day, and it had two girls that were best friend's growing up, and both became OC addicts, then switched to HEROIN. Finally after a couple years they got clean, and one got pregnant, and it's the one who got pregnant who didn't make it, ended up dying. VERY sad show and I'm not a cryer, but jees that was SAAAAD!!! Anyhow, it made me think to come back here and check up on Smokey. Hope to hear from him soon!? Keep us posted and Thanks Again!  Jaxx

[cathy5841]

knock, knock. its me again...where are you?  is everything okay?

[cathy5841]

hey smokey,  i am just checking up on you.  i missed your update today.  please let me know how you are.
prayers
cathy

[bmc1976]

That's a good sign that you got out and about. It sounds like you're taking a turn for the better. It really does help to get out. It kind of takes your mind off of things. You are doing  great! You're heading in the right direction and hopefully all of this will be in the past soon. You should be very proud of yourself!!

[SmokeyMcDude]

I actually got outside today. My girlfriend and I bought me some new (much needed) shoes and I got a haircut. The haircut sucked because the lady kept trying to small talk me but I just felt terrible and wasn't in the mood to chat. But I feel good that I could get out of the house.

[cathy5841]

hey, you know me by now. lol  i am just checking up on you.  the real flu is really going around right now and it seems you may have caught it.  i hope you get better real soon.  the w/ds are bad enough by them selves.  let me know how you are when you get a chance.
many prayers]cathy

[newmanagment]

smokey, sounds like ya are sick on top of the w/d's. that sux bro... but dont be down, just remember that you are gettin clean, and your body will in time learn to fight sickness without the dope. dont be back sliding , you sure dont want to have to go thru this hell again!! stay strong and focused, and keep that chin up bro, your gonna be seeing the end of that tunnel real soon, and if ya need to chat to keep your spirits up send me a message. much love

[SmokeyMcDude]

Update for today: I woke up today feeling a little better from the WD's but my sickness has taken a turn for the worse. I couldn't even open my eye in the morning because it was filled with gunk (gross sorry). Nose congestion, achy body, my throat is unbelievably sore and I have a cough that keeps irritating it as well. All these are multiplied my the fact that I don't have heroin in my body to fight these pains. I feel like this would be a "one day of work" kind of sickness but the WD's are making it a crippling one. I'm feeling really weak today but I'm glad that I called my dealer and told him never to speak with me again, otherwise I think I'd have called him today or even yesterday. At least I have my kittys to keep me company, they are really affectionate and I think it helps to have a furry thing to hold on to when my girlfriend is out. (I have a picture of them in my profile.)
Anyway, I will try to keep me head up but I'm getting pretty down on myself today.  

[Peaches5036]

Hi,
Have you considered re-hab?

I would highly reccommend going to NA, Narcotics Anonymous,In fact I think it's essential.

First of all you will meet others who UNDERSTAND YOUR PROBLEM PERSONALLY.
Get a sponsor ASAP, someone who has succesfully recovered from drug addiction and can give you 24/7 support. Go to alot of meetings, every day if possible. if you used every day, you can go to meetings EVERY DAY. DRUG ADDICTION IS A DISEASE OF SPIRIT, BODY, MIND.

Having a peer support group, is essential. Doctors can help, but they are not addicts, ( some of them are, I know several who are in my recovery group as well as lots of nurses).

I am a recovery alcoholice/pot head. Tried a few other drugs as well over the years. I got into recovery in my 50s, after a life of  PROGRESSIVE ALCOHOL/POT  USE.

Alcohol is a drug too. A very powerful drug. Legal, but insidious. All drugs are cunning, bafflling and powerful. They take over your life and lead to MORE.

WE HAVE MANY YOUNG PEOPLE IN OUR RECOVERY GROUP AA/NA .
MOST OF USE ARE CROSS ADDICTED, (ALCOHOL AND DRUGS).

You can get help today. You don't need to sink into the ever increasing hell worlds of depravity. I hear some extremely sad stories of what people do to get their drugs. Crime, prostitution and worse. I hear stories of young men and women who will and have done anything to get high.

Remember it is PROGRESSIVE. Most of us start out as nice kids., chasing bliss, looking to feel good. Many of us have mental and emotional problems which are painful and we seek a release, using drugs and alcohol as a SOLUTION.

Through the grace of God and AA, I have been alcohol/drug free for almost 6 years now.  I've seen so many people die of this disease of addiction.My darling husband died from this disease. not pretty, tragic for sure. he was a wonderful man. Young and old. It doesn't discriminate. We started young, never anticipating how bad it could get.

Some of us do need mental helth meds and other medical support. Even in this area, we need to be careful .

PLEASE CALL UP YOUR LOCAL AA/NA GROUP TODAY. LIKE RIGHT NOW.

My daughter was an active  alcoholicic /addict. she got clean and sober , at the age of 25, about 6 months before I got into AA. It was a miracle. She too tried several suicide attempts, during her teenage years. She is a wonderful person now, a loving wife and mother, went back to school, has good jobs and is very happy. She is a miracle.

EXPECT A MIRACLE. YOU ARE A PRECIOUS CHILD OF GOD WORTHY OF RECOVERY.

PLEASE CALL A LOCAL AA/NA GROUP TODAY.

Much love , may God bless you, PLEASE KEEP ME POSTED.

