Methadone clinic appropriate?

[MellyR]

I have been addicted to Norco for the past two years. I have tried to quit countless times on my own, both cold turkey and tapering. It's clear to me I can't quit alone. I am planning on counseling or NA meetings, but am considering a methadone clinic to taper me down. I called a clinic in my area, and they did say they treat painkillers addiction, not just heroin addiction. Currently, I take about 20-23 Norco (hydrocodone 10/325) a day. My question is: Will I be completely out of place at the clinic? Does my situation warrant methadone treatment? I have horrible withdrawls when I've tried to quit on my own. Also, there may be times I would have to take my toddler with me. The clinic said that is fine, clients do occasionally bring their kids, but I do not feel at all comfortable bringing my child there. Hopefully I won't ever have to, but I would hate to start the program but then have to stop due to no babysitter. Would anyone with experience in a methadone clinic let me know 1. how they'd feel about bringing their kid with them and 2. what's it like in general? Is there usually a big long wait to get your dose? Is it an uncomfortable situation? Any information would be appreciated.

[AmberHunter]

i have been off of methadone for decades! there is one thing that you need to keep in mind, methadone withdrawls are worse than any other opiate withdrawls... that is my experience anyhow...

i think methadone is appropriate for anyone who is seriously addicted to narcotics and doesn't see anyway to get off of them. and from what you have said you know how difficult the withdrawls would be... but they will be easier to go through than methadone withdrawl a year or two from now...

i work next door to a methadone clinic here in the atlanta area... i see as many business type looking people going in for their daily dose as i see druggie looking folks... they come in, get their dose, go off to work and that's it... it is all confidential except for me who occasionally sees them going in and coming out... it is of interest to me b/c i was on methadone and it was the hardest thing to come off of ever...

as far as bringing your child with you, oh well, you may very well have to do that but you probably bring him with you wherever you go to get all the pills you have to take daily, right?

good luck to you and you do what seems right for you to do... i really wish you the best girl!

amber

[percsnomas]

Hello, and Welcome here!!!!!!!!!

I'm only going to answer the question  "does your situation warrant methadone treatment?"

As you have only been on hydro for 2 years, and although you are at 20-23/ day, it is not a "ridiculous" amount.  I came off of a 20+/day percocet habit of many years, and although i haven't done the methadone thing, i would venture to say(from some of my very good friends here), that you could potentially be trading a monkey for a gorilla.  In your previous attempts, have you used anything like clonidine to help reduce the withdrawals.  

I would definately steer you towards the procedures used in the Thomas Recipe(with a benzo for the first few days of detox), or clonidine, or Buprenorphine(if available to you); or pretty much anything but methadone.  

One of the forum members here used meth. to come off a OC(oxycontin)habit; but ONLY for about 5 days, and was very happy with the results.  Seems many of the treatment programs with meth(to detox from pain pills) is dragged out too long, and you end up stuck with a MUCH
bigger problem than what you started with.

Take Care

[MellyR]

Thanks so much for your comments everyone. No, I have never tried clonidine or buprenorphine. Where would I get those meds? I am very hesitant to go to my family doc with this as he is the one who initially prescribed the narcotics and I would have to admit my problem etc. and do not feel that he would be very understanding, based on his general attitude, I'm not sure if he would even be willing to help me. I also do not want it in my medical records or in my medical insurance files that I am an addict. I don't feel there should be a stigma with admitting you have a problem, but the reality is there is a stigma and I don't want to bring problems upon myself by having it there in my records in black and white. I've tried to find listings for physicians that specialize in "addiction medicine" in my area, there is only one and he is not taking any new patients. Any ideas on how to find someone to treat me other than a methadone clinic? In the "drug treatment" listings in the phone book (seperate form the physicians) there are only methadone clinics and in-patient places. If I decide not to go with the methadone, any advice on how to find someone to treat me with the clonidine or buprenorphine?

[percsnomas]

I understand about your reluctance with respect to your doctor.
Having said that, and the fact that clonidine and Bup are prescribed, makes it a lit'l difficult to tell you where to get one of these medications.  I was going to suggest searching for an addiction doc. in your area; but it sounds like you've done that....with limited results.

I've copied a post from another forum member, regarding Buprenorphine..........and hopefully he can shed some light on your situation:

C31 SarpyJesse
(21-Apr-03)  curtisman12 Heya Curtisman!

I'm currently putting together a site that deals specifically with Buprenorphine [Suboxone] use for Detox, Maintenance, and also Buprenex as a pain med for those who cannot (or CHOOSE not to) take Morphine or Oxycontin. If you wish to get on the mailing list, please send me an E-mail at: ***@****

For anyone else here that is interested in the new exclusively Buprenorphine board, you may e-mail me at: ***@****

I'm looking forward to getting a handful of people posting their experiences with this recently-approved med so we may help others who are trying to make a choice for maintenance, detoxing, or pain management.

Thanks Everyone!
Jesse


I'm not sure what else to tell you, except reiterating that i sure would avoid Meth. if at all possible!!

percs

[Anhedonio]

Try this site for more info on buprenorphine:

http://www.buprenorphine.samhsa.gov/

[RobynBanks]

MellyR,
I am on a low dose of meth (from 20 percocet/day habit). I have neen on it for 3 weeks now at 25mg. I also have 2 small children. I am luck in that I can dose at the pharmacy at the top of my street (I'm in Canada)....even so I will only take my smallest with me since he is only 1.5yrs old. If worse came to worse, I would take my daughter in (she's 3) but questions would be asked and I prefer not to involve her if at all possible. My clinic requires me to see a doctor 1X/week. I schedule this day when the kids are at daycare...which is 3 days/week.
I was on Meth 8yrs ago and dosed in SanFrancisco CA. I had to dose at the clinic which was very seedy- I did not have kids at the time though. Not all clinics are like that so you would have to see for yourself . As long as the environment is clean and safe, I think its fine to take your kids...you are seeing a doctor and receiving medicine (lying to them is not necessary). From my experience, it has never been a big long line up but that depends on the time you go-as soon as it opens, there is often a line up. Perhaps waiting 30min-1hour after it has opened is the best idea in order to avoid any lines.
Does your situation warrent it?...only you can be the judge of that.
Good luck. Robyn.

