My boyfriend has suddenly become very agressive

[lindz04]

I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. He has a history of pretty intense drug abuse, mainly speed/amphetamines.  He has basically stopped them and started a new life, but occassionally he dabbles in it. Anyway, he has finally starting trying to sort himself out by going to a psychiatrist, etc. The psychiatrist put him on Ritalin about a month ago, which I thought was a bit strange because of his history. Since my boyfriend has been on it he has become increasingly aggressive, especially when he is drinking. He could be aggressive just drinking anyway, but nothing like this.. he has been starting fights about nothing, grabbing onto my arm quite hard in public, slamming on my door and windows if I won't let him in because I'm scared. My friend was questioning me the other night on why I was dating such a pyscho. I feel like an idiot. I know he has been abusing the Ritalin somewhat as well, I'm not sure if it's all the time or just when he is partying. I told him I can't be with him anymore if he doesn't stop drinking, and/or abusing the Ritalin. I just don't know what to do, it seems stupid to stay with him in a lot of ways if he is treating me this way, but it's just been since he has been on this drug, and when he is sober he is the best boyfriend. I just don't know how to handle it, I never thought I'd be in a situation like this.I guess I'm just wondering if this seems normal for someone on Ritalin/abusing Ritalin, and how should I handle it?

[gizzy32]

Ritalin is a stimulant and if he is abusing it, that can cause so many problems. Not sure why he was put on it either with a history of drug use and now drinking too. Bad bad combo, with ritalin and alcohol.

What did he say when you told him you can't be  with him if he keeps drinking and abusing the ritalin? I am sorry your going through this right now, but it sounds like you need to take care of yourself first. Does he show any signs of wanting to quit?

[kim715]

I don't know a whole lot about ritalin.Back when I was abusing the hydros I snorted ritalin a few times,so I know how it makes you feel.

I too am so very sorry that you are going through this and I just want to back up what Gizzy said....You need to take care of yourself.You need to think of your own physical safety first.My initial response is to tell you to run like he!! out of that relationship.I know thats easier said then done because your feelings are involved.The thing I want you to keep in the fore front of your mind though hon is that your b/f's behavior is not about you.You didn't break him and you can't fix him.It's not about something your doing or haven't done.It's not about him loving you enough or not.All the love in the world,the most perfect partner,cannot fix an addict until we are ready to fix ourselves,it just doesn't happen.Goodluck hon and PLEASE stay safe...Kim

[Astray]

I too wonder why he was given Ritalin. The note for that say amongst other somewhat worrying things "Caution is called for in emotionally unstable patients, such as those with a history of drug dependence or alcoholism, because such patients may increase the dosage on their own initiative."

As Gizzy says he really should not be drinking while on it, its no wonder his behaviour has altered. I also agree you need to take care of yourself. If it is possible to have a sensible conversation with him I would ask him to be straight with his psychiatrist that the drug is having an unfortunate affect on him and those around him and ask for an alternative.

[nascarfan2488]

My Dr also put me on Ritalin and I had the same reaction to it. I was real angry and cried alot. I think Ritalin for an adult is not good. He really shouldnt be drinking on Ritalin and it just makes things 10 times worse. I hope everything gets better soon.

[Charetti]

Ritalin can be good for some people, I have a friend who takes it for the manic stages of bipolar.  However, in this case it sounds like it doesnt matter what the drug is, he would be taking something anyway.  Perhaps he can fool himself by thinking that this is a dr perscribed drug and not the unsual stuff, but drugs are drugs.

I also have to wonder about his history regarding relationships.  Does he become violent when hes abusing drugs or does he do drugs so he has an excuse to be violent.  Regardless, you are being abused, plain and simple.  You need support before you get too far in such as living together, having a baby, etc.

Stick with your ultimatim, and leave him if he continues this way.  It wont be easy becuase I am sure he will turn on the water works but you do not deserve this and you will be much better off without him under these circumstances.

Good luck

[lindz04]

Wow thanks for all the responses! This is the first time I have done something like this, nice to know it actually works :)

First of all, to gizzy.. he agrees with me. We had a bad weekend last weekend with him acting a bit crazy and getting mad at basically nothing - at me and my friend Alex who lives in my house.  Then he promised this last week that he would never do anything like that again, but then on Halloween he drank almost an entire bottle of bourbon and more ritalin than necessary, and that's when the most severe agression I've seen kicked in - grabbing my arm, slamming on the windows, etc. So he went to his friends and has been there ever since and he told me he can't drink anymore, he won't drink anymore. I also just talked to him today about what I read so far about Ritalin and his past and that I don't understand why the Doctor put him on them.
He said he's going to go off the Ritalin for now and then just go back on it when he goes to work (works on the mines two weeks, on one week off.. he isn't allowed to drink on the mines) for help with concentration.
I want to believe him, but I don't know if I can. I mean he's admitted he has a problem and that he needs help. So do I support him or do I back away now?

I'm not sure about his past history in relationships. He dated a girl for 4 years while he was heavily into drugs (he's been "off" them for about 2 years..but I think Cheretti is right, he tries to fool himself into thinking doctor drugs, or drugs that let him sleep.. those are ok)  So I know he didn't treat her well in that he cheated on her and was lying a lot.. but he told me he has never, ever been like this. Him and her are still friends and speak often as well so I would say that's probably true.

[lindz04]

"I too wonder why he was given Ritalin. The note for that say amongst other somewhat worrying things "Caution is called for in emotionally unstable patients, such as those with a history of drug dependence or alcoholism, because such patients may increase the dosage on their own initiative." "

I actually think that I am going to show him this bit, I talked to him briefly about what I read on the internet, but this sums it up really good.
I also spoke to him briefly about going to the Doctor and telling him that it's not having the greatest effect on his behaviour, which apparently he already has done.. but not for behaviour.. he was on dexes before but wasn't sleeping well so the doctor put him on ritalin instead. He then also told me that on his really crazy night that he took two of the dexes and one ritalin ( I wouldn't be shocked if it was more)
So he is being open and talking about which is good, but I feel like I'm just getting upset and possibly not helping him like I should be.

[Charetti]

I'm glad we were able to help.  This site has been a life line for me.  If your boyfreind is computer able you should tell him to come here and get support and honesty,  

Take care

[Astray]

I think its very encouraging he has admitted he has a problem, better that he appears to understand what it is and is trying to do something about it. It is possible to help and support in these situations, its the ones who are in denial or don't want to deal with their issues who are beyond helping.

I'd say as long as you both can talk openly about it you will be helping him more than you know so don't feel discouraged. Equally you need to be taking care of yourself, if his behaviour becomes threatening again consider your safety above all.

Like Charetti says glad to have helped a bit and this site has literally been a lifesaver for many of us so if he comes here himself no ones going to be judgemental as we've all been there one way or another.

[LIZZIE LOU]

there are meds his doctor can prescribe for his ADD that are NOT stimulants.

[lindz04]

Really?? If that's true I just don't understand why he would choose dexes or ritalin for him..

[LIZZIE LOU]

me either ! ! !

i would guess if he went to a psychiatrist...that he was truthful with him about his drug use.  makes NO sense.

[lindz04]

Well I would assume that he was truthful as his Mom had to go with him the first time to confirm his history and she knows about everything that happened as far as I know...
This *****.