MY LIFELONG STORY OF OPIATE ADDICTION

[rusty2]

Hi all.
Well here is my long story of my opiate addiction(s)
I was born in west palm bch fl in 1964 and raised there in what was at that time in the area i was raised considered the deep country of west palm bch or western wpb.
I grew up in a great family me being the youngest by 3 years of 1brother and 1 sister
My parents were very easy on us and my parents never drank or ever did drugs, that was never even thought of especially in that time period where leave it to beaver was a hit and the norm back then.
Even that being so it was very rare that the 1 tv and it being a b/w tv was just never hardly ever turned on as we as kids back then were always outside from sunup to many times past sundown as we and are very very few friends that lived out in the country were at least 1/2 mile apart as where the houses then so we were always fishing/hiking thru the woods or building tree houses.
There wasnt any pc,s/playstations etc etc etc THANK GOD!!!
I say that because we were fit as a kid or kids could be/never sick and tough as nails,we could fix our parents cars our selfs and fix and replace broken parts on our lawnmowers etc and think nothing of it.
BOY have times changed comparitvly speaking ey?
This went on thru the 70,s and into the 80,s all of us were soon introduced to marijuana then soon cocaine then beer then crack then valuims then even methaqualone/qualluudes(sp)? lemon 713/roar 714 any1 here old enuff to remember those?
Well those at the time were equal to the oxy of today, i remember being 15-16 yo and we would get them from my friends cousin who was a small dealer and at that time cost $4 a pill-amazing huh?
As 1 or 2 at the most was all u needed
We did those but only rarely as maybe once or twice every month or so.
Thats a little history of my youth, now on with more current

I am now 44yo man thats attractive very clean cut and always dressed well and have been on some type of opiate type pain drug since my automobile wreck occuring in may of 1985 where me and a couple friends went out drinking as back then for a short time 18 yo was the legal drinking age at least in florida at that time.
well on our way home i/we was driving and was plastered and we were just 1/2 mile from home and i was traveling at 92mph and lost control in a curve and hit a huge pine tree and that was bad, i was all busted up from head to toe, in a coma, my friend in the front seat of my car was killed instantly, my friend in the back seat was all busted up to w/a broken hip and as me w/severe head injuries/coma
Im not going to go into the legalities as of yet but anyway i was in the hospital for 7 weeks 3 of which were in a coma.
I had multiple surgeries as i had shattered my right ankle/shattered right knee/cracked skull/subdural hemotoma aka brain bleeding/back broke/3 ribs broke/left lower leg compound fracture aka leg bone broken and protruding out of the skin/upper right leg compound fracture/left collar bone broke/and last but not least upper front teeth busted out not to mention all the numerous bruises.
The docs told my parents at the time i had maybe a 25% chance of living but i pulled thru it.
As noted this was in may of 1985
Well i was sent home finally and was sent home with demerol in tablet form for pain, hey it helped as i was not really in any way an opiate addict as noted above we rarely ever did any type pills so this demerol was NICE to have.
Well i finally got to the point as to where i could get around even with two full leg cast as i was stubborn lol and couldnt stand being cooped up in the house as then i hated being inside except to eat sleep.
So as time went on and the leg cast were removed i got back to being myself again but with the help of tylenol 3,s prescribed by the doc for a looong time then eventually tylenol 4,s.

