Methadone detox... Pushing forward

[Dryan8313]

I dropped to 10mg today! WhoooHooo!
I was giving myself every reason in the book yesterday to just stay at 11mg, and to not drop my dose today. But, after some great advice and words of wisdom from Joel (BanMethadone); I realized that excuses, were just that. Excuses. It's not going to get any easier so what am I waiting for? If I cave to the excuses I'm giving myself now, who's to say I won't cave later and end up in a really bad spot?
Not only did I decrease as scheduled, but I also already have my 9mg doses for next week! I'm not giving myself the chance or option not to decrease next week. So that's one less thing I can obsess about since it's already a done deal (I go to the clinic bi-weekly and get 13 take homes)

What I do find myself obsessing about, is taking something for sleep, or for anxiety. Everyday I have to talk myself out of calling a doctor for ambien, or Xanax. I just "know" they would give me some relief and some sleep! But, my fear of being dependent or addicted to another med, stops me from making that phone call every... single... day.

I haven't even considered for a single moment, in my 9 years on methadone, of using or taking ANYTHING but my daily dose. No cravings, no thoughts of using... Nothing. Now, it's all I think about. It scares me how easily and quickly these thoughts are able to creep back into my head after 9 years. Thank god they're SO strong, and so right there hitting me like a ton of bricks, that I'm able to recognize them and be on HIGH alert. My brain keeps trying to trick me into thinking it's ok. My goal is to be methadone free so who cares if I need to take other stuff to get to the end result? Then I tell myself that if I were to get hooked on pills again, that all this pain, discomfort, and the past 9 years of my life... Would have all been for nothing! That just can't happen and is NOT ok with me.
Just wanted to share what's going on in my head... I hate that I doubt whether or not I can successfully do this every day.
My doctor offered me clonidine (blood pressure med). Is it ok to take? If so... Should I wait until I'm done with my taper? Or should I or can I use it now? Will it even help with anxiety and sleep?
Feels like I'm fishing for an "ok" to use something... Ugh....

[Dryan8313]

Thank you all for the wonderful words and support!!! It's definitely helped keep me going all these weeks!
I think I may slow it down a bit my next visit to the clinic, at 8mg. I guess it depends on how I'm feeling.
I also think I'll wait for the clonidine as well for when I really need some relief. Right now OTC sleep meds are working for nighttime zzzz's but sometimes I feel like they're tearing my stomach up... I'm consistently having to  increase the amount that I take :(
I'm gonna keep pushing thru the discomfort though... I'm SOO determined to get my life back after being in a constant haze for 9 years!
(((Hugs)))

[Jenelle2020]

Hi Dee , you are doing a great job!!! As gnarly says, the last 10mgs are the hardest and from my own experience, I had to space out my drops from 10mgs on, I did mine every 10-14 days, that way your body gets used to it and you don't feel as much withdrawal. I know that you want to get this done ASAP but I urge you to listen to your body. Try not to think of what it will be like after you are off, just be glad you are getting off this nasty drug!  As for the Clonidine, I took it after I finished my detox, but for me it did nothing and it was useless taking it. Others have gotten sufficient relief from it, guess you will just have to try it for yourself. It won't hurt you anyway. I tried using Zoplicone when I was withdrawing ( think it is the same as Ambien??) but it did nothing so I stopped using it. I don't take anything for sleep and have been off methadone for 13  months now and still don't sleep well, it is what it is, and again, like gnarly says " you have to be okay without being okay for a while". I was taking Clonazepam while on methadone ( I it's a bad mix but I had been on it for years ) but it did somewhat help my withdrawal but I have been tapering off them and am now down to less than half of my original dose to begin with, it's not something you want to get in to . I am on antidepressants now, as you know, and they have been a miracle drug for me, took away all the nausea and OCD thoughts I had after coming off methadone. We are all different though and respond differently to withdrawal, no two are the same. I went for 8 months just trying to get through the withdrawal and was just too sick so I gave in to the antidepressants and so glad I did. I am not suggesting you do this too, just telling you of my experience. Well girl, you are almost there and doing great, I know it's not fun but you should be proud of yourself for doing this after being on for 9 years! Take care and please keep posting to let us know how you are doing.

[VICourageous]

Hi..Good for you and I pray you will have a way less intense w/d that will not go on for a while. You should be just fine doing a nice and easy Taper..Proud of YOU!!!
I was one who could not taper on my 12 year ride on this Beast..I gave it my best shoot for YEARS! Did get down form a high dose to 30 mg and had to jump off or die..BUT I also was on 2 others meds, that I should have never mixed with the Dones.
I waited about 2 weeks before I took the cloindine.(I was to stubborn to take any meds). I could only take it at night and for a short time.
This Med works ok for the Anxiety & Sleep..If you are OK right now then maybe wait until you really need it.
You will make it, but it will take a bit of time for your Brain & Body to re-adjust from the removal of these stims..Just keep drinking TONS of water to help flush Methadone out. It does not like to let go to easy. Very synthetic..
I have to agree with Gnarly..I would not have all this time in if it was not for the Support I get in all areas. Staying Clean and Sober, now that is when the work really begins.
Bless

[gnarly_1]

Hey  good to see you your getting there we cannot give out taper plans but you seem to be on the right track keep pluging along in time you will break free the last 10 are the hardest to do even a 1mg drop in dose causes withdrawals for around 4 days  you just get use to it and then wam you got to drop dose again as for sleep just get use to the fact that your not going to sleep well for a wile sleep is one of methadones hardest parts  that and the energy crash just keep going it is critical that you seek out aftercare  N/A is free and it works great for me I recamend it to everyone keep posting for support we all want to see you beat this thing good luck and God bless........................Gnarly................................