Lorazapam

[Dee]

I was taking 1 lorazapam at bed time for many years. It worked well as far as helping me sleep through the night. My Dr. retired and i ran out  I had some ativan that someone gave me which seems to work. My question is, will there be any withdrawal symptoms if i stop taking these all at once? any info on this would be appreciated.

[Wizard]

Welcome to the forum Dee. 1st off I'm not sure if you know that Lorazapam and Ativan is the same thing. It's a fast acting benzodiazipine short lasting in the system. Any benzo should not be stopped without a taper because it could bring on seizures. Thomas could tell you more on that subject. If you are only taking 1mg at night and none during the day you should be in a position to taper fairly well. I would not try this though witout consulting a Dr. Can you go to whoever took over your old M.D.'s patients? All of the above information is just my opinion as I am NOT a medical professional, but I do take Ativan as prescribed. Good Luck to you.
Power & Magick 2 u,
Wizard

[Thomas]

if you've been on lorazepam (brand name is ativan) for years, you'll need to come off of it gradually or risk a seizure. Warning signs of seizure are anxiety, numbness in the hands (especially thumbs and forefigners) and tightness in the chest. I would not waste any time seeing another doctor about it. Good luck.

Thomas

[dee dee]

Thank you so much for your input.I was kinda hoping that the dalmane would just take the place of the lorazapam without any side effects of not taking the lorazapam.I have posted on this site in the past and i had a problem with abusing vicodins which i have been in the process of weaning off due to my source becoming non-existent.I have managed to cut my mg. in half per day so far.I will soon be cutting that in half to.Just to let others reading this with the same problems and fears, It was very uncomfortable the first 2 weeks but it has gotten alot better.Thank god for all of you that have helped so many of us with your wisdom and support on this site. Thank you again. DeeDee

[Thomas]

Dalmane, being another benzo like ativan, might, in fact, work out fine. All benzos eventually affect the same brain receptors, so, you just might be right about the dalmane. A pharmacist might have something to offer on the subject.

[jennyfla]

Sorry to cut into the thread so early-on, but this is important.  This has been a horrible night, my husband stopped taking his antidepressants about 4-days ago, and he is really wacked-out.  He was taking Effexor, and refuses to take them any longer because he feels they interfer with his um, 'manhood'!  Sorry guys, but this is really making him psychotic, and it's scaring me!  He refuses to believe that all the oxys and methadone he is putting in him just 'might' be adding to his problem ever so slightly; i wish he would look at the reality of all this abuse because it's time for his to WAKE-UP!!!
He put me through hell tonight saying that it's "all my fault' of course, everything is always somehow, someway my fault.  Not to mention the vodka he was pouring down his throat.  You all know i am very familiar with the effects of drugs and alcohol, and i've tried to explain that to him many many times, and also the effects of all these drugs, but he chooses to live in a world of denial!
He's missed doses before, and i knew it was a bad mistake.  I asked him to please tapper at least and to see his dr before cutting stopping with them completely, but he insists that they are all wacked and only after his money.  Do you see what i have to deal with, sigh! :(
He's asleep now with the help of a good reliable friend, mr xanax which is given to him only when he needs it, he doesn't have access to any medication, it's locked in a safe.  If he had access, he'd take them as quickly as possible.  The only reason i even give him anything is because he is addicted (which you all know the story), and by cutting him off from the meds, it wouldn't solve anything at this point.  You guys know how that goes, no one here will say, just don't give them to him, because, as you all sadly know, it's not that easy.  That's why i feel i can talk to you guys, because you understand what it's like to be addicted to something.  I also understand i am only enabling him... and that's a whole other story and, another sad part of my life.  :(
My question is, how long does it take for him to get past the, i guess, withdrawal effects of the lack of anti-depressants?
Yes, all this gobbly gook to get to this one tiny question.
Believe me, this has been the night from hell!  Or maybe i am just in hell, i'm not sure.  :(
I just don't know how much more of this i can stand.  I have all these children to take care of and to sheild from this mess, and then, with a husband who is loosing it at a rapid rate, it's wearing me down so quickly.  He is acting so strange, and very unprodictable now, at least with the antidepressants, he stayed somewhat neutral, which isn't good either, i understand.  With the combo of opiates and antidepressants, it was no wonder he could feel anything at all.
But now, he is a mess of tears and anger!  One minute he is crying and the next he is cursing, and it's turning me into a basketcase!
I'm doing all i can just to maintain my sanity and be here for my children who need to be in a world where they feel they are safe.
His anger is not directed towards the children at all, but is towards his bosses, and to me, i'm afraid.  He is angry with himself, but chooses not to focus on that, although he is aware of it.  Instead, he is blaming me for things being wrong, especially the sexual part!  Sorry again, i hate to bring up that subject here, but it's all a part of the problem, so if i left it out, a big piece would be missing.
In numbing myself with oxys, to tell you the truth, i could really care less about that topic, and also, i have so much frusteration and anger inside for him myself, i really don't miss the intimate part.  I miss the 'old him', but this new, addictive one, i don't really care to be that 'close' to!
He causes me so much termoil in my life, it's just a constant kind of firedrill, every day of my existance!
It's always something with him, his job, his back, his mental state, always something.  How much longer can i keep this up.  He says i'm a wonderful mother, but not a good wife.  Is he out of his mind, doesn't he 'see' everything that i do for him, everything short of wiping his ass for him (sorry!  it's late and i am so past tired, and hurt).
I know that's not good for him, he must learn to stand up on his two feet, and as long as i keep enabling him, and patching and repairing all the messes, he'll never get better.  I feel i am the worst thing for him sometimes, and it makes me feel bad about myself.  I should probably take the kids and run, and get myself better, and concentrate on myself and my precious, beautiful children.  I know i'm nuts for staying, but i remember what he is really like deep inside, and we've been together for 20-years now, and i can't just give up and throw that all away.  I also fear he will die out there, or definately hit rock bottom, which is where he needs to be to finally come to the conclusion that he has to get help or he will die.  
I understand he feels pain, which is back, but it's not bad enough to justify taking all the medications that he does.  I sometimes wonder how he would feel if he just got off of everything, how much of the back pain would still be there.  I think he is in withdrawal part of the time which can make you feel like every musle and joint are screaming at you!
Thank you for listening, it's been such a long, horrible night, i just can't turn myself off and go to sleep just yet.
Tomorrow is another day, and although i look forward to spending the day 'not' working, and also being with the kids, i also dread the mood me might be in, he's so unpredictable lately!
Sigh, will this permanent frown ever come off of my face! :(
Lv Jenny

[susanlea]

