Morphine Addiction

[Icka]

I am still trying to figure out how I can live with someone for the last 4 months and not realize he was shooting up morphine the whole time! It was not until he stole and maxed out mine and my mothers credit cards, that I found out. Since then I had kicked him out and tried to leave him, but.......... I can't help that I love him. He got his job back and has been paying us back and swears he will stay clean. Is that possible? Can you just chose to quit and really quit? I have learend that I am very nieve and believe because I want so badly for it to be true. So I would like to here from someone who has been there. IF YOU REALLY AND TRULY WANT TO QUIT CAN YOU?

[Icka]

I did not take anything you said offensively and I am sorry if it seemed as though I did. I really think that he is trying, and I really think that he can get better. But all my family, friends, co-workers etc. tell me he wont get better and I need to stay away. He can get better right, I mean if he really and truly wants to? And how do I really know if he really wants to or if he is just telling me what I want to hear. My mom tells me thats what addicts do, lie lie and lie some more to get what they want and to make things seem better.

[addictedme]

OK,,remember anything we say here is not meant to be offensive but to help,,if hes willing to take random drug tests that means alot. Some men wouldnt take them clean or not. You need to try and see what his willingness and determination is and agreeing to drug tests is a good beginning.As IBKLEEN said he can only get clean for himself but if he does this for himself everyone will benefit. Right now he may not even know how to love himself or be happy,,thats what recovery is all about,,,again gl

[Icka]

I just turned 25 4 days ago. lol. I know they shouldn't make me chose but they are mad and think I am throwing my life away. Your right he will always be in my life I am raising his children, I want them to have thier father in thier life, CLEAN. He is a really good dad and the boys really love him. You asked me what I felt in my heart... I have never loved or cared about anyone as much as I do him. I want him to get better and come back to be with his family. He sits and crys to me saying how sorry he is and how much he loves me and doesn't want to live with out me or his kids. He doesn't want to lose me and hates what he has done, I belive him, in my heart I really do.

[Icka]

I know, I had told him that. I said if he didn't get clean for his kids then why should I believe he would do it for me. He told me he had lost everything that ment anything to him and cannot believe what drugs took from him, Inturn he is doing this for himself to try to get back what he lost, what he loves and needs to be happy!

[Icka]

I am trying to educate myself. This is why I am on here. I have also looked morphine addiction up and read about it as much as possible. I know he does not need to be in that house but I don't know how to get him out of there. He has nowhere else to go and I can't let him just move back in.

[oxygirl487]

how old r u? hope u dont mind my asking....no ur parents shouldnt make u choose ....u have custody of one of his son's right? if so this man will always be in your life im assuming....ur parents r just trying to pressure u into doing whatthey feel is right.....definately the wrong approach....if he did the drug test and passed would that help with the parents? i dont blame them for being mad at him he did steal from them right? they do have that right  but still they shouldnt make u choose i just dont agree with that....what do u feel in your heart?....only u can answer that  

[IBKleen]

You are in a tough position, and I personally do not think it is fair for your parents to put you there. I don't what to tell you about handling that. Do it as delicate as you can. I am sure everyone involved is important in your life.

You did say something that concerned me "I really in my heart think he loves me enough to do this". If you meant quitting drugs---he has to love HIMSELF enough to do this. He can't do it for anyone else.

[Icka]

You know thats funny you should say that about those drug tests because he offerd to take one actually he said I can test him whenever I wanted. I really in my heart think he loves me enough to do this. I know he needs to leave his moms but he has no where eles to go. He has been working 16 hours a day so he is not there that much. but still. My parents told me of I countinue to tslk to him that they would not talk to me anymore. I don't think that is fair of them to make me chose. But how am I suppose to pick one over the other??

[addictedme]

Unfortunatly if hes living in a house like you describe then his chances of not using are very low. On the other hand children can be a great motivator,,,again I cant stress the importance of educating yourself and facing this just like if he told you he had cancer or any desease.You say your naive,,no room for that when dealing with an addict. With just a little reading and coming to this forum and asking questions puts you ahead of the game. YOU need to take control right now. Arm yourself with knowledge and suprise him with the help your able to give.Let him know that hes not alone in his recovery  but he is if he chooses to use.