Peaches

[J7__NYC]

Smokey, you're the man buddy. I haven't posted on your forum here yet, but I've been following along the whole time.  It's funny how how helpful this whole site is here- you don't even know I exist but thru these postings you (and others) may have saved my life.  I'm on on day 5 c/t from oxys and was scared ******** of what was happening to me.  It sounds like ima day or so a head of you so I can tell you that today is the FIRST day i'm starting to feel better, signifgantly better.  It's my brother's bday so I have to go out to meet him, and my parents tongiht for a dinner.  I'm not crazy about the idea (for other reasons) but I'm infinately grateful that I'm not worried about making sure I have a couple pills for this event, or worrying how low my supply was and purposely w/d all day and crushing up my last pill before dinner.....basically- I feel slightly alive again today, not an F'n slave to some bs pill/drug.  you're there man, just keep pushing.  I'm talking like i have 3 years clean, lol, i'm still w/d and could be back tomorrow chasing pills..but im sayin it feels great to feel human again and I' know you'll make it man.  Keep your chin up. I'll check in with you later on today when get home.  

Jc7

[bmc1976]

Hope you're feeling much better today. Things should start looking up very soon. Just keep going strong. You're doing great. What I always told myself while going through withdrawals and craving a pill was that I wasn't gonna let these past few days go to waste because I know one day I'll have to go through it again. Just keep the strong mindset that you have and push on. You can do this!
brian

[cathy5841]

whheww, i was beginning to think i lost you. lol  hang in there you are about to see th \e light.  i am really proud of you for hanging on.  you are doing a great job, i know it aint easy but you are doing it.  when you get up let me know how you are,
many prayers
cathy

[SmokeyMcDude]

Sorry it's been so long, today was absolutely wretched. I have a terrible sore throat and a bad cough along with the peak of my withdrawal symptoms. Ugh... But I hear it's only going to be better tomorrow though so I can definately see the glimmer of a tiny light at the end of this deep dark tunnel. I took that Xanax pill that I had tonight so hopefully that calms me down a bit. I can't express how grateful I am for all your support (everyone) and I really think I'd be chasing the dragon if I didn't have someone to tell me to keep on truckin'.
To wait2long: I have an appointment on Monday to discuss Detox but I think I'll be much better by then, I hope I will. I think she's going to recommend some counseling or meetings which I am definately not opposed to. My work has been extremely understanding as well and I'm grateful that they let me take a week off. (for the "flu") I can honestly say that things are beginning to look better. Even though tonight is the worst I have felt....ever.....in my entire life. It will be easier on me tomorrow. Plus my girlfriend is here to rub my back. It almost puts me to tears to see that so many people care about someone struggling. Thank you again. I will post an update tomorrow.

[wait2long]

i hope you succeed and get past the withdrawals, but remember getting clean can be easy compared to staying that way, this is where the hartd work comes in...and i agree with gobig...sub is not trading addictions nor is it the devil...it is a lifesaver for a lot of people...its also one of the safest drugs around...withdrawals are not as bad as everyone says, i have heard of plenty of success stories from people who were on long term suboxone treatment... you could also use it for short term...
but i would keep this in the back of your mind, sub is sure better than having a relapse and going back to H...
so stay strong and keep plugging away!!!

[cathy5841]

smokey. talk to me.  let me know how you are.  i will check again soon
cathy

[cathy5841]

hey smokey, how you holdin up babe,  let me know how you are.
cathy
hey jaxx, scroll up and you will find a post i copied and pasted for him from a heroin site.  he is doing great and nearly has this beat.  he will need to find some after care to stay clean...we will talk about that in a few days lol

[kris123]

I use to do coke and when i was getting off of it i was like you inches away from the  toilet trying to flush the rest of it - i did it and it felt so great - i know it is hard - just toss it you will feel so much better or at least i did but i don't know what the withdrawels are going to be for you. once you do it it is gone and what did it to make you feel good for a little while and then you feel like **** for hours and days -

[JAXX55]

I don't know much about Heroin, I was coke and meth. However, I do know people who have struggled with that demonic, hellish drug, and I can only suggest you seek professional medical help to detox. From what I know detoxing on your own can be very dangerous for a drug as strong as heroin. If you get the help you need NOW, you can get clean in a safe way, go on your trip CLEAN, you won't need beers, bongs, or any other B's.... AND, you'll regain your will to live.... Once all this is said and done, you will be so grateful you didn't waste your time trying to go it alone. Just suck it up and go to the nearest rehab, get yourself clean and move on to a healthier, and happier life..... Trust me IT IS NO FUN TO TRAVEL ANYWHERE trying to hide your dope!!! Looking back, I was just plain stupid. And that's just it---I'm NOT stupid, so I got clean. End of Story.... Good Luck Bud!  =)

[cathy5841]

WOW, YOU ARE ONLY 21...you have so much life ahead of you.  i am very proud of you for making the discision to take your life back...you are doing great...press on...keep your eye on the prize of freedom.
i will chec on you again soon.
cathy

no, i have no life and they pay me really good at work, and they give me very little to do. lol

[SmokeyMcDude]

Thanks Cathy, It means a lot. I'll try to get out today but so far, the only thing on my list is watching No Country for Old Men and the million dollar Price is Right tonight.
To Gobig: Librium is about in the middle, Vallium and Kolonopin are long acting Librium is in the middle but much more subtle than the rest and Ativan and Xanax are the short (more dangerous and potentially abusive) ones. Librium doesn't hit you like a Xanax or a Vallium would but it's very noticeably calming. I think the real term for it is Clordiazepoxide, you can look it up. Apparently it's mostly used for alcohol withdrawals but I figured it couldn't hurt me as the Thomas recipe said it's better than Ativan or Xannys.

[cathy5841]

hey smokey, glad you got some sleep.  now i know you feel like you can not drag your body, but if you would try just a short wwalk it helps speed up the process....come on you can do this....if not today maybe tomorrow.  just hang tight, you will turn the corner soon, you wont be well over night, but better enough to have hope.....i will check on you soon.
cathy

[Gobig]

Thanks for the Librium heads up - not that I'll be taking any - didn't realize it was a benzo - is it short acting or long?