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Mental Addiction Worse Than I Thought
When I was a user, I remember how scared I was of the physical withdrawal that I was going to have to go thru in order to get clean. I had been sick many times, because I couldn't get my dope fast enough for one reason or another. Every heroin addict is scared ******** of the sickness. I also found something else in common with us all- we all wish with every ounce of ourselves for a "normal" life. I can't tell you how many times I'd cry to my boyfriend at the time that I'd do anything to just be normal.
I'm 7 weeks into my recovery, and I've still yet to feel anything remotely normal. I am one of those people that have to have immediate results. Whether it be losing weight, or getting off drugs- I typically give up if I don't see a change instantly. I'm trying with all my might not to do that this time. When I planned on quitting, I did not take into the account that I was also mentally addicted. I focused so much on the pain I was about to feel, I didn't stop and think what was to follow all that pain. It's become pain of a differen't sort.
I'm not only addicted to heroin, but I'm addicted to needles. I often wish that I could just stick a needle in me with nothing it in. I'm like one of those people who carve into their skin, because the physical pain feels better than the emotional pain. I dream about the needle. I miss the exictment I got when I'd pull back on the syringe, and blood would come streaming in. Within moments my body would get that dope rush, and I'd be well once again. I am no where close to "normal".
I'm not the easiest person to live with. My poor mother. I'm so emotional. One moment I feel strong, and I know without a doubt that I will be a success. Then doom overcomes me, and I am scared. I am my own worst enemy. At one point in my life I was upbeat, an outgoing girl, and now... now I'm a mess.
Too many people know about my problem. I don't mind some people knowing- the people that I have chosen to tell. My Step Dad has told people that I don't feel need to know. It's almost like he does this to make his children look better. It's humiliating, and how dare he do that to me!? I work for my parents home improvements company, and they could have told my co-workers that I was having some personal problems... instead they told them exactly what was going on. I took a risk even coming to my parents in the first place, and asking for help. How could he turn me into a gossip break. Every family member I have knows. All my Aunts, and Uncles- I have a lot of them. My brother lives in the town that I grew up in. I have many many childhood friends in SW Florida. My brother is an alcoholic, and has no room to talk about me, seeing he's had numerous O.D.'s, and drinks like a fish. Anyway, he found my sickness as an excuse to get completely wasted. He sat up at the bar, and told most my childhood friends that I was laying in the hospital on life support, and wasn't going to make it thru the night. He told everyone that I had O.D.ed from heroin. That never happened. While he was dirtying my name, I was sick as a dog laying in my Mom's house waiting for the hours to go by. Why would people I love and trust do this to me in my darkest moments? How could they? I feel so betrayed. I wonder if anyone realizes that I have feelings, even while detoxing. Other than my Mom, I have found this forum to be more support than anyone else in my life. I thank you all for keeping this going, I also want to add something... if anyone is reading this, and thinking about trying heroin... please please pleases message me first. Do not do it, and I have a million and two reasons why, You can not just try it once. This drug has taken me away. Spending every moment you have trying to figure out who you are is the saddest thing I've ever had to go through. I wish this pain on no one. If you are trying to help a heroin addict, please be patient. Remember that everyday of their life is a struggle- whether they're using or clean. Thank you all for your stories, and supporting words. If you have anymore supporting words to help me find myself again... I'd gladly try anything.
God Bless,
Carlie
I'm 7 weeks into my recovery, and I've still yet to feel anything remotely normal. I am one of those people that have to have immediate results. Whether it be losing weight, or getting off drugs- I typically give up if I don't see a change instantly. I'm trying with all my might not to do that this time. When I planned on quitting, I did not take into the account that I was also mentally addicted. I focused so much on the pain I was about to feel, I didn't stop and think what was to follow all that pain. It's become pain of a differen't sort.
I'm not only addicted to heroin, but I'm addicted to needles. I often wish that I could just stick a needle in me with nothing it in. I'm like one of those people who carve into their skin, because the physical pain feels better than the emotional pain. I dream about the needle. I miss the exictment I got when I'd pull back on the syringe, and blood would come streaming in. Within moments my body would get that dope rush, and I'd be well once again. I am no where close to "normal".