[pammy0690]

have you concidered the financial cost?  The clinic in my area is 100 dollars a week and they do not take insurance.  I know this is high in comparasion to other clinics in other cities.  Yours may be much less.  Something to consider.  Pammy

[MellyR]

Again, thanks so much for all the suggestions and comments. I have a few more questions, if you don't mind. My health insurance will pay for me to see a counselor or psychiatrist, with a small co-pay. I understand that psychiatrists (as opposed to psychologists/counselors etc) are actual MDs and allowed to prescribe. Does anyone happen to know: if I see a psychiatrist for substance abuse treatment, would he be allowed to prescribe meds for withdrawl? Perhaps that's something I could look into as an alternative to a meth clinic. If I can get counseling along with meds, am I correct in thinking that clonidine is a blood pressure medicine and buprenorphine is an opiate? If only clinics, not doctors, are allowed to prescribe methadone, are physicians or psychiatrist allowed to prescribe opiates such as buprenorphine for withdrawl? Do you take clonidine and buprenorphine at the same time, or taper on the bup first, then clonidine? I'm still concerned about going through my health insurance for the counseling, but it will be too expensive to do it on my own, but maybe I'm making too big of a deal of it. Has anyone else sought drug abuse treatment through their health insurance or primary doctor? If so, were there any negative consequences? Also, how is it tapering with meds besides methadone? Thanks for all your help, everyone.

[MethMan]

Unless I missed it, I didn't notice whether or not you were a chronic pain patient.  If you are not a chronic pain patient then I'd suggest that you not consider methadone UNLESS a doctor knows why he/she is prescribing it and it is for a VERY SHORT TIME FRAME.
Believe me... if possible, avoid a long term stay in Hotel Methadone. The cost per night is so high, it'll bankrupt your soul.
Regarding your concern over not telling your doc, if you can't trust him/her, then why stay with him?  Find someone you are comfortable with and say something.  With the fallout over all the prescribed pills doctors doled out over the last couple decades, you won't be unique.  The Pope is probably crushin' an oxy NOW.
There is help. You just gotta ask.  Afterall, it's your life not theirs.

[Lostgirl]

I understand about your mom and the kids.  I don't think that I would want to make my children a part of my recovery especially how young they are. Half the time my mother doesn't get it either and she was a nurse!  She thinks all it takes is positive thoughts and you can just "DO IT".  I asked her today if she understood how hard WDs are and she said that she had seen some people do it at the hospital, but then she just looked at me. Like "So?"  Like it was no big deal.  She wants to know how she can help but last time she came over the first day in CT WDs and kinda patted me on the shoulder asked me if I needed anything and then said well your Dad and I will be back in a week.  What are you supposed to say to that.  "Yeah Mom, I need you now but wouldn't want you to miss your trip!"

If you look a few posts up you will see a link for info on Bup.  They also have a Dr. finder for your area possibly.  

I know you that you don't want to talk to reg Dr. I feel the same way.  I jsut don't want it in my medical records.  BC/BS turned me down for insurance becuase I was taking Celexa.  Even though they make it so they now have to offer everyone ins, they make it so expensive that you can afford to purchase it.  I had seriously considered going to a Dr under an alias and just paying cash! LOL  Is this what life has come to?

AS for the kiddos, look for a "Mother's Day Out" at a local church.  They ususally have them scheduled for atleast one day a week and they are very reasonable.  then you can schudle whatever appts around that schedule.  Also, didn't you say your were married?  Couldn't every once in awhile your husband take a few hours off work and watch the kids?  They are his too!

Good Luck and we are waiting to hear what they said at your Psych appt.

[pammy0690]

FOr a doctor to be able to prescribe bup for addiction they have to have a special certification, only have thirty patients, and jump through a few other hoops.  Suboxone is the tablet form of bup that is being prescribed.  Clondine is for the active withdrawal period and should not be used with Bup.  You can use it after the Bup is discontinued if you are still having problems with withdrawal.  It slows your heart rate down and helps lessen the sweats, rls, racing heart.  Bup is an opiate but works differently than hydrocodone or oxycodone.  It works on different brain receptors allowing the ones that have ben aftected by the abuse to heal.   The best way to find out if a Psych doc will prescribe meds for withdrawal is to call them or ask them at your first appointment.  In my opinion going the counseling route instead of methadone will be better for you in the long run.  Good luck!  Pamela

[MellyR]

Well, I'm pretty much at the end of my rope, and have made an appointment to see a psychiatrist today. I was hoping to get in with one who specialized in substance abuse, but there were only four psychiatrists approved by my health insurance who specialize in that, and only two are taking new patients, and neither of them have called me back yet. The guy I'm seeing today, his receptionsist did say that he treats substance abuse, and he is affiliated with a hospital that treats substance abuse, so hopefully he can do something for me. On one hand I kind of wanted to wait to get in to see a woman, and also someone who's credentials say they specialize in this area, on the other hand I just don't feel I can put this off even one more day, things are getting so out of control for me. If I don't like him, my insurance said it won't be a problem for me to switch to someone else, so who knows how this will go. If anyone here has any experience with going to a psychiatrist for drug counseling, or knows what they can prescribe (maybe the doctor in this forum can tell me what psychiatrists are able to prescribe for this)please let me know. If anyone is interested, I can post what happens when I get done with my appointment today. I'm so tense and nervous, and thinking of excuses not to go, I'm so embaressed and ashamed to admit to someone, especially a doctor, that I've been abusing drugs. Will he understand that the only way I can function, the only way I can even get out of bed and come to this appointment is to take my daily dose of Norco? If it weren't for the withdrawl, I would attempt to go to the appointment w/o taking anything, but will he think I'm not ready to make a change in my life if I take a minimal amount to get me there, until he's able to give me something for the withdrawl? I'm so worried about this appointment, I'm dreading going, but then again, if I don't do something soon, things will just get worse. Any thoughts, anyone?

[pammy0690]

If he treats substance abuse then he will understand that in order to physically come there you had to take a norco.  That is why you are there because you are physically addicted and want help.  A psychtrist can prescribe any type of drug by virtue of thier medical licence. The quesition is what or will he prescribe anything?  It depends some doctors have a sweat it out additude others have a open mind and free pen with withdrawal meds.  Good luck you are taking the first step in the process of recovery!  Please do not be embrassed or ashamed especially here!  We will accept you and respond to you no matter what!  Take care of yourself!  Pamela

[MellyR]

Thanks so much for your support. The last 24hours have been horrible; to finally do something about my problem is such a struggle. I've tried so many times to quit by myself and I just absolutely cannot do it alone. I guess the embaressment comes from the fact that I have kids and I really worry that if people knew of my problem they would think I was a terrible mother. There is also the problem of getting someone to watch the kids when I go to the psychiatrist; I have told my mother that I've got a doctors appointment. If she knew I was going to a psychiatrist it's possible she would refuse to babysit. Maybe not but I'm not taking that chance. My family would defintely think that I should be able to stop on my own, they would never understand not being able to. Although my mother loves my children and is very good with them, since she lives almost an hour away it's a big deal for her to come over and watch them for me, and if she thinks its a "legitimate" doctors appointment she'll do it for me, but if she knew I was going to something she would consider optional (I certainly don't consider it optional) she probably wouldn't want to drive all the way here to babysit. If I was listening to someone else tell the same story I am, I would say don't be embaressed, get the help that you need. But since it's me I just feel overwhelmed with shame that I've let things go this far and have to "resort" to professional help. I can't imagine ever letting anyone in my family (besides my husband) know that I'm an addict, they would be extremly judgemental and critical of me. I've been crying off and on the last 24 hours, because I worry about someone finding out and being mean to me, and I worry that even with professional help I won't be able to stop. You all have been so supportive, it's really helped me to go ahead and take a chance on getting help.

