My husband needs help

[Lindsay]

When I first met my husband he smoke marijuanna regulary.Now he has switched completely to alcohol. I first noticed he drank rather regularly. He was drinking about 2 pints of rum a week and when he had days off he got into the quart size. This was about 4 years ago and I commented on it. I didn't really notice anything after that but now I think it's because he was hiding it. Over the last couple of years I've noticed a personality change. He gets locked into intense rages that will last 4 or more hours where he yells and screams and spouts anything that comes to his head. One time he raged on for 5 straight hours because I was moping the kitchen floor. Then he'll fall asleep still be angry in the morning but by afternoon be fine. Other times he will appear to be sleeping on the couch and I will go in and wake him up and he will get very angry and absolutely deny he had been sleeping. He's done this several times, or he'll wake up and not be sure where he is. He'll think he's still at work (this is after he's drank about a pint or so). Over the past year I've found bottles of vodka hidden in the couch, in boots etc and several times he's been so drunk he can barely walk. When he isn't drinking he's quiet and moody and when he is drinking his emotions run from overly loving to rampant rage. Based on the bottles I find hidden I would estimate he drinks about 4 or more of those 1/5 size bottle of vodkas a week. His father is a reformed alcoholic and 5 out of 8 of his brothers and sisters having drinking problems. How far into alcoholism is he?  What can I do?

[?passive_aggressive!]

.....lesser problem iz to quit takinn ultram...(or what ever u find available)....bigger one iz to find life fortune!!!

can`t ask for help if im not understood
thanx any way
?P_A!

[Francoise]

Sorry to break in here, but you know what it's like being able to post a question or comment.

For the last few days, I've been experiencing some situational traffic having nothing to do with drugs. It's been high anxiety. I took 2,000 milligrams of L-Tyrosine and 200 of B6 on an empty stomach and within thirty minutes, the anxiety was all but gone. I don't know the long-term effects or if this will persist. But it certainly has worked magic for me this afternoon.

Thomas, I kiss your toes. Each one - individual like.

Francois

[Witchywoman]

Hi Lindsay,
It sounds like your husband is well into the disease of alcoholism.  One thing I would suggest for you is to attend an alanon meeting, or read a book about codependancy and living with an alcoholic. Find out first how to take care of yourself in this situation, since you'll soon discover, if you haven't already, that you won't be able to make him stop.
It is important to let him know the impact of his behavior on you, but at the end of the day, only he can make the decision to walk the path to recovery. I am not saying ignore his problem...don't ignore it or pretend it is not there..just don't get caught into thinking you can rescue him. Tell the truth about how you feel about it, and get some support for yourself.
I wish I could help more..it is a very tough situation.

WW

[Witchywoman]

HI all..
Just wanted to update you. I'm doing pretty well overall, except that sleep still eludes me and my back pain is SKY high. I think the back pain was a non issue during the withdrawals 'cause the withdrawals themselves were so intense. I don't know what I'm going to do about this. I've got a call into my doctor to talk about other pain management things I can do that don't involve narcotics.

I'm still very clear that I am an addict and that I can not responsibly handle the narcotics. I don't see narcotic pain meds as an option for me right now. I'd frankly rather deal with having this physical pain than with the hell of feeding the demon every five hours. I am going to look into a med like Viox, maybe that will at least take the edge off the pain and allow me to function. And the surgery is still not completely healed..the doc expects progressively more pain relief for the next few months still.

Life on the other side of withdrawals is brighter, even with this pain, I am not tempted to go back to feeding the demon, at least not yet  LOL  I'm sure that that battle will come.

love,
WW

[Witchywoman]

Thanks for the recommendation of the 5 HTP
I took it yesterday, and the emotional dip that I had been feeling completely went away. I think I'll stay on it for a while.

One thing though..even though it is sold as a sleep aid, since it is important in the body's production of natural melatonin, for some reason, it perks me right up. I took it at night, hoping it would help me sleep ..oooops...wrong! I was wide awake all night. Well, at least I was chipper and happy.
I often react in the opposite way that most people react to certain things though. I'm told that for most folks, they take it and sleep like a baby.