Hey finally something I have alot of experience with! First of all calm down. Second, what dose of Effexor is he on? 75mg or 150mg. Do you remember a couple of months ago, I got all weepy and I felt like my life was out of control. Well your husband has done exactly what I did! YOU MUST NOT STOP TAKING EFFEXOR ABRUPTLY! You must taper it, just like you taper up to a dose in the beginning. As my physician and a psychiatrist both told me, your husband has now thrown himself into a BIOLOGICAL depression. He has shocked the area of the brain Effexor works on. And if he takes a regular dose instead of increasing it after a few days, he will shock it again. Right know his brain doesn't know which way to go. If you can get your husband to take a starting dose for a few days and then increase to his normal dose he will feel better. Trust me. I made the same mistake 3 times and thought I was having a panic attack. Stopping like that makes you feel freaked out. It won't physically harm him, but he will act really weird and bent out of shape unless he gets back up there. Effexor has to be weaned off to let the neurotransmittors adjust. He's freaking those transmittors out! Now, welcome to my world, or what it used to be. My ex who you know about. Could not have sex, couldn't get it up (excuse the bluntness) or it couldn't stay up. Of course I was blamed for it, just like you. A fight would ensure. And the battle would begin. Oxycotin over a period of time, like any narcotic taken in excess normally makes a man impotent. Most of the time Oxycotin makes you not even interested. I searched for answers and round and round I went. To Drs to shrinks, thingking My God, he must be right, it must be me, it's my fault, I'm not doing something right, I must not be sexy or pretty enough. BullShit!@(sorry) That's the biggest guilt trip of all time,It can't possibly be him, he's a big burly man, so it has to be you.  Jenny, we are so much alike. The pain we both endure for love. And yes enabling also. Remember I stayed in constant pain, I wanted to give him my meds, it's ok he's not in pain, I am, but I wanted to make him happy. God forbid if he went into withdrawals. You really know Jenny....that if you were to take the kids away for a couple of days, took the pain pills with you and he went into withdrawals....he won't die.  I lived that vicious circle for 2 years. The yelling, the fights, the abuse, the anger. He was always slamming doors, hiding in a locked room. Being Called an F@*#king *****, a F@*#king C@#T, good do I miss those days......NO WAY. Remember the freedom we talked about, on Easter I sat in the back yard watching the kids, the clouds, the birds. I am enjoying life again. No it's not all gone yet, the pain stays with me.  But I now have so many more Sunshine moments than the darkness.  I lived in a dark, massy world for 2 years. You could have cut the air with a knife. The house always closed up, drapes drawn. Let some sunshine in, my Florida girl! Please, please go to Al-anon, it's hard to find a good NA group, sit and listen, you do not have to talk,, just listen to others, you will see yourself many times over in the ones around you. You will see them at different stages. The new ones who have come because they feel their lives are over...all the way to the ones who've made it over the mountain...and survived. Yes there is life after this. No my ex was not the father of my boys, but he was there for over 5 years, since they were 4 and 5, they haven't seen or heard from him since he left and yes they are hurt, and yes they are mad. But you now what? We are, yes we are happier and better. And we will continue to get better everyday, untill we will say What was his name? I'm not saying leave him, but do something for yourself. And as you have more than once told me, do it for the precious ones. Because believe me, they know what's going on, and it does affect them more to see the addiction, and the emotional withdrawn state he's in than if you were to leave until he's straight. If you love him, you will do whats right for you and your kids. And I believe you love this man. Everyones different, I don't mean to be hard on you, I love you dearly. When he left I was the new one in the room, the one feeling my life was over, I loved him so much.  But somewhere between then and now, I have learned to love my self alittle more and you know what! I'm alot more fun than he ever was.....talk to me.....Love Susan

[susanlea]

You don't want to end up with permenant frowns, it will age you quickly. In one short year I have aged, the wrinkles are showing, boy that Plastic surgeons going to have a good time working on my face in Sept. Cheer up! It's not your fault...love you girl..Susan

[CASEY]

I have gone through so much of what you described with my 19 year old son. "Peace at any price". He went  through rapid withdrawals from Paxil, relapsed and ended up in ER when he overdosed on heroin and speedballs.  Since  I can't "divorce" my son, I finally admitted that I could not run interference for him for the rest of his life and mine. I let go of the fear of his destroying the house, getting arrested or overdosing. I did not have the energy and why just keep the status-quo going when it is leading no where? A year from now you will be worse or in the same place if you try to keep him contained. I resisted Alanon for 2 years. It is saving my life. For a least 2 hours a week, I have sanity. Please put your energy into yourself and your kids. Let the chips fall where they may with him. Who knows? Things might get better. My heart goes out to you. None of this is your fault Trust me! love,  Casey

[Milo]

Bless your heart, you know I'll be thinking about you and hoping that you find the wisdom & strength to do whatever you need to do to make this awful situation better. I don't pretend to know what you should do, but your husband definitely needs to get back on the antidepressant -- lea explained the "discontinuance syndrome" better than I could. I don't know how you can get this across to him except that it's the only way he'll feel better, otherwise he'll continue to suffer for some time. Maybe you could get some info about Effexor withdrawal (tons of posts about AD withdrawal symptoms on the web) and show it to him? I'll be wishing you & your sweet little kids the very best. -- Milo

[skipper]

i guess i'll just have to echo what milo says.i am sure that what ever decision you make: stick by it, don't back down. If you have
to, go to a protective shelter!Even just a couple days of cooling
off for both you & your husband might at least give one of you the
time & space to make decision for right now and the near and far future. Even though i'm not real comfotrable about talking about
my own problems with impotence and the effests of opiates of any
kind (not just oxy), i too sadly am aware of them. i had my wife
read your post and her heart goes out to you. after many false starts i'm on my detox from oxy and everything else.i put so much
hope in getting my neck brace off- i guess i thought the pain would go away too. well it hasn't, i'm riding about a +9. mr. jones hasn't yet showed up yet but i know he's coming. i do have
soms valium and loperimide so i might have as bad  a time as i loooking forward. i'm deterumined too see my pain doc whith a few
oxys and oxy ir left when i go in the 16th. of july. will see.
hey every body be careful
skipper

[Thomas]

I don't know how much more plainly I can say this, but when someone starts washing methadone and oxy's down with vodka it's time for that person to be committed. Does he have insurance at his job? He really needs to "go away" to a residential program where they control his movements, make him do 90 meetings in 90 days whether he wants to or not, and contribute to the maintenance of the residence. Either that, or you and the kids just have to get the hell out and let him kill himself by himself.

