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My boyfriend is smoking weed as a way to cope with his anger issues.
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My boyfriend is smoking weed as a way to cope with his anger issues.

My boyfriend of 3 years is a recovering drug addict. For 1 1/2 years, he was totally clean. But about 4 months ago, his attitude changed and I found pot in his things. He has been having fits of anger and will explode over little things. He says the weed calms him down, but I'm afraid he will relapse. I've asked him why he is so angry, and he says he doesn't know. I found a counselor for him to see and he's seen her twice, but the situation seems to be escalating. He said he won't stop smoking weed because he doesn't want to go on any medication. He says it makes him lethargic. Should I just back off and let him smoke pot, or just move on. I hate drugs of any kind and this is killing me.
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Avatar_m_tn
With all due respect to dominosarah and Crys833, I have to let you know that while I am not saying you are wrong, it's possible you might not be right in this case.

Let me please explain and before hand I would like to say I am NOT condoning or supporting people smoking marijuana, even for medical reasons.

About 7 years ago I was addicted to meth, it's one of the drugs I can say myself I was addicted to, not just one that I did but could stop. Then something very personal happened and I just quit meth CT. Never did it again, and never wanted to again. It was in front of me a couple times and I refused. Then about 2 years ago, I ate part of a marijuana cookie, and I felt great off of it. I had to stop smoking marijuana about 5 years ago because it always gave me panic attacks. Since I didn't have a panic attack from eating part of the cookie, I tried smoking it again. My wife was not happy with the choice. She has never taken a drug other than drinking occasionally and she knows my past. I told her I was happy because I was able to get "stoned" again. Now, here is the part that made me want to post after you two did. I knew, in the back of my mind, it didn't matter how good it made me feel, I was able to feel "stoned" again in life without the panic attacks, and I HAD to quit and "grow up". I HAD to be responsible, that I had to stop smoking or eating it. So I did. I was eating/smoking it for 2 months, and then nothing. I am not saying you two posters are wrong. It's just that there is the possibility  that this guy could stop because of knowing deep down, the same things I did. Of course you both gave great advice, you are not "babying" her about it and just being honest.

I am just thinking that it MIGHT be a phase like it was for me. He might just be going through something and he feels like the marijuana is helping. Then again, you both could be hitting the nail on the head and this woman will have to make a choice.

To the poster aqhalady, I apologize for addressing the two posters first. As you read, I went through a short time with marijuana, and then stopped. I have no clue why in the world he is acting angry, other than he got caught and he wants to keep doing it. If this is the case you can let him know that you already know, and there is no reason to hide it. Let him know that you know if he wants to do it, he is going to. Then, you have two choices, tell him you don't and will never approve, and he needs to get help if he wants to keep you in his life, or, you can tell him that you don't approve and you would like him to stop, but you would be happy if he could talk his problems out with you and quit the marijuana.

I would not advise anyone to condone or accept something they don't feel is right. I just wanted to put out there that when my wife accepted me but let me know she was not happy and or comfortable with me doing marijuana, I stopped for her and for me. She stayed by my side and I never beat her or turned to harder drugs because of smoking it. I am tapering off of norco and that is because I was injured at work and have the same "addiction" problem half of the people who help me on here have or have had. My point is, I wasn't smoking marijuana when I got hurt and started taking norco, in fact, there was not a drug of any kind in my system when I got hurt.

Please don't take my post the wrong way, I just know from personal experience that marijuana is a drug that CAN be dealt with a lot easier than harder one's, especially if the concerned one does it with compassion and empathy.
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495284_tn?1333897642
Hi, You will have to make the decision whether you stay or go.  His anger issues will only get worse when drugs are involved.  I worry about your safety.  There is nothing that you can do to make him stop, he has to be the one to do that.  Being with an addict is hard work.  Take care of you~~~sara
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Avatar_f_tn
I was an an everyday pot smoker for years....I can tell you it leads to heavier drugs eventually. That's why I'm here getting over a morphine addiction! All I can say is.....take care of yourself, and talk to him bluntly. Tell him he's throwing away 1 1/2 years of sobriety for pot. Ask him if he will at least go to a doctor to talk about his anger issues and see if there is any low dose anti-depressant he can get on before it's too late, there are many other natural ways to help depression and anger too. Has he ever attended an NA meeting? Now would be a good time for him to start or get back into it so he can deal with these issues without drugs. He went to see the counselor for you, maybe he will see a doctor too? Best Wishes to you. Stay Strong!
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Avatar_m_tn
With all due respect to dominosarah and Crys833, I have to let you know that while I am not saying you are wrong, it's possible you might not be right in this case.

