My complete story

I'm not sure if i've told my complete story, I will do so now if anyone is interested. It will also serve as kind of a memoir that I can go back and read on my weakest days ahead. A few people have messaged me and asked for my whole story of addiction, start to finish. Only God knows what is ahead, but here is the story as I remember it until now.

I had a neck injury on a trampoline, I have always been pretty agile and I grew up on a trampoline. I attempted a double back flip and landed on my neck. ouch! I pulled every muscle in my neck and was in the ER the next day. Whatever they gave me there worked, I had no knowledge of pain pills or their addictive ways at that time. I walked in like a lamb to the slaughter with my eyes wide shut.

At my first doctor appt they gave me Vicoden, it made me puke and nausia set in very quickly. I have alot of dependants, I simply could not afford not to work. I called the doc and demanded something I could take that I could still work. He hesitated, then relented, and the devil in percocet entered my life. It went great at first, sticking to the amounts he prescribed me, I went to therapy and things seemed to be really slow in healing. I am sure now that the percocet had started to cause me pain at this point.

Two months of this and I was hooked. I had pain still and I worked thru it with my newfound friends in the bottle. Success in business and at home, I built and fixed and made money, life had never been so good! I would come home from work with tons of energy, play with the kids, building sandboxes, swingsets and life was grand, or so those pills led me to believe.

This soon turned south... The drug was taking me over, slowly but surely, working its addicting fingers into every crack and crevice of my body. My doc cut me off at this point, I had to find new ways to attain my pills. An employee, a guy i met at the pharmacy in a neck brace, and a few others soon were my new friends! I wouldn't be home for supper, I was out with my "perc" friends. I no longer was associating with my clean friends, subconsciously scared I would be "discovered".  Then I ran out once, can anyone relate to the first WD feelings?

I was left to scrounge for pills, scared and afraid to let the secret out of the bag. I was taking morphine and percocet, my wife would get vicoden from time to time and I scarfed it up.  I went thru WD's countless times while waiting for pills, everytime I went thru WD's I would swear to myself it was the last time, and believed it with all my heart. I told no one, afraid and alone. I told myself I would beat this alone and I tried, but failed. My pride was so strong, what would my wife, family, and friends think of me now?

Then the worst happened, a distant family friend admitted that she was addicted to some form of pain meds, got caught with someone elses prescription she had stolen, was arrested, put on probation, failed numerous drug tests, and sent off to jail. She lost everything she had in life.

Through this one incident, I looked on the net to find a way to get off of these. I found this site via a search by google. An eye opener to say the least. I now had a good steady source for pills but I never had enough. Vacations were put off or I was sick the whole time, every event in my life now revolved around them pills. I knew I had to quit, but knew I was too weak, I loved the pills- how could I leave my best friend? The answer was so simple, that I alone could not quit. Alone I was too weak. I had to have help from those so much stronger than myself.

I quit once in may for 5 weeks, but I did not cut off all possible supply, I kept a few open "just in case". I had not come to terms how powerful this addiction really was. I felt so helpless, alone, and ashamed. I hated my addiction but I could not quit. I relapsed, a big contract was awarded to my company, I celebrated with pills. I thought I could handle just one pill at this point and I was sorely mistaken. The addiction was back in all its form, hunting for pills, the highs and the lows, mostly the lows because of the constant desire of the beast. In November it all changed again, the pills didn't work so good, the highs didn't feel so good- like I could never feel back to normal as I remembered it. I hated myself for being so weak.

I was sitting in the parking lot of the doctors office/pharmacy 16 days ago when it came tumbling down. I had no strength, I was giddy at getting a full bottle of pills, my employee was inside hooking me up... I looked down on the floor of my truck and said a little silent prayer to myself, "God help me".

I remember this almost as a third person, I was no longer in control. I got out of my truck and walked in past the pharmacy and right up to the receptionist. "I need to see my doctor, it's an emergency" She took one look at me and quickly my nurse was grabbing my arm. When I got in the room with the doc and nurse I was shaking like a leaf, I quickly told them "I'm addicted to percocet and morphine and I need help." They both hugged me, cried, and came up with a game plan for me to quit. I has prescribed promezathine? and clonidine and home I went. The employee was left at the pharmacy holding the bag. My wife and all my family now know, the employee and all supply lines were cut, I went to each one that I had gotten pills from and asked for forgiveness and help. I had to put my pride to the side and be 100% honest with myself and everyone around me. Come what may, I want to be free, whatever it takes.