Hope all is going well for you GJ...how are things?

love,
WW

[jule1]

Witchy what was the 5HTP For?  You are doing amazingly well!! Kudos!!!!  You should be so proud of yourself I actually think I am a little like Wiz I get addicted to things very easily also like the internet.  I sometimes do this with food I will want something over and over and then all the sudden I can't stand it anymore that is what happened with the opiate narcotics.  I will need your help for sure as I am healing.  Have a happy labor day are yo going to be doing anything fun.  Do you feel like doing anything fun should be the question?  Bless you
Kristen - How are you doing today?  I hope you are feeling a little better about things!

[pinky to rebecca]

Please take a moment to read:

http://www.acay.com.au/~narcosis/skinofteeth.htm

Very powerful story and great insight into addiction.

[Witchywoman]

Hi Jules darlin!
You are just the sweetest. :-)

I actually am doing very well, though yesterday I definately was on a decline toward depressin, the 5 htp stopped it cold. It is stands for 5 hydroxytryptophan, an amino acid, and it is the precurser for the body to make seratonin. It also is involved in the body's production of melatonin, which makes you get sleepy.
My Acupuncturist told me it is very safe to take, but I'm also going to check it out with my doctor as soon as he calls me back.

So, my mood is fine, and I'm still thrilled, amazed, stunned, grateful, and yes...even proud (not so humble..LOL ) that I made it through the withdrawals and remain clean. I'm in a ton of pain though. My back is really screaming at me.  I've called my Doc to discuss non narcotic pain meds and am phone sitting hoping he calls me soon.

I'm like you and Wiz...I can be an internet addict as well. LOL
I'm still home since the surgery, waiting for my return to work date, so have not got much to do. This forum has been what got me off the pain meds though. If I hadn't had you guys to type to and babble on and on to during that withdrawal week, I don't think I'd have made it. We'll be here for you every step of the way any time Jules.

I am grateful for each and every one of you, and no matter where you are in your process of recovery, you all remain my teachers and my friends. Don't judge yourself for not being off yet, or for being on and not able to stop or not ready...when the time is right, the time is right. You'll know. And for the chronic pain folks, the direction is a management one, not abstinence.

love,
WW

[skipper]

Witchy Woman:
I just finished reading your latest posting today (thursday) and
you really struck a chord in me. i like you, came to this forum
while recovering from spinal surgery. i don't know if  you re-
membered my story. i really don't have the time to go into the whole thing. in short: two spinal operations seperated by almost
one year with an attempt at suicide that got me 72 in the spin
bin. when my neuro-surgeon informed me on of the fussions in my neck had failed and that this would require another operation. this "news" didn't sink in until the weekend found me with a shot-
in my mouth. i can't offer any excuse for this cowardly (and selfish) attempt. i just couldn't do another summer like the last
one. well the surgery this time is looking to be successful.
so-- you can see the reasion your story and struggles really touched a part of me. i admire and am envious of your choice to
delay your return to work. for reasions not quite clear to me now,
i returned to work as soon as i possibly could. i was and still
am in a great deal of pain. also the boredom-- with 120 40mg. of
oxy-c i just had to get back to normal as soon as possible, or give in and revert to my oil burnning junky days. i so much admire
your success at puting down all the opiates. i, at this point can't do this. the neuro surgeon has more oe less told me the pain
i have will probably be with me for a long time (perhaps the rest
of my life). if you are able to beat the "dragon," as Wizard would say, please remember to always carry the spirit of gratitude for
this forum and all of the people posting here.i know i would not
be here to write this overly long posting if it wasn't here me.
need all of you people!
keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[Witchywoman]

Hi Kip,
Yep..I sure do remember your story and your situation...your surgeries were more intense than mine. I can't imagine you going back as soon as you did..
I've been off work this long not because I want to be, but because my Doctor has told me I need to stay off.  I was supposed to return a few weeks ago, but then my Doc told me that I could not sit more than half an hour every four hours. I'm a therapist. I sit and talk to folks all day...so, the job has to buy me a special zero gravity reclining chair. That took forever to approve. They finally did, and I was again supposed to go back to work this coming tuesday but....My job decided to save a few hundred bucks to mail order the chair, rather than spring an extra $300. and buy one in stock in a local store. the mail order place now says they won't deliver the chair for another 2 to 4 weeks. I cried when I found that out. I am dying to return to work. I am bored out of my skull, I love my job, and I need to be able to put my attention on something other than my pain.