[pammy0690]

I have notice during periods of withdrawal that I get really emotional and have irrational fear.  Everyone is different but keep in mind that this does happen during detox.  If you do not think your family would be helpful than it is best not to tell them but get treatment.  Do what ever you can to get help.  I think you will feel so much better after you talk to the doc.  Keep your head up!  Please let us know what happened!  Pamela

[percsnomas]

Well Melly, you certainly have a family here, that you can share all of this with!!!!!!!!!!!
As Pammy said, please keep us posted.
Good Luck today!!!

[AmberHunter]

just checking in to see how you are doing. i understand the shame that comes with being a mother and being an addict...

and i have had a mother who just thinks it is a sickening moral defect of mine that i enjoy having... remember that ad on tv that showed that little ballerina girl twirling around and then it says "no one wants to be a junkie when they grow up"

i used to see that on tv and think to myself, nope, it is not much of a career choice there...

i hope the P Doc is the open minded supportive type and that he is able to help you. if not, i would look into that thomas recipe that i have seen posted here... and i am getting that book "a million little pieces"  by james frey as soon as i cash my paycheck...

i am tired of hating myself and feeling so disgusted with myself and the hopelessness and despair... i am not buying into anyone elses **** about me or who i am or what i am about... besides, i am just learning all of that stuff about me now myself!!!!

good luck!

amber

[MethMan]

Melly,
The monkey is the one making you feel inferior.  Thats part of it's big lie you hear alot about.  The brain's natural endorphins are absent and can cause serious depression; the kind that takes your will, hope and self-esteem away.  Got any of those three?  I didn't either.
What I can tell you is that once that monkey ***** is off your back, all three will come back.
Do you ever look back and wonder where the old Melly went?  No where.  You're still the same person you use to be but you've got this kind of life filter that doesn't allow hope, will and your self-esteem to shine through.
Not saying your road is easy, just well traveled.  Hell, I thought I was the only person in the world that felt that way before starting my journey.  Feels pretty good knowing there are thousands of others that have walked before us, doesn't it?
I started thinking:  If this many people come to message boards with issues, how many are too weak to be here?  How many lurk yet don't have the willpower to say something?  How many simply have given up?
Is your life worth fighting for?
Regarding your last post: "In case anyone cares".
Well... lets see.  There are at LEAST a hundred people here that do.  And I'll bet once you make it known that you are actively trying to get help, you'll have your immediate family more than willing to make that 1 hour drive you talked about.
I won't wish you luck.  Luck has nothing to do with it.  I do wish you a better tomorrow.  And you can start planning your tomorrow now.
Peace,
Mike

[MellyR]

I can't imagine a worse experience. I thought I was at the end of my rope before, now I'm even more desperate than before. First of all, in the 45 minutes I was in there, the psychiatrist's pager went off about 3 times, one of the pages he had to return, so as I sat there sobbing he was talking on the phone to someone in a hospital. In addition, he summoned his secretary several times to ask her to contact this guy Jeff, and when he would come back in the room, he would leave the door open, or he would call her into the room to talk to her as I sat crying. As far as I knew there was no one else there except him and his secretary, but still, I was left feeling very exposed and embaressed. It's my own fault for crying, for some unknown reason as soon as I started talking about my problem (I have never said out loud to anyone besides my husband that I am addicted) I burst into tears. I NEVER cry, so it totally stunned me and I was upset and horrified that I couldn't seem to stop. But the big problem was that I just couldn't follow what he was saying, and he seemed to change his decision about what to do with me every two minutes. First, he was taking my history, asking about my medications, obviously I mentioned the painkillers, also mentioned that I take a xanax probably once every 3 or 4 nights when I can't sleep. I mostly save them for when I run out of Norco, but I never take them during the day, just for insomnia. In addition, a long time ago I had taken Celexa (antidepressant) for a few months but quit it (it was for anxiety, not depression) because I didn't think I needed it (still don't think I needed it then) and I had horrible side effects. Well, he puts together xanax and celexa and starts talking about what he's going to prescribe for my anxiety. My crying was so out of control it was hard for me to ask questions, but he first was saying he was going to rx klonopin and effexor to deal with my "anxiety". He said something about klonopin being easier to get off of then xanax, I needed to stop the xanax and start the klonopin, but he was saying I would take it during the day. If I took a xanax during the day, I would fall asleep, so I'm not sure if the klonopin is the same. But anyway, I assumed he was prescribing these to deal with my anxiety while I was withdrawing, I thought he meant these meds were to treat me while I went off the painkillers. Then he had his secretary bring in Jeff, who runs some kind of nightly group therapy for addicts. I was feeling kind of humiliated, having these two people plus the secretary seeing me crying, but Jeff started to tell me about his group but then said I first needed a 7day inpatient treatment. I said I didn't want inpatient treatment (I mean if eventually it came to that that's one thing, but I want to try regular therapy/treatment first) what were my other options, I'm specifically looking for therapy PLUS (just as important) some sort of meds to help with withdrawl or to taper me down. Jeff says well maybe your family doc can prescribe something and I of course was wondering, why my doctor when I'm specifically seeing a pyschiatrist for this? So then the psychiatrist leaves the room for some unknown reason (coffee break?)so Jeff can try to sell me on the inpatient. So then psych comes back, Jeff leaves (gives me phone his #), then the doctor writes out a rx for klonopin and paxil. I try to clarify, since I am totally confused as to what's going on and asked, "is the idea that I'm going to take these meds while I'm in the process of getting off of the painkillers?" and he says (very dismissively, I thought) "no, you've got to do the inpatient program for that. These are to help with your anxiety." I don't have a problem with anxiety, I have a problem with swallowing 20+ painkillers a day. His prescription were for one weeks worth of pills he said, I must make an appointment to see him every week to get more, because if he prescribed more I would just take them all at once, he said. I am so confused. Actually, I'm horribly horribly frustrated and upset. I specifically asked, when I made the appointment, if he TREATED substance abuse. I was told yes. How is saying my ONLY option is an inpatient program (that he doesn't even know about, he has to have some guy come in and tell me about it, that was just weird) him treating me? Why would I go back? I'm also feeling humiliated that as I sat there crying he made phone calls and had the door open and people in and out. I certainly didn't expect him to go to great lengths to comfort me, but I would have thought he would have at least given me a minute to pull myself together before calling his secretary in. I don't know what to do at all. It pretty much took all the strenght/will/guts I had to make this appointment and see it through and it was all for nothing. I am so confused and upset, I don't know what to do. I don't see what I can do. I really thought I was finally going to do something, I did my part, I confirmed that this guy "treats" substance abuse, and all that happened was I was told my only option was inpatient detox. I give up.

