Looking for support

[On2better]

Hey all, I'm on day three without hydros and looking for support here. So far I'm feeling pretty good. I even left the house and went shopping with my family yesterday to try and get my mind off Vicodin and the w/d symptoms! I'm 28 years old, been taking hydro regularly for 2 years. I was taking anywhere from 30-60mg per day. I've tried quitting before, but always relapse. I have 2 kids and a husband who deserve better. Most importanly, I deserve better. I'm ready to kick this once and for all. Any advice to prevent relapse would be great.

[On2better]

Thank you for your response, Kyle. I really struggle with the shame. Having to tell my family... The thought alone makes me shudder.  I worry they won't understand, I worry it will ruin my relationships. My husband knows about the stealing. Really I can't believe he still loves me after this. I feel so ashamed and unworthy. It will be so good to just put this all behind me. I can't believe it, I'm on day three and I feel better already! But I know I have a long road ahead. I'll let you all know how the NA meeting goes. I'm taking my kids to the movies tonight, but tomorrow I'll head to a meeting. Thanks again for your support and responses.

[kyle505]

Welcome. Don't be ashamed of the things you've done to get pills; stealing is fairly "normal"...I took pills from my mother who was dying from cancer. That's something that I'll have to live with. Anyway, if you want to be sure that you don't relapse, or at least be sure that relapsing won't be easy, then you need to cut all sources. Call your doc and tell him/her that you are having trouble with the pills; are an abuser; are an addict. Whatever you feel comfortable with. Asked to be red flagged. I also called my dentist and pharmacy, and told a friend who'd I'd got pills from that I was an addict. The calls are difficult, embarrassing, but necessary. Bottom line, if you don't have easy access to pills, then you will have a hard time relapsing. And, you need to get some sort of after care - NA, AA, whatever. And be honest with as many people in your life as possible. Keeping your addiction a secret will just make it easier to relapse. Tell your husband that you've been stealing from a family member; ask him to keep an eye on you whenever you visit.
Good luck; keep posting.

[Clong45]

It seems like you are well on your way to recovery!  If you are not feeling too bad on day 3, day 4 shouldn't be too bad either.  Drink plenty of water and get plenty of electrolytes in you.  It will speed up the progress.  You are almost through the worst!   After a week you should start getting your energy back.  If you have pills still. I would flush them down the toilet or at least give them to your husband to hold.  If you take anything now, you will just prolong withdrawl or at worse be right where you was three days ago.  It takes alot of guts to walk into that first meeting..I know!  But, you will find out it's good for you, just like this forum.  

[On2better]

Thank you clong, for your thoughts. I was thinking about NA and looked up some local meetings. I'm pretty terrified to go, to be honest. But I also believe it will help. And I really appreciate the support Im getting from members of this forum. Addiction is so lonely, it feels good to reach out. And it's funny you mentioned that about "just one pill." I've already considered that in the last three days! Thinking if I "just take one" it will help these withdrawals. But one is too many and a hundred is never enough, right? Really I don't feel too bad. I went out and got coffee this morning. The barista asked me "how is your morning?" and i could honestly answer "Great!" Im just trying to push myself and only lay around if I'm absolutely miserable.

[Clong45]

Welcome and Grats on making the plunge to be done for good!  I've been on and off  Opiates for 10 years and know what it's like to try quiting without professional help.  It takes a tremendous amount of self will.  Two years is prettty long and how you've been getting them makes you a full blown addict.  Most people on here are just like you and me.  I would suggest going to NA meetings to help keep you from relapse, It really does help. Plus you will meet people just like you and hear horror stories of what addiction can lead you to the farther you slip into it.  it might give you a good scare to get out while you can.   Everytime your mind trys to trick you into: " I can just take a few and be fine"  just remember where you where at right now and push the cravings away.  keep it up!  keep us updated and good luck!

[On2better]

Thank you Pat. It's so hard! I always find myself feeling envious of people who can live a normal life without drugs. I just want to be on the other side!

[Pat1956100]

I don't know how to prevent relapse so I will leave that to the experts but I just wanted to welcome you and offer my support.  This is so worth it.  Stay strong and keep posting.  It really helps.

[On2better]

Yes my husband knows and thank God for his support. He has been wonderful. I originally was prescribed the pills for a surgery, then I kept making up reasons to get more. I was also stealing them from a family member who has chronic pain (outside of my household). I cringe even as I type that, it's so horrible. I don't know how I've rationalized it for so long! I'm too ashamed to come clean to anyone other that my husband, he's the only person who knows.

[dominosarah]

Are you getting the pills from your doctor?  Does your husband know about your addiction?