I don't know if I am going to be able to beat the Dragon. I still am having to take it day by day. My Doctor is not happy with me that I went off the meds with my pain this high, and I can feel the addict in me happy to hear that news. Still, for today, I am not going to take any meds. I want to see if there is another way.


Honestly, I'm feeling very mixed up inside about this whole question. When I went off the meds, my pain was lower than it is now. Withdrawals somehow made the back pain less noticeable. But I'm still left with the same question I had when I came to this board. I am definately an addict. I abused the meds. But, I still am a chronic painer. I hope my pain subsides soon, or if I start something like Celebrex that it makes it manageable. But what if it doesn't? Do I just live in pain, or do I try to change my relationship with narcotics and live in peace with them?

I do know that I could not ever honestly answer those questions until and unless I went off meds, really saw my actual pain level, and tried other things. So what I did by going off them now was necessary for me, though I would not recommend any chronic pain person do what I just did.

And Kip, watch me drag in new furniture and a whole new wardrobe into this forum, 'cause I'm here to stay! :-)  I need you guys, all of you, desperately. Even if I do manage to beat the Dragon, and stay clean, I can't imagine not needing to be with compassionate people such as all of you in order to keep this precious gift of life with Honesty.

you've been one of my strongest inspirations kip...some of the things you've said are things I played in my head over and over in my withdrawal week...and I'm grateful that you are alive, and I hope that pain free days and lots of joy come your way.

love,
WW

[katie r]

Hello! I've been hovering here....sometimes posting. I've talked to Tom a few times. I started lurking here about a year ago. Probably no need to tell my story....it's just like everyone else's. Started with filorenol (sp??) with codeine.....then I was prescribed soma with codeine. That was my favorite till Lortab entered the picture. Now my drug of choice is lortab with a couple soma chasers. I'm hopelessly addicted. I've gone thru withdrawals probably 20-25 times but I always go back to using as soon as I can get a script filled. As I said, I've talked to Tom a few times and I know his story....so when he posted his "cold turkey recipe" I was thrilled. Every post I've read about it seems to be positive. I went to the health food store today and got everything I need to try Thomas's recipe. Well, almost everything. I'm waiting on the valium. I should have that in a week or so. So right now I'm still using but this time when I run out I'm going to try this recipe. Wish me luck. I guess the reason I'm posting this is because you guys all seem so close and I could use a couple friends that understand the hell I'm going thru. Is it ok if I join this wonderful, supportive group? I need encouragement and support so badly now. Thanks for listening.

[skipper]

there's always room for one more in this forum! Please join us!

[mickytim]

Hi Linsay Welcome, you will find lots of great people here. Your story sounds very familar with us Depressed, Addicted, Loving freinds, Please don't wait untill the yelling turns to violence as it has for many of us, espeacily for your children ( if any ), The people hear have great knowlege of help and support but you have got to do it, before it's to late, because sounds like you love this guy and he has to do it or say goodby. You and your life and sanity are to important. Lots of luck!!

WW you old so and so ( ha ha ), I'm so glad to see you doing so well. Keep up the great work!!, Remember though, and you said this, 5Htp also works on the serratonin levels which will keep you up. I found that out myself and take it in the morning. Also 5Htp works on your carbohidriate intake, so If you find yourself eating less bread and stuff, you will know why!

Kristin, I really hope all is better from last weekend, and you can focuss better on yourself.

Lots of love and prayers

mickytim

[jule1]

WW, I am so glad you are "Moving in the furniture and not going anywhere".  I was a little nervous about losing you after hearing about WIZ even though I totally understand what he is doing because I know i am addicted to this computer!  So move in the furniture and we will get CL in to help us decorate.
Katie - Welcome welcome we are always here for you I have torun because my one year old smells very funky but will check in  with you later

[Witchywoman]

Hi there Katie, and welcome to us!
You know, I had similar feelings of wondering if it would be ok to join in when I first found the forum. I worried that it would be kinda of like a "click" , and that it would be hard for a new person to just jump on in.  Boy was I wrong! LOL  This group just embraces anyone who will let us at them!  :-)

I think that having new people willing to jump on in and post is essential to the forum's ability to thrive.  We may be a diverse bunch of folks, but we all have one thing in common...that addiction beast we know all too well.

