My god.

I am in a mess here. Started taking pain medication for legit pain. Now if I dont have them I cant think straight. My stomache hurts.. I wake up in a complete panic at the thought of getting through the day. Im a mother..and a disgrace. My father was an addict..clean for many years. He died of cancer a few months ago..i would do anything to have him here to help me as he would know exactly how I feel.Nobody knows of my troubles. I am suffering in silence..and bad. First day with no vicodin today. Im freezing and aching for my Dad even more..i was taking about 5  7.5.a day.

[lulu747]

Hello and welcome...I am so sorry for your suffering and know it well-I was there 20 days ago (physically anyways)  Are you detoxing because you want to or because you ran out of meds and were forced to?  Your dosage wasn't very high and so probably your detox will not be too long.  Like having a terrible flu for 3-5 days.  Keep hydrated, look up the Thomas Recipe-I used it and it really helps.  Do you have anyone at all that you can tell?  You are not a disgrace.  You are only human and you are sick and need help.  Try not to judge yourself-it's wasted energy right now.  Be kind to yourself.  There is a lot of great support and wise advice on this forum...Let us know what you need....Lu

[wtf1213]

Thank you lulu..i ran out I dont buy from the streets or anything like that..just get the scripts from my doctor. I know that I can call at anytime for more because of my issues. I almost did today.but I didnt. I love my family so much.what did I do? I cant tell anyone. Im tol ashamed.

[wtf1213]

And I know what friggin treat im in fir tonight..the constant moving of my legs is enough to drive me insane..but why am I so damn cold..sweet jesus im freezing. The minutes feel like hours. People talk but all o see is thier lips moving. Everything is boring. Am  I ever going to feel normal again. I feel like my world is falling apart around me. I know what addiction does and I put MYSELF in this position!?

[lulu747]

Take a deep breath.  It's going to be okay. You just have to be okay with not being okay for awhile.  Tell yourself you have the flu and stop beating yourself up and whatever you do- DON'T get more pills.  I chose to cold turkey against medical advice and it was the smartest thing I've ever done.  Life on opiates is no life at all-and you're going through it and the only way out is through.  Listen to music..Pray...Stay hydrated-it only gets worst if you don't drink enough.  Dress warm.  Watch movies.  Vitamins, melatonin, valerian root all help immensely.  I lived in the bath tub for five days.  Hot baths are the best.  Bananas help the restless legs.  You will feel normal again-in fact you'll feel better than normal...But you'e going to feel like hell for a few days.  Just hang in there you're doing great...I am here if you need anything.....Lu

[wtf1213]

Thank you so much. You have no idea how much your little comments are helping me rifht now. This secret is making me sick. My Dad sponsored and helped so many people..but when I need him.. He is gone..his obituary online flooded with people saying..your Dad held my hand and said we will do this together..god what I wouldnt fo for his hand right now.

[littlebit667]

I hate that the one person you want can't be there for you.  Please let this site help you where he can't.  Know he would want you to get the help to get thru this.  You are NOT a failure, just an addict.  It is not the end of the world, I promise.  Here is a writeup I give out and I hope it  helps.

I kept telling myself...YOU HAVE the FLU!  It will be over and I will feel so much better.  My brain seemed to get that and settled down a little.  It is hard, but doable!  The Thomas Recipe (bottom of the page under Health Pages will help.  I did not to the tranquilizers and had to cut back on the Ltryosine, but the rest really helped.  Imodium (immodium), Imodium (immodium), Imodium (immodium) (liquid or pills if the liquid can't be found or you can't swallow it) will help.  I took double the dosage for a few days (personal choice) and it helped so much..even with the withdrawals in general and the opiate trots which sucked.  

Hydrate and eat!  Even if it is just a little every hour or so.  You have to eat something to keep your energy up as much as possible.  

If you have Restless legs..it is hit or miss what works.  Walking seemed to help me some.  Hot bath with epsom salts..a little.  I finally had to get my doctor to refill my restless legs meds (non addictive) to get some sleep.  If nothing works,your doctor might help.  

One hour at a time is all anyone can ask.  After 2 weeks it gets a little better and I started to say, One day at a time!  Your brain will do all sorts of things to get you to take a pill.  I found if I was hungry..the cravings got worse.  I would try to eat a banana, a few grapes or a few crackers to get that under control.

Good for you.  I hope all goes well.  You have made a good start coming here....this site has helped me so much!!!  Keep posting!!!!!

