Marijuana abuse relapse

Hi,
I'm beside myself.  About 4 years ago, my son was abusing marijuana to such an extent that he ended up getting arrested, getting placed in a outpatient full day rehab/high school program.  After some initial rebellion, he cleaned himself up.  He wanted to get back to school so that he could ask out this girl he really liked.  He did pretty well with it until recently.  He graduated HS and went off to college, moved in with his girlfriend.  College was extremely stressful for him.  The school kicks students out if they get less than a C in any of the major courses.  He dropped out of a major course in the fall, because he knew he was going to fail it.  He and his girlfriend got married shortly after Christmas, and I found out yesterday, that shortly after they got back home, he started abusing marijuana again.  His wife called me yesterday and told me about this.  He didn't want us to know.  Here's the problem... he's been nasty to her, got mad at her for telling her friend and would be furious if he found out she told me.  What can I do to help her and him without him freaking out on her.  She said he's really bad and won't go to NA because "it's religious and a lot of hooey".  Any suggestions?

[cattalina]

Nothing. It doesn't matter what you guys say or do unless he wants help. Drop hints, let him know you're there if he needs you and set boundaries. If he's balking at NA look into SMART recovery - there's meeting lists online.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

I agree with cat in that you really cant do a whole lot to stop him. And i am not certain that NA or SMART recovery are the place for him either. Those groups arent about pot much. Neither is their advice. I believe that there are currently at least four states in which you may obtain pot legally. Short of relocation to a semi-legal state I would suggest that you educate yourself - learn as much as you can about the problem. Its not a narcotic and is more of a rebellion thing than an addictive threat. There are negative parts to the habit. Realistically learn as much factual information as you can. And develop a relationship in which you may share this discussion in a mature manner. Treat it along the line of an experiment with tobacco or alcohol..........these are widespread and are harmful. And after you develop a relationship with him in which you may discuss your "young man's" (he has a wife, you know?) habit with him .... mention that even seasoned pot smokers know that indulging to the point where you must drop classes to avoid failing them is a terrible indicator of future position and achievement ...... And also remind him that even Cheech and Chong had it together enough to pass school and make movies about people like him!!  best of luck to you - its not an easy one ......