In his "big picture" whether he's taking this antidepressant or that one or none at all doesn't really matter much. He needs to go away to a place that will teach him how to live again without drugs. Right now, he's completely forgotten how to do that. It needs to be taught, or re-taught, just like any other skill.

Your Friend,


Thomas

[skipper]

Thoma: i think you're probably right about jennfla husband. oxy &
methadone would seem to be a out of hand combo. i have know idea
what his dose of "jump juice" is or if he is getting through a
program that adhers to federal guidelines. probabaly not as they
the (program administrator staff ) would catch the oxy in a U.A.----
in the late 60's and early 70's methadone was a completely different
story. I remeber one program administrator who thoght the more
doliphine tablets they could jam your down throat the beter. If my drug addled memory serves me righrthey were stamped Lilly rj28. The govt. lost track of so many of these tablet that Lilly was forced in to puttinganother ID code on them.
Jeeyfla: pleases hang in there.

[cindi]

Hey you chickies.....ok,,,,,I have read and re-read your posts Jenny and susan both....even though as it is now I don't have alot of time down here and I don't get to answer your e mail like I should or post when I should my thoughts are with you both....I sit here and just cry thinking of what both of you are going through...But for the Grace of God, there go I...my husband is in recovery and I had a horrible dream last night about him using again   and my marriage was totally threatened.....I have absolutely no words of wisdom that will make things any easier or better for you but...what I can tell you both...is this......you both are such beautiful women...deserving of a good life and happiness....but I also know that I don't have to tell you this.....both of you are well aware of this fact.....you have admitted that you are good mom's good people....and this I feel is a true fact.....Jenny, I saw you,,,,,I saw your babies...but under your pretty face I saw sadness....as I once saw in my own eyes....wondering where it will end.....where things will take me...I walked along the beach today......wondering what the tide would bring into my life next....and this must be in you minds all day and all night....the answer to both of you my dear friends,,,,is lying in your heart and in your soul.....in your own backyard...the answer, I have learned is never very far away from us...It does take alot of soul searching, prayers,tears, pain and heartache to finally find an answer that you are looking for,,,,,no body here on this forum or anywhere on the face of this earth can make your minds up for you....only you can do that....only you are responsible for your own happiness...not even a man,,,,is responsible for making us happy,,,,we have to do that ourselves...and we start by liking ourselves and realizing we are worthy of only the very best....can you both try and promise me,,,,no, promise yourselves that before you continue to take care of anyone that you will first take a good long look in the mirror and then do something good for you.....love can be a winderful beautiful thing,,,,,but in bad situations it can take us down as fast as this disease will....be well for you, then your kids,,,and in time,,,,in God's own time.... God's will be done....I love you both      cin

[susanlea]

Where are you? I'm getting really worried here. Please let me know that everythings ok. I was up till past 3 in the morning wishing I had your phone number. I am planning to go to Clearwater in July or the first week in August. I am driving down from Va. and would like to see you. Remember we are just alike and maybe that's what God had planned for us to met. Honey I will pray for you and your situation. I, better than some know how hard it is not to enable someone you love so much. I learned very hard and too late as you know. Please don't put you and your children in the line of fire as I did. My kids are going to Al-ateen Monday. This has affected them more than I knew. I'm now just seeing how bad and in what bad shape they are emotionally. How could I have let this happened to my 2 little boys, how could I have let them be hurt, I am supposed to protect them and I failed. Jenny, if you need me I will come. I promise....Love Susan (***@****)

[Kerrie]

Hi Girls,
    You've been given a lot of good advice Jenny. Lea was in a bad place but I'm so glad her pain is getting easier. She was where you are. I have a good husband. He had a nervouse breakdown some 5 years ago or a little longer. They put him on so many drugs after that, he couldn't function. They created a zombie and hid his problem instead of helping. The problem is he is a manic depressant with bi polar disease. It runs in his family. But he was fine untill he was injured and could no longer work. He became a person I didn't know. After a while he took too many valiums and was in intensive care with a blood pressure of 30 over something. Bottom line is this. He had an illness but it was killing everyone he loved. He was destroying our lives. A person has to decide what's important to them. He realized with some gentle help( I didn't hurt him bad) from me that he needed to get a grip on his problem. He went off any meds that were not absolutely needed. He quit taking pain pills because he couldn't use them right. No more valliums. He takes antidepressants and stomache meds.
    If your husband loves you, it's time he does something to show you. Our sex life isn't too great mostly due to the meds.He was on Effexor untill he spoke with his doc about it. They changed it and he is better. But if we never make love again I can deal with it as long as he was is kind and caring and shows me. That's the kind of making love that matters the most to me.
    Jenny, you deserve to be treated like a person. You need to tell him to get help or get out. You are putting yourself and your children in danger. I know you said he doesn't lash out at the kids, but there's a lot of people that have killed their children because they wanted to hurt the spouse. Mental illness is treatable but you have to take a stand here for your family and before it's too late. Your in my prayers. Both of you.
      God Bless,
            Kerrie

[cindi]

You are driving down from Virginia    PLEASE GIRLFRIEND>>>>TELL ME HOW IN THE HELL TO GET THROUGH THE MOUNTAINS WITH OUT HAVING MAJOR ANXIETY ATTACKS....Please tell me it can be done...LOL    hope all is well with yiu    love cin

[susanlea]

I live outside Washington, DC, so I just come straight down 95 to Tampa, than 4 to 60 into Clearwater. Sorry honey, I don't go through any mountains. I need to see my sister, she always helps me get back on track emotionally. We talk at least 2x's aday, boy do we have hugh phone bills! But I love her and miss her so much. My boy's went to Al-ateen tonight! They decided on their own that they wanted to find out more, and why he hurt them. My 11 year old went with me to Al-anon last week and thought it was cool. He's the one so angry and hateful toward my ex. This is a very large group and they seemed to connect, and they want to go back! All I can do is take it one day at a time. I've spent so much energy trying to figure out what's happened and what will happen in the future. I've finally realized to take baby steps. I can't undo the past so I have to let go. And the future's not here yet, but I believe I can handle one day at a time. Just to get through one day at a time without pain, anger or sadness. I love you girlie, Susan

[Wizard]

Cin, you better look to the sky for my flying monkey darling! he heard you had been having such a great time there that he took off on me again! You keep your chin up lady, You know I'm thinking about you with the 4th coming up. All will be well for you I promise. Keep the faith and do what you have to do! Remember the old cliche' Today is the first day of the rest of your life! Your mother is looking out for you up there with my dad for sure. Remember to "face piles of trials with smiles" or this cheeze wiz is gonna have to ride this scoot allllll the wayyyyyyyyyy across this country to make you laugh! The best part of leaving the great place you are at is the fact that you get to look forward to going back again! Now, GIVE ME BACK MY MONKEY! LOL
God Bless you luv,
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light on us all,
luv Cheeze Wiz