[atthebeach]

Hylands restful legs
,magnesium and calcium supplements
Hot baths with epsom salts has magnesium
These all help with rls.
Take immodiun for your stomach.
You can do this this. Stay positive.
You are giving yourself a wonderful start to a new year.
Congrats
Sending hope,encouragement and prayers
Debbie

[wtf1213]

Thank you very much for taking the time to respond. Has anyone taken Hylands and it helped. The restless legs are luke torture to me. They are the main reason I get a refill.. Im sorry im just being honest . The restless feeling is the absolute worst :(

[vicki595]

Yes...Hylands helps. It's the quinine in it. Take as directed. Also for RLS, get some potassium/magnesium tablets. Eat bananas and drink apple juice. Epsom salt in a hot bath. It has magnesium in it which is what your muscles need right now. It works quite well!

Try all these things and they'll work. I hope this will keep you away from a refill. Be sure to drink extra fluids. Gatorade is the best along with water. Don't let yourself get dehydrated!

Keep posting!

[wtf1213]

Thank you..i cant get a refill..then I will be back in this same boat in another month. I feel like a dumb *** dog chasing his tail.

[wtf1213]

Ill get some Hylands tomorrow.

[atthebeach]

Hun your dad is smiling down on you.
He his holding your hand. He is going to help you get through.
Start with the meetings,get yourself plugged in and then you can carry on his legacy.
Yes stay off the roller coaster. This is your time.
Hugs
We are here too to hold your hand.

[wtf1213]

Atthebeach. Thank you. Im crying because you are so right. I wish he were here so much to help me. I found his NA book up my Moms the other day..read all the little notes that were left from other people. I cant go to a meeting. im too afraid of others finding out. I know that might be wrong but nobody keeps a secret around here. I dont know what im going to do as far as long term. All I know for now is I cant look back right now and get through these withdrawls.why am I so afraid of it? Like.scared to death.

[brians_wife]

We all went through the anxiety of the w/d. It ***** but once you are about 48 hours in thats the worst of it so then there is nothing to be afraid of. It does get better. Day 8 here. Deep breaths.

[wtf1213]

Thats real good Brianswife that you are on day 8..congrats. Im laying in bed getting ready for a long restless night. I did this all to myself..made my bed..time to lie in it!

[lulu747]

You're doing great doll-use this forum...Your dad would be proud of you and you should be proud of yourself.  I used the Hylands and it worked for me when nothing else would-bananas too.  They helped me sleep when even sleep meds didn't work.  You are scared because it feels like a loss of control.  But it's not-it's the opposite.  The pills were in control and now you're taking control back.  Stay positive.  Stay strong-it's a mental game.  Treat yourself with as much love and compassion as you would anyone else who was suffering.  I know you feel alone but you are not.  I am still up half the night and will be here if you need anything.  Soft music, clean pj's, candles-these all help.  Just take it one moment at a time and know that each moment leads towards recovery and a better life....Lu

[brians_wife]

You really should ease up on yourself. This is not something any of us wanted. It's a disease. If you had cancer you wouldn't be so hard on yourself. This is a trap we all got into. You want out that is huge! Be proud of every min you don't use. That is a very big accomplishment! This is very hard to do. You are doing great and you will get even better! Count the wins not the mistakes that you cant change. We are all still struggling with sleep so someone should be around all night. Post any time you need to.

[atthebeach]

Don't anticipate the withdrawls..  Just take it minute by minute.the fear of it is many times worse than the actual withdrawl (withdrawal). Pray for peace to flood your heart,mind ,soul and body. Don't let the fear in.you are going to do great.
You said your secret is making you sick. You said so many people loved your dad and that he helped so many people. What are you afraid of??
Don't  worry about what other people think.this is your life and your recovery.
Check into one on one therapy.a psycholigist,addiction specialist,pastor.
You could even go gto alanon. You are the child of an alcoholic. They use the same 12 step program as aa.

[wtf1213]

Im afraid of everything right now..afraid of my husband leaving me if I tell him..other parents not allwing their children to associate with mine..my father was an opiate addict not an alcoholic..being a daughter of an opiate addict I should have known what this does to families..im sorry im not making sense. I just took a benedryl to try and get some sleep..sometimes it helps me sleep. I thank every one of you for taking time to comment.thank you so much.

