My Withdrawal Diary, 7 Days

Hey Everyone,
I don't post much, and have been clean since December, but I do read here often, and was so inspired by stayathomemom's post about her daily withdrawal symptoms. I wanted to add to her perspective, as I kept a very detailed diary of the first 30 days of withdrawal from codeine and vicodin after a ten year addiction. I will post the first seven days, and if anyone wants to know more, let me know. I have thrirty days written down in ALOT of detail.
Day 1: It is 8 am, and I took my last three vicodin yesterday, Sunday, at 8:30. 23.5 hours ago. I slept fine last night, no feelings of withdrawal, but woke up hour ago feeling severe mental cravings and panic that I was out of pills. Searched the house, looking for a lost pill, as stayathomemom did. Felt slightly agitated/mild anxiety throughout day, constantly thinking about where/how to get pills. Kept busy, visited in-laws, took son for walk, but starting to feel major lack of energy by late afternoon. Sat on couch for evening, feeling more and more like I didn't have any energy as night wore on. got son into bed at 8. No diarrhea, or severe anxiety yet. Bed at 9, and slept fairly well that night. ( I will do a different day on each post, so see day 2 on next post below).

[emilyanne]

Day 2, Tuesday: Woke up at 7, and immediately felt anxiety, stronger than yesterday. NO ENERGY AT ALL! Forced myself to get son up and fed, dressed and off to school. 9 am, thoughts consumed with how I could get more pills, knowing that I WANTED to quit, and was GOING to quit, but thinking that if I could somehow get a small batch of pills, I could ween, rather than going cold turkey, which is what I did. ( later that day, decided that I would do this cold turkey, with no pills to ween, and I did it). 10:30 am, day 2: sat on couch looking at mess in the houes...dishes from breakfast, jammies and clothes from this morning strewed around, laundry starting to pile up. I sat and cried for an hour, constantly stretching from the RLS and anxiety that began to set in FULL FORCE. Tried to watch tv, read, etc but couldn't concentrate because of the severe RLS symptoms. Noon: diarrhea set in, full force!! Was in and out of the bathroom all afternoon, couldn't eat, and couldn't sit still. SO TIRED, NO ENERGY, but I could not sit still long enough to fall asleep, because I had to keep stretching my legs. I seriously felt like I was going crazy! 4 pm on day 2: Husband picked son up from school on way home from work. Second they got home, lied and told my husband I was sick with flu, and went upstairs to bedroom. I felt so bitchy, and I stayed in my bedroom all evening, pacing, stretching, watching tv, reading, signing on to this forum to read but too weak to even post, and I just cried and cried. Around 8, husband said son was going to bed, and asked if I wanted to read him his stories. I couldn't even move, from lack of energy, yet I couldn't sit still from RLS, which I know doesn't make sense, but it is what it is, I guess. Forced myself to read stories, feeling like the shittiest mother in the world that I couldn't even get my son ready for bed and tuck him in. Halfway through the story, son started wiggling around, trying to get up and play, etc and I felt so so so irritated at him. I felt like I wanted to scream at him so had husband finish. 10 pm that night, took two hour hot bath, which helped so much WHILE I WAS IN THERE. Got out of bath and lay down to sleep. For about 2 minutes, I actually thought I would be able to sleep, then the RLS hit full force!! I couldn't stop stretching. I didn't sleep for ONE MINUTE THE ENTIRE NIGHT. I lay on the couch all night, stretching, crying, going to bathroom, feeling like I was going crazy. At 4 am, finally got up, went outside in cold december, and RAN around the block. I had to. The anxiety was so bad, I had to run to make it stop. Helped while i was moving, but got inside and sat on couch, and it came right back again. Througout the night, I had taken several hot baths, which helped so much, more than everything else, to be honest. But they only work while you are actually in the tub. If tub wasn't so uncomfortable, would have stayed in there all night. See day 3 on next post.