[Lostgirl]

I am SOOO sorry this guys was such a shithead!  That is not at all how he was supposed to act in the least.  The courage that it took for you to go was outstanding!!!!  Better than I have had the courage to do.  I could barely confess to my mother.  He sounds like a "MONEYSEEKER" to me, hence the big sell on inpatient treatment.  I would write a letter to the Board of Psychatrist and spill the whole thing.  Then I would take you fee for the visit divide by 50 and subtract out all of the minutes he was on the phone or had "Jeff" talking to you!  Sounds like a very insensitive *******. He doesn't treat addicts he takes their money from the so called visits for being in the clinic.  The ins will pay him big bucks for "inpatient" visits as compared to office visits.  

Please, PLease, Please dont give up!  They are not all like that.  A counselor that I went to was fabulous!  I really want to go back, but I have to work out a budget first.  My ins won't cover it!  

You have already done the hard part!  Keep looking, take his stinking clonipine, fill it and hold on to it, so that you will have it when you go through WDs.  You said that your Ins would let you change Drs, Did you look up on that web site to see if any of the Bup docs where in your area.  You could even call your reg doc and without giving your name or real one for that matter ask for a referral.  Also, call NA and see if they have any names of people, they go on a first name basis usually and maybe someone would be willing to give you a name.  Do you have a University in your area?  Maybe you can call Health services and see what they come up with something besides the dork!

You have come to far to quit now!!!!  You are over the hardest in admitting to someone that you are and addict now tell youself to screw him and that you are determined to get help!


(To everyone else, please excuse my language but I hate it when the people we are supposed to trust use it to take advantage of someone when they are at the worst for MONEY!)

R

[mystere]

Please, Please Please DON'T give up!--I just went through that experience except this as#@@hole doc recommended in-patient treatment while talking to me over the phone when I was trying to make an appointment!--he hadn't even met me in person and he had decided i needed to go to a "Recovery Center".  Melly I know how bad you feel/we all do here!  Just about everyone here has walked that ever long mile!--You really need to talk to someone and get some support--Maybe just talking to someone from NA would help--I am on day 5 from cold turkey withdrawing from 12-14 hydro 10's (sometimes more) per day. Everything you are feeling right now is the addiction talking to plus maybe the drugs leaving your system--Please you have to believe it does get better! Please look up the thomas recipe and post here--Thats what I've been doing--It's therapy just knowing there are a whole lot of people out there that know what you are going through!  Hell my husband is a physician and he had no clue about my addiction until I got caught in a whopper of a lie about my pills! I never thought he would EVER understand but now he is my biggest supporter! And by me going through this I think it will bring him a greater understanding of what this horrid affliction is all about!--You are in my prayers sweetie/  Just take it one minute,one hour then one day at a time!  You can come out the other side--I'm just now starting to see the view and its pretty spectacular!Peace and Prayers Mystere/AKA N.O. Lady

[pammy0690]

I am so sorry to hear about your experience.  Sounds like for a shrink he wasn't a very good listener.  He picked up on one thing you said and ran with it.  You may want to try another doc.  Klonapin will ease the withdrawal.  You may have to do this on your own which isn't easy but many here like Percs and Peazy have done so.  Can you can come up with a plan to taper maybe with your husbands help?  He can hang on to the pills and give them to you on a  regular basis?  You can do this do not give up.  We will be here to support you and give suggestions on how you can help yourself.  Again I am so sorry that you were treated like a number instead of a person!  That totally sicks being kicked while you are down.  I will be thinking of you!  Pamela

[mystere]

You have been on my mind ever since i read your post this morning Can you call that other psychiatrist on your ins. co list and get an appt?  I know how difficult it can be to find someone for support! Hell I live in New Orelans where 80% of the population stays stoned or drunk 24/7 (Slight Exageration) We're known for being a 'PARTY TOWN" so you would think the yellow pages would be full of addiction specialists-NOT!--Anyway I'm not giving up so neither should you--There is someome out there to help you that you can feel comfortable with!--If nothing else just keeep posting here because we are listening! The wonderful people on this forum answered my cries for help a little over a week ago!  I felt like my life was coming apart and I felt so desperate.  I'll keep you close in my prayers and we are here if you need us! Love Peace Mystere/AKA N.O. Lady

[RobynBanks]

...sounds like the doc just didn't know what to do with you- I have encountered that before (doesn't sounds like he treats substance abuse=strange). He's one of those docs that can't deal with the emotional stuff- just wants to prescribe & for you to go away. Sorry you had to go through that. I remember cying also (and I also NEVER cry)...when I went in to see the doc at the meth clinic- It was just such a reality. I cried when he asked about my children. You need to find a doctor that knows what he is doing and you will if you keep looking. I was offered another option before methadone- a cocktail of pills like catapess etc..(no narcotics) to help with withdrawls. Maybe bup is available to you...you need to decide what is it you want. Then find a doc who will prescribe it. Maybe there is a substance abuse number you can call and they can refer you to the right place.
Good luck, Robyn.

[gracie97]

Hi guys and Lost girl. I have been lurking and I think all of you have tremenous strength! Today is my first day with ZERO tabs! I used the taper method, but only because I had someone that could help me regulate them and we are doing this together-I would say I am lucky for that but since he introduced these stupid things to me 2 years ago, just for weekend fun, I think he can take the same path, and he is!! He is on day number 7 of ZERO tabs, he has more strength then me and my habit was more so I took it slower. I do not know that I could have gone CT, I think I would have died. I did not ever take these stupid things for pain as my partner in "crime" did, so I am grateful we are both giving them up (he has a back problem).

MellyR, pls ask your husband for help. Just cut back 1/3 at a time, you can break them, we even broke them down into quarters for the last 6 weeks. I know I could not say that I am going to Wal Mart Today tab free without someone's help.  And the pysch was a jerk, probably was having his secretary call your ins co just to see if you were covered to get you "in house".  My worst cravings come between 12-2 pm each day, not sure why that was but I kept telling myself, you can wait 10 more minutes, just 10, then it can turn into 15, then 20 and so on.