[bama88]

I just read your post and want to say your dointg good. I know how much pain your in emotionally and phsically. I also see that your being way to hard on yourself. You cant have that job. Thats my job. Lol i was so hard on myself..i made it worst for myself. You dont need to.feel ashamed

[bama88]

Ugh my phone posted before i was done. Dont be ashamed of yourself. There a thousands of people addicted to these pills. I am one of them. I was so ashamed and hated myself and beat myself up daily on the oxy and off. I felt worthless. And any other negative thought. Thats the disease talking to us. I bet your dads right by your side praying for you. You just cant see him. But hes there. Or hes praying in heaven for your recovery. He would tell you to go to na fix yourself than pass it on. Youve got such a insperational story others need to here. Not now but later. Oh i thought nobody knew about my dirty secret. Everyone knew. Not trying to scare you. I want you to feel less alone in this. I wish i had a majic wand to make this pass fast. Abracadabra. Sorry my rabbit stole my wand. And believe it or not someone is reading your posts flowing your story to help themselves. I was told by several people i helped them even when i couldnt help myself. Heres a hug and a tall prayer for you. Youve got a friend in bama

[wtf1213]

Thanks bama...i really needed to hear some of the things you said.. I decided NOT to call for a refill..my stomach us killing me..im freezing and shaking a little. I woke up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding out of my chest..i just started praying to my Dad and god to help mr..im afraid of the physical part but not half as im afraid of the mental part. As you can see I beat myself up terribly..always have. Anyway thank you for taking the time to comment. I dony know how im getting through this day but ill manage someway :/

[atthebeach]

Good morning. Are you taking the clonindine?can you check your bp?
Your dad was an opiate addict. My husband is a reocvering opiate addict 22 months he has been clean. My son 26  also used not opiates but coke,pot,xanax.he is now in recovery for 2 1/2nyrs. My daughter 20 is using oxys now. It is a family disease. You saw your dad do it.that was how he dealt with life.my children swore they wouldn't and they did.
You can break the cycle of addiction now. Don't refill.you take control of your life don't let the pills control you.
There is recovery.there is hope.you have to wqant it more than you want the pills. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.it will get brighter each day.  Does your husband knows you have a script ??

[wtf1213]

I dont know.ironicly enough he is a policeman .undercover narcotics officer..wtf. I think if he knew he would be supportive and demand I get help. He knows I have hip problems ..sees me hobbling around. Im so scared.

[bama88]

Do you have any bentyl? Its for stomache cramps etc.? I had some and it really helped. Also are you able to eat and keep it down? I used a heating pad on my back. It relaxed me alot. I understand tummy issues. I thought i was never going to feel better. Especially tummy.  Your almost out of the woods. Praying Jesus will wrap his healing arms around you. Dont consintrate on a time line. I got caught up in that. It made it worst. I know your not feeling well yet. But focus on something pksitive. The more you think about it the harder it is. Does that make sense? Our bodies and minds became dependant on those devil drugs and our addicted brain and body will do anything it can to get more. Sending you some southern love.

[wtf1213]

In other words I think he knows I take them ocassionally for pain not that I take them even when the hip isnt acting up. I,have been lurking here for months and finally had the balls to post. I am tired. Tired of running to doctors. Tired of counting on the calender how many days till my refill. Tired of who I became. A war in my own mind. Going about my business everyday like nothings wrong. Somethings wrong alright. Very wrong.

[atthebeach]

The secrets definitely keep us sick.I covereds up my familys addictions for so long and I believe that prolonged it. If he knows you have pain . Just be honest tell him you were taking them and now you want to stop.he will probably get mad at first and then it will be ok. Then he will support you and he can help you get help. You can get counseling and look for other methods of pain management.
Get yourself up and move around.try to stay busy.

[wtf1213]

Thank u bama..whats bentyl? Can I get it over the counter?

[wtf1213]

Thanks atthebeach.  I appeciate you taking the time to comment.. I will try to stay busy. Even my fingertips hurt this morning. Body hurts and im freezing.

[wtf1213]

Does anyone know what goes wrong during wd that makes you bone cold? Wow. Im layered up and still freezing..is it blood pressure or something?

[bama88]

Unfortunatley no. Doctor will have to rx. But if you tell doc your cramping jn tummy and diearreha they will give you some. Its not addictive at all. Its not a narcotic. Just a good stomache med. And cheap too. Its for ibs.

[Jaybay]

You are NOT a disgrace!  You're in the same boat as 15% of the people in this country so you have a whole lot of company.  Shame and guilt are two of the worst emotions an addict contends with both while using and even worse, during detox.  It's true that it's your disease talking to you.  It wants you to cross the "scr*w it line" so you'll give up.  That's why getting honest and getting plugged into some kind of aftercare like AA is so important to real, lasting recovery.  You already know that you've been taking the pills to deal with emotional pain.  Aftercare is all about dealing with that pain so your addiction doesn't call you back into its grip.

