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Mom needs help to stop
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Mom needs help to stop

I am a mom of 3 (5 year old, 3 year old and a 1 year old) I work and then come home to do everything at home. I don't really know how this all started but I have become honest with myself to say I have a problem. Secretly taking Vicodin for over a year. I want to stop. I have to stop. I have been crying so bad thinking about the future that I am creating for my kids. What if I die, what would happen to them?!?! I am so stressed and depressed about this. I don't need motivation to stop, I need strength. I want to be done with these stupid pills so bad. Please advise me, or just give me some encouraging words. I have to stop this. I am trying to slowly decrease the amount. Because when I tried to just quit I couldn't do anything at home or work. And I have 3 kids depending on me, so that made it impossible. I had zero energy and my plate of things to do is so full. Ugh. I can do this right?!?!
Tags: mom, help, Vicodin, Vicodin kids, encouragement
15 Comments Post a Comment
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954005_tn?1304630205
Of course you can do this! You made a great first step, you made the decision to stop.  And another great step is coming on here for support.  It's early, and I'm not sure how busy today will be, but you will get a lot of support here.  If you can give us a little more info, we may be able to help you better.  So, why did you start taking vicodin? and is it prescribed to you by a doctor, or do you get it elsewhere? What dose are they, how many do you take each day, and how many each time? There are ways to stop that can minimize the withdrawal symptoms, and while you are here, take a look on this page down on the right towards the bottom under "Health Pages" and look at the "Thomas Recipe"...it has great info about vitamins, supplements, and diet/exercise that you can do during this process to make you feel better, have more energy, and start getting your body back to how it used to function.  This is a safe non-judgemental place to come for support, and welcome:)
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi :)

you must have started to get your head into the game already by admitting the problem and coming on here.  
I am a professional person that has battled with addiction.  Methadone addiction after having cancer.

Like myself, just think of your kids.  They make this process so much easier.  

My first step was admitting my problem to my GP.  Telling him you have starting using street bought drugs is embarrassing, but hey its not an STD ;)  Be strong(which I can hear you are from your words), you WILL get through this..

I will have my fingers crossed for you, good luck

x
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi, thanks for replying. It was prescribed for my back. I had issues after my youngest was born. But somehow it spiraled out if control. I came up with every excuse to have my doctor refill my prescription. I feel like such an awful person. I can't put into words how weak and selfish I feel. What an awful mom I am for letting this happen. I started taking 2 pills a day, 5 mg hydrocodone but then it became 4-6 pills a day. It's part of a routine, wake up take a pill, eat lunch take a pill, get off work take a pill. God, m so angry with myself. I want this to all end now. I looked up Thomas recipe, I am going to try it. Anything to help. It's so hard to do laundry, vacuum, make lunches, give baths, when I feel like I'm dying inside.
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Avatar_m_tn
I would advise you to come clean with your GP.  I was nearly crying when telling the man who helped me beat cancer, what I was doing behind his back.

He is trained in this sort of stuff.   Also having someone onside who can actually start to help you handle this problem, will feel like a right weight off, believe me.
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932659_tn?1332122304
I also responded to your post over on the social side, I'm glad it was moved over here :)
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932659_tn?1332122304
I just copied and pasted this from the other post :)
Hello,
Of course you can do this!  Never stop repeating that to yourself as you go through the process.  It will be hard, but it will be worth it.  Taking them isn't fun anymore, with all the stress and depression now, that's what tends to happen after awhile.  They don't produce energy anymore, you start getting depressed, etc., and it will just get worse, trust me.  Turn to your kids for motivation.  They need their Mommy around for life.  If you can continue to decrease the amount, great!  Few people can taper themselves, but many do and cold turkey just isn't an option.  If you find tapering to get difficult, is there anybody you can trust to hold them for you?  Is there a significant other in the picture?  You may also want to post this in the substance abuse forum (this is the social side so you may not get as many answers), but YES, you CAN do this.
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm so embarrassed to admit to anyone. I don't want to tell my husband. I want to just be better! I tried to speak with a doctor about it, and that turned into the worst experience. She actually fell asleep while I poured my heart out, then prescribed lexapro and ushered me out of the office.

I keep repeating to myself that I can do this. This time I can. Mind over matter, right? I want to be strong. I want this so bad.
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Avatar_m_tn
hey,

Im sorry about the experience you had with your GP.  If that is the same GP for your whole family I would change.  Ask friends or neighbors of any sympathetic docs in your area.  

Im not married , but have been with my GF for over 25 years, I HAD to tell her.  Although she did take the alanon approach, let me know it was MY problem, although she did keep the house and the kids going, while I detoxed.