[cindi]

LOL   so If i don't cheer up you are riding your NEW HARLEY all the way to OHIO to cheer me up?     gosh   I am so sad and don't know if I'll ever snap out of it so you better get the bike and come on....hmmmsoooo   sssssaaaaaaaddddddddd  is cindi..:(  but maybe,  just maybe a harley might do the trick      sob sob  you better hurry....gettin sadder by the minute......:( :( :(  what a guy....a mystical, magical surfin scootin dude...you are truly a friend     thank you for cheerig me up.....it seems you always have the words....as if you are right here with me....ok......now that we have shared this flying monkey,,,I'll pay no attention to the man behind the curtain   lOL   love you cheese      cin

[jennyfla]

I'm here i'm here!!!!
I'm at work today, didn't make it yesterday, i laid in bed too depressed to get up! :(
I have two daughter here at work with me today, so although i'd love to type individual responses, i have my hands full!
Wow, what a response, i'm and overwhelmed with the amount of support i received, and i reread my post from that dark night, and now i remember why i must be feeling so depressed.  Life plus a bit of withdrawals too.  The more depressed i've been, the more **** i would take, so i'm feeling the effects of doing too much over the weekend.  I wake up so low, i can hardly get  out of bed!!!
My husband is back on the effexor, and taking his methadone again, so he seems to be somewhat more stable.
Susan...  I read your words, and plan to go back and reread them when i have more time, and what words they are!  I might need to reread that post over and over for it all to sink it, and i thank you so much, and i'm glad you feel free somewhat, although i understand your pain still.
Cindi, your line about wondering what is next in your life hit the nail on the head...  I wonder that all of the time, what is next in my life.  How long will my husband live, and what will i do if he were gone.
It tears me up inside to think about it!!!  :(
My husband says he will go to rehab, but doesn't know how to get there. Doesn't want to loose his job, but if he does, he won't have his job anyway.
Geez, i've got two little girls pulling at me in both directions, it's almost impossible to post...
I will try to get on later tonight after everyone goes to sleep.
Thank you all so much for coming to my rescue!!! :)
I love you guys!
Lv Jenny

[jennyfla]

I'm sorry, i seem to be at lost for words when i comes to myself.  I full of words for others, but i don't know what to say to everyone...  I know i need to do something, and it's stupid to just sit her and act like it all doesn't exist and keep taking my 'numb' pills so i can go into my own little world and dissapear for a while.  I NEED to do something soon before it is too lack, but i feel i don't have the guts.  I'm afraid, and, although this life is hell, it feels easier 'to say here'.
Before my husband rehab 2.5 yrs ago, i went to a few alanon meetings and didn't feel comfortable there.  When i essorted my husband to rehab 2.5 yrs ago, i had credit cards to fall back on, so i used them to live for the time he was out of work.  His boss also gave him the 'all clear' to get help with insurance that he job would be back.  The manager is gone now, it would have to go through the big boss now, and i fear his job would be gone.  I don't make enough to support the kids and the mortgate, etc. if he were out of work.  Now, one thing out there, his sister offered to help back in december, she is a district attorney in PA ( I think i've mentioned her before), she is our only hope.  He needs to, or i will have to call her.  I'm so afraid though.  I'm scared to death about his addiction and my own.  i hate this, i'm in hell!!!!!!!
I'm gonna leave early from work today with my two daughters.  Have to run some errands...  trying to keep myself together without breaking into tears, but i'm ok.
Thank you all again, and i want to list everything you've all said piece by piece and comment and thank you all, but i'm having trouble reading the words without tears.  I have to stay focused today, so again, i'm whimping out!
Cindi, yes, i've heard the sadness is easy to see on my face, and i hate being like that because i really do love life... there is so much out there to enjoy and life, i feel like i'm in a great big box and can't get out!
Love you all!
Jenny

[cindi]

Thank goodness we heard from you.......I was really getting worried......God bless you and keep you dear....if you need me,,,,,you can get me at my aol acct...cin91860,,,,don't try the msn or hotmail.....at least till i get home for MSN...remember sweetie,,,,,one day at a time, one minute at a time...one big mitake we make.....we live in the future and in the past..stay in the day..I used to hat that phrase but now it makes soooo much sense...we are all here for you.....love ya   cin   and kiss those beautiful kids for me......

[cindi]

Ok,,,finally, Brighty and I had our lunch....and let me tell you all that she is as genuine, compassionate, loving, kind and everything else you though she would be and more....we looked at each other and knew in a flash who each other was....I felt like I had known her for a gazillion years....she treated me to lunch..we talked, laughed, shared, cried and then ate dessert...LOL and we must have been in Applebee's for more that 2 hours...and we didn't get kicked out....we did get pics of us together...and we also decided THOMAS>>>that our  hot forum  dudes are  more than enough for us....and our eyes will never stray  LOL  so,,party on hotties..LOL  she sends her love to all of you and she did also say that she will be back soon....and it is sooo cool   she talks just like she types.....she is absolutely delightful..just thought you might like to know about my lunch      love to all   cin

[Thomas]

thanks cin, for the report. It's so cool that you two got together and became friends "in the flesh." Thanks for letting us all know about her. I knew she'd be cool! Just like you, my dear friend, Cin!. Love you both. Hope someday we can all get together. What a great day that will be.

Love you both with every bone in my body,

Your Thomas

[cindi]

When I first came to this forum I met 4 people right away....you, JB, the Chickie chick formerly known as Annie and Brighty,,,Thomas,  I will always feel this special kind of "kinship" towards you,,,I have told Wiz and the wonderful special "newer" forum gang that the 4 you literally loved me back to life after my mom died....and helped me to see past the pain that had started to take over my life......for me there is something so special and (and I don't want to sound corny but this will definately sound corny)I feel so honored and priviledged to say that I am part of this forum and you are my friends..and how very lucky I am , no..we all are so very lucky that you decided to stay with us...and I know I can speak for our friend Brighty and say that her bones love you right back :)and someday, (Brighty and I talked about it LOL) we all will be able to give each other a real as you say in the flesh hug,,,,,,,,love to all and love to you Thomas,,,,,,cin

[Kerrie]