I'm not the easiest person to live with. My poor mother. I'm so emotional. One moment I feel strong, and I know without a doubt that I will be a success. Then doom overcomes me, and I am scared. I am my own worst enemy. At one point in my life I was upbeat, an outgoing girl, and now... now I'm a mess.
Too many people know about my problem. I don't mind some people knowing- the people that I have chosen to tell. My Step Dad has told people that I don't feel need to know. It's almost like he does this to make his children look better. It's humiliating, and how dare he do that to me!? I work for my parents home improvements company, and they could have told my co-workers that I was having some personal problems... instead they told them exactly what was going on. I took a risk even coming to my parents in the first place, and asking for help. How could he turn me into a gossip break. Every family member I have knows. All my Aunts, and Uncles- I have a lot of them. My brother lives in the town that I grew up in. I have many many childhood friends in SW Florida. My brother is an alcoholic, and has no room to talk about me, seeing he's had numerous O.D.'s, and drinks like a fish. Anyway, he found my sickness as an excuse to get completely wasted. He sat up at the bar, and told most my childhood friends that I was laying in the hospital on life support, and wasn't going to make it thru the night. He told everyone that I had O.D.ed from heroin. That never happened. While he was dirtying my name, I was sick as a dog laying in my Mom's house waiting for the hours to go by. Why would people I love and trust do this to me in my darkest moments? How could they? I feel so betrayed. I wonder if anyone realizes that I have feelings, even while detoxing. Other than my Mom, I have found this forum to be more support than anyone else in my life. I thank you all for keeping this going, I also want to add something... if anyone is reading this, and thinking about trying heroin... please please pleases message me first. Do not do it, and I have a million and two reasons why, You can not just try it once. This drug has taken me away. Spending every moment you have trying to figure out who you are is the saddest thing I've ever had to go through. I wish this pain on no one. If you are trying to help a heroin addict, please be patient. Remember that everyday of their life is a struggle- whether they're using or clean. Thank you all for your stories, and supporting words. If you have anymore supporting words to help me find myself again... I'd gladly try anything.
God Bless,
Carlie
( SOZ ) must of clicked lol.
Enyway my mum now just hope's & pray's like you do for your daughter
So i hope & pray for you that this will one day come to a end for you. A happy one.
I no that's not a good reponse to your post. But what else can i say i'm an addict & alway's will be. But an addict in recovery. That is learning every day how not to lie & steal. I also share you worries for you unborn grandchild.
I have to kid's & have injected twice in the 13 year's i've been using heroin. ( That almost sound's like i'm proud of the fact it's only been tiwce sad eh ). But i've chased it. Each time i've been pregnant i have got clean. There's just something in me that won't let me use. I totaly go of it. The thought of giving birth to a child that will go through the pain i do give's me nightmare's. I think it's coz i saw my best freind's baby go through it
But the question really lie's in why coludn't i stay clean once i'd had them. I was useing within hour's of having them both ?.
Stay in the forum even if to vent you said you have had help from people here & you still can other's are going through exactly what you are. Please stay.
nat xx ( all the best take care )
Enyway my mum now just hope's & pray's like you do for your daughter
So i hope & pray for you that this will one day come to a end for you. A happy one.
I no that's not a good reponse to your post. But what else can i say i'm an addict & alway's will be. But an addict in recovery. That is learning every day how not to lie & steal. I also share you worries for you unborn grandchild.
I have to kid's & have injected twice in the 13 year's i've been using heroin. ( That almost sound's like i'm proud of the fact it's only been tiwce sad eh ). But i've chased it. Each time i've been pregnant i have got clean. There's just something in me that won't let me use. I totaly go of it. The thought of giving birth to a child that will go through the pain i do give's me nightmare's. I think it's coz i saw my best freind's baby go through it
But the question really lie's in why coludn't i stay clean once i'd had them. I was useing within hour's of having them both ?.
Stay in the forum even if to vent you said you have had help from people here & you still can other's are going through exactly what you are. Please stay.
nat xx ( all the best take care )
Good you've got it all out.
We lie & steal because we are selfish & blame are addiction for making us this way. The truth is yes sometime's you really & i mean really need to score so yes you will steal & lie. But with other's you'r like that before the drug's enyway.