Then my grandfather who lived in north carolina had passed, he was my moms father and we always were very close and went up there every year for as long as i can remember.
Well this was in april 1986 aka 11 months after my first accident and i was able to drive and get around so i drove up to my grandfathers funeral knowing that in just a few days i had to be back in wpb fl for the sentencing in court on (april 8th) for vehicular manslaughter that occured in the above mentioned accident where my friend in the front seat was killed due to my negligence of dwi.
Well i atteneded his funeral and had to head back to west palm beach, this was on a sunday morn (april 7th)me and my wife then left and were on our way back and of course me dreading the next mornings (april 8th) court ruling as i was faceing 15 years in prison as per my attorney.
Well me and my wife were entering kississimee florida on the florida turnpike and it was around 430pm and all of a sudden a little ford escort car jumps over the median and hits me and my wife head on and i was going 70mph as he was also estimated as doing, he was killed instantly and of course me being in a 1976 for ltd at the time is what saved me but barely as the next thing i knew i woke up in the hospital a couple days later.
Luckily my wife was in the back seat taking a nap from the long trip and she was just bruised up from the wreck.
Remember i was to be in court the very next morning for the sentencing from the 1st wreck but as you can see that wasnt going to occur and i had attorneys all over wanting my case as it turns out the guy who hit me was a florida dept of alcohol and beverage control officer and he was plastered out of his head.
Ok back to me and my injuries (im sorry this is long but it is as noted)
Well the first accident i had to have steel rods/pins etc put in my right upper leg/right knee/right ankle etc to hold it all together, well all this was all busted up in this 2nd accident and of course i had to have several operations to have it all redone and again i was put back into full leg cast etc, at least i was only in the hospital for a few weeks this time and of course my attorney had my court date set off up and until the time i was able to make a court appearence.
Well months went by and i was getting better and almost a year later i had to goto court for sentencing, well i went to court in a wheelchair as that was how i was getting around at that time and my attorney explained to the judge and the other ptb my whole situation and i was put on 7 years of house arrest for the 1st accident.
Well as time went on and especially in the past 15 all the aches and pains and severe ostioarthritis that has come into play from these accidents have really put me in kindof a bad situation as the docs have had me as noted at first on tylenol 3,s then 4,s then i went to the vicodens for a few years but my liver count was starting to get in the danger zone as the tylenol was taking its affect so i went to straight 5mg ir oxycodone for a while then up to 10mg oxy for a few years 2xday, then as my pain has increased from these injuries ive been sent to pain specialist or pain clinics what have you and have had steroid injections to no avail and back surgeries and have had my oxycontin increased to 40mg 3xday in which many many times i would take 4-5 a day to help kill the pain and knowing all the time i would run out early in which ive done almost every month now for at least a year, i told the doc i needed more and they just want to put me back under the knife again even though they say that i will still have to prolly be on these meds for the rest of my life im sorry but WTF!!!

[Unbreakable911]

I have been off opites for 2 years and in still feeling my natural levels of dopamine and seratonin bouncing up and down, it takes time, real time. But ur going to get worse and worse and run out of money. And dont abuse suboxone, thats even worse to get off of.

[rusty2]

Thanks all, im still oxy free, or should i say  all drug free except for my blood pressure med.
All is well now however the mental wd,s continue here and going on week 4, i again to all stopping opiates, PLEASE  just stop cold turkey and make it past the first 3 days and then it gets better from then on, I PROMISE!!

[snowflake620]

such a great post and heres hoping you continue the good fight never give upsnowflake

[PromisedLand]

Way to go Rusty...very proud of you...the way you described your growing up could have been me....sounds so similar....what happened to those days..I'm no naive enough to think we were all so lucky...but what happened in our world?  I used pot in the 60's, got busted in the 70's and cut back my usage considerably....why?  because i could see how it disappointed my parents...(not tooting my horn) would that happen today?

Anway, getting away from you...congrats...and stay with us..

Jim

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

The urge will be there at different times for a long time. As long as you realize what it is you are fine. You can deal with it then.....it will gradually lessen and go to sleep....

[rusty2]

Starting week 3 w/absolutly no drugs whatsoever.
No physical wd,s whatsoever but still the mental urge is still there and i guess will always be i dunno however it seems to have lessened but still remains but is np really.

[rusty2]

Thanks again for all the support, im living proof that this can be kicked and as many have noted it will be a lifetime battle to stay off of the drugs but im sure time will heal and help me surpress the unwanted physical and emotional need of opiates.

I am not on day 11 and my energy level has really come up,not 100% yet but getting there day by day.
The physical wd,s as noted are gone and now its just the mental battle but i just keep my mind occupied on something even if its cleaning up my home as it helps immensly

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Congratulations, rusty!!   It isnt over yet - but you have won a huge battle.  Read up on PAWS - and see how well that fits your description.  I had good luck with L-Tyrosine as an amino acid that promotes energy. Many other amino's are much needed for nutrition and supplements are also a good thing.............

[rusty2]

Thanks all for the votes of confidence and yes i know its going to be a ride from now on, i will always have the back pains and bad arthritis that grows more painful every year from my body being so banged up from the above mentioned car accidents, i have been disabled from all of this since 1990 and it is something i am going to have to live with and do it drug free.
I now wonder if the oxycontin  actually make my pains amplified in some way as honestly the pains really dont seem to be all to bad now that im off of the oxy.
Can this really be?
Has anyone heard of this?

[refusingbondage]

CONGRATS ON 10 DAYS!! Way to go!  Everyday will get better.  It is amazing isnt it?  All the things we didnt notice while high.. Just small rewards of sobriety!  Take care

[tommm70]

It sounds like you got over the hill of withdrawal. Now you can focus on the mountain called addiction. Because it is a life long illness, like diabetes, make sure you put a plan in place to tackle this.

you mentioned the urge to pick up and call for more oxies. I know the feeling, and that never goes away completely. Yes, things will get easier the longer you stay clean, but the addiction switch in your brain has been flipped, and unfortunatly can never be turned off.