Thanks you guys. I appreciate all your help you have given me. I will make, at least right now (I think I can, I think I can) :>)

[MellyR]

Well my husband and I are going to have a long talk tonight and work out a plan for what to do with me. He's been making phone calls to our health insurance today to try to help me figure out where to go from here. There is only one doctor in town who is allowed to prescribe bup (thanks for the link to the bup site, by the way) so I am going to call him Monday and see if he can help. If not I'll have to decide if it's worth it to go to the methadone clinic; if not I'll just have to taper with my hydros. If I choose to do that, any suggestions on how to dose during the day? On a day to day basis, I usally take a smaller dose when I first get up (5:30am), then a large dose around noon, and sometimes another small dose in the late afternoon. Would it be best to keep dosing at my normal times but just decrease the dose? How quickly should I go? I've heard some people do better taking smaller amounts more often. Who knows. I would stronly prefer to go somewhere every day and have some medical professional dole out my meds to me. There's just something about my mindset that if it's someone else setting a schedule for me, and it's not my drug of choice, I'll feel more commited to it and feel like there's more at stake. Whereas if it's just me and my husband dishing out my same old favorite pills, it'll seem too much like the same old, same old. I hear the hardest part of quitting isn't actually the physical withdrawls, but the mental part of adjusting to being sober, is that true? I guess that's why I'm going to get counseling, I need assistance in figuring out how to stay clean. I've heard of some people using Ultram to withdraw from hydos, but from the other posts on this site, it seems like it would be going from the frying pan and into the fire. True? Has anyone here (if it's not too nosy to ask) had to come clean with their doctor and admit they were abusing the pills the doctor prescribed, or getting pills elsewhere? I'm tempted to contact my family doctor and see if he will prescribe the clonidine for once I'm off all the other stuff, or has any help to offer, but then I'd have to admit what I've done and I'm real embaressed and ashamed, and I'd be afraid he'd get mad at me (I probably would in their shoes)It sounds like a lot of people here have made a lot of progress with their problems -- good for you!! You're really giving me hope. Thanks for listening to all my trials and tribulations; you'll never know how much it has helped to be able to talk about this with people who aren't judging me, and to hear your stories as well. If I can prevail upon you guys again, anyone with an opinion or advice, let me know if there's anything in particular I'm forgetting to do or take care of, or any particular things that have worked for you. Does counseling help?

[Lostgirl]

That was definately one of the most unprofessional appointments I have heard of.  Right up there with sexual harrassment!  It is definately worth making a complaint to the board.  Having worked in the medical field, and aside from common sense, this so called "Doctor"  was very much in the wrong!  It sounds like he was much more interested in lining his bank account than possible helping anyone.  I still feel that Melly should subtract out all of the minutes he wasn't there or on the phone and take them off her bill.  In my many years as a patient with counselors or Physch docs, I have only have them interupt a session once and that was for an emergancy - suicide attempt. She immediatley asked me if I could wait or did I want to reschedule.  Most will give you undivided attention for your 50 mins.  I feel for you Melly.  To be double teamed for profit at one of your most vulnerable times is unforgivable.  But you can do this!  You got past the hard part - admitting you have a problem.  Hold in there!

[MellyR]

Your support really means a lot to me, I feel so very very frustrated and upset right now. It took so much out of me(sounds silly, I know, but it was scary for me) to make the multitude of phone calls to my health insurance, various therapists, etc., and then actually force myself to go to the appointment, and I feel like it was all for nothing. Now my health insurance will know I'm an addict, and so now I've got that going against me, but for nothing. I'm sorry I sound so negative, I was just really counting on some sort of real help and all I got was embaressed and confused. Anyway, my plan now is to see a therapist who SPECALIZES in substance abuse treatment, so I can have counseling (and possibly NA as well), but I also want some sort of med for tapering. The only reason I wanted to see a psychiatrist as opposed to a counselor was that they can prescribe; but it sounds as though only certain docs can prescribe bup and none can prescribe methadone, so unless any of you know of any opiate type thing for tapering any old doctor can prescribe, I will just go with a drug abuse counselor, and try to figure out tapering independtly of the counselor (I mean telling the counselor what I'm doing, but obviously they can't prescribe it for me). Based on what I've heard, bup and methadone are long-lasting, so unlike the hydro pain pills, it sounds like those two would be better for tapering, in avoiding the highs and then lows of it wearing off. Is there any long-lasting opiate-type drug for tapering that a regular doc/psych can rx? I prefer to go somewhere to have a health professional dole out my meds; my husband tries to dole out my pills to me for tapering, but he's such a softy that every time I say I'm sick and need just one more, he'll give me more. Or I will search the house til I find where he hid them. I know that doesn't sound like someone who wants to quit, I do want to quit more than anything, but that's how I am. If I ended up going to a methadone clinic, would they let me do like a two week program rather than 21 days? I really want to taper as quick as possible.  I do have a question regarding benzos/tranqs if anyone can help: My family doctor who initially rxd the vicodin also rxd xanax, "one at bedtime as needed". I know from past experience that I will definetely need either the klopin or xanax to get me to sleep when I get off of the painkillers. I would prefer to just keep getting the xanax from family doc since that's what I'm used to, xanax works for me, he alwyas prescribes 30 at a time, and unlike painkillers, I've never abused them. However, the psych rxd me klonpin, but only 14 of them, saying he'd refill if I came back once a week (I really really never want to see him again). This is getting long-winded, sorry, but: will I get in trouble for trying to refill my xanax, when the psych has already written out a prescription for the klopin (which I have not tried to fill yet)? Will my health insurance inform my family doc I'm an addict, that I've seen a psych, etc? I'm very embaressed for family doc to know that I've been abusing the meds he prescribed, plus obviously getting more pills elsewhere, effectively lying to him. Is there any way family doc would prescribe anything for tapering? Or at least...I think it's called clonidine? Does that help much? Any advice, please!!

[gracie97]

Melly, God do I know what you mean by ransacking thru the house to find them. I found them in one of our air ducts, my guy too is a "softy". Do you have any pain meds left? If so, I would count them out, break 'em in pieces and then make a deal with yourself and YOUR husband tell him you will hate him and cuss at him and threaten everything but to NOT give IN, it will pass. Our habit cost us $600.00 per month (he also got a few prescriptions for his back disc problem that cost is nothing), so Sunday my 3rd complete day free, I get to book a trip to Hawaii! As far as the medical records, new strict, strict laws were put in  place about what can be disclosed, but I do know from experience that they (rehab clinics) suck you in as soon as they find out you have ins. If you do not have enough to taper with, I would go to the family doctor, or check the Thomas recipe, he says you can use Xanax as a last resort, but beware it is also addictive. You can taper, I believe you can, if I can do it I believe anyone can I am the biggest wimp in the USA. Granted it has only been 24 hours with ZERO tabs but yesterday was only 1/2 and the day before was only 3/4. So I consider this progress.

[pammy0690]

I only have a few things to add.  Clondine should only be used during acute withdrawal and NOT for a taper.  Most likely a meth clinic will not do a three week detox cause they want you to stay on as long as possible to get your hard earned cash. IF you can find a doc who will prescribe Bup then that is a great option.  My husband did that for an out of control oxy habit and it worked well for him. But the doctor was willing to do anything for the two of us to get our life on track.  If you are a cronic pain patient then a pain managment doctor can prescribe bup for pain.  Otherwise family doctors may not know much about it.  Keep making your calls and keep the goal in mind!  Stay strong and keep your chin up!  Pamela

[pammy0690]

One more bit of my two cents worth!  Bup can not be used while tapering from Norco.  If you use Bup and take even one Norco you will get sick.  The way it is designed you cannot do both.  Look it up on the web there is a ton of info out there!  Good luck! Pammy

[MethMan]

Off topic, I am sure.  But I wonder how much a psychiatrist makes for his 7 day in-patient referal fee?  And if he can pawn off the job to his lame assistant, is it common practice to work other patients in on someone else's scheduled time?  And can he then double bill?
Just asking.