So..jump on in..I think you'll find it helps, and that we need you as much as you need us.  That goes for any other non-poster who is wondering about whether or not to take the step and go ahead and post.

love,
WW

[Witchywoman]

I had another dream last night about meds...oi!
In the dream, I was in someone's house, and looked into their medecine cabinet and found a bottle of vicodin. I took the bottle and just sat there trying to decide whether to take it or not. I woke up from the dream in such a state of anxiety.

Funny though, just two weeks ago, I was still waking up in the middle of the night, and taking a few vicoprofen's just to deal with the middle of the night withdrawals.  When I woke up this morning, I was so grateful to be able to just peacefully lie in bed and appreciate the clarity of the day, rather than reach over for the bottle of pills to start my day with.

My back pain is lower today.  I started to take celebrex yesterday, and it really does seem to be taking the edge off the pain enough for me to be able to function. I hope that lasts.

So Jules, let's get to decorating! LOL  what color pallete shall we work from? ;-)

love,
WW

[Thomas]

... just don't let my wife find out -- about the toes, that is!

Glad to hear it works for you. I had a question for you: does 2000 mg of L-tyrosine give you the runs? I've been going through a very stressful summer, so I don't know how much is emotional, how much is the L-tyrosine and how much is the tapering off the valium. Hope you're doing OK, my friend,

Thomas

[Thomas]

based on his family history and the fact that he's already hiding empties from you, I think it's obvious that he's too far into alcoholism. I think you know that better than we do. If possible, make him get help before he adds a DUI or worse to his list of troubles. It's a lot easier to get help if he's a voluntary patient than if he was on probation or awaiting criminal trial. Good luck to both of you.

Thomas

[Francoise]

Good to hear from you, Big T.

No, I don't notice the runs from the L-T. But then, given my maintenance dose of oxy, I don't notice the runs from very much at all. I have to work hard to get any motion whatsoever. A nice cool glass of magnesium citrate seems to work pretty good, though. Tangy!

Francois

[Angelica]

I'm trying to catch up on my reading here.  I haven't been here in awhile.  Just wondering how you were doing?  I have to tell you, now that I'm on the Oxys for awhile ...... I can definately relate to what you go through.  I have been put on the 40s.  I still take two a day.  When I see myself needing more, I taper down w/ no problem, but I almost go into a coma-like state.  Do you have that problem?  I just sleep very hard, but I do succeed in tapering down.  I have been pain free now for a couple of months, and can hardly remember the pain, but this stuff is potent.  Something I'll just have to live w/ and keep in check, I guess..... the necessary trade off.

[Angelica]

....Hey! I miss you.  Drop me a line or two.  I'd like to know how your doing since we last wrote.  Are you still tinkering away at the new job??  What is going on w/ you these days.  I noticed you had stopped posting for awhile, but so had I.  What was up w/ that.  I was worried.
Love,
Angelica

[Dreaming87]

Just checked out that story.  Very insightful and scary to know how bad it really can get.  Thanks

[Thomas]

when I'm really miserable and have nothing uplifting to say, i tend to just shut up. It may not be the right thing to do, but sometimes just writing about it just makes me re-live the misery. I've been having a hard time tapering off the benzos and have run out early several times, putting myself through the terror of living and working a very, very stressful job while experiencing pre-seizure symptoms and, at the same time, having no insurance to cover so much as a doctor visit. It's been the worst few moths of my life and I just didn't want to talk about it. Just this week I finally got my insurance from my **** job and am back on a safe dose of valium, from which I will have to start tapering down from all over again. That and bills, especially all the threats of collection from the doctors and ambulance services from my three seizures have really plunged my wife and I into a deep depression. I didn't see the sense in sharing my misery with people already struggling with their own problems. I fell like I've ruined my life (and my wife's for good measure). It seems like we'll never get out of debt and I'll never be free from the benzos. Frankly, they're my only source of comfort right now and I don't really want to taper down from them. Right now, they're the only thing stopping me from thinking about suicide, because I really don't care if I live or die right now.

There, Angelica. Aren't you glad you asked?

Thomas

[Witchywoman]

Thomas, thanks for your honesty. I also wondered why you were being quiet on the board lately, and let me tell ya..I'd rather hear where you are really at, the good the bad and the ugly, no matter what.  You are such a powerful source of support for so many here, but dang, you're human too!  Speaking for myself, nothing you can say will bring me down, I'd rather be able to offer you support if and when you want it.

