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9880688 tn?1414115647

My Kingdom For A Pill

Okay so I don't have a kingdom.  But I'm grieving...neither families are giving me any support, I've been in the hospital twice this week...once for kidney stones, second for vertigo and the docs say I need to rest and not to stress.  Well rest is one thing...not stressing is another thing because on top of everything else I'm tap-dancing to make the bills.  A friend started an online crowdfund for me...it will help a little bit...but it is a process to get my survivor benefits...my appointment isn't even until Dec. 18th!!!  In the meantime, those little pills sound SO good.  The only reason I'm not going to go that route is because I don't want to let anyone down or disappoint anyone...so I'll just keep plugging away and pray that better days will come eventually.  As soon as I can start driving again I'll get back to my program and to the grieving group...driving not a good idea right now...I'm pretty loupy when I walk even with the meds they gave me to help tone down the vertigo!  Not a fun week at all!
6 Responses
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1926359 tn?1331588139
Hey Kaye-

I'm so sorry, I feared this might be the case.  I gave you my #, please feel free to use it.  Everything that is happening to you is NOT fair....It's just not.  But I know you will make it through this.  This is quite the test my friend.  And of course you want a pill, you are in serious pain.  If the kidney stones get worse, you may need some pain control and I know that is scary without someone there to help keep you in check.  
Don't worry about money.  Money will come.  Just do whatever you can to get from one moment to the next.  Don't forget to breathe, and for God's sakes be GENTLE with yourself.  Listen to what Gnarly says.  Your fellowship of addicts will definitely support you right now.  In fact, they will be more understanding and open than your family and friends I bet.
Curl up with a good book or movie and your kitties.  Phone a friend.  Try to get some fresh air.  We're all here to support you.  You are NOT alone.
Love and hugs,
Lu
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey Girl good to  see you  great to see you clean....If you reach out at the meetings someone will pick you up we have a guy at our friday meetings who uses transportation as his service commitment  I had 3 seizures about a month ago  they dont know why  but it has suspended my driving privileges for 90 days   I havent missed a meeting yet people in the fellow ship are always reaching out to help  you just need to ask for it over the years I have made some real good friends in the fellow ship  if I miss a meeting I get several calles just to see if im ok  the seizures and blurry vision they cause is very scarry to me  I have found myself bargaining with God in the end his will be done but it is a hard pill to swallow but my whole N/A group is walking this out with me im not alone in this I thank God every night for getting keeping me clean.. I realize your life is a mess right now but hang in there   reach out and swallow some pride and ask for help it is part of the recovery process.........Gnarly
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
PK you are doing good. I know it is hard so so hard. I have been there.  Please anytime you can PM me. Know issues here. I can give you my phone number. I will listen to you whine and cry and vent and anything else you need. Hop on a plane and come visit Chicago. I am serious girl. Totally 100% serious.

Keep your head up high. A pill won't make it easier or make anything go away. You have come so far. No going back.

Now you don't need to wait till the 18th. Go there, take a number and wait your turn. You could get your benefits next month.

What survivors benefits are you going for?

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You are doing so great. I can relate to pretty much everything you are going thru. I'm not going to go into that. But my experience is i count on myself and Jesus. I've had to learn the jesus part. Ive been raised by old timer preacher family. So what ive been exposed to.... just so ypu know why stronger than you think. Keep plugging gf. You got this. I'm always here day or night
Helpful - 0
9880688 tn?1414115647
No public trans here.  Leaning on who I can but I hate to keep leaning on them..they must be tired of my crying by now.  I won't use...I promise...but I have to admit it sounds good...of course oblivion sounds good.  I've always been a worrywort...I'm making an effort to breathe for a little while.  As of right now I have 2 months covered in finances so a little breathing room.  I'll start worrying again come January.  Maybe they'll move things faster...I'm praying my benefits will start in January but who knows?
  Just wanted to whine I guess and get the reminders of don't use...I don't want to wreck how far I've come....if I can survive diverticulitis, kidney stones and losing my husband and not use I guess I can survive anything!  I guess.
Helpful - 0
7163794 tn?1457366813
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hey.....i was thinking about u earlier. Keep this in mind...if $$ is tight, do u really think using is going to make the $$ situation any better? Nope!  Neither family is helping, which *****, so now its time to see what your really made of! Time to dig in and do what u need to do for u! Your priest/deacon did come in the beginning, maybe look to the church for support? Sometimes, we are all we have and honestly, i believe we are alot stronger than we think we are! Dont use, dont use, dont use, whatever u do...do u have public transportation where u r to get to a mtg? Now would be the time i would lean on my N/A group!!! Thats what there there for!!!!
Helpful - 0
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