Howdy Everyone,
    I just had to jump in when I read Lea was going to Clearwater Fla.  I use to live about an hour away from Clearwater and I think it's the most beautiful beach I ever went to. Of course it wasn't as crowded as it is now. I use to go a few times a week when I lived in Lakeland. Lea,it is so beautiful and peaceful there.I'm sure it will help you to be in a different location and with your sister. My sister is my best friend.
    Cindi, I envy your being so full of joy hon. Though I wouldn't take it from you if I could. I am just so pleased to hear you in good spirits. I wanted so bad to go to Florida this week to see my sister but she lives in such a small apartment and my brother had plans to go and see her first. I couldn't afford a motel so my husband and I will try to go in August to our family reunion. If your moved by then, I will come see you. I truly want to meet all my forum family. I haven't forgot about the tape I promised you, just had so much going on I had to put it on the back burner for a bit. But things are about back to normal now so I will try to get to it.
    Wizard, I am so happy to hear you sounding better. The mountains are sure hard to climb some times. But it's our faith in God and love and support from His children that helps us reach the top. You really tickle me with your refrences to the wizard of Oz characters. I bet your a hoot to be around. So keep on keeping on and God bless you my friend.
     Prayerfully yours,
              Kerrie

[jennyfla]

Thank you all once more before i go to bed tonight!!!!
I am feeling better, and i feel a renewed strength knowing that you all are here for me.  I'm still overwhelmed by all your words of support and love, i just can't get over it!!!!
Such special words coming straight from your hearts too, what a gift you all are!
You are all in my prayers, and deserve to live your life to your fullest expectations, and i hope that you all get there seomday, and i have a feeling you will because you are all so very special and deserve the best that life can give!!!!!
Your words will echo in my mind, and get me through the dark moments that i encounter through my journey into wellness.
My husband is willing to go to rehab, it just a matter of finding a way to make it happen.
I have to get myself better for me and my children, so i can be strong and make sure that things don't fall apart.
The depression i was feeling earlier this week is no way that i want to live.  I can be happy, it's just these darn drugs that are doing this to me, i know that.  They give me the extreme highs, and are now giving me these extreme lows that i just can't stand.  This will give me the strength to beat this thing for good because i can't and won't live this way...  I am too happy of a person, and i have too much too do and too much living to do to let this drag me down, and that's exactly what it is doing.  
I will do this for me first, and then i will be able to focus on my husband if he is willing to help himself.
Thank you again, it's so late, i have to get some sleep.  Happy 4th of July to everyone.  Let this be a beginning of our independence for ourselves.  We have to do what needs to be done for ourselves, first.
Love Jenny

[Milo]

It's great to hear you sounding so much better -- optimistic & determined. You deserve happiness & freedom from the hell you've described so well. Happy 4th of July to you too, my friend. -- Milo

[Wizard]

The Wiz wants to wish ALL of you a very happy and safe 4th of July. This year Indepence day takes on a whole new meaning for me. I had forgotten how great it feels to really be independent of the "Dragon" Well, "Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition" (my father in laws expression)LOL I see so many good things in the process of happening here on the forum. All pointing to Independence for so many. Thomas, you seem to have found something that's getting you better, Milo, you keep getting closer. Skipper, your daily posts tell me your determination will see you through. Jenny's back and in the process of making lif saving decisions for herself so that she can then help her loved ones. Cin, unless I'm wrong YOU are the first to make physical contact with one of our "cyber" "angels" and let us be a part of it throughout the whole process. I thank you for that. ( Brighty, get back her girl we miss you) Angelica, dear I'm praying for you as I know you are going through some times right now. Kerrie, seeing your posts again brought so much joy to me. :-) Your prayers are always felt for sure. Susanlea, the progress I've seen in your life gives a whole new meaning to "Independence" You go Girl! I know I've probably left someone out and for that I'm sorry but you all know who you are. When tears of happiness fill my eyes as they do today it does cloud up my memory a bit for all the names, but don't think that I have left them out of my heart. I see so many new beautiful people coming to this forum daily and recieving the same caring and support that I have revieved just as Cin had  said earlier. Cin and Thomas were ther from the start of my first post and the rest of you followed right behing. I WILL NEVER FORGET! God led me here, GOD keeps me here. God Bless each and every one of you this holiday and may His fireworks keep you safe and give you peace! I now want to extend a very warm Wizard cyber HUG to all of you.
Power & Magick 2 U all,
Peace & Light upon all of us addicts and their friends and FAMILIES,
Happy Fourth,
Love,
Wizard

[cindi]

Thank you for the wonderful Holiday greeting,,,,,and I want to wish you and everyone a warm and sparkly July 4th...and hugs right back to you.......and cheese Wiz,,,one more thing....keep on sprinkling your wizard dust,,,,and sharing your rainbow with us......I love you and all     cin

[Milo]

Happy Holidays to all you great folks who have helped me & taught me so much. For good advice -- for caring -- for encouragement -- and for finding value in my contributions to you -- I can't thank you enough! -- Milo

[cindi]

Hi guys...I am sorry I have not been around for you guys as much as I would have liked to have been but you know how it goes when on vacation...now it's just about over...today dad took us back to NC to my sister's house where i met up with my husband and he is taking us home tomorrow...they say there's no place like home but not in my case...smack my ass and call me Sally...but I am moving down there with in 6 to 8 months...I have got to get the hell out of Ohio...start over where the jobs are etc..the "mom" memories will be with me wherever I go....but they are good memories...wonderful memories..and I have them no matter what..I have my dad and my stepmom and their kids..only problem is my sister in NC now wants me to move down here with her....why do they do this to me....this tears me up....geeze,,,,being popular is an nasty job but someone has to do it  LOL  just like looking at my beach hotties..it just has to be done.(hi Thomas and Wiz)  you are still the bombs   ..LOL..anyway..it has been a wonderful trip (except those nasty mountains...John Denver bite your tongue...country roads my ass..at least doug is here to bring me home....so  i'll talk to ya all when i get back tomorrow  hang in and God bless   love to all    cin

[Angelica]

OH CIN!.....So you two finally met.  I am so glad.  Sorry I haven't been emailing ya......I had family here from out of town,and cleaned up messes the whole time.....Now I'm beat!  I'm just peeking in to see how things went, and apparently...terrific!  Thanks for fill'in us in...
Love,
Angelica

[Kerrie]