When i first started to read your post & i was mad as hell. But i read on & on & ter's filled my eye's
I have made peace with my mum. But like you she chose not to enable aswell & it's the best thing she done. You see ONCE i came to realise i DIDN'T need or WANT drug's in my life. I did get clean the fisrt time & the second. I have now lost count of how many time's i've try'd. But this time it's different." How many time's has she said that loads ye".
We lie & steal because we are selfish & blame are addiction for making us this way. The truth is yes sometime's you really & i mean really need to score so yes you will steal & lie. But with other's you'r like that before the drug's enyway.
When i first started to read your post & i was mad as hell. But i read on & on & ter's filled my eye's
I have made peace with my mum. But like you she chose not to enable aswell & it's the best thing she done. You see ONCE i came to realise i DIDN'T need or WANT drug's in my life. I did get clean the fisrt time & the second. I have now lost count of how many time's i've try'd. But this time it's different." How many time's has she said that loads ye".
Here are the facts... She did NOT lose her job. She couldn't work because she was detoxing and too sick. She had the opportunity to talk to her step dad about going back to work but opted not to. To this day, she is still on the payroll and the company insurance. Her step dad did NOT tell everyone about her addiction. He told a few family members because she was living in HIS house detoxing, and he was attempting to keep them away and give her some space. Her co-workers already figured out that she was on something, because believe it or not, people who are not using can certainly tell when someone is ****ed up. And yes, she DID "snatch" money from the company. But since she MEANT to put it back, I guess it's not considered stealing????
Why do addicts lie??
Does she truly want advice on whether to strip or not? No, she does not. She is already doing it and her "cover" is this message board.
Why do addicts lie??
Within days of going back to her choice of work, she began using again. Or at least her boyfriend text messaged her that he would get her a "bag"... and "when are you bringing my bag??" How would I know this? Because she continues to have use of the cell phone that her step father provided as an employee (and I am privy to the records).
Why do addicts lie??
I HUGELY love my daughter. But I will not be an enabler. And I think if there is one thing that every addict needs to hear, it's the freakin' TRUTH. I know, I know... no addict wants to be faced with an ultimatum. They just want the people who love them to keep loving them, and nevermind the damage they are doing to themselves and the rest of their family.
Well Carlieridofboy, you would have been miles ahead by being honest, and by really being "rid of boy". Instead, you post nonsense so you can get feedback that makes you feel entitled to doing what you're doing.
Why do addicts lie??
I so wanted to help my daughter. And now I find that there is absolutely nothing that I can do. And my heart is broken. I pray that she survives... the drug use, the controlling boyfriend, the sexual perverts who are feeding their own sick addictions.... I pray that her baby boy survives the mother who injects herself with drugs and stays up all night to entertain men with her body. I will pray for them both - every day of my life. But I will NOT ENABLE.
When I first came to this message board, I got some wonderful advice from lots of folks on how to get my daughter thru her detox. Several of you literally held me up in my deepest despair. I thank you again for that. I'm just not sure that there's any place on this message board for me now... but before I leave, I just wanted to clarify what the REAL story is... and to ask just one more time....
Why do addicts lie??
Why do addicts lie??
Does she truly want advice on whether to strip or not? No, she does not. She is already doing it and her "cover" is this message board.
Why do addicts lie??
Within days of going back to her choice of work, she began using again. Or at least her boyfriend text messaged her that he would get her a "bag"... and "when are you bringing my bag??" How would I know this? Because she continues to have use of the cell phone that her step father provided as an employee (and I am privy to the records).
Why do addicts lie??
I HUGELY love my daughter. But I will not be an enabler. And I think if there is one thing that every addict needs to hear, it's the freakin' TRUTH. I know, I know... no addict wants to be faced with an ultimatum. They just want the people who love them to keep loving them, and nevermind the damage they are doing to themselves and the rest of their family.
Well Carlieridofboy, you would have been miles ahead by being honest, and by really being "rid of boy". Instead, you post nonsense so you can get feedback that makes you feel entitled to doing what you're doing.
Why do addicts lie??
I so wanted to help my daughter. And now I find that there is absolutely nothing that I can do. And my heart is broken. I pray that she survives... the drug use, the controlling boyfriend, the sexual perverts who are feeding their own sick addictions.... I pray that her baby boy survives the mother who injects herself with drugs and stays up all night to entertain men with her body. I will pray for them both - every day of my life. But I will NOT ENABLE.
