Now that I have passed the 50 day mark I have started to reflect on the journey I have taken. There were so many days in the first few weeks that this seemed impossible to me.... I felt empty and completely hopeless. I would look in the mirror at myself and not only hate what I saw but also didn't recognize myself. Luckily I found this amazing place and it helped me immensely. It was able to get me through those dark days. I agree that you have to be ready mentally to truly quit but I also believe that in the 1st few weeks EVERYONE gets tested in different ways. Refill on a script or an extreme trigger or even the dreaded "Just picked up 100" text from the old hookup. My first test came around day 10 or so. I was basically haunted by the old hookup to use. It took every ounce of willpower to muster up the NO. I felt worse for the next few days as my brain continue to play tricks on me.... All I wanted to do was call her back and go feel better. Then something funny happened... I felt good about my decision. It empowered me and made me feel like maybe I can do this...
I've had many tests and triggers throughout this journey but as I get through each one, the next one isn't quite as bad. Definitely not saying it's easy but it feels way more right to not use then it does wrong. For everyone regardless of how far along you are... just get through that 1st test. Find a way and get through it. Use your aftercare or whatever your support system is and battle through it. I felt that as I moved forward I tend to build up some momentum... Momentum makes it just a little bit easier to smash through those road blocks.
It is very hard but so important to remember that every bad feeling... Physical or mental.. Is only temporary. Never judge what it's like to be clean based on how you are feeling at your low points.
I still can't judge what it is like to be clean because i'm not quite at my highest point just yet BUT Life is already so much better then it was even 2 weeks ago.. never mind almost 2 months ago.
Thank you again to everyone here that has helped me on this journey. I am truly in debt to each and everyone of you who took the time to offer your knowledge and support.
Super post man!!! All well said and true that!! You know you've helped me as well as many others....paying it forward is the right thing to do...that feels good too.....9 days here as you know.....can't really add anything else....peace and prayers!! You ROCK Sean.......
Northeast - thanks for the post and I so agree with you. I'll hit 60 days on Friday and I can't wait to post that. I remember my first day on here feeling so miserable wondering when I would feel better.
This is a process, a journey and it is different for everyone but above all you prove, I prove and so many others on here prove - there is hope, things do get better, hang in there are you WILL feel better.
Thank you for that post and congrats on your clean time!
Well put. Congrats on your clean time! 60 days is awesome. I was thinking the other day and I felt like the way my recovery went at first was.. 3 steps forward then 2 steps back.... I was always making progress but it was really hard to tell sometimes....
Every day you don't use you are making progress.. regardless if you can feel it at that moment.
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