aww here4support, I hope today is looking better for you, I have skimmed through and read what is going on and had to chim in, and tell you my own story or at least a lil of it, maybe it will help you understand kyle a lil better he really was a huge support for me, he is the memeber who will kick you in the pants when he see's danger and only means good. he has truly been there done that so many of the members have, we all feel so strongly about getten clean that we are head fast in advice but it is not to upset you just to help, the main thing is you are making choices to change your life and that is not easy and the voice can be so overwhelming. I was not so diff then you 71 days ago I had a stash as well I had one pill in my wallet and I thought it would make me stronger and as long as it stayed where it was beating it, it was there and I could just ignore it until kyle sent me a mess and woke me up I got in my car and was driving with his words ringing in my eyes tears swelled up in my eyes I reached for my wallet got it out rolled the window down and threw it out and as soon as I did I had a wave of emotions one was OH MY GOD what did you do at that moment I knew I was holding it just incase I couldnt do it I was fooling myself but once it was gone I felt relief to very strange our mind works. you can do this you are strong everyday that you are sober shows how strong you are. we addicts get concerned when there are pills are around cause we know the voice lies and will tell you anything to get you to take it. its not to judge you or discourage you we are here to support and praise you for your good works and your strength but we also speak the truth we are fighting for your life cause hun your worth it. so please keep posting and talking to us sometimes you may not like what is said but it is out of love. congratulations on how far you have come proud of you. love and light solost
Sorry bout that,must be having a bad day..Hope you are doing well today,and are being honest with yourself.Addiction can come at you every way you can think of,and then some.Be careful,be well and wish you the best of luck.. Danny Someone on here once said (dave a friend of mine) danny you sound angrey,mad i told him im way past all of that.I moved to the point of pissed off because i know first hand how this addiction works,and its not pretty!! Bless us all Danny :)
I read till i got to KYLE,and thank you kyle for being HONEST.This is not a game,not a love relatenship forum!!This is your life on dope,dont give a damn if you have a script or buy them on the couner,addiction is just that.Please everyone i dont mean to be mean but real,years and years later im still picking up pieces of my life,as im sure i will the rest of my life.But im doing the best i can,not ALMOST the best i can.So love,peace and prayers to all,Danny...... :)
How are you doing today, dear? Please keep posting & talking to us! Let us help you get thru this! We truely are concerned for you & want to support you.
Hey. I just re-read your post. Here's what I think: You've overcome a lot! You're being as honest as possible. You're very smart. You want to stop using. You are (quite obviously per your screen name) hoping to get support :) For all these things, I salute you!
Why are you getting the reaction you're getting? I believe it's because you're trying to out-smart addiction. That would be natural for someone like you. It's probably always worked before. This is NOT not a bad thing, but it is also almost certain not to work in this case. One can no more outsmart addiction than they can succinctly explain what happens when an irresistible object meets an immovable force. Addiction is a paradox. Outsmarting it is roughly equivalent to trying to outsmart yourself.
Long term recovery is not a contest of will, it's an act of submission and a humble commitment. The posters here will give you unconditional support, they are some of the finest people I have ever seen (or will ever see) in that regard. But only as long as you're truly on the road to recovery. They (and I) will not say something's OK when it isn't. Remember who you're dealing with here :) Addicts are great liars. You can't BS a BSer.
Looking at it this way is not as hard as it seems - it won't kill you and it will make you stronger :) Thank you for sharing your story, I think that if you continue to work on recovery, you will succeed!
Time for me to step off this thread. Basket - I'll keep an eye on you and see how you're doing in a couple of days. This needs to re focus on Here4.
Seems like I was not the only one who thought it was harsh, so not going to judge myself either....will chalk it up to someone having a bad day.
You've got a long road ahead. And need to be able to distinguish between experience-based help and judgement. We don't judge;we offer advice based on success and failure. And sometimes it is not what you want to hear. When I see a person telling themselves the same lies I told myself for 15 years I have to call it. Shine the light in to the dark corner of addiction.