When I first came to this message board, I got some wonderful advice from lots of folks on how to get my daughter thru her detox. Several of you literally held me up in my deepest despair. I thank you again for that. I'm just not sure that there's any place on this message board for me now... but before I leave, I just wanted to clarify what the REAL story is... and to ask just one more time....
Why do addicts lie??
There is nothing wrong with stripping. God i'd love to do it. Doe's that sound abit mad lol. But i would & have wanted to be a pole dancer for year's. My fella has other idea's. I suppose he's abit like your mum. Plus he say's he dosn't want other guy's looking at his woman. God it's not like there gonna touch. your right about the drug's to. You can go to ENY club & there will be drug's. Just coz it's a a strip joint dosn't make a s**t of difference. & your wiser now you wolud probably say no.
Enyway after year's of ( talke's he call's thm ) Argument's i call them lol. I've got a pole in my bedroom. It's a great work out aswell. I love it. & i'd have to say if the money is good what with chritmas an all go for it. Can you noy find 1 where your parent's wouldn't find out if there that strong minded. Or could you take them to a stripp joint & show them it's not seedy atall. It's well secure for the girl's ect ?. Hope all goe's well. But like i say if you've got it show it hun.
Also your set dad sound's like a d**k fancy sacking you. It's not like you've ever taken eny cash like you said. That's 1 thing i do HATE. The way all heroin addict's get tard with trhe same brush. "A heroin addict god they must be stealing on the rob ect. Yes i've done some thimg's i'am really ashamed of. But i don't class myself as an addict that would s**t on a employer or a freind. Like i said i'm far from an angel & will probably go to hell for all the bad i've done. But i've never broken into a house, Robbed enyone on the street. My wosrt crime's i have done to myself ( working the street's ) only for 6 month's. But god that was hell. I had to have councelling after it all. I have got a BIG record, All for shoplifting. social frauds. & drug's.
Where i work now. I n a hotel. They all no about my past. Well they no i'm a recovering addict & i have to go in room's that people are staying in to clean. & i woludn't dream of taking a thing. My boss is a gem & work m8t's to. 1 thing that get's to me though is. there's a few girls work there & they all take coke. They say they only do it at weekend's. But then they slip up & say they do it thrughh the week aswell. So me noing what i no have told them to be careful as a habit can get enyone & tghey honestly thing it will not happen ti them lol. So i've given up telling them. I don't want to come out as getting at them,. But there's on girl i'm really good freainde with & i'm worried about her. I can see he habit forming in her face every day, week. But they don't class cocain the same as herion there mad lol. There both class a & highly addictive. Why do people just thing heroin addict's are the scum of the earth /. It's so enying. I feel like i'm constantly defending smackhead's. But it's just a few that give the rest of use a bad name. I have 2 kid's none born with an addiction i work ect. but i cannot chab=nge the way people think or feel. & i feel sad for them. I undersand some have been victem's of addict's but i hate been put in a box with them
Soz hun i've rammbled on AGAIN lol. take care & your an adult, I'm not saying just egnore your mum. But it's your life & she will alway's be your mum i just hope she can if not be happy with your choice's. But we carn't please all the people all the time. A time come when you have to think of your family.You & your child. If you are gonna go back to it. Please choses a safe place to work
natalie caht back mesage me if you want. How did the date go?
Enyway after year's of ( talke's he call's thm ) Argument's i call them lol. I've got a pole in my bedroom. It's a great work out aswell. I love it. & i'd have to say if the money is good what with chritmas an all go for it. Can you noy find 1 where your parent's wouldn't find out if there that strong minded. Or could you take them to a stripp joint & show them it's not seedy atall. It's well secure for the girl's ect ?. Hope all goe's well. But like i say if you've got it show it hun.
Also your set dad sound's like a d**k fancy sacking you. It's not like you've ever taken eny cash like you said. That's 1 thing i do HATE. The way all heroin addict's get tard with trhe same brush. "A heroin addict god they must be stealing on the rob ect. Yes i've done some thimg's i'am really ashamed of. But i don't class myself as an addict that would s**t on a employer or a freind. Like i said i'm far from an angel & will probably go to hell for all the bad i've done. But i've never broken into a house, Robbed enyone on the street. My wosrt crime's i have done to myself ( working the street's ) only for 6 month's. But god that was hell. I had to have councelling after it all. I have got a BIG record, All for shoplifting. social frauds. & drug's.