I'm glad you got your insurance started back up again and are at least no longer in danger of seizures.

take care, and thanks for being who you are.

love,
WW

[Thomas]

Thanks, Witchywoman, for the kind remarks. Let me say to everyone: Please do not misconstrue my previous remarks as suicidal. I have no intention of offing myself. It was shamefully melodramatic if nothing else. I didn't want anyone to waste a line on the topic.

Thomas

[cindi]

Ya know,   the funny thing is your post hit very close to home,   I have not been on the board lately because I have nothing to say or to offer anyone when I am feeling as shitty As I have been....the bills, etc...my doc dropping me like a hot potatoe,  and there are days lately when I don't even care much about anything except my kids and husband..I feel very stressed and down...If I could sleep my life away some days I would..I suppose it's a slump.....I hope you feel better soon   Love to you and all     cindi.

[susanlea]

The forum continues...I am not an addict but have been here for a long time on and off.....WW, I know you understand about Wiz, but did you notice you have filled his spot and the circle continues.   You lead with wisdom and strength and you will carry this on.....believe me this is a compliment to you....Susan

[Witchywoman]

I take that as a high compliment Susan, Wiz is a wonder. I can't pretend to fill his shoes though..I'm still a baby in this recovery thing, not even a full two weeks clean, but I do see the path ahead of me getting brighter and clearer with each passing day.

Sometimes I feel like I post too much! LOL  But I'm still off work, and on bedrest, so I lay on the couch with my laptop and have tons of time on my hands. I'm praying that I get my chair for work this week and can return next week. Being off work is taking its toll on me. I love my job and miss it.

Today I see my Doctor to talk about pain management options, and gods I hope that there is something that can help. I will ask about the Toradol. At this point I don't think nsaids are really going to do it, since inflamation (inflammation) is not my pain generator.  

I hope you're doing well Susan! Thanks for the kind words. :-)

love,
WW

[Thomas]

almost forgot. yes, it's common for the runs to go on for a week after getting off of hydrocodone. I'd keep hitting it with good ole imodium (immodium). Thank god for that stuff, huh?

Thomas

[Angelica]

....NOPE!....IM NOT SORRY I ASKED AT ALL.  Now i'm gonna fuss at ya.....  EMAIL ME.  You helped me out many times wether you knew about it or not, and I want you to know that....  you can talk to me, and look.....it does help.  I know how ya feel.....try 100 grand in medical bills, Thomas!!!!!  I'm still paying.  Send what you can, when you can...... Don't let them get to you.  If they do: well, hey.....they are doing their job very well.  Sew them for harrassment.... if ya have too.
Look, they know that blood wont come out of a turnip.....  if they can freak you out..... and get ya to commit to something, well hey.....thats what they want.  Thomas.....  whats the worse that can happen.  NOTHING.  They can not do you a dam thing.  I'll call them a-holes for ya.  Give me their phone number. LOL  Chear up......  I miss the old Thomas.....  I'm here for ya.  Oh, ****.....arent you tired of hearing that????  I mean how much can we do for one another through a computer screen?? YOU tell me.  Now im depressed.
Love ya anyway!!!!
Angelica

[Angelica]

PS:  Take your medicine.  Please! and don't beat yourself up over it, either.  Big smooches!
angelica

[Thomas]

believe me, you can do plenty via a computer screen ... thanks so much for caring ... that's really all I needed to hear. You've always been there for me and I mean it when I say that your posts brought a tear to my eye. God bless you and keep you, my dear friend Angelica.
I'm just coming out of two months of almost constant terror over the benzo-withdrawal seizures. I had no access to my long-time doctor (who would never have let me go through what I did if he had been legally able to write rx's for me).
Instead, I was at the mercy of urgent care doctors who, frankly, couldn't have cared less if I lived or died. These were all young doctors fresh out of med school or residency (or whatever). I shudder to think of what we have to look forward to if these doctors are any indicator of the kind of feelingless robots our system is producing. At one point, I literaly had to place my hands together in a praying posture and beg, really beg, this totally disinterested 25-year old doctor to give me enough valium to keep me from having a seizure for a mere two weeks. The minute you tell them you have an habituation problem with a controlled substance, they start treating you like you're a junkie with a hypo hanging out of your arm.

