Ahhh I recently quit taking opiates after a 4yr long addiction/dependence. Ive quit a few times before, longest ive lasted was a month but ended up relapsing. My drug of choice was always oxycodone but the last time I quit I had been taking 2x 100ug/hr fentanyl patches as well as dilaudid, xanax, and some whiskey more often than not thrown into the mix every day.
Somehow when I quit cold turkey (after doing a quick 1 week taper from dilaudid/leftover fentanyl gel from old patches) I did NOT experience noticable withdrawals. Atleast compared to when last time I quit taking oxy cold turkey.
But it just seems like life is not worth living without opiates. Nothing makes me happy. I literally sit in my room watching tv and on the computer every day 7 days a week. I feel like my room in my house has become my own personal prison. I have really bad social anxiety so I feel like if I "go out" to do anything ill just look like an idiot in front of everyone and feel even worse than before. I want to get out of my house and start doing things, but I just cant because I have such low self esteem and always feeling like im being judged (which is true I suppose). I have no motivation to do anything, but at the same time anything to get out of my house is sure to relieve my boredom.
I dont know, im just bored 24/7 and feel like I cant leave my house. I cant talk to people I dont know because I just dont know what to say to them. (particularly girls, being that im a 19 year old male). I also cant get a job because I get so nervous when being interviewed and cant hold a steady conversation stranger without becoming wildy nervous and freezing up as far talking goes. I cant get a girlfriend for the same reason. The only thing I do besides sit in this computer chair, at my computer, while watching tv, is go to class monday-thursday which I have begun to somewhat enjoy (as opposed to dread, like I did in high school) just because it gives me something to do.
I just dont know what to do. I feel like I was 10x more of a productive person when I was on opiates (although I still was/have been extremely shy my entire life) but I dont want to depend on a pill to be able to get through the day. But at the same time I want to be able to function like a normal person. I cant even talk/ask questions in my college classes anymore because of fear of looking like an idiot and people judging me.
Has this happened to anyone else after getting off opiates? I know depression is a common effect of post acute opiate withdrawal but this has been going on long before I even started taking opiates in the first place. And the opiates didnt really fix my shyness they just allowed me to feel good while still being shy.
That's just another lie of addiction. I know it feels that way, but it's just not true. My life now is better than ever before . . . not just better than during the addiction, but better than at any time before recovery.
The problem is that active addiction leave your brain chemistry AFU. Not-using is not enough, we need to actively treat our brain chemistry. Take a look at End Your Addiction Now, by Charles Gant; The Mood Cure, by Julia Ross; and Seven Weeks to Sobriety, by Joan Larson.
At the same time, life-after-addiction requires an active program of recovery. If you're not already, start going to AA or NA meetings. Doesn't matter if you like 'em or not or if you think they're working or not, just go -- go to ninety meetings in the next ninety days. Get at least a temporary sponsor and work the program.
A life of active recovery takes some effort, but it takes a lot less effort than a life of active addiction.
i know how you feel i went thru the same thing but i look for help i found out im depressed on top of everything else.it gets better i remeber thinking i dont want to get clean how would i have fun ,i thought my life would end im only 15 days into it but i finally reached out for help you have a friend here if you d like...........................................................Anna
Hang in there voxxx. You are so young and have alot of life ahead of you. I thought the drugs gave me that edge on other people as well. Actually I found the longer I would use and with increased doses the less I got accomplished. I had no confidence when it came to doing things in public either without the drugs so I thought. I have alot more confidence now than I ever did before. Quit the drugs and give it a few months and you will get your mojo back! Trust me.
I feel the same way... that I will never be happy if I am off the drugs. That I will never be enthusiastic taking care of my 1 year old. So, I pop the pills to have fun, to be happy, to be pain free, to not feel boredom or sadness.... but deep down I am so sad that I need to pop a pill to have fun with my own child. This kills me more than I can express and I just wish I could have never put one in my mouth. The struggle is unbearable, but at the same time so worth it. If someone could just tell me that someday I will be happy again. I look at people who are sober and think how can they do it? How can they smile? What makes them smile? And why can't I? Hang in there, just know you are not alone. Keep writing it helps some. I will be your friend...
Yea I havent been truly happy in years. Every day to me is just time that I have to find something to do to get through it, or just do like normal and sit at home in my room and be bored which makes the time go by 10x slower. I guess the opiates gave me exactly what I was craving for the past few years, to be happy for once whether it be by chemical means or by natural means. And once I discovered that I could chemically make myself happy it just seemed like the solution to my problem.
But at the same time, I dont see how that is much different from taking antidepressants. And I dont want to end up like my mom, dependent on a pill that doesnt even get you high/make you feel good. I dont want to be dependent on any kind of pill at all for that matter. I just feel like im screwed any way I look at my situation.
hey buddy please hang in there....i felt just like you did, my life couldnt have gotten better...CATUF is right, this is the part of the disease that can really mess with you, but it all goes away...completely. CATUF also mentioned meetings, and thats the only reason im still sober and happy it changed my life.
im 26 and had issues with quitting when i was 19 bc of girls also...unfortunately i quit and fell back several times over the next few years. i thought i couldnt be happy and i couldnt be social, but those were all lies i was telling myself. it wasnt easy but it all got better and i cant say that i would change any of it because of where im at right now and i can look foward to the future and so could you...
when you start thinkin how you are just existing & not living, think about those that are truly prisoners in their own bodies , parylized ppl, quads, and such , or ppl w/terminal diseases, especially children, thats what i have done and i think damn i'm one lucky sob!
dont know if ill ever see a reply from you but i want to say thanks for your post. im in precipitated withdrawal after a 2 year opiate binge. i weened myself off the suboxone and was doing great till i hurt myself skiing and fell back in. ***** that trying to be active is part of what got me back. even though my body feels like crap, ive felt like my brain is turning back on, i cry again, feel happy abut things in my life. i even went out in the rain, sometimes feeling like **** reminds me of how much better feeling is than not.
hey voxx im the same way as you. Im 26 been on heroin from 21 years old to 22 till I got arrested, then quit for a month, wanted to blow my brains out. got on vicodin, oxies, whatever I could get, methadone suboxone. it doesnt matter any opiote would do, it made me a functional human being, out going and all around better person. Ive been sober for 2 months unfurtanitly on immudium(poor mans methadone). I hate everything about myself without opiotes. I dont take and search for opiotes to get high just to functional and people dont understand that. I need help everything *****, Im a nervous reck everywhere I go, Im ammbaressed with everything I say or do and it fills me up with such anxiety. I cant leave my bed, but at the same time I hate my bed. Im tired all the time, nothing satisfies me. It almost makes you just want to kill yourself
Hey and welcome! This thread is very old go back to the main screen at the top and click on post a question. There are soo mamy good ppl here who can help you. Btw right now ur brain is lying to you. The addict brain will say anything to get u to use. Please don't give up we are here to help you.
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