[Thomas050]

Hello all.
(Pain Pill Addiction - to - Methadone story)
Coming in a little late on this, but I was in a relationship with someone that was addicted to Vicodin (for 4 years). She tried very hard to quit, but could not, and anti depressants and my support didn't really help. Someone recomended a Methadone clinic, so we went and it was explained to us as a "Detox Program" for opiate addiction (Herion/opiates/pain meds etc.). It was expalined that with opiate addiction there is more to quitting than just simply stopping, because it causes a chemical change in the brain. So the counselor explained how the clinic program worked - 4 months doctor regulated stabilization on Methadone (with manditaory weekly counseling and drug testing), and then doctor monitored weaning off of the Methadone. It sounded like the answer to our prayers, so she decided to do it. As far as the clinic, they are open in the early to mid mornings 6 days a week. With Methadone you HAVE to take it every day. At first they make you go there 6 days per week to get it (with a take home for Sunday). This was difficult for us considering the clinic was an hour away in a bad part of the city and she had 3 kids and an old unreliable car. I gave 300% of myself in the relationship during that time. After 3 months she was able to get more take home privelages and only had to go twice per week. That helped a little.
Now, the probelm. After the 4 months it was time to start the detox part of the program right? Just the thought of that freaked her out. We had alot of arguments and she finally agreed to start the weaning off part. It was very gradual, dropping her dose 1 millogram every two weeks, and at that rate it would take just under two years to be done and free of it. After going down only 3 millograms, she could not do it and went back up. I ended up doing alot of research and found that most people are not able to ever get off of it, and some web sites actually compare it to insulin, a medication that is needed daily forever. Plus, the clinics allow the person to stay on it indefinitely. I was horrified because I though it was the means to then end of her addiction which had been the bane of our relationship. Not trading one addiction for another even more severe one (missing a few days doses yields horrible physical and mental anguish). One time her 4 year old daughter had a 103 degree feever and could not go to day care, and I had to work, so she took her to the clinic with her. In the freezing cold at 5 AM in the morning, an hour away in a bad part of the city. That illustrates the hold Methadone has on people.
(Personally I would be on the first train off that stuff so fast it would be record breaking!)

From experience, I recomend trying anything end everything before going on Methadone, ESPECIALLY if you are seeking to end an addiction. Know you would be going on something that is 100 times more addictive than what you are trying to get free of now, and think long and hard about the commitment you would be making. If you are seeking merely to regulate your addiction, and are OK with that kind of ball and chain in your life, then go for it.

I have heard about Bup, it has recently been approved here in the US for opiate addiction treatment. my question about that is can you ever get off of it? I read it was non addictive.

Best.
T

[MrsRat]

I've been following your posts in here.  I'm sorry to hear you ended up with a bad shrink...sounds like HE needs a shrink.

I've looked thru your posts and you haven't posted an email address in any of them, so I wanted to give mine to you.  I don't wanna type a book out here, since this thread is getting rather long now. (That means it could be cut off at any time.) I can email you all of my story and save room for others here on this thread.

The short version is, I've been a pain patient due to my Crohn's Disease, Fibro, and related female problems my entire life.  I've been on almost every painkiller out there I think and I'd be more than happy to talk with you about the stage in your life you are in and the decisions you have to make in the very near future.

One last thing, PLEASE listen to MethMan and Sharon in here.  They post the truth, methadone is one of the, if not THE hardest drug to get off of.  The clinics may tell you they will detox you, but once they get you started going in every day, they will do all they can to keep you going.  They won't make money if you are only there for a few weeks to detox, they WILL make a lot if you go on maintenance and stay for years and years.  Most insurances do not cover the clinics either, so plan on paying out anywhere from $35 to $100 (or more in a few states) a week to dose at one.

Anyway, hope to hear from you soon.  My email is: ***@****  I'm online usually if I'm awake, so I will get back to you asap once I hear from ya.

[MellyR]

Well as fate would have it...I am unable to get any more painkillers until Monday, so I am being forced by circumstances beyond my control to start tapering down this weekend with the moderate amount I have. Also, my oldest kid is spending the night at a friend's house tonight, so I am getting at least a little bit of a break here. It seems like maybe it's a sign that now is the time to quit. So I am going to start tapering on my own this weekend, hopefully get in with a therapist this week, and let's all pray that when I get more meds on Monday, I am able to just hand it over to my husband to dole out to me on a tapering schedule. Although I don't feel it's really fair to him to put him in the position of doling out my meds to me (it puts quite a strain on our marraige as he cannot win, I get upset if he withholds them as we agreed and only gives me the alloted amount, and if he caves in and gives me what I want, then an hour later I'm upset that we didn't follow through with my plan)I don't know what else to really do. I am going to try to see if the bup doctor will take me on, if not I guess I will just continue tapering with my own meds. Does anyone know: if I do get in to see a counselor who specilizes in drug addiction, would she be allowed to take my meds from me and dole them out to me? Probably not, I'm guessing, but I really hate having my husband in this position. I wish I was strong enough to just see the bottle of pills and be responsible enough to just take them on a tapering schedule myself without someone else having to hold onto them, but at this point I cannot. I see the bottle full of pills, and as much as I know I'm going to hate myself in an hour, I can't help myself. It's so sick. When will I get control of myself? Please keep posting with ANY thoughts or advice you guys have, you have NO idea how much your willingness to listen to me and offer your thoughts has helped.

[gracie97]

I think for some reason, someone special has intervened to force you into tapering this weekend. I know it is hard on the hubby, it was on my honey and he was hooked as well (not hubby, but we live together as a couple and have known each other 20 years now)but you guys promised "for better or worse" and maybe this is the worst. I threw my share of tantrums at first and he gave in, again and again. But once I, I can't stress that part enough, made the promise to just start taking 3/4 tab instead of a whole one, then 1/2 instead of 3/4 quarters (still keeping my normal systematic schedule)it got easier. I yelled, I screamed and then went upstairs or down stairs and made myself think about it: How bad do I want this monkey off my back? How ashamed am I  of my self, needlessly-just because of some stupid "pill". It does not control us, but it makes us think it does becuase it preys on our weakness- get mad at the pills, not yourself or your husband. Cuss out the doctor or person who got you on them. You can do this, I finally passed the ZERO tab mark of 48 hours today, and I almost cry because I am sooooooooo happy. Go see my post about when we flushed the remaining pieces down the toilet. It really is funny. Hang in there, I know you can do this. My voices in my head now sing" I think , I can, I think I can, and today "I KNOW I can....

