Marijuana abuse

[Jill]

I am at a dead-end in my life and don't know where to go. My husband of 12 yrs. uses marijuana on a frequent basis. He has been using since the age of 15; he is now 33.  I have never used, mainly because I was raised with both parents as "users" (marijuana and other recreational drugs). I am VERY dead set against it. I am a very motivated person and went to school to become an RN, despite having 3 young children and working full-time.  I feel my life has moved upward, progressing, yet my husband is slowly becoming less and less motivated. I have tried EVERYTHING in my power to get him to quit - yet he insists that it is not harmful to him, and I am just being overly sensitive about the subject since I was raised in that type of environment.
He recently lost his job of 15 yrs. (his parents owned the business - he was going to buy it but they decided not to sell to him) and is now on unemployment. I feel he is in a CONSTANT state of denial, often blaming me for his using "Maybe if you weren't at me all the time, I wouldn't have to feel I need to smoke pot" etc. (I'm sure you've heard this before). I'm tired of taking the blame for it - he is so defensive. I used to threaten to leave him all the time, but gave up a few yrs. ago - accepted the fact it is something he will have to do on his own. Do you have ANY suggestions at all, so that I could make him realize the damage he is doing to himself or his family? How can you get a person out of that state of denial and open their eyes?  Thank you.   :Jill

[Carmen]

Dear Jill:  I can relate with your story wholeheartly.  My husband's drug of choice was cocaine and alcohol.  Unfortunately, it took years before he could admit that he had a problem.  I tried EVERYTHING, too.  What you can do in the meantime, to help you and your kids, is go to Al-Anon meetings.  This will at least keep you and your children healthy.  I found once I went to these meetings...things started to "change" at home.  No, it didn't happen over-nite, but at least it happened and I'm still sane.  Good luck to you and your family.

[Jill]

Thank you for your advice, I will seriously consider Alanon. We have been attending marriage counseling now for 5 months - due to other problems we are having. Our counselor seems to think it is "unrealistic" of me to expect him to quit now, after all of these years of using - she suggests maybe he could agree to cut down for now (I disagree). I figure I had to deal with it the FIRST part of my life because of my parents, but now I am an adult and I have a choice. I am sure you can relate to many of the feelings/frustrations I am going through!  I appreciate your input...Take care.

[me]

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