I'm now 15 days clean with many more upcoming battles, this I am sure of. I posted many times on here asking for help, especially during the WD days, and I recieved an outpouring of support. I feel humbled and honored to have received so much help and encouragement! Thank you all, I really hope someone struggling on the road of addiction realizes that it is in reach. Life is so much better for me now, I love life without pills. Thanks again my dear friends and god bless!!

[dede2121]

nice story. i think this time will stick with me. alot of your story was me. gawd, i hate those pills.
i don't know you but i am proud of you. tomorrow will be day 5 for me. so i am excited about that.

[dominosarah]

I am so glad you made the choice to get and stay clean~~~~sara

[duluthguy]

I agree, the stories that I read on here mirror mine. Great job on the 5 days!

[dominosarah]

The only thing different is our names.......

[throwindatowl]

Dude being honest is so important to putting this behind us. Hiding it from loved ones hurts us. We need our loved ones to support us. Sounds like the big guy upstairs has got your back. We both have two weeks man!! A real good start. Telling the dealers to leave you alone is huge. I did the same and they still shoot me texts! Ill ask one more time nicely then heads will role. You sound like youre getting it man. Dont let your guard down. I made 6 weeks about a month and a half ago and fell down. Live and learn right? You go to meetings at all? On your 30 days go to one and get a 30 clean key tag. Youll walk out feeling like the jolly green giant. Larger than life. Thanks for the story.

[quitinoxys]

Duluth it took a lot of courage to come forward and tell your story and I praise you for that. You stated you had a "newfound friends in the bottle" and "you loved the pills- how could I leave my best friend?" Well I think you know now that you were hurting your best friend (which is Yourself) and actually the Percs where your worst enemy not a friend but a feind. I am so glad to hear you found that out for yourself and you are now on the road of sobriety.  I applaude you for what you have accomplished and keep on that road and always keep your guard up. God Bless---Rick

[jeffclowns]

wow your story was inspiring man it really was ,just wanted to say congrats on your recovery and keep up the great progress.god bless.jeff

[happiness368]

i really need help and dont know how to do it this is my first time every to let anybody know about my addiction pretty sure that this isnt going to help but i feel my addiction is going over and beyond call of duty i feel my addiction has been longer than anybody else that i read about so there seems to be no hope for me but at this point i need somebody to help me cuz i know if i continue this and not try to get help i know longer will be on this earth i have a son who needs me desperatly he is 26 yrs old and is in a coma for the last 2 years was in motorcyle accident and hit a deer me and my husband have been caring for him since also my other son who is a twin lost his life in a car accident in that same year so if anybody can help please i beg of you to help me i want to get better i also have 2 other boys that i need to think about they all are from the same fathers please please if anybody is reading this be a hero and help somebody who desperatly needs it

[happiness368]

its me again hoping to have somebody who i can talk one on one i really need your help to keep me alvie its seems easier to chat with a stranger to let them know about my addiction than my love ones please respond as soon as possible

[quinner]

Very inspiring story that really hits home with me.  I am very happy for you and wish the best for you and your family. I dont think I'll forget you anytime soon 'cause we were in WD's approximately the same time.  Congratulations and god bless!

[quitinoxys]

happiness, first of all welcome and second there is hope. You should post a question and start your own thread so more people can see it. You say you think you have been addicted longer than people on this forum, how long have you been addicted? and what are you addicted to? the answers to these questions will help to give you advice so please let us know. Again there is always hope so come back and post. God Bless you and your family---Rick

[duluthguy]

I sympathize with you, just do what you know is right. Its time to shout it out to your loved ones and your doctor! Don't let the addiction tell you otherwise, post your story on here, but let your doctor know. God be with you!

[laurel453]

thank you, duluth... and feel proud of yourself today... congrats :)

[vicki595]

Hey~ Thanks for posting your story and two weeks is great!  That 30 day mark is going to feel wonderful!

Just curious, how long were you taking Percocet?  What are you thinking about doing to help you stay clean and sober?    Now,the really hard work begins!  