Keeping secrets will only keep you sick.  Your dad would tell you the same thing.  I'm not saying you have to go fling yourself at your family's feet and beg for a beating right now, but at least consider telling them soon.  I guarantee you they already know something is wrong.  Give them the chance to support your recovery.

I see these situations on the pain management forum all the time.  Someone has legit pain, a doctor puts him on opiate therapy and the fun begins.  Every time I see someone write that "I used to love the energy I got from the pills but now they aren't working so I need something stronger," I cringe.  Or worse, "They aren't working as well so I take two instead of one and now I'm running out early.  Will the doctor give me an early refill?"  Ouch!  That "energy" they want is a buzz and taking more than prescribed is abuse.  Millions of people wake up one day in the same boat with you so don't beat yourself up over it.  What's important now is how you deal with today and the future.

The emotional storm of detox is something most people are unprepared for.  Try to remind yourself that it's actually a good thing.  Your brain is complaining loudly that it has to go back to manufacturing its own feel-good chemicals that the meds were doing for it.  It WILL get better.  Now is the time for lots of positive self-talk.  Your body is flooded with adrenaline from the anxiety.  You can help deal with that by soaking in hot baths (even better with Epsom salts) and focusing on slowing your breathing.  Anything you can do to bring down that anxiety even a fraction is good thing.

You are a good person!  You just happen to be a sick person too.  Forgive yourself for you are deserving of forgiveness.  :-)

[wtf1213]

Thank you jaybay. I am definately using them for emotional pain. There I said it. I have probably the lowest self esteem of anyone you ever met. I need help.

[wtf1213]

I can pinpoint the times I started abusing them when my daughter was diagnosed with autism. Made the therapy more bearable. I know its mo excuse.

[wtf1213]

No excuse sorry for the typos as im doing this from my phone.

[atthebeach]

Good for you let it out hun.  You will find the healing you need and deserve. My children both used drugs for the emotional pain they had from growing up with a dad who used. Even though they knew the pain it caused the family and them individually they still did. You know that isnt the answer. Hun seek out support from counselors and your husband. Go to na or alanon. This is your life and there is healing.
Sending hugs and hope
Debbie

[atthebeach]

How old is your daughter?  Her diagnosis just added to the pain you already had from your dad.  Your daughter needs you to be there emotionally and mentally. The pills are blocking that.m
You are going to be fine. Think positive. You can break the chains and bondage of addiction.
Did you get up and go to the store yet for the hylands and supplements. Have you been pushing the fluids?  
Go for a walk around the block you will feel better

[wtf1213]

Thank you Debbie. Im NOT calling for a refill. At least for today..learned that from my Dad. God I miss him. I wish he were here to help me..sorry for being so repetative with that. I just cant stress enough how much I know he would help. And hes gone :(

[wtf1213]

My daughter is 7.. Diagnosed at 3.she is doing fantastic..mainstreamed at school..if you met her you wouldnt even know..mom did everything in her power to help my baby..now Moms not so well..got the hylands. Its pouring here..might go for a walk if it stops.

[lulu747]

Oh Honey-giving you a big cyber hug right now....You do NOT have the lowest self esteem in the world right now-you are a strong woman...a survivor.  You are only human after all.  You wouldn't condemn someone else for being sick and you should try not to condemn yourself.  I know how hard it can be.  You wake up in your life and think"WTF?  How did I get here?"  Just remember you didn't get here in a day and you won't get out in a day...One small baby step at a time....Just keep going towards the light.  The cold and chills and sweat are the poison leaving your body.  Dress warm.  Hot baths.  Take good care of you.  Walking will help...Just go easy on yourself okay?  That's an order(:.....Lu

[Wanttobebetter2011]

I'm on Day 3, hanging in there the best I can.  Legs are starting to crawl and the anxiety is still here.  The first 5-7 days are the hardest, just stay strong and keep posting.  I take Buspar (non-addictive) for the anxiety and it is gradually starting to help.  I've been taking B vitamins for energy and Ambien for sleep.  This forum and prayIng to God however, have been my comfort and strength.  Keep reading and posting.  We're all doing this together and we're all here for you! Will pray for you!  :)

[wtf1213]

Thank you lu..this little website is getting me through this today. Believe it or not.

[wtf1213]

Thank you wanttobebetter..beginning of day 2 for me.

[wtf1213]

Anybody ever hear of Librax for stomach cramps? I have an old bottle of it but nevrr took it..

[lulu747]

You don't have to thank us-if you read back on my posts three weeks ago I was in the same place as you being helped immensely by all these wonderful folks...You're helping others out right now by posting your own 'war story'.  Hang on to your hope girl.....I've never heard of Librax-immodium is the best that I know..Do you have some?