I started to think that she lacked compassion, but I was wrong, that was just her way of dealing with things.  She is diff now :)

I hope some of this helps,, be strong ..
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3955352_tn?1349100497
Wow first off that just pisses me off....... the fact that you are pouring your heart out to any doctor and they would fall asleep .ok moving on you will get so much encouragement on here .I will admit telling my husband and 4he rest of my family was very hard but I don't regret it because I have the support I need .and you will need support if not fromhim try to find another person you can confide in. I  read that you only take 4 to 6 a day of the 5 mg? That is a low dose compared to some I have read that take 40 a day .I'm in the same boat as you I was on a little more than you but I made the decision to taper .It is very doable when done correctly.you almost don't even know your tapering.with that said  you have to be prepared mentally .when you commit you CAN NOT cheat (you know 1 or 2 won't hurt one last high) because you will start right back from the beginning. I won't lie tapering has been a true test of willpower for me.I'm 4 weeks on my plan and I'm almost done.every day you get closer to your goal is very rewarding and worth it. Like everyone else said look to you kids for  strength. Good luck and keep posting :)

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954005_tn?1304630205
Sorry I was gone for a lil bit, but you have gotten some great advice! See how amazing this place is? So many people are here to support you and give you great advice.  

I had the same feelings that you did....how could i do this, i am a horrible mother, i am the most selfish person in the world, how could i do this to my husband and children???
I have a lot of health issues, and some pretty horrible pain, but I knew that I had a problem and needed help.  And the first person I told was my husband.  I had messed up on my prescriptions a few times before I stopped for good...I had few surgeries over a few years with long recoveries,  so I wasn't able to stop then, or at least I wasn't ready.  So one of the times that I ran out early, I started going into withdrawals, and it had happened before, but I had been so ashamed, and I'd never told him...or anyone... and I poured my heart out and told him everything.  I told him I took too many sometimes and it was such a relief to not have that secret any more...a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.  And he was so understanding and he said it wasn't anything I did on purpose.  He would then help me by giving me my meds or asking me how I was doing with them, but he couldn't always do that because he is gone for days at a time with work, and of course I would tell him I was ok, I didn't want to burden him, or admit I had done it again....I still didn't understand why I was doing this.  Anyway, I knew I had a problem for a long time, and finally I decided that what I was doing was dangerous, and I needed to stop,  I was to the point that I was afraid I wouldn't wake up one morning, because I was taking more than I was prescribed, and I was out of control...and I could not stop thinking that what if my kids found me? And I called my husband.  It was like the first time all over again...I was ashamed, I was so scared to tell him....and he was again, so understanding and loving and it helped so much.  I needed his support so badly.  I hope you can tell your husband....keeping the secret will really keep you from healing all the way.  

Telling your husband is especially important in your case, because your doctor was not supportive to you.  Is that the doctor who prescribed to you in the first place? Shame on her.  And did you start taking lexapro? I would maybe get a 2nd opinion about that, you may very well need it, I don't know, but since she has acted so questionably when you met with her, I would get another opinion.  

I just want to tell you a few things I have learned about my addiction... these drugs are very addictive, and it is very easy for some people to become addicted to them.  It is nothing to be ashamed of, it happens.  And you should be very proud that you have decided to quit.  You are a great mother for doing this, and I don't think you were an awful mother before you made the decision.  Addiction changes the way we think, so try not to beat yourself up too much about this,  

Are you going to be able to taper? Do you have any left to be able to slowly wean a little bit? You are not on a huge dose per day, so I think if you do decide to just stop, you can do it...cold turkey is possible, even at much higher amounts, so you can definitely consider it.  If you do that, then you need to get rid of any pills you have left....flush them.  If you have them, when you feel the withdrawals, you will take them.  Either way you decide, I'm glad you are looking at the Thomas Recipe...get all of the things you need BEFORE you stop, so you are prepared.  And keep posting! Let us know how you are doing:)
  
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2333944_tn?1342915967
I just want to offer you some encouragement.   That is about how many a day I was taking, only I was taking 10 mg.  This is completely doable.   Do not be afraid of withdrawal.   That is a mistake many people make, especially people like you and I who aren't taking a big amount.   We are afraid, and we can keep putting it off, dreading it, and before you know it, taking more and more.   So this is the time to quit.   I quit CT.   I am in my mid 60's.  I felt bad for about a week....didn't sleep at all for a couple of nights, and poorly for a few after that.   I just felt sick and tired, but the main thing is to take the time you need....about a week, and just do it.   Just think....in a week, it will be over and you can get on with dealing with the reasons you took them in the first place.   I had some lethargy following week one, but I had become dependent on pills instead of food and vitamins, so if you do this, get some supplements for sure.    