I want to wish everyone a happy 225 year old independance birthday even if it's a little late. I didn't go to the fireworks this year. I was tired and needed to get up early this morning for my trip to the lung specialist. The nodules in the right lung are probley alright. BUT.... Doctors always say that when they talk to me... there's a swollen lymph node on my left side their concern with. I am going to have a bronchial scope on Monday. They will repeat the catscan in 2 months. I'm not worried and you guys shouldn't worry either. But remember me prayerfully as I know you do. I told my church family about all of you. I asked them to find a forum to learn about addiction if they think it's a disease of choice. I got a lot of understanding from them. Their good people.
    Cindi, write soon. Send me a rainbow Wiz. A few monkees would be a hoot too. Thomas, JB, Lea, Jennyfal,Angelica,Milo.....I'm glad to hear you sounding so positive.If we all lift each other up in prayer and are there to speak words of comfort in the bad times, we will move mountains. Just like our Lord said. Faith is a powerful tool and combined with prayer...look out devil !!!!
     God Bless Us All,
        Kerrie

[jennyfla]

Hi Everyone,
I hope all is well with everyone, i feel so out-of-touch!
I haven't had to time to log in lately, i had company visiting, which was wonderful.  It was a good friend of mine, whom i grew up with.  She has suffered with two addictive husbands, and really was a great comfort to me over the past two-days.  She went back home (sniff sniff), but left behind a renewed strength inside me.  She was so supportive about my husband (no one knows my dark secret about myself), and really encouraged me to do something to help him, that no one should suffer as he is suffering!
My husband made a call to his mom this morning asking for financial help (his sister had offered last december).  We are moving forward in getting him help soon.  He said he wants to go back to Hanley Hazeldon where he went back 2.5 yrs ago.  I've made the calls to get him in, we just need to set up the details.
We are going forward with this, he is going to get the help he so desperately needs and deserves.
Now for me, i will be left to deal with myself, alone.  I will need to keep things going, taking care of our three children, trying to save our financial mess we are in.  He hasn't been working full weeks because of his illness, so we are very far behind.  We are hoping to borrow some money from his family to get by and catch up.  We have no credit because of bankruptcy from the last rehab and drug abuse timeframe.  We have a mortgage that we pay, and a car loan, and lots of childcare costs.
So it will be up to me to keep all this running and keep things together, and keep the kids secure, and beat my own addiction all at the same time.
Please send us prayers, and I'll probably be leaning on all of you pretty heavily coming up here real soon.
I'm gonna need help through this, it's gonna be tough, but i have faith that i can do this... for me and my children.
Love you all!
Jenny

[Wizard]

Kerrie dear I know all will be well for you no matter the outcome. I've never stopped praying for as you have for all of us. For you to tell your church group about us when you have so much going on in your own life brings tars to my eyes. I knew of another woman who put others well being above her own even whe she was sick. She's sitting next to the throne in paradise right now. Her name was Mother Theresa. Kerrie, there will always be one of my "monkeys" bringing you a rainbow as long as I'm the Wizard! LOL You just look to the west! God bless you darling, and may He shed His everlasting Light upon you.

Jenny, same goes for you dear. It looks like you are on the first step for you and your family to getting back into life as it should be. I won't pretend that you do not have a very long road ahead of you, but you know we will ALWAYS be here to help step along the way.I will pray for only good things in your future. You DO deserve the happiness and so does your family. Keep us posted so we can root for you. I send a few rainbows to you too! LOL Keep the Faith dear for all things are possible.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace, Light & Rainbows on us all,
luv, Wiz

[Wizard]

Just wanted to throw some special Wizard Rainbow flying monkey ruby red slipper yellow brick road Magical DUST your Way. I've been all ove r the place today and NOT getting any work done but I didn't want forget my "special angels" ;-), Hope everyone had a great 4th and a safe one too! God bless you all,
Power 7 Magick @ U all,
Peace & Light & Rainbows on us,
luv,Wiz

[jennyfla]

Thank you for your well-wishes!
I'm kind of going into this thing with half-faith because i don't like my husband saying 'he's doing this for me and the kids', something is sounding all too familiar about that line.
I'm also leary about him just wanting to duck out of society for a while, and take a break...  i know him too well to have too much faith in him...  don't mean to sound so negative, and i will support him along the way, i just hope he understands and appreciates all that everyone is doing to help him through this.  He has a lot of learning and relearning to do, plus a lot of growing up to do!!!!!!  I hope a miracle happens!
Not to downplay my own problems, because i too have a lot of learning to do... i just hope i have the strength to get through this...  i doubt my own strength sometimes... this is a powerful addiction and it's gonna take a lot of willpower to beat, as you all know.
It's weird, if i think about it too hard, i almost feel more out-of-control than ever, and more destructive.  I don't want to loose what little grip i have left.
I'm holding on hard though, i'm a fighter!
Thinking about everyone... i'm here at work, and i've only been here for 1/2 a day this week, so i'm so busy.  I'd love to write individual post with lots of words of encouragement.. maybe i'll get on-line late tonight and be able to post some more.
Good luck everyone.. thinking about you!!!!
Lv Jenny

[Wizard]

You keep up the faith honey. We'll be around for all the encouragement you need. Trust in the strength God gave you and remember that He never gives you more to deal with than you can handle. If your husband is just ducking out as you say then you need to take care of you and the kids for sure. That IS the most important thing right now.You have to get yourself right before you can help others dear one. I'll keep you in my prayers as you well know. Keep striving for the Light and you shall reach it!
God bless you girl! May tommorrow bring you more sunshine :-)
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light on U 2,
luv Wiz

[Angelica]

I think the move is a great idea.  Nothing like the sea breeze to clear your mind.  Jobs are very plentiful there......I'm going away till monday.  I promise to catch up when I return.  I'll try to send you an email and let you know how things are going when I return in a few days.  & love to you my friend.
Angelica

[Kerrie]

Hi guys. Hope everyone is doing good. I wanted to write and tell you all your in my prayers.
    Wizard, thanks for the compliments. Your too kind. You comparing me to the wonderful Mother Theresa was too kind. But your not far off base in one way. I had to laugh. My kids call me Mother Theresa kidding around because my name is Theresa. So I got a real kick out of that. Thanks for the monkees. I had a good day. I actually got to go swimming today. We've been having so much rain that we haven't been able to swim for the bad weather. I know you pray for me. About talking to my church family about my forum family. I want people to understand the Lord said "Rain falls on the just and the unjust alike ", and I feel like addiction is as bad a disease as anything I've ever had. I don't look at addicts the same way I did when I first came here. When I was twelve, I went to a church where the pastor was an alcoholic. I remember when he went off the wagon. I thought he was lying about being saved. I now know that I was wrong. My father was an alcoholic too and as a child I didn't think he wanted to be sober. I know now I was so wrong. I want to teach others about this disease. The people here have given me an understanding about addictions I may of never learned on my own. I knew it was a sickness but not how it's effects are on the addict. I thank all of you for teaching me how to remove the mote from my eye.
    Cindi,my sweet girl, it's so hard to live apart from people you love. When we moved to Tennessee, I left my parents and two sisters in Florida. Then my younger sister and her family moved here. My parents moved here. I still have a sister in Florida and a lot of other relatives. With momma and daddy gone now, I feel so sad that my siter is in Florida with none of us. But all her kids are married and live there. So I can still go visit her once in a great while. Maybe a change in your life will be helpful for you. Your mom would be proud of you Cindi. you truly are a good person. Write me soon.
    Jennyfla, hold on to Gods love and allow Him to be your help during the dark moments. your on the right track so keep keeping on. your in my prayers.
    Angelica, I hope your pain is doing better. You are such a help to everyone on this forum.Your prayers are greatly appreciated friend. I hope your trip will be a good one. God Bless .
    Thanks to all my forum family. God Bless.      
            Kerrie