[wtf1213]

I have immodium..my concen is getting really backed up and ending up with more stomach pain..will that happen?

[Wanttobebetter2011]

Librax is for stomach cramping, but it has Librium in it, which is a cousin, if u will, to Xanax.  It's considered a controlled substance as it can be addicting.

[wtf1213]

Ok..thx..better not take that then.

[atthebeach]

No the immodium will not stop you up.
Are you drinking enough fluids?

[justneedtotalk]

Congrats on the decision to get clean.  The nice thing is that you were not taking very much so your detox should not be that bad and it will be short.  Most people in your situation and usage find it more difficult to STAY sober.  You have recieved a lot of good advice here and if I had anything to add or reaffirm it would be....Lots of water, vitamins, protein drinks, and most of all EXERCISE.  Physical exercise helps the brain re-learn how to release its own dopamine and "feel good" chemicals.  The pills have done this for you until now and the faster you start the exercise the faster you will feel better.  Plus, exercise will help you rid of the left over bi-products of the hydrocodone and help with your eating and over all well being feeling.

I would highly recommend some form of aftercare and it sounds like (being a mother) you will not have the time for formal counceling.  AA or NA are fantastic groups and most everyone can fit a meeting or two into their schedule.  These groups will help you vent, manage cravings, and give you an added reason to stay sober.  I, like many members on this site, tried to do it alone but failed each and every time.  Even though you were not taking huge amounts of the drug, you are just as suseptible to relapse.  The one unfortunate thing I learned is that each time you detox, the detox gets worse.  Plus, a lot of people die when falling off the wagon the first time because their tolerance is not as high as when you were using full time and many people overdose while taking their old amounts.

This addiction is bigger than one person and you need a strong support group (NA or AA) to help you fight the fight.  Well, I wish you the best of luck and keep pushing the vitamins, supplements, and try to get some exercise and stay with it......The only way out is up!

[lulu747]

"the only way out is up"!  I love that...My grandmother always says "the only way out is through" which has been my mantra (and I'm not alone reading it a lot on this forum)  I like yours better(:

[ImDONENoMore]

Out, through.  I like them both.

[wtf1213]

Thank you everyone. Got through day 2 ..well almost im sure I have another night of being so restless I wish..oh I dont kniw what I wish. I wish I were someone else. I really do.

[wtf1213]

But I cant stress enough how much I appreciate all of you. I dont know any of you but you are all very important to me right now? I am a homemaker and would be able to see a one on one therapist.I work from home and can make my own schedule. I know the meetings are very important I just cant go there. I am so f ing mad my Dad isnt here for me! UGH. One talk with him would be so helpfuk. Why did god take him away from me when I need him most..althougj maybe its better this way..i wouldnt want him worrying about me :/

[lulu747]

So talk to him...You know he's listening...In your toughest moments talk to him as you would if he were there.  I believe that if you listen to your heart you will hear the words he would say to you-maybe not specifically but a feeling nonetheless...You are not alone.  Thinking of you and sending you support and prayers....Lu

[wtf1213]

Aw.Thank you Lu..just dozed of for about an hour only to wake up to restless legs and now this hot/cold combo which is a nice touch..not. This is terrible.

[wtf1213]

My heart is pounding so hard I can see shirt noving..did this last night. I hope im not being a pain,in the *** with all these posts..when you hold something in for a couple of years the flood gates open..

[wtf1213]

Shirt *moving* ugh typing on this phone *****.

[brians_wife]

You most def are not being a pain in the ***! We are all here to help you ot with whatever you need even if its just to vent. The first 5 days I posted non stop. You got this! You can do it. Keep posting as much as you need it really does help. You are doing great! :)

[wtf1213]

Thank you..i wish I could sleep!

[bama88]

Hang in there. Your doing as great as can be. Were here for you. I know rigbt now you think this will never end. It will i promise. Sending supportive hugs and im getting ready for bed i will pray Jesus wraps his healing arms around you.

[wtf1213]

Thank you bama. this is going to be a long night. Im rereading all my comments on here iver and over like its my bible. I am sucking in every peice of info...thanks  to all!