First thing you must do....stop being down on yourself.   Realize you have a job to do....it's the right thing to do....you are strong enough to do...and hunker down and get it done.    You will get plenty of support here, and it is nothing to be afraid of.   You've had three kids....I can tell you, it doesn't hurt nearly as bad as labor pain.  ;)   Come on now....you can do this!
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Avatar_m_tn
You have already made the first step by admitting to yourself that there's a problem good for you honestly that was the hardest thing for me to do.  I also have a job and come home to kids who have sports homework after school activities. and and a beautiful wife that has been very supportive of my detox period.  I am on day 4 and I feel so much better its seriously amazing I know i'm not out of the woods yet but I went to my Dr on day 3 and told him to red flag me for NO NARCOTICS I told my wife which wasn't easy but shes supporting me.  Build yourself a support system cut off all ties and focus on whats mst important in your life your kids your family and always being there for them and best of all you will feel GREAT I promise.  Hang in there we are all behind you cheering you on.
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Avatar_f_tn
i was just like you..i have 27 days clean..single mom..4 yrs addict. i no how you feel.. i went many rounds with this, always trying to figure out how to detox with kids a job the house & so forth..any time i started i went back because of needing the energy & sleep to do ALL this..but it only got worse..you will need about 1 week for yourself  to get threw the worse part ( its do able  ) you can do this i promise, might seem impossible to you now but many mothers have done this, if you can taper down it will be easier, but if not..just jump !! even moms get the flu...then you must protect yourself from yourself PLEASE go to na meetings..i never thought i could make the time or find the nerve to go, but its the only reason i am able to sit her & tell you this ..give yourself this time to get right..your life depends on it...if it was 1 of your kids going threw this i'm sure you would move heaven & earth to do what ever you had to ..being the GREAT mother that you are ..so give them the gift of YOU again..i no you are scared as was i & every other person a head of you...so you will do this affraid..when it got to the point that i felt hopeless threw the detox ( day 3 & 4..i pulled out the photo album..when things where good..before this nitemare of pills...because i wanted nothing more then to be a good mother & a happy women again & the only way is threw it..i would do it ALL over again !! god willing i'll never have to..na to me is like insurance that i NEVER need to feel like that again...you can do this...give yourself the gift of YOU again...your kids will be fine for 1 week of mommy being sick...for a life time of mommy being mommy again...and remember.. be kind to yourself threw this prosess...you have beat yourself up enough !!  it gets better i promise..it fact..its even better..i have'nt been this happy in years...i can feel again !! being clean & free from those pills is the best thing i EVER did for myself..and my kids...you can too..i believe in you & will help you any way i can...this forum helped me so much as we are ALL  in this together.. 1 addict helping another is how its done.. and 1 day soon you will help some one, in fact you ALL READY HAVE...me..thank you...god bless......now get busy making your plan to get clean with the same energy you did to get your pills.. and you will be on your way to the life you can only dream of now...its only 1 week away..then every day keeps getting better...then 1 day..very soon you will be smiling & laughing with your kids again..this mom is..and so CAN YOU...sara
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you all for all the advice and positive words. The doctor who prescribed the pain meds is my GP, the one who fell asleep was a psychologist I went to for help after to try and stop, but that didn't work. It ended up making me feel even more ashamed and embarrassed. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I remember reading an article in parents magazine about moms who secretly have been drinking or taking pills, and thinking it was me, and how did this happen?! I want to be me so badly again. I want to be happy for real and smile, and enjoy all the gifts I've been given. I want to be the person everyone around me thinks I am. I think it's so unfair how people are always telling me they are envious of me and my family, that I have it all, that my kids are so awesome, and god, if they only knew. I plan on tapering off, I honestly just don't have anyone to help out while I'm miserable and withdrawing. My husband works ALOT, and has a lot to deal with concerning his father and sister. So it's just me here majority of the time. I'm going to do this, somehow, I have to, I cannot handle the emotional roller coaster that I have been on!!!
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954005_tn?1304630205
If you can, go to your doctor, and tell him you would like assistance getting off the pills...there are some prescriptions that can make withdrawals a lot more bearable...clonidine is one--a blood pressure med, that helps with a lot of the symptoms, and then sometimes they prescribe a small amount of something like valium or ativan to help with sleep for the week of detox....but the benzos like valium and ativan are very addictive so should only be taken for a very limited time, and only uinder dr. supervision.  But  the combination of clonidine and a benzo like valium are used commonly in hospitals for detox, and I have had them and they do help a lot.  Your doctor may also assist you with a taper schedule.  Your doctor knows that these medicines are addictive, and that our bodies become physically dependent on them when taken for a long term.  Your doctor has prescribed these to you, so he/she will likely help you discontinue them.
I'm going to send you a quick PM too, so check your inbox in a few:)
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