[oxygirl487]

i know people can change and im one of them....do u think hes still using?  u know a woman's intuition is almost 100% lol.....i would give him this chance and if he started using again u may have to make a tuff decision.....it can be a vicious cycle but hopefully with u for support  he will stay clean ...i know how u feel..but i also knwo how he feels to...i loved an addict but was also an addict myself.....right now would be the worsttime for u to turn ur back on him...it sounds like u truly love this guy and by his actions i think he truly loves u too.......he needs to move out of his moms house most definately if possible ...there would be no way i could be around some one doing oc's right now....no way.....if hes resiting the urge to use and it right in front of him he is one tuff strong guy....maybe u could ask him to get a drug test...they sell them at walgrens  lol....i knwo alot of people wont like that idea on here (invasion of privacy) but id do it to prove im clean to someone i love so maybe he would too.....love ya   hope that helps  

[Icka]

No I understand NA I just said it wrong. I asked him to go and told him I would go with him. Although I do need to go to NarAnon because dealing with this may result in me losing my mind and my life falling apart!

[IBKleen]

Hi!

I think you may have misunderstood about the fellowship of NA. That is for the addict himself. You may want to try and find NarAnon, or AlAnon in your area--that is the fellowship for you. there you will find people just like you who can share their experience, strength and hope from the perspective of someone who loves an addict.

Good Luck to both of you. Post anytime you have questions.

[Icka]

Thank you so much. This is really a huge help. I feel as though I am young and stupid and don't know what I am suppose to do. Everyone I talk to here, friends and Family, I think are biase (sp) and can't understand that no matter what I still love him. I am a teacher and have custody of his 4 year old and they tell me I am to good for that. I feel people can change, I really think we can have a normal life.  Thanks for your prayers!

[oxygirl487]

if he looks better he has probaly quit in my opinion.....i know i lok 100% better and everyone notices....his stomach hurting was probably from withdrawal i threw up alot too....i think u might should give him a chance sounds like hes trying  hes paying u and ur mom back so he does have some remorse.....i think hes trying to get his life straightened out   maybe he could come to this forum?  he will need lots of support to stay clean..hang in there girl....praying for u and b/f

[Icka]

We are taking it one day at a time and I am scared if I said I didn't want to work things out he wouldn't try to get better. I looked up NA and there is none close by. He did say he would go with me though. He really seems as though he is sorry and can't believe what drugs has cost him. He has 2 boys that he lost custody of last year I have custody of the oldest and we were trying to get the other one when I found out he was using again. He is currently living with his mother who is also an addict. Can he really live in a house where they shoot up and chose not to?

[Icka]

The only real signs that I have seen has been his stomach hurting real bad and throwing up. But I have not really been around him as much as I was so I don't know if I can really tell. He does look a lot better, just his complection alone. He has been telling me anything I want to know about it, and answering all of my questions, but I am very nieve so I don't know if he is telling the truth.

[addictedme]

Anyone can quit. I"ve done it a hundred times in my life. Staying quit though takes a life change. Recovery is about finding out why you use. There are many ways to get recovery. I personally have found recovery in a 12 step program ( na ). but I have to approach my recovery in the same way I did my addiction,,on a daily basis.It would be great to just stop and go on about a normal life but I"m not normal..I"m an addict and I must live my life as such,,finding out why,staying away from people and things associated with using. Its a great thing to see an addict turning there life around but remember its a daily thing,,just like using. You can go to nar anon or narc anon meetings ( familys of addicts) and learn the things you need to know about this desease. If you love him and see a future with him then educate yourself. Were not hopeless,,we can recover,,gl

[allaboutmary]

Yes you can quit, but it's not that easy.  If he quit he should be showing signs of withdrawal.  Symptoms are like a really bad flu. Runny nose, diarea, aching all over, sleeplessness,no energy and anxiety just to name a few.  These can last 5 -10 days.  If he is not sick, he has not quit.