[gnarly_1]

HI you have forund yourself in the same bost as a lot of us originally I was chasing pain from my back it was legit but when my wife become bedridden for 5yrs and my daughter a crack addict I soon stated using them for emotional numbing
it was the only way I could sleep or take enough to go in and out of crack houses without fear this is back in the day b/4 all the computers where hooked up and you could have 3 doctors writing you scripts I was a mess spirituality mentally emotionally and physically I just want you to know your not the only one thats been down this road but it is reversible I had my wife on my side and our whole chuch new from the prayer chain with Gods help I live in recovery now 2yr2mo from narcotics 6yr9mo form alcohol weed and  everything else recreational life is a beautiful place once again and it can be for you to with this stuff no pain no gain go with it you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile this to shall pass you have been givin great advise all I would like to add is this is all about attitude keep a positive attitude it makes the difference between suffering or discofort YOU CAN DO THIS then its on to aftercare please dont skip that critical step it will help keep you clean good luck and God bless......Gnarly  

[wtf1213]

Thank you gnarly. My Dad was clean for 15 years..went through most of his cancer pain med free..he was so strong. A year after he got clean he got cancer. I have to remind myseld I have his blood pumping through my veins. Not only the diseased blood but the strengh and courage.

[gnarly_1]

ya you got your dadys jeans you will pull threw this fine it just takes perseverance resolve and the willingness to go out of our cofortzone to get the help we all desperately need I remember my first N/A meeting ...felt like a bug in a jar with everybody staring at me....it was all in my head but feelings ar feelings once I got comfortable it was neet to have people that understood what I was going threw and what was happening to meso break down that cofort zone and get to a meeting you will find this is much more of a mind game then you think.....GNARLY

[wtf1213]

Than you Gnarly..but what do you do when the meetings arent so anonymous? I would go if I wouldnt think the whole neighborhood would know. I know I need help.maybe I can check one out in a different area of my town?

[lulu747]

You're doing great girl!  Yes-I would check out a meeting in another neighbourhood-'shop' around until you find one that's a good fit. When I can't sleep (pretty much always) I listen to music softly and just lose myself...It helps-drowns out the noise in my head.  You're almost there....Proud of you...Lu

[wtf1213]

Thank you lu.gotta try to get through this day..it will b day 3..

[wtf1213]

Got my *** out of bed and on my way to the cemetary today. As sick as I am something is calling me there. This will be my first time here..its been months I should have bwen here sooner.

[Wanttobebetter2011]

I think you'll feel better after visiting with your Dad at the cemetery.  Just unload your fears and pain while there, God and your Dad will be listening.  I'm In Day 5 and doing a little better today.  Hang in there!

[wtf1213]

Dragged my *** out of bed and went to the cemetary today for the first time.sar and begged and prayed to get out of this mess I created. Day 3.

[wtf1213]

Whoops I didnt think the first post about the cemetary went through..sorry for the same post twice :/

[wtf1213]

Whoops I didnt think the first post about the cemetary went through..sorry for the same post twice :/

[wtf1213]

Im confused as to why people comment on posts from say 1999..

[atthebeach]

hi how are you feeling?
are you children home?
did you go to the cemetry?
most times the old threads come up through a search engine when people look for info on detox,withdrawal. we then can direct them to start a new thread.

[wtf1213]

Day 3 almost complete. I know im in for a long night again.oh joy. Yes I went to the cemetary..sat on my Dads grave and just talked to him. My eyes look like I have been in a fight with all the crying I have been doing..my kids are great. Just had a bath and a snack getting ready for bed. Im still freezing achy and have a terrible headache..anxious beyond belief and jating myself. I know I should think positive but im not there yet.Being this sick knowing I did this to myself. Thanks for asking about me!

[atthebeach]

take some motrin. take a hot bath. you are doing great. i am proud of you.
have you called to make an appt with the counselor?
be proud of yourself. you are on the road to recovery.
sending hugs,prayers,hope,encouragment
debbie

[wtf1213]

Thanks Debbie. I have a cal into a therapist I saw a few years  back on and off for postpartum depression. Shes awesome and im kind of afraid to tell her. Everyhing in my life I have worn my heart on my sleeve..this I am a cault! So afraid of being judged and labled. :(

[wtf1213]

A *vault* not cault..this damn phone.

[gnarly_1]

A therapist wont judge you I would suggest one well versed in substance abuse there are issues here that might not get delt with otherwise I see a substance abuse counselor have for 3yrs weekly I dont think I would be off methadone if it wasent for Paul he is a great counselor and a recovered addict
it makes a difference get someone thats been there not just a fancy piece of paper on the wall ....he knew the hell I was going threw google one close to you and go with an open mind......Gnarly  

[wtf1213]

Your right the therapist I went to doesnt specialize in addiction. Not feeling too bad physically today but mentally..forget it. Cant stop feeling like im going to burst out in tears. Ugh. Day 4 beginning.