Where i work now. I n a hotel. They all no about my past. Well they no i'm a recovering addict & i have to go in room's that people are staying in to clean. & i woludn't dream of taking a thing. My boss is a gem & work m8t's to. 1 thing that get's to me though is. there's a few girls work there & they all take coke. They say they only do it at weekend's. But then they slip up & say they do it thrughh the week aswell. So me noing what i no have told them to be careful as a habit can get enyone & tghey honestly thing it will not happen ti them lol. So i've given up telling them. I don't want to come out as getting at them,. But there's on girl i'm really good freainde with & i'm worried about her. I can see he habit forming in her face every day, week. But they don't class cocain the same as herion there mad lol. There both class a & highly addictive. Why do people just thing heroin addict's are the scum of the earth /. It's so enying. I feel like i'm constantly defending smackhead's. But it's just a few that give the rest of use a bad name. I have 2 kid's none born with an addiction i work ect. but i cannot chab=nge the way people think or feel. & i feel sad for them. I undersand some have been victem's of addict's but i hate been put in a box with them
Soz hun i've rammbled on AGAIN lol. take care & your an adult, I'm not saying just egnore your mum. But it's your life & she will alway's be your mum i just hope she can if not be happy with your choice's. But we carn't please all the people all the time. A time come when you have to think of your family.You & your child. If you are gonna go back to it. Please choses a safe place to work
natalie caht back mesage me if you want. How did the date go?
Carlie, there is nothing wrong with stripping. I don't do it, but that is only because i don't have a body for it. Remember the movie "Independence Day"? What did that girl say to the First Lady about stripping in response to the First Lady's comment of "oh, sorry.." She stated vehemently, "Don't be, I'm not... and besides, my baby is worth it." My best friend when I was growing up wanted to be a stripper and I helped her practice, I went to see her on her opening night. Back then, there were no drugs on the same scene as we were and she was very safe in that establishment. Probably a lot safer than I have been on a couple dates I can personally recall. My advice: it'd be great exercize, and if it would make you feel good, DO IT!!! Mom must have lost some respect for the step-dad for firing you and betraying your confidence. I wonder if it is employment discrimination to fire an addict? I dunno, I have always been a fighter, this is the strength I draw from now while I am fighting my own demons, right now, I try and channel this raw energy to combat the daily task of “getting thru one more day”. (PS. I am day 8 c/t, DOC= lortab 10mg., used full-time for past 2 years). Good luck with your decision!
i guess the strip club is a moral qustion. i wouldn't do it... it is degrading and not a good place to meet good people. get a normal job and work on your self esteem... thats my advise. also why hurt your mom after shes worked so hard to help you. good luck.
ps, its not safe either.
ps, its not safe either.
Thank you so much for writing back to me. You have no idea how much it means to me. Somedays are good, somedays are bad- the last couple of days have been bad. When I was using I was working two jobs. I was a book keeper dealing with thousands of dollars (and am proud to say that I never snatched that money... well without asking:)), and I also danced/stripped. I only danced for about 2 maybe 3 weeks.This may sound dumb to some people, but think about it all the time. I had the most embarrassing experience of my life. I had just walked out of a VIP which is where you sit in a more private room, and do a lap dance for 30 minutes. I had just made $300 on that VIP, and as I walked out... there sat my Mom and my Step Dad. If you knew my Mom, you'd understand why this would be so horrible. First off, I'm dressed in a low cut tank, a pair of thongs, and huge stripper shoes. My Mom is and always has been big on morals. I was raised that stripping is degrading, and I shouldn't do it. I actually have always disagreed with how horrible it is. I made thousand apon thousands of dollarsl, and spent every dime on dope, gas, and cigarettes. Now that I'm clean, I want so badly to go back. I promised my Mom that night she came in, that I would not do it again. I lost my job as a book keeper, because the company I worked for happens to be my step dad's company. He didn't want a heroin addict working for him, especially one dealing with his money. I can't say that I really blame him. So, thru all the detox, and the emotions I'm feeling- I also have the no job to go back to. I'd like to go back to dancing just a few nights a week, BUT I don't want to break my Mom's heart anymore than I already have. I just want that quick money again. Not to mention, I have my son's birthday and Christmas right around the corner. I know that Strip Clubs are usually known for drug use. Here's the thing, I'm not saying that there aren't any drugs at this club, but I am saying that I honestly have NEVER seen any drug use there. I've never had one of the girls bring up drugs to me, offer me drugs, anything like that. I guess I'm just asking for advice. I'm not going to live with my Mom forever, and the best way to get on my feet financially would be to dance for a little while. My Mom is well aware of my feelings. I've made a new pact with her to be honest with her. It's hard, because I don't want to hurt her. So, any advice on me returning to the strip club???
