More than I expected

[Tom86]

So Im a recovering pain pill addict.  Almost  clean a year.  My wife has surgery last tuesday and brings home a huge bottle of pain pills.  I knew this was coming and had my Dr. prescribe oral naltrexone which I started that monday.  I knew if I was to take any it just wouldnt be worth it.  I have not been in to them but my problem is that I have been thinking about them non-stop since they came in the house and its about to drive me crazy.  No cravings just obsessed thinking about them.  Anyone else had this happen?  

[Fireby29]

You have gotten a lot of great advice, and it sounds like you are exactly aware of the risk.  Hang in there!

Bryan

[YesLife4Me]

Write down every time she takes a pill and at what time.   It will help keep accountability for how many pills were taken.   Doing that makes it a little harder to take one here or there because the totals wouldn't add up.    Other than that, the rest is all good advice too.  

I often wonder about alcoholics since there is always a place to get more booze.   The only difference is they aren't sneaking around in dark corners to get their drug of choice.   That would be hard knowing all you had to do was drive down the street.   I know as an addict that if I really wanted pills I could find some, but there was never any guarantees that I could get them or more once those ran out.   Now I tell myself using isn't an option...I play the tape out to the end.  And it always ends ugly.  

[kyle505]

Does your wife know you're an addict? If not, tell her.  If she does, then let her know your struggle so she can help you, i.e. count her meds daily, keep them with her or even hide them if need be. Your head wont stop. Similar things have happened to me many times during my 13 months clean. If I hadn't told my wife that I'm an addict - that I steal pills - I probably would have relapsed. Your thoughts are normal. The mental struggle never stops. She needs to know.

[Miss_Creative]

Agreed, everyone has awesome advice on here! Glad you are taking steps to avoid getting back into the vicious pill cycle. I was 3 days clean when my husband fractured his spine in an accident... I gave into the temptation because I thought I had everything under control. By the time he left the hospital I was at it more than ever - totally spiraling. Stay strong!!! You can do this!!! We keep our RX locked up in a safe now. Three guesses who DOES NOT have the key...  

[killerzoey]

That's such a great idea about Naltrexone! I wish you luck, can't really add anything beyond what others have said who have much more knowledge than  I. Hang in there :)

[OpenMind24hours]

My wife has rheumatoid arthritis. She has my DOC Hydro in her purse every now and then. Best I can do is go to my recovery program, work my recovery. Thinking about them comes natural for an addict like me. I'm also an alcoholic. Joined AA in 1982, went back out 2 years ago when I went on Hydro and started abusing them.  Got a Liquor store at the end of our street and a bar just 2 blocks away. Sometimes I also see ppl drinking on TV in the ads and I wish I could drink like them. But I know I can't. Using quit working for me. I know how everything will end up.  I can't control it, never could. The best any one of us with this insidious disease can do is go to aftercare as if our lives depend on it, and work our recovery in all aspects of our lives. If you're doing this Tom you're going to be okay.

[clean_in_ks]

Hey Tom...since I don't know you very well other than your recent posts, so I just went back and read your post of Jan 15th "Advice for those that want to stop using".   After reading that thread and this one, I learned a few things about you.  You have LOTS of clean time, you have a sponsor, you believe in meetings, you don't keep secrets and you understand what our addict brains will do and the lies they will continue to feed us.  So, even tho I haven't found myself in your situation w/having my spouse's pills for post surgery in my home.....I decided to put myself in your shoes and wondered what I would do.  I'm a firm believer that relapse happens in our minds (first) LONGGGG before we actually put a drug back in our bodies. We can begin to romance the pills, massage the thoughts, continually replay old tapes until they somehow "feel" good.....but you said you weren't craving....just obsessing.  One of the definitions of obsession that I have learned is "a thought so all encompassing....it pushes out all thoughts of anything else".

So having said all that.....I can only share what "I" would do in your shoes right now....I would call my sponsor immediately and TALK about this....I would hit a meeting everyday if possible, hang out w/recovering addicts. (be very OPEN about this situation in my house and what it's doing to me like you have done here on MedHelp)  LOTS of other recovering people will be able to relate and share and help you!
Tell my wife what is going on in my head.....expose the "dark" to the "light" so it won't grow.  Feed what I want to grow....and starve what I want to die.
It would scare the poop out of me and I'd want my spouse to know what I was obsessing on.  Recovering friends will be FULL of suggestions....some you may like (ha) and others not.....but that's the beauty of recovery or life really.....we take what we need or are able to relate to.....then let the rest go.  I find I learn something from EVERY person my path crosses....even if it's how I "don't" want to do something.  I feel I need to be grateful to ALL my teachers.  
I am so glad you posted this situation on here; I only have 233 days clean but was in AA clean and sober for many yrs prior to my medical situation that led me down the "hydro addiction" path.....so my previous programming of my brain tells me....."Tom, he needs to talk about this RIGHT NOW with his sponsor and get his rear to a meeting" LOL
I pray you will guard your clean time w/your life......it can be lost in a milisecond......and in the core of your heart......you KNOW what to do and what not to do or you wouldn't have almost a year clean my friend!
Here's to hoping you'll make choices that bless you~

[mmissy42]

I am going through the same thing right now.  My husband got a script for my DOC last week due to a bad back.  I am obsessing about it.  It is driving me crazy!  I don't know where he put the bottle thank goodness.  But trust me, I have thought about searching for it.  But then I think about all of the misery those little oblong shaped white pills gave me for 15 years and I snap back into reality.  I hope that you can stay strong and not cave in!  I feel your pain though....

[dominosarah]

Using is not an option so get that out of your head.  I know those pills are calling your name but they are your death sentence.  Your wife needs those for her medical condition.  If they are out in the open have her put them someplace out of sight.  Get yourself busy, turn on the radio, hit a meeting etc.  Hold your clean time sacred tom, your life depends on it~

[Andie015]

Hi Tom. First of all congrats on your clean time!! Getting that script for yourself says you want to stay clean no matter what...and it was such a good idea!  You obviously want nothing to do with them and I wish I had magic words to take the obsession away. All I can say is you are doing the right thing and your actions are very commendable...just have her hide them and not keep them out on a table or something so they are in plain sight...other than that there isn't anything you can do except  keep your clean time close and protect it...no pill is worth throwing that away...your doing great!!!!! Be so proud of yourself!!