My first post... the deadly vicodin.

[GypsyAsh]

I have been researching online for quite sometime about the withdrawls from vicodin and how to manage them.  I came across this site and immediately decided to post... well, to vent. I have tried to talk to my mother and fiance, the two people i am closest to in this world, but my fiance just ignores it and my mother is just angry at me. I understand both of their reactions, i have lied, stole and dragged them through this hell along with me. I am 26 and i have been taking vicodin for about 5 years... but this past year has really spun out of control. I take them everyday. Between 10 - 20 10mg hydros...and shamefully i would take more if i could afford it. Every bit of money that goes into my pocket immediately gets spent on pills. If i dont have the cash, i take it from my fiance and then i lie about where i am going and where the money went. Or i steal my mothers pills and lie about taking them. I hate what i have become. I have ruined my life and my fiances..We are in debt because of me. And i hate myself for hurting the most important people in my life. Two days i go i admitted it to both of them, they werent entirely clueless, they knew, they just didnt know how severe...my mom is coming around, she talked to me a little last night but my fiance hasent.. and i am not asking for her sympathy, just support. I need it. Today, i researched and found a clinic that offers free counseling..i called about an hour ago, left a message and are now impatiently waiting on a response. My withdrawls are unbearable. Violent stomach pains, vomiting, diahrea, body aches, headaches and horrible horrible leg cramps. I dont even enjoy the pills anymore or get high from them, i take them to avoid the mind blowing withdrawls. Im sorry to vent all of this to you but from reading just a few posts, i know, that you know, what i am going through. I just want to get better. I want to be me again. I want to make all of my wrongs right again. I want to gain the trust back of those i love the most in the world. And i need advice and just... someone to talk to.

Thank you,
Ash

[0421]

know what you mean, my son is not supportive of me at all,  and we were so close, when his dad died 10 years ago he took care of me and got me back on my feet. He says he can't handle seeing me like this again. Well  it hurts when the one you love the most seems not to care. I have had quite a few stops and starts and stops, but I will keep on trying until I stop. I know the first few days are really rough but if I can do it so can you.
good luck and prayers to you, and yes this fourm is great, I am glad I found it same as you did.

[cleaninitup]

Did you hear back from the clinic?I think that your mom and fiance will come around if they see that you are serious and committed to getting clean.Have you approached them before about getting clean and havent?could this be one of the reasons they arent onboard with you? Sorry about so many questions just want to help-keep posting and let us know what the clinic said-keep up the great job!! Heather

[GACarol]

Hi Ash, Well you are for sure not in denial ; ) you know what needs to happen and it sounds like you are working in the direction of taking care of this. It has got to be hard on your mom and fiance, sometimes the people we love the most are the ones more in denial than us. It doesn't hurt as much to deny (or so they think) than to face it head on. They love you so much they don't want to admit the pain or trouble you are in. Hang in there, you are headed in the right direction and we are all here for you. Immodium helped me more than anything, I urge anyone going through WD to take 2 or 3 in the morning even if you don't think you need it. It helps tremendously!

[LeaAnn807]

Hey Ash, go to the health pages and read the Thomas Recipe or google it.  It has helpful information for WDs.  Hyland's Leg Cramps and Gatorade helped my cramps more than anything.  Potassium supplements will help too if you have some.  The worst will be over in about 3 to 5 days.  Remember to stay hydrated and take lots of baths!

I hope they call you back!  : )