You sure aren't alone in this lady...I started playing with chi white in Vietnam days. just too easy...lots of powder for little money over there. i am about 2 1/2 mos into sobriety and still have strong urges....I also have physical problems that make it easy to get stuff from the Doc's....It occurs to me that you should hold your head up high and do this thing. Those that may gossip or whatever - the shrinks have some words on that - they are generally trying to compensate for feeling so poorly about themselves and their own sense of self esteem that they use you to beat up on!!! They are really in worse shape than youself. At least you recognize a problem and want to do something about it. And I really got a wake up call when i came to in the ER....after scaring the **** out of my family by pilling myself into respiratory arrest and some other bad things. many of us want this stuff to be over more rapidly than is possible. I used up about a dozen "tries to quit" with that mistake. Heck - i even relate to those fits....my buddies used to call that register when the blood enters the syringe an orchid!!! I don't know much about being "normal", but with what I have seen of the world I am glad that I can consider myself quite unique instead of normal. And today unique doesn't mean bad.
understandind PAW (post acute withdrawl) has helped me feel "normal" read up on it you will feel a little better. I promise I have. Best wihes to you ~RED~
i sorta see how you feel but if you were using heroin for that long in that amount don't you think the people around you had a good idea that you were high? exspecialy the people you work with... why do addicts think they are fooling the world... may be they are not gossiping about you... may be they are praying for you... besides, don't worry about what other people think/say. magi is right. this should be something you are proud of now that you committed to be clean. hold your head up. and dont blame your parents. don't forget who was their for you. you are not alone in this... they share in your pain. good luck...
Good Morning!
I read this post and it sent shivers down my spine. My drug of choice is also heroin, and you are so right---the addiction to the method of using is as much a part of the disease as the drug itself. I find that with many heroin addicts.
7 weeks is huge. Pat yourself on the back for that one.
I relapsed many times before I was able to get any clean time together and it took a judge and handcuffs to get me into what, I pray, was my last rehab. For me, I found that I could not do it alone. I didn't have the tools to cope and live life without the use of drugs. I needed to go into therapy--long term and I also needed a strong support group. I chose the fellowship of NA. Without those two things, I know that I would not have made it. Getting clean seemed like a walk in the park as opposed to staying clean. That is the hard part.
As far as people knowing about your addiction. that is your choice and it is a shame that your privacy was violated like that. In the case of your brother--I am sure that you are just the excuse he needed to go on a binge for one, and he is probably jealous as well. flmagi put it so beautifully----some day they may look to you for help. It works that way.
I hope that you do whatever is right for you in order to stay clean and learn to live without the use of drugs. I also hope that you stay with us and keep posting.
Take care.
I read this post and it sent shivers down my spine. My drug of choice is also heroin, and you are so right---the addiction to the method of using is as much a part of the disease as the drug itself. I find that with many heroin addicts.
7 weeks is huge. Pat yourself on the back for that one.
I relapsed many times before I was able to get any clean time together and it took a judge and handcuffs to get me into what, I pray, was my last rehab. For me, I found that I could not do it alone. I didn't have the tools to cope and live life without the use of drugs. I needed to go into therapy--long term and I also needed a strong support group. I chose the fellowship of NA. Without those two things, I know that I would not have made it. Getting clean seemed like a walk in the park as opposed to staying clean. That is the hard part.
As far as people knowing about your addiction. that is your choice and it is a shame that your privacy was violated like that. In the case of your brother--I am sure that you are just the excuse he needed to go on a binge for one, and he is probably jealous as well. flmagi put it so beautifully----some day they may look to you for help. It works that way.