Try and develop a support system. Find a therapist, or a support group in your area you can talk to.
Congrats on day 10!! Your story is filled with you overcoming so much. So make sure you have a plan to keep going in the right direction!

[rusty2]

Now clean on day 10 and no more wd,s, well at least physically anyway as the mental part of the addiction lingers on but i havnt even thought of picking up the phone to get more oxies as i was in the first few days of the wd.
My evergy level is still low but is getting better everyday and food and drinks have such a nice forgotten taste to them again, its amazing

[rusty2]

Thanks Ella789
Your thoughts are much appreciated :-<)

[Ella789]

Awesome post!!!   Good for you man!!  

Yes, the mental thing comes around frequently at first and then as the months pass they become less and less consuming.  It's the mind games, the roller coaster, these are words most commonly used by us when dealing with the mental.  They will ease up as you are changeing your habits and lifestyle!

Best wishes to you on your journey,  it sounds like you deserve good things to come your way!!!

Ella

[rusty2]

Sorry i had to continue here

So this past friday or 9 days ago now i should say i took my last oxycontin and said this is it,im done with this **** and need to get my life back as noted up above my wife then,, i have been married a few times since then and i attribute most of them falling apart due to my ongoing opiate use even though its all been legally prescribed for the most part but you know as well as i do it dulls all of your senses.
Anyway as noted ive been off of it for 9 days now.
The first day w/out was the next day , a saturday, i awoke and felt fine till around noon time, then the aches began, not only for what i was taking it for but the wd,s of the oxy.
Well later that eve those pains increased and even though i slpt pretty good that night.

So on comes sunday morn, the wd,s are really kicking in and i had actually prepared myself for this and had bought plenty of immodium and gatorade and especially the new \
v-8 fusion drink that has a full day dose of fruits and veggies in 1 8 ounce glass, it taste great,akin to koolaid and has no sugar added and is all natural especially the acai berry fruit version.
Anyway the hurting legs and all over body pain was kicking in along with the hot/cold sweats so i just stayed in bed w/a fan blowing on me while watching tv and when i would get hot i would just pull the covers off and vice versa.

Well monday morn comes along and the hot/cold sweats have eased a bit but still there, i have no apetite but easily drink down the v-8 fusion drink and the day goes on and im pulling the covers off/on all day and night.

Then tues morn comes along and the hot/cold sweats have really eased off but my body feels like its on fire to the touch and my wife even mentione this so i guess its the norm.
So later on thru the day i still dont have much of an apetite but drink plenty of gatorade and v-8 fusion, tues night comes along and i actually sleep pretty good.

Wednesday morn comes and all hot/cold is over and gone, bady feels back to norm at the touch but then come the mental stage, oh how i would love to get my hands on some oxy, all i have to do is pick up the phone and be at the doc,s office w/in 2 hours for a refill and i had the phone i my hands at least 2x that day but put it back down.
Wednesday night comes and i sleep good, up a time or two but just to goto the restroom from all the fluids ive drank and np at all w/diareah as ive kept plenty of immodums down.

Well thurs comes and im feeling even better no sweats and the pains are all but gone but here comes the mental addiction and again pick up the phone and stare at it for a few and finally put it back down.
I feel good but am very very low on energy and know that just a good ole oxy would alleviate that prob w/in 45 mins but i held on and got past that.

Friday comes along and feeling even better as my senses are all coming back, my smell and taste is like its on steroids as i can walk outside and smell the flowers blooming in which i havnt smelled in years from being on narcotics and same goes for my taste as even a pice of bubblegum taste fantastic now!!

Saturday comes along and i go outside again and actually go for a drive, wow!! its almost overwhelming to see everything in a new light so to speak and so overwhelming i had to turn around and go back home.
Well not only have those senses that have been surpressed by the opiates but my sexual senses have awoken, my poor wife as im now like a 16yo guy stuck in a locker room full of naked cheerleaders but luckily she,s not complaining at all.
Hope it was ok to post that but im just being honest and telling it like it is and the negatives of opiate addiction.

Anyway its now sunday as i write this which is 9 days clean from any drugs, my energy leval is still not at its peak but day by day is growing and all of my physical wd,s are 110% gone totally, now i will say that i still have the mental wd,s from the oxy and that is where im at in this battle now but as each day goes by i find it easier and easier to make it.
I hope and pray that maybe this little tid bit i have written will maybe help someone in some way in their addiction to whatever opiate you may be on or struggling with.