[MellyR]

That's wonderful, Gracie, that you are able to stop, and that your honey was able to help you. My husband takes painkillers as well, but he takes 2-3 per day, and if he has to go without, it doesn't affect him that much. If you believe there are certain people with "addictive" personalities, that would be me, and my husband is one of those people I wish I could be, who can take it or leave it, no big deal. My husband won't be here on Monday when I get my new bottle of pills, he wants me to drive down to his work and hand it over to him to dole out. I want to do that, too, but I'm so darned weak, I don't know what will happen. The rational part of my mind realizest that this MUST end for so many reasons, but the bad part of me wants "one last time, I'll quit tommorrow". That of course is what I have been telling myself for a year now. I keep hating myself for being so weak. Well, anyway, as this weekend goes on and I crave and crave, I'll probably post a lot, just as a way of keeping tabs on myself and also to keep myself busy. I won't be offended if nobody responds, but if anyone has anymore of your wonderful advice or encouragment, please post replies!! By the way, LostGirl, (totally off subject, you guys, feel free to skip this boring part) it sounds like you and I have a lot in common, especially with our mothers, you've mentioned yours seems maybe hesitant as to  exactly how to offer help, or maybe just doesn't understand what help is needed. I don't know how your mom is, but my mom doesn't work, doesn't really have any activities (social or otherwise) she goes out with a friend maybe twice a month, and complains about how "lame" she feels for not doing anything, when her relatives and friends do so much. Yet when I ask for her to babysit, it's always such an ordeal. I definetly understand that she doesn't owe me anything, my parents always provided for me materially until I was an adult, I have nothing to complain about with her, she no way is obligated to do anything for me. But a lot of grandparents I know complain how they don't "get" to spend enough time with their grandkids. On the other hand, of course, there's probably people who would look at my situation and say you're lucky your parents babysit at all, mine don't. This is totally off subject I know, but there's been so many times when I just felt so overwhelmed and desperately needed a break and I would ask my mom to babysit for even just a couple hours, you know whenever it would be convenient for her, and she would say oh but then I'd have to drive over etc etc. and I just know that in the month ahead while I'm trying to beat this thing, I am going to really want/need a break from my kids once in a while(don't get the wrong idea, I love them so much and they're pretty good kids, but still, they are kids, which means they need lots of attention and care, and are a lot of work.)I wish she would say, okay since you don't feel good and you're stuck at home with the kids, I'll come get the kids, take them to their activities, and feed them dinner. What a fantasy!! I know I shouldn't complain, who am I to ask so much, at least she does occasionally babysit I guess it just comes down to my fear of trying to balance my kids needs with my lack of energy while I'm quitting. My husband lets me lie down or watch tv while he watches the kids in another room whenever I've gone through withdrawl in the past, but that's of course for the 1.5 hours he's home from work while they're awake. Okay, I'm obviously just completely rambling now, sorry.

[gracie97]

Melly, you and I are in a similiar situation. My honey, was also on prescribed pain killers, he quit CT 8 days ago, I am only on 48+ hours now. He has a serious back problem but he knew we BOTH needed to get the monkey off my back so he has given them up for me and also himself. You can do this where are? I will baby sit (if u could even consider it) my sister lets me, but she doesn't know about the tabs. I am also an addictive person, (my quirky lover boy just came in singing " I can see clearly now that the "pills" are gone") It brought tears to my eyes, this seems to keep happening every afternoon, the depression seeks in. I am also coughing so bad that I get dizzy...(I dble my smoking while "having fun with the stupid tabs"

[Lostgirl]

I have another alternative for you if you can't get to the Bub Dr soon.  The first time I had to go CT becuase I ran like you only my Dr was on Vac!  Yikes.  I was up pretty high by then.  After I went thru WD, about 3 weeks later, I went to my reg Dr. and told him that I just really wanted to get off of the narcotics and try something easier on my system and not so addictive.  Now of course I didn't tell him that I was adding extra refills to RXs and totally abusing them.  But I told him that I had done some research and realized that there was going to be withdrawls involved and would he help me make up a schedule for tapering and if there was anything to help me with the WDs.  We sat down and went over several things, gave me a RX for Xanax and Clonidine and asked if I need a refill to taper.  Of course I was already off by then so I said no!  )Good Girl then bad Girl now!) Since I was doing it myself and not forced by him becuase he thought I was taking too many, he was very approachable.  Anyway what I am trying to tell you is that you can go in with this positive attitude of trying to improve your health and possibly get some help with your regular doc, then if nothing else you still have the other doctor to check out if it doesn't work well with him.  It might also be faster to get in and see him as you are already a patient.  It does leave it open to get more scripts, but then you will have to deal with your own self control at that point.  Also, when you need REAL pain relief, he is still your Dr that you normally go to.  Does this make sense? (it is after all 530 am here!)  You might even be able to tell him how hard this is going to be mentally and could you just get your RX filled and drop it off with his nurse and pick up your doseages everyday, so that you know you will stick to the plan!

Send me an email at ***@**** and I will trade stories
with you about Mommies!

Just remember, Nobody is perfect, But EVERYBODY has strong and weak points! We know what one of your weak points is, And it sounds like one of your strong points is that you are a very kind, concerned and loving mother!

Just give a ring on the internet line!  

LostGirl

[RobynBanks]

Melly, (re: Xanax prescription) I don't think the pharmacy or insurance co. would call your doc. They wouldl just deny you benefits. They are an insurance co. so they just care about the $. The meth clinic probably has a 21 day detox because it is better to come down slower (21 days is still fast) in order to reduce the chance of relapse.
Thomas050: (re: your girlfriend's meth experience) Anyone contemplating methadone detox or maintenace should always do their research. Its a strong narcotic drug - no messing around. If you are 'not sure' what to do...don't go on meth. In order for a meth detox to be successful, the participant has to have a strong goal to get off meth and an iron will. You can't really have thought it was the 'answer to your (your girlfriend's) prayers'??If your gullible, methadone will take you down (or further down),smack you upside the head and keep its foot planted on you chest for the rest of your life. Some people consider it like Insulin  or a blood pressure med and accept that they will have to take their daily dose for the rest of their lives. If you don't take your Insulin or blood pressure meds, you could die. If you don't take your methadone, you WILL NOT die (though you may feel like it). So, to me that doesn't make sense. Methadone buys you time to stabilize your life or allows you to maintain a dependancy to narcotics in a legal and safe manner-that's it.
Its unfortunate that in the states you have to dose at the meth clinic...I can see how it is no different than street drugs in regards to lining up in an undesirable location every morning and the company you keep in the line up. I am lucky being in Canada- I go every mornng to the pharmacy at the top of my street to dose and am treated with respect like any other customer. My methadone prescription is also free (because I have private health insurance). I do have to see a doctor once per week at the meth clinic after giving a urine sample but I am not held hostage on methadone. It IS possible to come off of meth just as it is possible to detox off of any narcotic. I have done it and remained clean for 7.5 yrs. The detox was not fun (like any other narcotic withdrawl) and it did take a considerably longer time than other narcotics before I felt myself again. I was able to do this when I had been on meth for 1.5 yrs and was READY in every way to tackle the detoxification process. Meth bought me the time to work at my life until I was strong mentally and physically therefore  ready to kick some methadone ass...right out of my life. So...it all depends on the person...you really can't judge methadone on the basis of your girlfriend's experience (nevermind the fact that you are telling someone elses story second person-not from your own experience). The key is to use methadone with a purpose and a goal in mind NOT to let it use you and then you blame methadone.
Robyn.