[emilyanne]

Day 3, 7 am: Son woke up, and I forced myself to get him dressed, fed and off to school again. Very little patience, full force anxiety, and exhausted, completely, from lack of sleep. Got son off to school, and, having done no house work, with a huge mess from husband cooking dinner last night and playing with son, I decided to try to clean up a little. Walked over to start loading dishwasher around 9 am, washed two dishes, literally, and had to go lay on couch. I just had no energy. That morning was when the depression star
ted in. I just started feeling helpless, hopeless, and just so depressed!!! I finally, after about an hour and a half, fell asleep on couch for about two hours. Woke up feeling just as bad, stretching my legs over and over and over and over. Kept having to run to bathroom. Wasn't answering phone, cancelled activities for the week, etc.
2 pm on day 3: hot bath, tried to eat some toast, which passed right through me, and decided to make another attempt at cleaning up. Loaded dishwasher, then had to lay down again. I can't even explain the lack of energy. Horrible, couldn't even answer the door at one point in the afternoon when UPS guy came. I couldn't concentrate on my book, just had a total lack of concentration.
4 on day 3: husband came home with son, and I was in full ***** mode. I couldn't get up from the couch to go upstairs, no energy, so sat on the couch and bitched for a few hours. Everything irritated me, I was so sad and depressed, and I had the worst anxiety ever. Again, husband had to make dinner, give son tubby, brush teeth, story time, bedtime,etc.
9 on day 3: took an hour and a half hot bath, read book. Husband wen to bed early, and exhausted, so I didn't want to go into bed and wake him up by stretching and tossing and turning, so went downstairs around 11 pm. I had started taking immodium early in the afternoon, and it helped more than you could ever know. Cut my bathroom time in half, probably way more. Stayed downstairs all night, stretching, crying, feeling like I was going crazy, literally. Took 4 more baths between midnight and 3 am. Finally around 4 am, after stretching my legs over and over again on couch, I fell asleep until 7, when my son woke up.

[emilyanne]

Day 4, 7am, woke up to sound of son's voice waking up. Even though I had slept very little, had more energy that morning to get son up, fed, dressed, school. Felt more energy that morning, so was able to clean up and do laundry.
Noon on day 4: lay on couch and stretch legs and arms from RLS for an hour, finally fall asleep. Slept for two hours, woke up feeling ok, but not as much energy as I had had that morning. Still, I forced myself to get up and do more laundry, fold it and put it away. Spent rest of afternoon on couch, watching tv. Husband and son came home with pizza. Husband fed son, and I mustered up enough energy to give him his bath. Husband had to brush teeth and get him into jammies, but I was able to read him two of his stories. Still couldn't sit still with him long enough to cuddle him to sleep.
9 pm, day 4: long hot bath, with hopes of sleeping that night, but no such luck.RLS stared becoming less during the days, but still full force at night. That night, I lay on the couch and had bad RLS. Was able to concentrate more on tv and reading though. Stretched all night long, it was horrible. Took baths all night long, in and out, in and out.
4 am I finally fell asleep. I found that the best time to try and fall asleep was IMMEDIATELY after a very long hot, hot bath. As soon as I got out, i threw on my tshirt and went down to the couch, with NO light or tv on as distraction.
I will post days five through seven later today or this evening, but right now I have errands that I have to get done. Day 5 and on was so much better, more energy, etc. Will post in detail later. Hope this isn't too long for everyone, if it is, let me know. Just felt like it could help people out, even if it only helps one person, thats enough for me.

[CATUF]

Thank you for posting that.  I bet you are already glad you kept that diary - it is very descriptive and captures the feeling of wd.  

I have to admit that I don't see how all you women with kids do it.  I've got 4 kids, but when this daddy "had the flu" (again!), nobody saw or heard from me until I "got better" (one way or the other).  I know that even when my wife really has the flu, she never goes completely off duty.  Between the younger ones sneaking into her for whatever or mommy-guilt telling her she must, she's still deals with a lot of kid stuff.

[minnie11]

Thanks so much for posting your diary.
Minnie

[kimmieb]

This is awesome and I imagine so helpful for many.  Sure describes well what it feels like.  It actually makes it feel like one is not alone in all of this -- that someone else is going through EXACTLY the same thing at probably the exactly same minute.  MANY thanks for taking the time to post all of this.  ~Kim  

[tztlady]

Wow!  You really captured.  I think I want to print this out and keep it for once I'm completely clean so that I will remember well what that next refill will get me.  Thanks so much for sharing.