Living with and loving a crack addict

[inlovewithtrouble]

My boyfriend has been actively using crack for almost 2 years now. He started when his wife left him for another man. He was distraught and began using as a way to "escape." We've been dating for a year and a half. I didn't know he was an addict until about 3 months into our relationship, when I walked in on him using. Curiosity got the best of me, and I tried it to see what he was feeling, and I became hooked for a few months. Finally, something clicked inside of me, and now it repulses me. When I see it, I get the jitters and I want it again, but that "something" keeps me repulsed and away from it. It was something we did together and it actually brought us closer. We spent several nights talking for HOURS, revealing our deepest secrets, uninhibited by the drug. Now, it's something we fight over and he does alone. He is court ordered to wear a sweat patch, he lost visitation with his kids because he repeatedly failed tests. His friends, family and myself are all doing everything we can to help him, and to help him get his kids back, but he just won't stop.

Tonight, I had had enough. I heard the garage door open and close, but he didn't come in. I went to check on him, and he was sitting in his car smoking. I just lost it, I went and took it all from him. He came in begging for it, I of course refused to give it back. I left because he wouldn't stop nagging me, and when I came back, he had torn apart my closet, and he found it. I grabbed it and flushed it.

I left my husband because he abused me. I have ALWAYS felt safe with my love, until tonight when he FLIPPED about me taking it, flushing it, and hiding his key to keep him from getting more. I was scared of him.

I am so lost. My 3 year old and I live with him. I have nothing of my own, and am trapped. I don't really want to leave him anyway, I just don't want to go on hurting like this. Always feeling not good enough, ashamed of him, and now... scared of him.

What do I do? How can I get him to change his ways. My leaving him would devastate me AND my daughter, who of course thinks he's nothing shy of perfect.

I love this man... I WANT to save him. How can I make it "click" with him like it did for me?

[kris123]

Crack is very powerful.  It grips the person and takes a hold of them.  My baby's daddy does it, but he never used but about four times a month but still holds on to the urge - this is why i left him - he doesn't amit he has a problem - i think it is an evil evil drug.  I gave him an ultimatum and he chose crack over me even though he didn't do it all the time.  Crack just like any other drug, can lead you to be on the streets. I have been in your shoes and left - i understand how it can grip a person but I am also mad that he spends money and doesn't help much with the baby.  I am torn at times in understanding and not.  I just can't be around him like that

[cathy5841]

newmanagment is reight sweetie, unless he wants it for himself you can do nothing.  if you give him an ultimatum to get help or you will leave it might help, but probable not.  it usually takes hitting rock bottom and even that dont work for some.  i wish you the best and hope you keep coming back for advice.
cathy

[newmanagment]

check my page hon, im a 25 year crack/coke addict. nothing will change unless he want it too. your child can not go on less he gets clean. i know you dont want to hear this, pack a bag and go to a womans shelter, after telling him you will love and support him if he decides to clean up. if he does decide to get clean get him into rehab . if not move on, theres a lotta fish in the sea, some of which arent smoking crack. i have been where he is and its a daily fight to stay clean. have him check out this forum, iknow its changed my life around. best of luck, many prayers, and much love

[Raj786]

Since crack is so addictive and he has been using it for 2 years maybe getting him admitted in to a rehab program would be best.That will not only make sure that he is clean until he gets out (typically between 20-30 days to 6 months or even longer) it will give you valuable time to cool off and get a fresh perspective on the situation. When he's clean for some time, it's very important that he be counselled about the consequences of his crack usage on his kids, you, your kids and anybody else. It's my experience that only a junkie/ex-junkie can help a fellow junkie clean up and in a rehab, he'll get to hear stories of other people who did worse things and were even more ***cked up but they did clean up. If he has already tried detox/rehab, still try it again, there are people I have known who finally kicked drugs only after being admitted for 2,3,4 and even more times. Best of luck....

[feohmoon]

sorry to hear of your troubles. Crack is one of the most addictive drugs there is. I hope something does click and he stops. I have seen people clean from it for 10 years and then turn right back around and start again. It is a horrible drug.I hope someone in here can help you more than me. But I am here for you. You can talk to me always.