[lulu747]

Hang in there you are doing great.  I know the emotions can be overwhelming.  Just remember that the pills were numbing your true emotions and so you are going to 'feel' everything again.  I know there is a lot of pain in the world...but there is also infinite joy.  And you will get to experience both.  This is why the counselling that Gnarly mentioned is so important to your recovery.  Stay strong-proud of you....Lu

[wtf1213]

Thank you lu. Just made myself get out of the house and go for a tan.  I know its terrible for your skin but the heat felt really good on my freezing aching bones.

[atthebeach]

You go girl. That will make you feel better.
  You will not be judged. We can be our own worst critic and enemy.
You can't go back and change what has already been done .
All we have is today and no promise of tomorrow.
Make today count. Live for today.
Do something fun with your kids. Hug them. Tell them you love them.
Treat yourself good. Go for a massage.
Look for a new therapist.
Remember if you don't want to go to na/aa for fear of being found out check into alanon.
Hugs and continued prayers
Debbie

[lulu747]

The tanning is an awesome idea.  I have an infrared sauna and once I stopped feeling weak I went in it every day for an hour (still do)  Heat+sweat=feeling better.  So proud of you.  Atthebeach is right on the money.  Hugs...Lu

[wtf1213]

Thanks girls..the Hylands doesnt help me much with the restless legs..everything else seems to be easing up physically..mentally still bad. I started back on my antidepressant today as well..i stopped taking it against docs orders. I guess with all the f ing vicodin I didnt need it..day 4 almost complete.

[ImDONENoMore]

Try bananas for the RLS - have one before bedtime.  They were a huge help for me and might be for you too.  :)

[lulu747]

Yep...Bananas.  When I would reach my worst most desperate for sleep moment I would get up and walk around the house and eat a banana...I would fall asleep for at least an hour...Better than nothing(:  Also-stretch.  You won't want to and your bones will hurt like hell but it really will help.  Your muscles clench and spasm while detoxing.  Also-I rubbed Tiger balm (asian) into my calf muscles and it gave me relief....Wishing you a restful night...Lu

[ImDONENoMore]

Great advice lulu - and I forgot to mention that sleeping on the couch was actually better for me early on.  Something about laying flat on the bed made the RLS seem even worse.

So try eating that banana before you want to get some rest, snuggle up on your couch with a warm blanket, a cup of sleepytime tea, and a good movie or some mindless TV.  And a good hot shower (or bath) with epsom salts before all of this will help to relax you.  Put on your favorite PJ's and treat yourself like you would if you had the worst flu of your life (which it kinda feels that way anyway) - Immodium AD will help with GI issues, and melatonin and/or valerian root can also help calm you.

But like I said, the couch might be better place for now - :)

[wtf1213]

Your right. Ill prob end up on the couch tonight. I dont want to keep anyone up tossing and turning..what is about popping pills that makes everything seem unboring..is thst a word?..also the days seem sooo l         o    n      g!

[ImDONENoMore]

That's because most of us abuse the drug to numb our feelings about something that's distressing us.  That's why aftercare is so important because until we get to the root of what's causing us to "numb out" and why we're using the meds as an escape or to make life seem "unboring", we never really have a chance to fully recover.

You can do this - but remember, stopping the pills is is one thing - staying off of them is quite another.  Find a therapist or counselor, or someone you trust and feel comfortable talking to.  Using is just a symptom of something bigger going on.  Good luck to you (life can be great again without the drugs)

[wtf1213]

Your right. Thank you so much. Im trying to find someond in my area who specializes in addiction. Ill go everyday if I have to. I want off this ride on the crazy train!

[gnarly_1]

HI  it may take some foot work but once you find a counselor that specializes in addiction it will make all the world in your recovery Paul is my primary source of aftercare but when im down and out I will still hit a N/A meeting I have never walked away from one not feeling better then when I went in even if you have to drive to the next town I highly recamend them your around people that understand how you feel and there is a lot of love to be had at one sometimes you just need that big hug to make it all go away im glad your exploring your options this part of recovery will make or break you so keep looking good luck and God bless......Gnarly    

[wtf1213]

Thank you gnarly..day 5 for me. I have the worst stomach pain ever! I think itsfrom taking immodim since Monday..havent gone since then..sorry tmi...but UGH!

[lulu747]

I would cut back on the Immodium for sure if you aren't going.  It's vital to clean out the poison in your system and would definitely give you a tummy ache.  Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate....And try to get some exercise to get things moving....Feel better and hang in you are doing great....Lu

[atthebeach]

Oh boy that's not good. How are you feeling now??
  Did you stop the immodium??
Pushing the fluids and exercising as lu said will defintely help.
I hope and pray things are moving along.