OMG, I feel the same way. Being forced into it is probably not the way to go, but what choice. Taking 15 Vicodin 10's a day. Afraid of what is to come.
Hello, I just read your post and feel connected to you by what you said. I am new to posting and shaking...day 1...so bear with me. I too thought that was harsh. I know reality is harsh, but judgement is unnecessary. Please feel free to talk to me and let me know how you are doing!
Hello Here, I haven't read thru all the above post so please forgive me if I am repeating ok? How are you feeling now? Don't forget hot baths for anxiety and muscle aches, sleepytime teas for relaxing, music and movies for distraction, protien drinks to get your brain functioning again. You will be emotional in the next few days...go with it and know it's part of the process. First things first....go for walks as often as you can. KEEP POSTING!!!! Your on your way!!!
I see a lot of support here and people trying to help. I for one don't think I was harsh. I even private messaged you trying to help. Just hang in there anf know you are doing what you need to for yourself. Just blow off whatever you can because this post is turning into something else instead of for you. Just so you know that everyone of these people were key to my 37 day clean time! :-)
I never judge - I speak my mind and offer a personal opinion based on 15 years of failing to get clean. So when I read posts like this there are two things that jump out at me....first, her head is in control; she's fooling herself. And second, she's in a position to lose everything, thus my direct approach. Time is running out. Posting on this forum means nothing if you aren't being honest with yourself. I see relapse ahead for her if things don't change. I don't want that, and so I said what I did.
Generic immodium is just fine. By law, it must have the same active ingredient as name brand. Some people say that the liquid works best, but I'm not sure if they make liquid anymore...? Anyway, generic is just as good & much cheaper.
Also, I forgot to mention earlier to force fluids and force yourself to eat, if you can! It does make a huge difference!
Good luck girl, you CAN do this!
Thank you so much "trying" that's what I needed. I'm not at all saying the great advice everyone else has given isn't what I needed to hear cause in reality, it may be exactly what I need to hear but right now, I need some cushion. A little sugar coat if you will. I'm sure that's not how this works but again, as you said, it's what is working for me at this moment and what I need. And for me, I'm only moment by moment. Thank you so much.
I have read the Thimas recipe over and over and I take vitamins and supplements everyday, but I'm sure the magnesium and extra B12 will help but do I need regular Imodium or will generic work? I thought I read somewhere I really shoulnt use generic. I there a difference?
Hey. I just wanted to say that you're doing great so far! Hang in there, you are strong & you will prevail! There is no one "correct" way to detox. Everyone is different. You will find what works for you. Very few of us have detoxed & stayed clean after just one try. Like someone said before, take what you need, leave the rest.
Do you have any supplies from the thomas recipe? Theres lots of things on there that will make your detox slightly better. Calcium/magnesium/zinc supplement for the rls, or "restles arms" in your case. ;) Hyland's also helps this. Immodium will be your best friend right now! You will have to take a slightly higher dose than recommended to get the best results. Not CRAZY amounts, just a bit higher. Get some epsom salt to but in your baths. It will help for magnesium into your muscles and relieve some of the cramping & restlessness. You can try benadryl or any number of otc meds for sleep, but you have the ativan for that. I've taken melatonin for years & it works great for me & you can find it @ just about any discount store for just a few dollars. Just post and let us know what symptoms are bothering you mkst & someone may have an answer! There is lots of great support here. Just keep posting.
Fighting? I just admitted you guys are probably right, I'm just having a hard time accepting the truth. Again, isn't this par for course? Or whatever?! Having a hard time with it all?!! I'm trying here. I just said I'm only saying things I am feeling, what I'm thinking rather than lying or making up things I think you may want to hear. Just need some positive reinforcement here. I'm not lashing out at anyone. I'm here for support, for help. I can't just "not be so sensitive" just because one asks me too! It's something I've struggled with my entire life, along with insecurities. That's neither nor there. I'm sick and come here looking for light and all I feel im doing is trying to justify how I feel or why I'm doing what I'm doing or defending myself. I don't have the energy for this
Whoa Kyle...
I've read many of your responses and this very harsh and judgmental one is not like you... How are you today friend?
