Methadone and xanax

[ryankh]

You guys are going to yell at me, I know. I am on 60 mg. of meth from a local clinic every day and granted, my life is much better. I am sober. Thats says a lot. I was a percocet abuser. My ex left, I am a real estate broker with 0 money, borrowing from friends ans am tired of being an imposition and don't see a way out. I went from a half million dollar home, beautiful marriage, 2 businesses, 19 rental property, never a worry in the world- my husband was an addict too- he locked the doors to his store, drove to his mommies house and I can't get over it. I miss him, yes he is a loser but he was my loser, understand? I am done struggling, done going thru this hell, I have lost EVERYTHING- material and family- no hopes of putting the family back and I am done. Work, worry, struggle, beg, borrow, for what. To spend my life unhappy? nuh uh. I have 15 2 mg zanax, a high tolerance, but want to know if combining my 60 mg of meth and those xanax will end it. And if so, best chances 3 hours after I have taken the meth? or does it matter.I will be pissed off if it doesn't. My other investigation is driving the car in a garage and leaving it run for awhile and going out there and sitting down. I know you think I am selfish. I am tired of waking up sick with worry. He has never paid child support- better attorney- long story- once all my money I was awarded in the ED was gone he split. Left me with nothing but our last foreclosure. And a 288,000 tax lien. Go easy on me. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. Try and understand.

[HomeChef]

So, what is the deal with this post?   The OP is suicidal in 2010, and I read 6 responses, also all in 2010.  Dont' know what happened to this person, but why is this post showing up in thread now, in 2018?  

[Prospero73]

What you are saying is a little like "we had to destroy the village to save it."  You have no idea what sort of a hole you will leave in the world if you do that.  My wife and I lost our son to a methadone OD 9 months ago, and his was unintentional.  I don't think we could have survived if he had checked out on purpose, and we were about as angry with him as we could get.

My father died of an overdose of alcohol and barbiturates nearly 50 years ago, and I was never entirely sure if it was intentional or not, as he was at a low point in his life.  That sort of thing will stay with your children forever.  You would be better off just disappearing for a while, until you can get a grip on things, if you're facing such a stone wall.  I know that feeling all too well, but the things that are driving you crazy just aren't worth it.

[beagles4u]

I lost my loser husband too, a little over  2 years ago - he left for another woman, now they are married with a baby (that was w/in 8 months of our divorce).  I still hurt over it and suppose I always will.  I too thought about suicide many many times - more than I care to remember, but what always brought me back from the brink was when I thought about the times I was happy - just me, myself, having fun, doing whatever I wanted and I realized I would miss all the things I loved to do - and not to mention the destruction it would do to those who love me.  

I know you feel like you are under water and won't be able to come up, but you can.  You have to fight like hell and start over and make a better life for yourself.  The best suggestion I can give you is either drive yourself to the nearest hospital, they will hold you for 72hours, or call a friend/family member you can trust to be with you until your thoughts of suicide pass, and they will pass.  As they say it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  

A mouthful of xanax is NOT the solution and I think you know that, so flush them and just tell yourself - it's time to start over, it's time to work on me.  I will keep you in my prayers and keep posting as you need to, there are many, many great people here who can sympathize with your situation.  Sharon

[lms796]

Don't do it, As bad as things might seem they could be worse and as ungrateful as your kids may be  I am sure that they love you. THey may not show it but kids do that. I have been on a methadone program for 10 years, 58 mg now and getting ready to try and taper off finally. I have 2 kids, 22 and 19 yrs. old. I do not know you but I have an idea of the desperation that you feel. I am 41 yrs old, and live under my inlaws roof right now. My husband and I have been married for 23 yrs and things have been better but they are **** right now. We have nothing. But you have to believe that there is a reason to live. You can't give up. I think a lot of people who use or have used have probably contemplated ending it at one time or another but you need to find a reason to stay. Yourself! You obviously have had success in your life, just because it seems to have disappeared for now doesn't mean that you cannot get it back. One day at a time. I know it sounds corny, cleche but it is true. Looking too far into the future is scary. Just get through today.

[vicki595]

Your kids do care but they are really only kids...what do you want from them?  It sounds like you're in a very bad place(understatment)right now.  But,if you want some one on this forum to tell you if 15 2mg xanax will do the job,well,not gonna happen.

We're fighting for our lives. Many have been in your shoes. We all know pain and loss and sadness.  We chose life...Care to join?


Vicki      xo

[ryankh]

I am not on xanax. I just go t them to complete my mission. Yes,  have kids but they could care less. No matter how hard I try and how much I get, it is never enough for them. Our old life spoiled them big time. I am not scared, I don't think....maybe I am. I have been clean since 05- went to rehab. Only went to the clinic to head off a relapse when I went back to work. Everything is ruined. My credit, my car is broke, as a realtor I need it, I am just in a corner I can't get out of, you know? There is no way out. I have no family to speak of, my friends bolted when my money bolted as did my ex. What an eye opener. Nothing to love for- bratty kids? I know you thin I sound horrible but they are.2 are in CA with their Dad I am here for my senior in HS and I have a 19 yo hanging around. What else is there. I can't do it. The fire isn't there.

[kc156]

Can understand you have been hurt big time.But since you have posted,seems like you are reaching out.I am on methadone too,and was on zanax.
You have children.Do you want to really do a number on them?Please don't do what you are thinking about.Now is not the time to worry about the methadone,but to get back on your feet in other ways first.Later,deal with the methadone and zanax. If you want,message me.                                                                       karl