When I was finally able to see my long-time doctor, a wonderful man who knows me and genuinly cares about me, I hugged him for the longest time, he hugged me back and I literally cried in his arms because I was so relieved to have someone actually believe me and help me. For the first time in almost 3 months, I no longer feared the seizures because he put me on the proper dosage of valium to prevent them. When I looked up at his face, there were tears in his eyes, too. This saint of a man knew what I had been through because, as he told me, he had been through something very similar. I thank god every day for sending me to this man.  I wish anyone suffering great pain or enduring the constant suspicion of the one person who should trust them, could have this man as their doctor. I can't print his name because I'm sure the DEA would immediately persecute him for anything they could cook up.

There is something seriously wrong with our medical system if patients must be put through what I have been forced to endure this summer. And Angelica! Thrown out by your doctor, were you? Did I get that right? What must that make you feel like? If you lived in the Orange County, SoCal area, I'd refer you to my doctor and your life would immediately change for the better. Even if he referred you to a specialist, just having him as your family doctor would make a huge difference.

Anyway, didn't mean to ramble on like this, but I neded to tell someone what I've been going through this summer. Let me know how you're doing. I can at least listen and I certainly care.

Your great good friend through the thick and the thin of it,

Thomas

[Thomas]

woops, I meant you when I mentioned getting dumped by your MD. All I can say is that my long-time family doctor is proof that there are wonderful, humane and understanding doctors out there. It's too bad they aren't all listed under the same heading, like, "humane family specialists who treat patients like human beings worth saving" or something shorter, perhaps an acronym would do.
So, cindi, how are you my great good friend? Tell me your troubles. I'm in a mood to listen and care. I know I haven't been very responsive on the forum lately, but I'd like to make it up to you, if I can. Even if I didn't write you, you were still in my heart and thoughts. In fact, I'm reaching out right now and giving you a long, loving hug like you'd give to a long-lost friend. Can you feel it? I hope so.

I owe a lot of people that same hug, like my loyal and caring friends Francoise, JB and Milo. Especially Francoise - don't think I didn't get your repeated posts asking about me. I felt your caring and it really helped sustain me, even if I didn't have the words to reply. You are my ideal for a true gentleman and decent human being. 'Would that I were half the man you are.

Not to mention kerrie and that character I love and miss so much, Jennyfla.

I'm reaching out to you all right now and sending out my love and caring. You are all more important to me than you could possibly imagine. My love goes out to you all, my dear, irreplacable friends.

Yours,

Thomas

[susanlea]

Jenny's in laws are visiting and they were doing the Disney thing.  They will be leaving over the weekend so Jenny should be back on the forum.  It will make her feel soo good to know how you feel about her Thomas....take care     Love Susan

[Angelica]

.....  You have no idea how much better I feel, since reading your post.  I even had to email CIn, when I read your prior reply to me.  I was so worried.  Now, I realize what you've been through.  It's awful.  Thomas, I can't bare what you have to go through..... being in constant worry about running out of meds and going through seizures.  When I first came to this forum, back in January... I had no idea what it was like to be totally dependant upon medication for your sanity and health.  Well, thats what I bargained for when I decided to take the Oxys for my pain.....  I understand what Francoise goes through worrying about running out, or will the pharmacy play games, or will your doctor croke...... but your concerns are far more serious...  seizures are life altering and life threatening.  If there is anywhere in the world you can turn.... my friend, it's here.  I sense the relief in your reply, and the need to just unload.  Don't put that wall up, and block us out when your going through this ****.  We understand, and care.  I just wish there was something we could do.  We need to get active.... But how???
My doctor is treating me for my pain.... but I'm always worried about being so dependant on this medication, and then having the rug pulled out from under me, at any time.  Ya know this is supposed to be the land of the free, but we're all in-prisoned in one form are another..... whether its trying to taper down and detox, or just get the proper medications we need to live.  IT's horrible when you stop and think of it.  The gov't would rather investigate law abiding, caring physicians.... then go to the streets and arrest robbers, rapists, and the list goes on.  Our doctors live in constant fear of this, I mean can you imagine.  Well, we've been through that time and time again.... no need to repeat it.  Its nerve racking.  I just want you to know that I don't mind hearing what you have to say, at any time.  It does feel better, once you get this off your chest.  Thank God for your doctor, also.  I do recall you speaking of him, before.  He's wonderful, and rare.  And one more thing, "dont worry about those bills!"... send $5.00 if that's all you can send.  This is an attempt to pay a debt, no matter how little it is.  Just remember that.  I have been sending $25.00 a month for the last 9 years or so.  They've never contacted me. Not even once.  Hang in there,.....((((a big hug)))
Love,
Angelica

[Angelica]

...PS, one more thing.  That $5 or $10 that you send.... think of it as a premium, on insurance that you never had, prior to all of this.  Hey, what a great and affordable policy that is...LOL  Gives you peace of mind, ta-boot.  LOL

[Thomas]

first of all, welcome to the group, katie r. we're honored to have you among us ...

