My adult son is addicted to drugs

My son and my 4yr old grandson came to visit us for thanksgiving. He lives 500 miles away from us. He is divorced. My son's 4 yr old son is the only thing in my sons life that means anything to him.
When he was visiting  he confided in  his younger brother that he was using crack, cocaine, pot, mushrooms.. and anything he could get his hands on, possibly even heroin.

My son, after he got divorced in 2005 changed dramatically.. He quit his managers job at a restaurant, to go to work at Mcdonalds.. He looks like a slob.. he doesnt comb his hair, his clothes are dirty and torn.. I feel so bad because I thought, the changes were from depression over his marriage ending. I never in my wildest dreams thought he had a serious drug problem.


I send him a little extra money to help him out.. We pay his cell phone bill..because its the only way to stay in touch with him.. He doesnt talk to any family.

My son use to love playing the guitar, but sold them all or pawned them for drugs.. I'm sure.. He use to act in community plays.. He had a new car.. now he doesnt even have a drivers license.. He doesnt have any ambition.. He can only sees his son every 2 wks. Its so sad

I'm mad at myself for not recognizing he had a terrible drug problem.. I should have known something was wrong because of the big changes in him.. he is like a different person..

I wrote him a letter telling him how much I loved him.. and if he loved his son he would get help to get off the drugs.. I told him if he continued on the drugs.. He could lose his son..

I offered to help him anyway we could.. I suggested he move here and enter a rehab, or go to one where he lives..
What more can I do?.. I'm scared to death he is going to die, or end up in prison....

[Savas]

It sounds like you've done all you can. Is his son living with him? If so, he's putting him at risk. Could the drugs be part of the reason for the divorce?

Either way, he's obviously very depressed. The drastic change in personality and drug use are all symptoms of his depression. Saying "my son is the only thing hat means anything to me" sounds good on the surface, but it suggests that he has such a low opinion of himself that if he died tomorrow it wouldn't matter.

Unless he's willing to take steps, there isn't much you can do. i would consider having someone take gaurdianship of the boy until he can find it in himself to confront these issues...,

[DiEvano]

Please do not beat yourself up.  The important thing is that you now know about your son's addiction, and knowledge is power.    I agree with Savas' comment regarding your grandson.  He is an innocent bystander and by all means you need to do what you can to ensure his safety.

My only advice at this point is to continue writing to and perhaps calling your son.... and offering your help and support.  Encourage him in a loving way -- I wouldn't threaten him with anything, just simply remind him of how much his family loves him and wants to help.

I've been through this with my daughter.  I'm still trying to help her help herself.  This is a heartbreaking situation for all parents.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Keithsmom]

No, my grandson lives with his Mom and step father, my son only sees him every other week-end. My son did smoke pot when he was married..
I think the main reason my son got divorced was because he didnt put enough effort into his marriage, he didnt give his wife the attention she needed.. but after they seperated he tried to show her he changed and wanted another chance.. until she remarried a few months ago he kept tring to get back with her, but she didnt want anything to do with him, even going so far as getting a ppo against him

[IBKleen]

I think it would be in your son's best interest to seek out inpatient treatment. He surely needs help and will not be able to do it alone.

See if he is receptive to it for starters. As it was stated, do not beat yourself up over this.

Take care and hope to see you post.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Oh, you are in a very tough plave. I feel for you. Your son has to be the one to wake up. What would happen if his son was taken care of by someone else? Would that help him or take away the only thing holding him together? I don't know.
Encouragement and love goes a long way to drawing him closer. At this point, he doesn't need a finger pointing at him. (I am not saying you are)
Do you think he would read this forum? There is a lot of relief just knowing others have made it through the road he is on.
Prayers are being said for you & him & his son.

[Nate226]

My beautiful handsome almost 22 year old son, has been smoking pop from an early age. He has been an only child, with a mother who was sick his entire life.
He lives with his grandparents and gets everything he wants, everyone enables him. He does not look for work,, he just looks toward us whom we enable him.
He is a wonderful person, who I think has alot of self esteem issues and the pot dosent' help. I pray that one day he's life will change for the better. I am so depressed about it, I find it hard to live from day to day. I beat myself up for what he is doing to my elderly parents, who love him to death..he is my father's world. Please everyone pray for Nate, that he will find his true calling and leave the drugs alone, and will find a nice girl to share his life with and reason for living. I pray he will go back to school and get a trade and in the meantime he will find a job that he likes..he deserves a chance. I love him with all my being. He had it hard growing up into a teenager and that's where he failed, and he has hurt about him that people do not like him. Pray for him to return to god and that his life will turn around for the better. My parents would be so proud of him as they all ready are, but they also put him down and that is not a good thing either. I don't know what to do anymore, but it is on my mind 24 hours a day..I feel I am to blame, as I was sick and gave himtoo much space growning up, because I felt sorry for him, as I was a single parent. Please any and everyone who reads this please pray for Nate and our family so we can see this wonderful child of god, find his way back..I love him so much.