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MY BF IS ADDICTED & IDK WHAT ELSE TO DO! :(
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MY BF IS ADDICTED & IDK WHAT ELSE TO DO! :(

My bf is addicted to percocets and for the past month he keeps saying he is going to quit and everytime is his last time, but that time has never come, i want him to go to rehab and he's agreed to go check it out, but he wont get out of bed! :( he sleeps until atleast 3pm, gets up and leaves around 7ish and stays out at a friend's house til 12am ish and we get into fights bc i work full time so i barely get to see him anyways and when he does things like this, i feel like i cant trust him bc idk what he's doing bc he's gone for an extreme amount of time... i know people need their space, but DAMMMN!

today he agreed to go to a rehab center to get info and we were going to go early this morning, but here it is 1pm and he's still in bed and refuses to get up bc he "has a headache, fever, cough, and bc he's cold and doesnt wanna move.." the list goes on and on and we fight bc i do push him sometimes bc this behavior kills me!! i cant take it anymore and idk what else to do, suggestions please!
11 Comments Post a Comment
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2030769_tn?1343651274
Hi,
The living with an addict forum on here is a good place to get responses too. He has to really want to stop, for himself.  This isn't your burden to carry, and trust me, it will drive you insane if you believe you can make him stop.   Withdrawal mimics a bad flu, so that is why he is struggling to get out of bed. The only thing you can do is not give him money for pills, not do anything for him that he should be doing for himself, and if/when he makes the choice to start dealing with this, just be supportive and positive towards recovery. Reading and learning about codependency really helped me deal with other addicts in my life.  Please focus on yourself and take care of yourself.  Don't let his addiction take you down too.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I came out ot my husband after 6 months of crazy drug use. He was on my *** about everything after that. He helped push me through and get me to where I am today. But I wanted to get better.
Your bf has to "want" to change. You cannot force him. Plain and simple. If hes not willing to do the work then your hands are tied. I hate to say that but Ive said it in all of my other posting. You have to want to change and no one can do it for you. You cannot help him if he doesnt want to help himself. Its a process and he has to walk the steps.
The one thing I did learn is that we as addicts are great manipulators. We can make a sober person believe anything. And we will do anything and everything to get our high. DO NOT GIVE HIM MONEY. That is the worse thing you can do.
Do not become a slave to his addiction. He has to do the work you cannot do it for him or force him to do it. He has to want to do it. An addict loses themselves in their addiction...Dont let it take you down to. Best of luck to you!
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4104707_tn?1351020595
Hi Bedee,

His problem is his problem, nothing you can do will change that my friend. Been there and done that with my daughter. I woke up every morning and her life, not my life, was the 1st thing on my mind. I got totally consumed with her problem. You can leave a bad relationship that you know you can't ever live with, but never a relationship with your child; who just happens to be killing herself. I finally joined al-anon where I quickly learned that she had to reach her bottom on her own. She eventually got clean when SHE was ready, not me.
You're finding yourself in the same situation. You love him or you'd be long gone by now. But now that love needs to turn tough. The sooner you quit dealing with his issues, the sooner he will take responsibility for his actions. Always remember this, "your silence speaks volumes". It takes two to play tug-a-war. Drop your end of the rope, and like akitagurl mentions "focus on you". Get your life back and let him learn and suffer his own consequences from his actions.
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Avatar_f_tn
thank you so much, this really means alot and i have  somewhat wonderful news, he has taken the 2nd big step to seek treatment, tomorrow we're going to meet up with a social worker to get him the help that he needs, it is tought trying to show him tough love, and i have been doing it more since my recent post, we get into these huge blow ups and then after it all has settled he's come up to me and apologized, its going to be rough in the next couple weeks or so but i cant give up on him like everyone else has, im all he has left...
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Avatar_f_tn
thank you so much, this really means alot and i have  somewhat wonderful news, he has taken the 2nd big step to seek treatment, tomorrow we're going to meet up with a social worker to get him the help that he needs, it is tought trying to show him tough love, and i have been doing it more since my recent post, we get into these huge blow ups and then after it all has settled he's come up to me and apologized, its going to be rough in the next couple weeks or so but i cant give up on him like everyone else has, im all he has left...
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Avatar_f_tn
thank you so much, this really means alot and i have  somewhat wonderful news, he has taken the 2nd big step to seek treatment, tomorrow we're going to meet up with a social worker to get him the help that he needs, it is tought trying to show him tough love, and i have been doing it more since my recent post, we get into these huge blow ups and then after it all has settled he's come up to me and apologized, its going to be rough in the next couple weeks or so but i cant give up on him like everyone else has, im all he has left...
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Avatar_f_tn
hopefully things will turn out for the best, until then i have to gear up bc these next few weeks are going to be rough!
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4204073_tn?1361835076
Can you go to some Al-Anon meetings for support?   There are some awesome people there that have been in your shoes to give you the support you need as well.   This is going to be a process for you both.  While he is doing the work for a clean and sober life, you need to understand what he is going through and emotional support to deal with what this addiction has done to you as well.  
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Avatar_f_tn
well we went to a place for treatment yesterday and i did see some flyers for meetings and i gave it to him and i thought that it would be good for us both to go to it, i dont really understand what he's going thru, but i aslo dealt with cutting in my past which has it own way of being addicting so in a way i know whats its like to feel like thats the only thing you can turn to and thats the only thing that can help you (i had a severely rough childhood- teenage yrs) i want to go thru as much with him as i can, i want to support him thru this and thats why i've stayed with him faithfully. i've known him since high school and i know the real him, he keeps saying that he just wants to be good again but what he doesnt and hasnt realized is that he is a good person just with a really bad habit.
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4204073_tn?1361835076
That would be great if you could go together so he can also get a perspective of how this has impacted you and others experiences with addicts.  Although, I think if you can go by yourself sometimes, it will allow you the opportunity to talk about things you might not normally say with him around.    If he won't go with you, please consider going by yourself.   You can lead by example and in time he might just come around and want to go.  

You can also go with him to NA/AA meetings to get a perspective about how the addiction takes hold of the addicts life.   It's more than just a habit, it's a disease that controls our minds.  Even as addicts, we can't explain why we allowed some of the things to happen that we did in the name of getting our drugs.  I look back and wonder what was I thinking and feel awful for the lies, deceit, wasted time, money, hurt, and wreckage I left in my path of destruction.   I was pouring the numbing meds down me not even realizing what it was doing to others.   First part is admitting I was the one commonality I had with my problems and the second was getting help.  I'm so happy he has admitted he is powerless over his drug usage and wants to get help.   That's big and I'm so glad you are there for him.   :))
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Avatar_f_tn
thanks, its a struggle, but i know that the real him is worth it, that person still shines thru and its hard to let something like that go. ive brought up going to meetings before and he didnt show interest but he also did.. hard to explain.. hopefully i can get him to go and it will make him feel better... i told him that the more he talks about it then the better he will feel in the long run.. he says all the time that he's a ****** person and i tell him that he isnt but his actions are but he should do something to help prevent those actions and to keep an open mind about everything, to rule nothing out when it comes to getting better and he promises that he will do that :)
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