I hate trampolines for just this reason. One wrong move and your neck is broken or almost broken as in your case.

Keep up the great work!

[duluthguy]

Thanks for your help! I have a huge support group, family and friends and church- My wife has a home test kit at the ready iif she ever wonders. I was on it a total of 2 years and maybe 5 months, approx, with a few times of being clean in there... never more than 5 weeks clean, it was always my little secret and not one person ever asked or wondered...not even my wife... she was floored, shocked, and very sympathetic... She made me feel like a victim, I had to tell her that I was an addict...  When I relapsed, same thiing... no anger or disapoointment, she just cried and took care of me... waited on me hand and foot thru all of this and she still does...  

[quietllythinking]

Wow, I have to say that your story really touched me. I HONESTLY thought addicts were people NOT like me until I became one.  8 days clean. 4 days ago I would have told you I would never touch another pill, but now those damn things are calling out to me so loud it is about all I can hear. I never used anything in my life until the past year and you are sooo right, it is all a LIE. They make you think you feel great, but really I was living in a fog.

[duluthguy]

Them pills have a voice, it will quiet down for a bit, then speak up again in a different way. 8 days is great!! And yes, once the WD's are over you soon forget them and think you will do it "different" this time, not take so many or so often... They are so tricky that it's almost impossible to do on your own... Good luck and stay strong!! remember where you came from!!

[GeorgiaGirl1022]

Love reading your story Duluth. Mine is somewhat similar only I've been on and off for 8 years (after the birth of my 2nd son) I actually took them on and off before that but always with a script and always the right amount. Yo be honest even then they called to me. When I'd get a script for say a migraine, I might only get 10 pills but I'd always save a few for a "rainy day" do obviously the problem started really before that. Ugh! I'm a fool. I have stayed clean for up to 8 months but let anything happen that most of the time I probably could have taken motrin for and BAM. Fill that script and off to the races! I never really felt like I do this time though. Honestly in the back of my mind I thought a few here won't hurt.  I FINALLY realize I CANNOT ever take then EVER again.  I'm not a stupid person I just didn't want to completely let it go for  some reason until now. I feel awakened like I never have and I think it has a lot to do with this site.
Happiness: please post again I cried when I read your story. I'm sending up a special prayer for you. God bless you and your family.

[GeorgiaGirl1022]

Ps dang iPhone. Sorry about typos. I really need to use my computer    Hugs my friends. I really love y'all!

[pillfree21]

Thanks for sharing...stories like these mean a lot to people like us....congratulations on making a game changing move and making the best out of it.

[magnoliaooo]

WOW Your story is so much like mine I eas mezmerized when I read it. Lortab has ruled my life for 10 years and it has always been my best friend. I have an immune system disease and mine started out very innocent to. Before long I was Dr. shopping, and always had a steady supply until now. I cut my ties to I told my Doctor I know longer have any means to get pills, I have been thru withdrawls so many times I can"t even count but I never shut the door to my supply, this has been the hardest thing I have ever done. I actually cry because I miss them , tomorrow will only be day 4 for me, it has been the longest 4 days I can ever remember. This time though I want to be free I am POWERLESS over Lortab. I to think I will only take one and then the race starts. I to have been giddy over a bottle of pills, I to have done things I would have never done if it had not been for my addiction.My emotions are still so raw that your posts brought tears to me because you are me!!! I so thank you for writing it, I worked all day today through the withdrawls and I honestly felt so defeated today I was so exhausted reading your story only reminds me that I must keep pushing through this I to want to be free I to have been in a prison for 10 years THANK YOU

                                                        Magnolia

[magnoliaooo]

Once again thank you for your story. I just got out the tub from soaking I am so sore and I was really defeated today when I got home from work. Your story reminded me so much of myself and I am so glad that I made it another day. Have a good night

                                        Mag

[duluthguy]

It's so true, our stories are so similar, just the names are different like Sara posted. I was on the board reading stories long before I quit, trying to find an easier route to quit. Them pills have so much power it's unreal, but there is someone stronger, I found this out in a parking lot. Stay strong, it is harder at first, remember where you came from, why you quit- re-read your posts now and again, it really helps. God Bless