[cindi]

I am too tired to read all the recent posts...doug drove us home to day,...long drive but not scary at all this time  LOL  I only hid my eyes a few times...the weather was perfect....So,,,i am safely back at my computer...it was too sad last night, it is always hard but this time when dad left me at my sister's house he couldn't even look back....i have got to get down there,,,,anyway  off to bed    then back inot the routine tomorrow...hang in there,,, and I love you all      cin

[jennyfla]

I'm so glad you made it home safely...
i have so much catching up to do too.  my husband is now safety tucked away in rehab.  What a hoot, he's in with A.J. from Backstreet Boys!
These past 4-days have been so incredibly difficult.  Many difficult ones ahead too!
I know how you feel about leaving your dad.  I feel that pain everytime i leave my family up in NJ.  :(
Hope you acclimate back into your world.
Good luck sweetie.
Lv ya, Jenny

[Angelica]

...Thanks for thinking about me...I am doing ok in the pain dept. just wish other areas of my life were more in control.  Glad your doing ok.....as well as can be expected, I guess.  May God bless you for all of your faith and hope, my dearest sister.
love
Angelica

Cin: I HAVE A POST DOWN BELOW TO ANNAMARIEA AND YOU/WIZ IN CASE YOU MISS IT.

[Wizard]

Hello ladies, Angelica check your mail you may find a rainbow!
Cin, I recieved your reply and I'm touched deeply as always by your spirit. I guess I'm under the right thread for once in my life. Today I started my decrease in Lorazapem. it's really funny how the mind works. I know it's too soon for any real feelings physically, but I 've caught myself sighing several times today in anticipation of I don't know what. What a HOOT I am to myself sometimes. All will be well I know. When this is out of my system the only thing left that I'll be addicted to is GOD, my wife and family and all of YOU! LOL NOW THOSE ARE THINGS I'M NOTTTTTTTTTTT!!!! gonna detox from ever! God bless you all and your families.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light (and a few rainbows) on us all,
luv Wiz

[cindi]

Hi guys,,,,well,   today was better but now my gramma is sick..is 86 years old and a very good 86 I might add..my mom's mom..she has become increasingly depressed since my mom died and now she is sick...I can see her health decline steadily and now pneumonia.  she is very weak......Please....someone  tell me what am I going to do...what if she dies?  she is all I have left of my mom...I am so very close to her also...my kids worship her and she adores them....older people do not recover well from these things...I'm sorry for even bringing this up   I told wiz that you guys all have so much going on in your life and I would never want to burden any of you with my problems but I just needed to sit here and type it all out...my gramma is depressed, and really seems to me that her will to go on is gone since my mom has died...she seems to have no desire to keep on living without my mom...again, I'm sorry for laying this out...I just needed an ear I guess....thanks for listening   love to all     cin

[jennyfla]

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother's health, i know she means so much to you!
I will pray that she gets better, and that she finds strength to be able to deal with the death of her daughter.
Just knowing that you are a wonderful granddaughter, and i know that she is comforted in knowing that you are there for her.
You are such a special person, and i know that you mean the world to her.  Just keep being you, and hopefully she will take comfort that she is not alone.
I'm sorry sweetie!
I will say a prayer for her and for you!
Love Jenny

[skipper]

cindi:
i'm so sorry to hear of the decline your g randmmother health has
taken, Believe me i know how hard it can be to watch the decline
of some one you love. i've wartched my father rapidly degenerate
into senility. it is not fair, or at least the purpose of why this
has to happen eludes me. it happened so quickly with my father, it
was like he just started to very rapidly slip away. i had so many
things i ment to tell him, that i thought i would have plenty of
time later to say. i guess later snuck up on all 0f us quicker than
i thought possible.
what to do? (beter known as broken record kip time) My first sponcer in a 12 step program always told me to deal with my problems, as they appeared directly in front of me. the things most importatant to deal with are right in front of you. if you catch
yourself looking to either side or thinking about something that
isn't right in front of you your headed the wrong way. i've worn
myself out trying to disprove this-but the dog needs feeding, one
of the kids nose needs to be wiped, the groocery store, your best
friends bithday, so many small and insignificant little things that
all add up to something very important-your life. There is no beter sleeping aid than laying down each night knowing you've done the very best you can. take care of the little suff, the
larger issue stuff will work out.
what is this "burden the rest of us with your problems" stuff?
your allowed (as far as I'm concerned any how) to have problems
too. you should know that even the fixer needs to be fixxed!

lets all stick togather- it's getting real cold out there!
kip

[cindi]

Thanks guys for the kind encouraging words.....it seems like I just got done watching my mom's health go to hell in hand basket, she did so well for so long then Bamm,,,,she died....for 41 years I have been so close to my gramma,,just as I was to my mom.....I did go over today and brought her over some chicken noodle soup   ( the canned stuff LOL) and she did seem to look better....all though even when she is sick she is dressed and has her face fixed up...I'll tell you for 86 she looks 70...hardly a wrinkle....just  months ago she was over here washing my curtains and windows....don't ask why   that's something grammas do I guess  LOL  up until a month ago she was babysitting my kids....well i have a hot date tongiht with my hubby.....talk to you all later    and thank you again   and you are wo right,,,we do need each other,,,,you are truly special people      love to all  cin

[Wizard]