You need to calm down and not be so sensitive. Several times here you have lashed out at the very people who are trying to help you. You are NOT being attacked. That is not permissible here nor would any of the members do it anyway. What these folks are doing is sharing their experiences with you. They have been where you are and trying to prevent you from going down the road that they went. They are trying to get you to do anything that they haven't done. It's pretty cut and dry.
If you don't stop fighting this and get humble I fear you will continue right where you are and that would be a shame. Open your ears and have a little blind faith. What have you got to lose?
I know you can be an addict without buying from street or shooting up! I know that! I am an addict! If you read my entire post I said that. Somewhere I must have misread something from someone. I thought someone had said something about staying away from streets I buy drugs, must have been hallucinating!! Here I thought that came WITH the drugs, not without. I know you guys mean well, or at least I'm convincing myself that and you don't mean to be rude. I'm very sensitive, always have been, always will be. I have a tendency to get myself worked and overreact. It's who I am. I am trying. I'm working on things but right now, fighting to get clean is all I have strength for.
I will say now, you all are probably exactly right. I am not being truthful to myself or anyone else but I'm trying to convince myself I'm doing ok, I'm doing the right thing and I'm gonna be ok. For right now, right this second, it's working. Anything further than that, I have no clue and ill work on that when that time comes. Please don't give up on me. It's so incredibly hard to read what some of you say, I'm sure sadly because its true and I can't look at that or accept it. This is so hard. I'm being honest and open and laying it all out there.
I sure do understand the anxiety and irritability...had a bad case of that myself. Just want you to know that we are all pulling for you and want only the best for you.
Thank you Self. Some times, that's all one needs to hear. I am doing good, this far anyway and someone can relate in more ways than i know! Thank you all for the support. I can not help but get defensive, isn't that part of it to! Anxiety? Irritability? I was not lashing out at anyone and I have been a member to a few other forums (not drug related) I know the rules but I don't need to be talked to as a child. I realize there are plenty of people that don't HAVE to offer their advice and have a life Of their own, as do I. I think I even thanked Liz personally for helping a complete stranger so I am not ungrateful. I just voiced that previous poster was a bit negative and I'm entitled to that. As you are able to tell me to sack it up and deal with it. "For gods sake"
It's sometimes hard to hear things one doesn't really want to hear. "Hanging onto" your pills isn't a good idea, and you know it, but you're trying to justify it to yourself as some kind of mind-tricking approach.
Kyle has a very no nonsense appraoch, with no sugar coating. It's not meant to be hurtful, it's meant to open your eyes and get you out of that denial. "I hang onto the pills and it actually helps me get clean"...or "I never stole, bought off the street, and my meds were prescribed". Those are two statements that scream rationalization and denial.
No one on this forum wants anything but foer you to do this. They also know the chances of you doing it successfully are greatly dimnished with your current mindset. You're setting YOURSELF up to fail, no one else is.
Kyle makes a great point about the tricks your mind is going to play on you the worse you start to feel. From what I've read here, addiction is almost 100% all about mindset. If you become weaker and weaker, and more vulnerable, the LAST thing you want to do is make it EASY for yourself to use. If they're accesible, it's much easier for you to cave. You already are going to have to battle with your addicted mind...don't make it so you are a minute away from getting to a pill. Even if you don't feel ready to "flush" them...give them to someone to hold, SOMETHING.
Try not to get defensive, but really try to get the message from what these folks are telling you. They are telling you things to make your chance of recovery BETTER. I'm sure hearing these difficult things makes you feel judged. These people are jsut like you, they aren't judging you...they're just being brutally honest.
I wish you the very best.
Sorry to upset you, but I actually held back a bit. I want you to get clean. Fact. If you have pills and are using behind your secret, relapse is waiting for you. You may be able to control it, few of us can, but if you want to stop then why keep the pills? Detox is very hard; as it progresses your head talks to you - it never lets up. The voice" just one won't hurt; just one to help me sleep ; just one so I can relax for a moment". We've all heard it.
And by the way, you can be an addict without buying off the streets or stealing.