Kind of personal question, sorry if its TMI

[Whyme1116]

While on subs for 6 years, I totally lost my sex drive.......does anyone know when that will come back???

[VICourageous]

Well??? We have a Midbrain and it is the survival part of the brain (pleasure) it has to do with survival such as sex, water, breathing, eating & such. When we use Substance the Happy chems such as the Endorphins, Serotonin, and more get suppressed, and as we use the Dompaines surge. SO when we come clean this ALL has to balance or level back. Of coarse when we do have Sex it causes a surge of Dompamines (PLEASURE). While we use Nothing mattered in our survival brain but the Drugs. The Brain Crave!! So this does take TIME to Balance.
Also do not forget about HORMONES..These too get all messed up while using. (Receptors)
It is something for sure when we first give up are drug and the brain/body starts to heal... We get so so so horny!!
AND the Big Ol Stress factor..We go through so much Stress while we are detoxing and sometimes even when we are working on staying clean. SO many factors play here..Just give it time and maybe give it a push by doing something sexy. For me as I get older (I am going to be 58 next month), the sex drive can go down. BUT I will have sex at anytime when my Hub wants it..Yahooooo! Man this was a Personal Post..lol
So Cheers to getting our drive back!!!!

[Whyme1116]

Thank You for your reply, I love this site and the people, you are all the best!!!! Thanks for letting me talk so personally ;) LOL.....

[ywf27]

I must say that I had the same experience as many of the commenters. Its hard to put it out there but I had ultimitley no sex drive while on methadone than a very heightened sex drive while detoxing. It remains with me still as I'm still detoxing. Its that feel good brain stuff and it brings relief to my aches and restlessness even if for a short while. I have no doubt that your drive will come back. We are sexual beings. Give it time and reevaluate. Keep in mind that you are early on in sobriety and I can tell you at day 10 I had no interest than a turn around as time went on. Congrats on your 10 days and keep pushing forward. Were obviously all here for support even through the uncomfortable stuff. This group is amazing!!!

[weaver71]

Dirk, the opiates used to cause me to have endurance, but it also killed a lot of sensitivity, so it was a longer event, but I see now it was way less satisfying. Opiate do no permanent damage. The amphetamines you used, MDMA, can do irreversible damage to the nervous system and blows out the adrenal system. Booze also kills sensitivity, making more sex, but I don't think more is always better. It took me as I high dose addict many months if going back and forth with interest and ability. Somewhere around a year it all seemed fully operational. The illusion of better sex is similar to the illusion of drugs making us better in any way, false sense of security. Give it time, and for us heavy users, give some extra time.

[Ldytaz]

i wanna join in..Day 13 here and I am horny as hell... my husband is shocked and delighted.He has never went without but,I have not been into it since starting methadone 2 years ago...Luv to all

[dirtydirk]

personally speaking i think i had more of a drive when i was on opiates and since ive been off i could care less...im more worried about what sex on drugs has done 2 my lasting abilities  i was far from a porn star b4 opiates but  the last 10 years while on MDMA/ opiates/ booze  i could go for hrs  and i feel as if its ruined my stamia now......praying my sensativity will return back 2 normal somtime soon becase i find that now i cant go n e where as long as i could b4 drugs and absoultly miles away from when i was on drugs.....i think in some sick way that fueled my opiate addiction because i could have sex without  opiates  or i could have sex on opiates and go for hrs, it was quite amazing really.....now im clean id be happy 2 get 5 min (how embarressing is that)  !!!! im told my body will level itself out but if it doesnt   then i might not be having sex lmao!!!!

[weaver71]

Some things I did was date night and I personally would plan on sex. I would try thinking about it in the morning and try to feel inspired through the day. I thought back to my teen years, heck, I would think about it so much it barely gave my partner a chance. So, I realized what worked then, still works. That might be hard to pull off twice a day, but if you could rock his world once a day, maybe that would be enough until you get your groove back. The dates really help, because we all get to secure and settled in our routines. Never stop trying to impress your partner and show them why you are worth keeping. New couples do that and are very happy about it, I think it works after years of marriage too.

[Whyme1116]

Thanks for your reply....yes Ive had sex since Ive stopped the subs....my boyfriends wants it literally 2 times a day so I have to give in sometimes. The problem is, I dont even want to think about getting started, and he wants me to initiate!!! Im fine once we get started, its just having to want to be in the mood to initiate, I cant do it yet......sex is just the last thing on my mind.

[bama88]

When I detoxed....at first I was a sex nympho...couldnt believe how good it felt....can I have another..lol..my husband was pooped...when on pills I didnt care about sex...id tell him lets lay here and think how good it was cause were old...fast foward to detox...and just like someone else said it helped my brain feel good....weird huh...

I never took subs..scared of the half life thing....im wondering if thats not a consideration. ..who knows....give it time...question...have you had sex yet??  The reason im asking is it might feel so good after you get going....

just a suggestion....I know sex starts in the brain and our brains are still recovering. ....

great post

[EvolverU]

It took about a month & a half to two months for it to 'kick in', if I remember rightly. It used to happen much faster off of regular opiates :) Good luck! (wink.)