My dear Cindy, I so terribly sorry to hear about your grandmother. I have no words to express the sorrow that you have been facing daily since the loss of your mother. You and I have talked on occasions sharing our feelings on this subject as I had lost my father in a similar situation. I can say that it must be a terrible feeling to have to watch the loss of one of your own children first. If she has given up at her age I'm sure it must do with that feeling. The natural course of life should be our parents go before ourselves. You can look at and deal with this in two ways. If she has given up and progresses to the final journey, Cin she'll be with your mother and you will have two "Angels" working together looking upon you. If she is sick and could recover and have quality life if she had the will to, then you need to give her the reasons to live, like for your children and you. Cin, you must know that sometimes living is harder then dying when you have been around for so long and seen so much. If it's her time Cin, then let her know that it's okay to go. It is the journey that we must all take. I feel that we shall all be together again with our loved ones someday. Let your mother and my father get our rooms ready dear. I know that the void that has been left can never be filled and i'm sure you feel that you won't be able to take another one so soon if it comes to that. I also know that you are stronger then you think! Either way you wiil meet the challenge. We will always be her for youalong each step of the way. I shall keep you in my prayers along with her.
Power & Magick 2 U,
peace of the Lord on you always,
Luv Wiz

[cindi]

Wiz, thank you for the greeting and for the pot,,,you are alway so full of warmth....It makes me cry, yet at the same time it gives me such encouragment....as you do also jenny, skipper and everyone else on this forum...Wiz, you dust is always so magical for me..and that is the God's truth  when I see what you have written I feel something come over me..I wne tot see that movie Artificial Intelligence.....I started crying at the beginning and it only became worse over the next 2 hours...I didn't expect it.....well I am off to bed  can't hang anymore     see yo all in the am    Lol   love to all    cin

[Milo]

I seem to be at a loss for words right now, except to say I'm hear for you to lend an ear...My beloved aunt, who never had children & was more like a grandmother to me, died last year. I understand how you feel, & please feel free to talk with me any time. -- your pal Milo

[cindi]

You, Wiz and the others are so incredibley swesome and understanding..always there for others inspite of your own problems....thank you my friend....My grama seemed a little better last night..I took her over some of my famous spags before doug and I went out...I am just not ready for her to go yet....she is and always has been everything a gramma is supposed to be...I know someday it will happen but...not now...thanks for listening   love to all     cin

[Angelica]

...I'm sorry I haven't been here for you much lately.  I think I missed your anniversary???  Now, your grandmother is ill.  I'll just tell you this:  You are the "Angel" in your family...I can tell.  They are fortunate to have you.  Thanks for the email, by the way... I'll be getting back to you soon.  Hang in there...
Love....Angelica

Dear Wiz:  Thanks to you too.  I don't know what I would do w/ outcha???  Fer sherrrrr!
Angelica......PS loved the rainbow.....(:

[MikeEL]

Hi,

If anyone can help me here, it would be nice.  My brother was murdered 6 years ago in a bizarre incident.  A few months later I found myself having panic attacks.  I never had experienced this before so I didn't know what it was and the first attack ended up with me in the hospital.  After the doctors checked out my heart and decided I was fine they sent me home.  I am 38 years old.

Later my doctor said he thought it was a sleep disorder of some kind and started trying various medications that did nothing.  After a year or so of this, where I'd have various stages of panic attacks, jitters, etc.. he started trying things like Zoloft and other SSRIs which did nothing.  Eventually he settled on a combination of atenolol and valium.  After being on this (20 mg of valium daily) for about 3 years, I realized I couldn't function without the stuff, and I wasn't functioning that great with it.

I switched doctors, and my new doctor was shocked that I had been on valium for this long.  He tapered me off the valium and switched from the atenolol to Univasc, since he was worried that going off the Atenolol might have a rebound affect with my blood pressure (which is borderline, usually about 130/90).

He then tried to replace the valium with Paxil and other stuff that did nothing.  Finally we settled on 1 mg daily of lorazapam. I tried to get this dose down, but now I'm stuck at 1/2 mg every morning, and I feel like I'm in a constant state of withdrawl and I have been for 8 months.  Some days I'm ok, but others I suffer from bizarre feelings that seem to be a combination of numbness and itchiness.  I can have these feelings anywhere on my body, but I usually get them on my head and legs.  Sometimes I also get tension in my chest muscles and I feel small muscle spasms in various places.  Sometimes my arms or legs will feel 'detached' (for lack of a better word) for short periods of time and this is a unnerving experience to say the least.

I've never taken drugs in my life, and I hate this.  I have a wife and Kids and my own business and I have to get through this somehow, but it's hard.  The physical symptoms are the hardest thing to deal with.  I'm also really bad at dealing with even the slightest bit of pressure.  I used to be in great shape, but now I can't hardly even excercise any more because the physical symptoms are simply too distracting.

We just moved to another state, and I don't have a new doctor here yet, and my lorazapam supply is running low.  I've got to do something and I think that I'm addicted to this stuff, but I don't want to be.

It's really a constant struggle to convince myself that these physical symptoms are not something wrong with me, but the result of this stuff.  

I feel like I'm touching myself or itching all the time to try and make the numbness/itchiness stuff go away, and every time I try to stop taking the lorazapam I last about 2 days and it gets so bad I have to take it again.

Any advice anyone could give me to help get me through this stuff would be great.

Thanks.

[Angelica]

.......You may want to post your question further up.  Sometimes these latter threads don't get read.  I haven't been here for a while, and I'm just trying to catch up.  I'll tell you this:  you've come to the right place.  You'll get some very good advice from some better qualified than myself.  Sorry to hear about your tragedy, and your troubles.
Angelica

[hickory999]

I have been through the same thing as you have Jennyfla. My current boyfriend who I have been with 4ever was addicted to heroin and oxy's. He was addicted for about 2 years and Somehow I helped him to get clean and I cried alot of tears and have put up with so much s@%t that I was starting to get depressed and with our little boy around that was the last thing I wanted. We both love our son but mike was booting heroin or snorting 11 oxy80's in a 8 hour day.OMG I cant even begin to tell you how HORRIBLE my life was. To this day it still makes me upset to think of waht I have put our child through. Maybe I stayed because my mom stayed with my father for 16 years and he was addidted to drugs and alcohol, and I have grown up with it so maybe it was my turn to have to experience that situation. Im not sure but love makes you do CRAZY things and put up with alot of ****. Anyway he has been heroin and oxy free for about 1 year in april it is 1 year. I know he is still battling his demons but he needs to be strong, also he hurt himself and was taking vicodin for the pain and that scared me i was waiting for a huge relapse to occur. Addicts are huge bullshitters and Mike gets pisssed off at me alot because i question him so much but I DONT CARE!!!! He now is on adderall (adderrall) for ADHD which i think is bull and he has taken 4 pills in 1 day when he was only to take 2 a day. So maybe hes not quite out of his addiction ways. Im thankful that heroin and oxy are out of the picture but now i think adderall (adderrall) and lorazapam and whatever else he is taking when im not around is going to be my next hurddle.  HICKORY 26years old