[wtf1213]

Yes. Stopped immodium and nothing yet..still having terrible stomach pain.

[atthebeach]

How is the rls?   If you have been eating banans they are binding. Eat lots of friuts and veggies. Get a laxative/metamucil.  Exercise and drink lots of water. I hope and pray  you feel better soon.
Hugs
Debbie

[wtf1213]

Hi everybody. Im about the same.no worse no better. M son has been sick so ive had to put my self induced sickness aside and care for my baby. On the search for a addiction consoler..maybe it will be one who deals with grief as well..im having a terrible time :( hope evrryone had a nice Holiday.

[lulu747]

I'm sorry you're still suffering doll-hang in there...It gets better every day...And it's a New Year...Sending you happy thoughts and prayers....Lu

[wtf1213]

Thanks lulu!

[gnarly_1]

how your son.....ive raised 5 and right now got sick grand babys the 2yr old got into the frig and drank 3/4 of the bottle of pink medicine!!!! poison control said theirs nothing to worrie about but what a scare its always something you got to get use to it its the way life goes my counselor says there are no big deals......there cant be you have to keep stress to a manageable level hang in there I will pray for your family.....Gnarly

[atthebeach]

i hope and pray you and your son are feeling better.
have a happy,healthy,blessed and sober new year.
hugs
debbie

[wtf1213]

My son is feeling better..thank you. Most of my physical symptoms are gone thank god! Still having major anxiety though. I have an appointment with a therapist next week to start one on one. However I have a question. If I would want to delete this post and start a new one how would I go about that? I have made a srong mental note of all the information here . I know I need some major help but feel I have the right to do it anonomously..know I spelled that wrong. I tried to inbox gnarly to ask but it wouldnt go through. I DEFINETLY want to start a new thread with maybe less bloody informstion. Thanks guys! I know I have a longjourney ahead and need this page.

[wtf1213]

My son is feeling better..thank you. Most of my physical symptoms are gone thank god! Still having major anxiety though. I have an appointment with a therapist next week to start one on one. However I have a question. If I would want to delete this post and start a new one how would I go about that? I have made a srong mental note of all the information here . I know I need some major help but feel I have the right to do it anonomously..know I spelled that wrong. I tried to inbox gnarly to ask but it wouldnt go through. I DEFINETLY want to start a new thread with maybe less bloody informstion. Thanks guys! I know I have a longjourney ahead and need this page.

[wtf1213]

Dont know why that posted twice..my bad.

[bama88]

Cant delete the post. Just start a new question. Its simple. Get back.to all.forums pick substance addiction. And just start over. How are you today? Im off to.rehab detox whatever. I feel.a huge relapse coming on. And im back to square one after stopping my demerol. So im.checking in. I dont want to be sick anymore.

[wtf1213]

If I start a new question will the old one automatically delete? Im feeling like crap.definately not as bad.mostly mental stuff now. Im sorry your going through a rough patch. You are strong and can do this. Ill b rhinking of you! Hugs...

[atthebeach]

No hun it won't delete. Just start a new one. You can have multiple threads. Many people start new ones as time goes on with additional questions. Also sometimes when they get to long. Post a new question. I will look for it.
So glad you are feeling better physically. That's great. Proud of you.

[wtf1213]

Thanks Deb..so thats odd that I cant delete a post..can one of the moderators explain this tp me?

[bama88]

Just start a new question. Why worry about deleting? People read old threads. It will help a newbie or someone just reading. You cant delete. Its the way the forum is set up.

[wtf1213]

Can one of the moderaters delete it for me? Im having major anxiety about all the info I posted on here. I really want this one gone and want to start a new one.can someone please help?

[wtf1213]

Can one of the moderaters delete it for me? Im having major anxiety about all the info I posted on here. I really want this one gone and want to start a new one.can someone please help?

[atthebeach]

Why do you want to delete it ??    Ask a question anonymously??

That is wonderful you have an appt for a therapist

[wtf1213]

I want to delete it because I practically wrote down my life story andvwould like to remain anonymous .you nevet know who pops on to these forums. I know I need help and I am getting it. I want to start anothet thread and delete the old one..why so hard?

[atthebeach]

I don't see anything in your thread that would distinguish you from thousands of other people who have and will post here for help.
You can contact the monitors on the bottom of this page under contact us.
Tell them your concerns.

[atthebeach]

Actually they are moderators not monitors