Let me please explain and before hand I would like to say I am NOT condoning or supporting people smoking marijuana, even for medical reasons.

About 7 years ago I was addicted to meth, it's one of the drugs I can say myself I was addicted to, not just one that I did but could stop. Then something very personal happened and I just quit meth CT. Never did it again, and never wanted to again. It was in front of me a couple times and I refused. Then about 2 years ago, I ate part of a marijuana cookie, and I felt great off of it. I had to stop smoking marijuana about 5 years ago because it always gave me panic attacks. Since I didn't have a panic attack from eating part of the cookie, I tried smoking it again. My wife was not happy with the choice. She has never taken a drug other than drinking occasionally and she knows my past. I told her I was happy because I was able to get "stoned" again. Now, here is the part that made me want to post after you two did. I knew, in the back of my mind, it didn't matter how good it made me feel, I was able to feel "stoned" again in life without the panic attacks, and I HAD to quit and "grow up". I HAD to be responsible, that I had to stop smoking or eating it. So I did. I was eating/smoking it for 2 months, and then nothing. I am not saying you two posters are wrong. It's just that there is the possibility  that this guy could stop because of knowing deep down, the same things I did. Of course you both gave great advice, you are not "babying" her about it and just being honest.

I am just thinking that it MIGHT be a phase like it was for me. He might just be going through something and he feels like the marijuana is helping. Then again, you both could be hitting the nail on the head and this woman will have to make a choice.

To the poster aqhalady, I apologize for addressing the two posters first. As you read, I went through a short time with marijuana, and then stopped. I have no clue why in the world he is acting angry, other than he got caught and he wants to keep doing it. If this is the case you can let him know that you already know, and there is no reason to hide it. Let him know that you know if he wants to do it, he is going to. Then, you have two choices, tell him you don't and will never approve, and he needs to get help if he wants to keep you in his life, or, you can tell him that you don't approve and you would like him to stop, but you would be happy if he could talk his problems out with you and quit the marijuana.

I would not advise anyone to condone or accept something they don't feel is right. I just wanted to put out there that when my wife accepted me but let me know she was not happy and or comfortable with me doing marijuana, I stopped for her and for me. She stayed by my side and I never beat her or turned to harder drugs because of smoking it. I am tapering off of norco and that is because I was injured at work and have the same "addiction" problem half of the people who help me on here have or have had. My point is, I wasn't smoking marijuana when I got hurt and started taking norco, in fact, there was not a drug of any kind in my system when I got hurt.

Please don't take my post the wrong way, I just know from personal experience that marijuana is a drug that CAN be dealt with a lot easier than harder one's, especially if the concerned one does it with compassion and empathy.
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1416133_tn?1351126817
I think you worded that perfectly.  Your post is insightful and allows others to adopt another way of looking at something that might be possible.  I happen to think it's best when you consider everything and not approach a problem like this without having all possible angles to take into consideration.
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495284_tn?1333897642
While i understand all that has been said i also know that covering up any type of emotions with a substance is not a good thing.........especially anger.
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Avatar_f_tn
Yes trdofbeingtrd, I agree with you to an extent. Everybody goes through phases like that in one way or another through out life but, I think it's mainly the anger issues that are the main problem here and the fact that he is covering it up with pot could only lead to more trouble when the pot is not enough anymore.
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Avatar_m_tn
I completely agree. Dominosarah is right about covering up any type of emotions with a substance being bad, and you are right about the anger and the possibility  of pot not being the worst of what he could be leading to. He might be back on the train to hard drugs. I really shouldn't have disagreed with you two in the first place. To me, it is more of just how the people go about it, which of course you gave good advice. I just know when my wife was upset, I took to her being there for me and loving while not accepting what I was doing far better than a "stop it or I am leaving" approach.