[MellyR]

Has anyone had any success in finding anything to help with the cold sweats/chills/hot flashes etc. when you're withdrawing? My number one problem is my lethargy/slugishness and feeling like I can barely move, but I also hate that skin-crawling feeling of being cold and sweaty and shivery at the same time. Ick!! Also, is there any food that stays down easy when you're withdrawing? The only thing so far I can handle is popscicles. I did not do a good job tapering this weekend, I had enough to take a very small morning dose today, now I'm out until I get more tommorrow morning, at which point I hope to take half (or less) my usual amount, then give the bottle over to my husband to dole out. Once you get past the withdrawls, what's it like mentally to be sober? I mean, do you enjoy having a clear head etc. or do you constnatly wish you were high? Not that I actually get high anymore, but I do get numb. Sigh. Someone was asking where I live, I'm in Northern California. How many people here have found that counseling helped? Can anyone tell me what they personally think the most important thing in quitting is (couseling, support of family, willpower, etc)

[gracie97]

Well, now I believe this WD experience @@@@@ sucks! I think this has been the worst day of all no. 4 with no tabs-period-ZERO for 4 days, maybe I am just being a wimp. This morning started out great but after about one hour things turned for this worst. Melly, I am FORCING myself to move, to type these messages. I am "pooping" my guts out, my mother who doesn't know keeps calling and came over and just pushing me to death, sent me a mean e-mail for not getting out of bed when she came by (uninvited). She wanted to come give me some ZANAX to ease my "depression" I told her I had some valium if I wanted to take it but I don't or won't, she has NO idea what I am going thru right now. She said "some people just have to realize they need meds to function" Man, oh Man did I want to tell her off. I told her some people just need to realize that they have an addictive brain and that I am one of those peeople. Anyone out there please, please tell us how much longer......I have to go back to a very STRESSFULL work place tomorrow.

[mystere]

You are doing GREAT! Please stay with it and things will look a lot better in the morning! Day four in my humble opinion is about the brunt of the withdrawal and things start to significantly get better after that!  Are you taking the L-Tyrosine and B-6?  It really does help the lethargy. Also the immodium A.D.?--I know the feeling of being anxious about going back to work but you will see--everything will be fine! I worked during some of my withdrawal and if you can post here! It certainly helped me!--You are in my prayers--Peace Mystere/ AKA N.O. Lady

[gracie97]

Oh, thank you so much for posting, I am dying here in IN. Everyone seems to be on PC time and I have no one to talk to but Rick (my honey) who is on day 9 and singing "I can see clearly now ths PILLS are gone" I told him I was going to punch him in the NOSE as soon as I had the strength too. I can't eat, but I have been taking all the vitamins in the Thomas Receipe, also took the Imodium (immodium) 1 hour ago and have only been to Po__p, once since then. I thought I was doing so good, but man I now feel like someone beat the $$$$ out of me and threw me down the stairs. Why is it harder on day 4? I had tapered down to a max reg schedule of 3 a day b4 my real taper that started last Tues. 4/22????? Which was one broken into pieces through out a day. I feel like such a wimp compared to what everyone else has gone through...............

[mystere]

Dear Heart YOU ARE NOT A WIMP!--The fact that you could taper is absolutely fantastic--I never could!  Everyone is different during the withdrawals but please believe what everyone else here has said that IT DOES GET BETTER!--I have found that one thing we addicts are not known for is patience! Time seems to stand still during withdrawal!  You are doing Great! I can relate to everything and I do mean everything that you are going through!  During my initial withdrawals I'd feel OK one minute then anxious then barely being able to put one foot in front of the other because of the lethargy.  Please hang in there--you really will start to come out the other side and soon!  You are in my thoughts and prayers--Much Love Mystere AKA N.O. Lady
(tommorow at work I'll post as N.O. Lady)

[gracie97]

OK Monday morning now. First day back to work tab free day #5. I immediately came downstairs,  got my coffee and looked for my "allotment" for the morning pure, pure habit. Then I starting laughing and let the dogs out to pee. Let's see if I can get into the shower by 6 am. I was so used to sittin around for 20 minutes and watching the news once I got that high, maybe I will make it to work early today. hehhehhe

I can't post from my work because we have "PC" monitors in our IS department.  
Thanks to every one for all your support last week. Mystere, thanks for laughing with me. I am afraid it is going to be a very long day. (not what I really need at this point) but it just might do my brain some good. Sometimes at work I would get caught up in things that I could manage to shake up my  tab schedule by at least an hour.
Managed to sleep last night, woke up once for 2 hours, no more toilet problems, but still didn't eat. I will take my vitamins now.

Melly, hope things work out for you and your family!

[mystere]

Just thought I'd catch you before you went in to work!--Mondays suck anyway you look at them-but you are going to see everything will work out!--I've got so much paperwork piled up on my desk I don't even know where to start-But I'll just take it one step at a time--Good Luck Hon I know You'll do GREAT!--I'll post again today from work and when I get home--Much Love Peace and Prayers Mystere/AKA N.O. Lady

[peaz]

Hey Girl!! I am sitting here laughing at your amusing post about punching your husband in the nose for singing "I can see clearly now the pills are gone..." (I am a DJ  so tell him I'll play that song and dedicate it to him--what's his name???LOL)  Your sense of humor is what's going to get you through this, sweets.  You're  mostly feeling like a strung-out piece-O-****, but you're STILL hangin' in there and doing VERY well.  It just doesn't SEEM that way to YOU...LOL  Just remember it gets better w/ every passing day. This is day 5, right??  God, I agree w/ Mystere, this is a "rounding of the bend" so to speak, so things will improve at a faster rate; at least you won't be shitting yourself to death much longer....LOL  (I love this imagery so early in the morning....)  How about this: post after work and let us know where you are on the "1-to-10 Scale". Then we'll talk. Keep up the good work and keep smilin'.....Peazy

[peaz]

I posted to you SOMEWHERE......LOL  Certainly you have time to read every post in order to find it.......!! Hope you're doin' great.   Luv,   ( that's a 70's thang..)  Peazy