I hope that you do whatever is right for you in order to stay clean and learn to live without the use of drugs. I also hope that you stay with us and keep posting.
Take care.
HI hun
God you sound so much like me. In alot of different way's. First off i think all addict's are the same in many way's. We have addictive peronality's. My mum she's an alcohoilc & like your family she tell's EVERYONE. Why doe's she need to do this, It's not like i tell everyone she'z pissed all the time. She only really doe's it when she's had a drink. But it really hurt's.
I've been a heerion addict for 13 year's i've relapsed 2 time's in 36 day's. Which is good for me.
I so wanted to have a "normal" life aswell but what's normal. I like who i'am apart from the addict part of me. I also have more addiction's. I still use methadone & it scare's me to death coming off that ****. Then there's the vallium but i've tapered to 1 a day & i'm finding it hard. But i don't want to go back to what o was useing.
I never wanted to admit it before but i think all long term addict's. Even some short term user's need after care like N/A. I've only ever been to 1 meeting but bi wil start to go again. It's helped so many.
But this forum is a great start honestly it really help's i craved all day 1 day for smack.So i stayed on here all ady & my freind's on here got through it' It doe's help so keep posting it will help. People on here do care there amazing. We do have the odd drama now & then lol, take care nat xx
God you sound so much like me. In alot of different way's. First off i think all addict's are the same in many way's. We have addictive peronality's. My mum she's an alcohoilc & like your family she tell's EVERYONE. Why doe's she need to do this, It's not like i tell everyone she'z pissed all the time. She only really doe's it when she's had a drink. But it really hurt's.
I've been a heerion addict for 13 year's i've relapsed 2 time's in 36 day's. Which is good for me.
I so wanted to have a "normal" life aswell but what's normal. I like who i'am apart from the addict part of me. I also have more addiction's. I still use methadone & it scare's me to death coming off that ****. Then there's the vallium but i've tapered to 1 a day & i'm finding it hard. But i don't want to go back to what o was useing.
I never wanted to admit it before but i think all long term addict's. Even some short term user's need after care like N/A. I've only ever been to 1 meeting but bi wil start to go again. It's helped so many.
But this forum is a great start honestly it really help's i craved all day 1 day for smack.So i stayed on here all ady & my freind's on here got through it' It doe's help so keep posting it will help. People on here do care there amazing. We do have the odd drama now & then lol, take care nat xx
You both have really made some good points. I needed to be reminded of those things. Last night was such an emotional night for me. There was no being happy for me. I'm hoping today will be much better. That you for kind words.
magi made some really good points ..... I do totally understand how you are feeling nothing is worse then feeling like you have been betrade by people that you love . It should be your chioce whom you tell and who you dont . I felt the same way . My 8 year old son had cancer last year and one day my daughter (who new of course ) said one of her freinds asked from NY, where all of my family is from ,asked how her brothers cancer was .It took her complately offgard and my self off gard. I was very upset with my family it was my chioce who I wanted to tell and who I did not.
Carlie it is a very long and hard battle and the mental part is by far the hardest part . Talking about it really does help . Knowing that there are many others going threw the same really does help.
Plz take care of yourself we are all here to help.
avis
P.s my 16 yearolds daughters name is Carlie as well ,you are the first Carlie I have seen that spells it the same as her too ....
Carlie it is a very long and hard battle and the mental part is by far the hardest part . Talking about it really does help . Knowing that there are many others going threw the same really does help.
Plz take care of yourself we are all here to help.
avis
P.s my 16 yearolds daughters name is Carlie as well ,you are the first Carlie I have seen that spells it the same as her too ....
It sucks that eveyone knows, But now you have the chance to turn that to your benifit. Stay clean and get your life in order (I know, easier said than done). Show yourself #1 and all those people that you are stronger than most of them could ever be. Also remember that some of those people may have themselves or a loved one with secret addictions. Don't be surprised if they're watching and admiring your strength from afar. There are alot of us addicts out there that you would never suspect. And don't be surprised either, if some day, one of those people come up to you and say they need help, and you've been a inspiration. Things sometimes happen for a reason.
Hold your head up high. Make the strength you have now, your story.
Hold your head up high. Make the strength you have now, your story.
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