Please don't think that I think you two don't give good advice or even important advice for that matter. You both see the potential for more problems that could end very bad, and I think the poster should take both of your advice.
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495284_tn?1333897642
It's all good....
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Avatar_n_tn
Thank you for your insight! My boyfriend has said it's not me, it's him. He's going through a rough patch right now with his job and his family. I do love him and we have been through so much together going through his addiction with crack. It was just so disappointing having him fall back like this after going a year and half without a hitch. I think your approach would be the better way to handle this for the time being, but I need to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I don't want this to be a permanent solution to his problems, but I'll back off and let him work out these issues. I just don't want to see it.
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495284_tn?1333897642
Keep us posted on how things are going~~~~~sara
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Avatar_f_tn
Sometimes, and this is from my own experiences....the best thing to do is back off. Especially when you 2 have been through so much with addiction. That is the key here, he knows you were there for him in the past and that could help him to get accountable and in control of pot. If his anger is the real issue though it may be hard for him to quit pot. Believe me though, knowing my hubby was pissed off at me everytime i smoked pot really did help drive me to quit, but everyone is different. I wish you luck in this!
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1432897_tn?1322963137
Being honest without being angry or hurtful has been the best approach for me when dealing with these kinds of issues.  It seems as though you have a pretty good handle on that end of it.  I just want to suggest you do what you need to do to take of yourself emotionally, physically, spritually and even financially.  Addiction can wreck havoc on the lives of everybody involved.  Now may not seem so bad and I do hope it gets better without having to go through to much tough stuff.  However,  sometimes things have to get pretty bad for an addict to want to change.  Best of luck!!
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Avatar_n_tn
We had a great weekend (with no drugs) and I thought we got through the worst. We got some things out in the open on both ends, what is hurting me and what is bothering him. But last night, I know my boyfriend was high. I asked him if he smoked pot and he said no, but all the telltail signs were there. I just let it go. I didn't yell, cry or threaten. But it still hurts so much. I hate seeing him when he is high. He's not the same person and I can't talk to him because his mind isn't clear. So I just stay quiet. I knew there would be slip ups from time to time, but it still bothers me. He's been doing drugs of all types (except shooting up) for about 20 years. I guess a year and a half being sober is just a drop in the bucket. Rome wasn't built in a day, right?
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1432897_tn?1322963137
Glad ya had a good weekend and were able to talk some things out.  You're right about how long it took to build Rome.  Remember to take care of yourself.  We're here to help when you need it.  Saying prayers too!!!  Take care.
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Avatar_m_tn
he needs to get his anger sorted out and find out what the ruit of it all is and where its coming from, he needs counceling and anger management. also hes probally still coming off meth phycologicaly and using weed as his stabilizer, he might also be using it as his excuse for his other problem which is anger
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Avatar_m_tn
Im sorry but i just came across your post to "aqhalady" and I must say I COMPLETELY disagree with your advice. I am by no means a confrontational person, but did you actually tell her to see if he can get put on a antidepressant med instead of using pot?!  Im currently addicted to xanax for anxiety,and I can tell you from first hand experience that cannabis HELPS me with my anxiety.Some days I can smoke a couple puffs of m.j. and it calms me sometimes to the point that I dont have to take that extra xanax that day. And  I can take it or leave it where I CANT take or leave the xanax (believe me ive tried and had a massive seizure.) Ive never heard of someone having a seizure comming off of pot. There is absolutely no proof that pot is a gateway drug, and I am sure that pot did not lead you to using morphine. If that were Truth then why is it legal in 14 states for medical use? Im not saying that pot is for everyone but if you do some research you will find that different strains of m.j. do different things.  Like  trdorbeingtrd" said when he ate it he felt good but upon trying it again it made him paranoid. Well the one that he tried that made him feel mello and calm was most likely a "indica" strain which has a more mello body high affect on you, compared to a "sativa strian" which will give you a more "up' kinda buzz, and if your not used to it, it CAN make you feel paranoid. But a sativa strain can help a person that suffers from depression, where an indica strain can help with opiate w/d"s because it has a more body high.I wish I did research on m.j. b4 I ever got started on xanax because I wouldn't be stuck in this HELL that Im living now. please dont take this the wrong way. Im not trying to be a d++k at all. I just wish ppl would give pot a chance instead of listening to old out dated b.s. about pot, thats all:)
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