Angelica, I'm at work right now so I'll have to be brief. Thanks for your quick and encouraging response. It means a lot to me to know people like you care about people like me. I will try to give you a more complete response when I get off of work tonight. I'm delighted to hear that "the recipe" seems to work for all kinds of people in all kinds of situations. Dopamine is such a critical substance to enabling people to just plain feel good that it doesn't surprise me that the L-Tyrosine would help. I'm doing some more research to make sure we've got all the info regarding the proper dosages and all the "companion substances" we need to use with it to really make it work. Who knows? It might be the key to liberating a lot of people from narco-slavery and allow them to use the narcos for the pain relief they obviously still need. I do think, however, that we can't wait for doctors to give us all the answers, but must be our own advocates in this fight to live a normal life despite chronic pain.

Talk to all of you later,

Thomas

[Thomas]

You're attention is a tonic for whatever ails me. I was silent for so long I wouldn't have blamed you if you hadn't responded like you did. What can I say? You raise my spirits and make me feel good about myself, something I can honestly say I haven't experienced for months. When all you can see when you look in the mirror is a pathetic, drug-addicted failure, and then just hearing from you three makes me want to live again, it doesn't get much better than that! Thanks for caring about me, that's all I can really say. You're my exquisite beauties, and your loving words make the sun rise within me when there was only darkness before.

May you all live forever,

Thomas

[Witchywoman]

awwwwwww now I'm getting the warm fuzzies (which I FAR prefer to the creepy crawlies  lol  )

Thomas...may I reflect your own words back at you?

You tell us all the time that we are not scum, we are not the worthless junkie failures that we feel we are...we are good decent normal people who like thousands have fallen into the trap that these modern medications create.  The first time I read those words from you, my self esteem got a huge boost. I felt "seen" and felt that maybe I really wasn't a festering pill of shamefull puss. I mean it. Your words worked magick on me.

So I send them right back at you, you wonderful person you!

I said it before and I'll say it again. Thoman, you rock!
:-)

love,
WW

[Thomas]

hold that thought ...

[jennyfla]

I'm here, i'm here!!!!!!
I was just playing around at disney world with the kiddies, but back to reality!
As your posts went on, you sound better and better.  Never unestimate the power of talking it out with some really good friends who are always here to lend an ear!!!  I know the feeling of how sometimes talking about things makes you relive it, but it always helps make you realize that you are far from alone, and we all usually feel better after we share our feelings and thoughts with friends.
Thanks for thinking of me.  I'm still hanging in there, taking life day by day, still trying to get the nerve up to do what i need to do for "ME"!!!
:)
Lv Jenny

[cindi]

I'm a few days late reading the above post,,,lemme tell ya what  my dear friend Thomas....This forum for me was the beginning,,my Garden of Eden per se....and you have been here for me since that beginning....you helped the others (some are gone from the forum but remain in my life) pull me out of the deepest of deep....when I actually had no sunshine in my life,,,,and didn't know if I ever would have it again....so,,it works both ways.....yo and this forum have taught me to go on...to do what I need to do for my family and myself and that it is ok to be me and feel what I feel....Thomas,,,,We, you , me and everyone else,,,,will be ok...someday,,I don't know when but it will happen   and If I have to wait till we get to heaven to finally gie you the hugs you so deserve,,,I will wait....as long as I know you'll be there waiting......(geeze, I hope that is where I'm heading  LOL )  love you  my friend                    cin

[Angelica]

....My two good friends.  My thoughts are w/ you on this monumental day, and what a sad one it is.  
I may not post as much as I used to, but I'm still here now, and will continue to be.  Thanks for keeping in touch through emails also.  I need you guys...or is that yall??? lol
Love,
Angelica