[Whyme1116]

Thank You for your reply!!! I hope so, and cant wait now since this is the one thing missing. I am 10 days off, I know its still early, but other than this, I feel great!!! I guess I need to take the good with the bad ;) Thank You again!!!

[EvolverU]

Hi there & Huge Congrats on dropping the Subs!

How far into your detox are you? I ask because it makes a difference.

Like Weaver, I too, like it when this subject comes up because it's one of the few positive things I can say about early PAWS. My drive returned full-force (read 'hyper-drive' -- ha! -- unfortunately, I wasn't with the right partner!) You might have some emotional stuff to process that has been held at bay during your sub use that might be stopping it's return. It's a process. Be gentle with yourself & give it time. Talk to your bf, journal, get some physical exercise & stay well-hydrated. These should all help speed things along. Subs are a rough drug & I hear you on 'shutting down' that way. I was on Methadone for 20 yrs. & my desire was muted during that time. M'done & Subs take a little longer. So, If you had it before, you'll have it again. Happy Days lie ahead, my friend! :))

[Whyme1116]

Thank you guys so much!!! Now im excited!! I was starting to get really worried that it would never come back....I just feel so bad for my bf at this point, but I also remember what that closeness felt like and I want to want that again!!!! Im on day 10 and I feel great, at least now I have hope for the sex life!!!! lol......Thanks again everyone!!!!!!!!!!! xox

[brandiroars386]

I am so glad someone brought this up!!!!!!  Before using I had a huge appetite for sex, which of course changed when I was using and then on Suboxone.  It took awhile for it to come back, fake it till you make it, literally! :)  But it does come back, and it's just as good or better.  My poor husband, was so irritated and tried not to be because he at least knew why, but it didn't make it easier!  Sex starts in the brain and after all the **** we have done to it, it makes sense that this would be affected.  Be patient and don't overthink it.  I think that made it worse.  Let come naturally.  Hope that helps!

[takingmylifeback2014]

You guys are all great! Lol :)

[weaver71]

I didn't read the other responses, but I love it when this topic comes up. I love uncomfortable topics that spur honesty and change. Well, I went through no interest, then so excited I had no control over orgasm, then it happened, the sex that we all dream of. Yep, it will come back to a balanced state, for most it does. I guess if you didn't have a healthy sex life before drugs it would make it take a little more work. As far as biology, when our natural system is back in full working order, it takes some practice. Don't worry, there is no way that sober sex is not better than high sex, that level of intimacy is not possible on drugs. Just give it time, I bet you revisit this thought and go, Öh yeah, they were right, this is pretty miraculous." Fake it till you make it, works every time.

[Amandag78]

Haha...

[motye51]

NOPE....doesn't change my answer at all!  I think I put in a post that I was "raping" my husband during detox b/c the endorphins felt good in my brain!  I actually felt brain relief!  Which blew my mind!  I think with all the crap we were trying to do in our day it left little time for "pleasure".  I'm not an initiator either, I expect my husband to do that, of which he bitchs all the time. It's just not what I do????  And beggars can't be choosers!  I asked him, was I an initiator when you met me, no, then why would I change now?  lol, he didn't care for that...oh well!  My sex drive is starting to return, but during the 3 weeks of detoxing, OMG!!!!

[Amandag78]

Haha... Good question. My sex life went out the window when i started subs and ive left the window open for it to come back but i think its lost...
I can now say, ive been clean from having any sexual contact with my partner for almost a year...
When does the drive come back ? Who knows, but thats probably why im so irritated all the time...

[Whyme1116]

Ugh, Im so upset......It didnt bother me when I was still taking the sub, but now that Im off, I feel so bad for my boyfriend. And i dont know what to tell him, so I sit and stare at him. It starting to cause tension in an otherwise good relationship. I hope it changes soon!!! Im sick of trying to act like i want it when it is soooooo obvious that i dont. I cant even hide it anymore, I pout, moan, huff and puff.....and he knows it. Just sad :(

[takingmylifeback2014]

I think it is normal ... I am 88 days clean today and I could care less about sex. Sad to say! I am sure it wont stay that way? God I hope not! I used to want to have sex (before) I used and now I cant even imagine being the way I was .. I pray it all comes back ...

I am looking for some inputs on this too ....

[Whyme1116]

Im a woman! hahahahah Now does that change your answer? HAHAH I feel like its gonna be gone forever, its been so long. I just feel bad for my boyfriend....he is getting very frustrated. He wants me to initiate....but I cant!!!!!! Its so hard to want to get in the mood when the thought just isnt there......once I get going im ok, but he wants me to be in the mood, and thinks he is the reason im not. Its not him....

[motye51]

LOL....we talk about our bowel movements, this is not tmi!!!!  I found during detox mine was raging, then it leveled out around 60 days.  Right now, our heads just aren't right yet....and sex begins in the brain!  Don't push yourself too hard, your a man, it will come back!  lol