My long running addiction...

[Ryan]

Writing this is harder than you can imagine.  

I have been addicted to narcotic painkillers for over 10 years now.  It all started when I was 16.  I'd steal a couple percocets from my grandfather's medicine cabinet.  I did this off
and on for many years without any regret or fear that I would become "truly" addicted to these things.  In the last 4 years, I ran into a steady supply of black market Vicodin ES tablets.
So my trend continued, take a handful per month to get high.  Alternating between taking my grandfather's pills and these Vicodin ES's.  

In the last 6 months, my addiction has come full swing.  I had a wisdom tooth pulled in October 99 and was fortunate (or unfortunate, you decide how to look at it) to have a dentist who
wasn't afraid to prescribe large amounts of Vicodin ES for my pain.  I manipulated him into prescribing more than 250 Vicodin ES tablets in a 45 day period.  (30 - 36 in each of 8 scripts)

After this, I've found it increasingly difficult to stay off of
these things.  I've even gone as far as to manipulate my regular
doctors to give me narcotic pain meds.  

The total irony is, I have a real condition now that requires narcotic pain medication and I can't get anyone to prescribe me
anything!! (middle back pain following lumbar puncture 2 months ago)

Make no mistake about it:  My thoughts obsess on obtaining any
hydrocodone or oxycodone containing products on a DAILY basis.
Half of it because of my 10 year habit, and the other half because of my back pain.   I AM ADDICTED.  LET THERE BE NO DOUBT!

What is my recourse?  I don't want to stay addicted to these things yet I love the feeling they give me.  It's my drug of
choice and no de-tox program is going to make me forget that
they make me feel on top of the world when I'm high!

Would I be a possible candidate for methadone treatment?  

[rjs0000]

took too ambien and oly sleep fro 3 hrs, i wish it was eight

[usarmymedic1]

I was on lorcets for 4 1/2 years for multiple spinal surgeries I have been off for 15 days now and I have no more cravings and my mental status improves everyday and so does my energy level the first days do suck but you should be geting better in few days after being off of them for 6 days. stay strong

army strong
chris

[skitz758]

i luv my things

[IBKleen]

Heeelo Dave.

You are talking to someone who posted here 7 years ago. This is an old thread. Go to the main page and start a new post of your own. Hope to see you in the forum.

[dave71112]

Hang on Ryan.  I know what you are going through.  You would not believe how many 10 mg norco pills I have taken in a day!  As many as 100 a day.  I should be dead.  Have been clean for almost two years and I only have to think of the extreme suffering during withdrawel to put to rest any  cravings.  
I would highly advise seeking out a withdrawel clinic that will prescribe suboxon.  I am still taking 2 mg daily.  I take an 8 mg tablet and break it into 4 pieces.  Stay away from methadone if you can.  Either will get you out of the withdrawels, but suboxon is much easier to get off of in he long run.

[pearlj]

This may sound niave and idealistic, but this has been my experience with addiction. I have noticed that I have massive all encompassing cravings when things are messed up in my life (probably like everyone) but the thing is that they get so bad that I cant remember what it was like to not have them. I have had enough "willpower" or plain old luck enough to stop myself before I hit bottom. But during my cravings the bottom is always threatening around the corner. Anyway I have noticed that if I get my stuff straightened out and lighten my load even a little bit the cravings almost completely go away. I think if you have learned to deal with the baggage of life by checking out, than there will always be that natural reaction to want to cope the same way. I know that this "advice" may seem like it will only help a little bit but it has helped me tremendously to stop myself mid-spiral. Hope it helps.

[lady_m]

On this page click on the blue "The Addiction Forum" located above the first post.  It will take you to the forum's main page.  From there, click "Post a Question" and start a new post.

[sinkorswim]

wheres the new page?

[fishmeal]

Good lookin' out FLAddict!!

I was just about ready to comment????


There is soooomuch new out there now...

[FLaddict]

This post is from 7 years ago.. This is a very serious question.. especially with the overdose. Please repost this as a "new question" on the main page.. or add it to a post that was started today. This format here gives members the choice to see older threads like this one.. and alot of current members will not see it at all..

[sinkorswim]

im on lortab and today i overdosed. i thought i was going to die. im going to go off them cold turkey. what should i expect?

[Joe]

Yes. My thought is this.....some people need to learn the hard way. You'll see!

[Joe]

Yes. My thought is this.....some people need to learn the hard way. You'll see!

[Shirley to Katie!!]

To anyone who is like me;read my letter above.I guess Katie is OK now, at least thats what I like to think!!!We are all in the same sinking boat; if we don't work together to get these awful things out that a weighing us down!!!Would love to hear some encouraging comments!!!or just what's on your mind!!!

[Shirley to Katie!!]

I have just recently found this forum and its really helped me to know that I am not alone!!You can read my letter in the area of Hydrocodone addition. I was replyed to by Brian and I appreciate his concern but I am still struggling with the comment of letting my family know!!How are you doing now?? It was in March when you wrote!! I was off for 10 months one time and I thought I was really doing good; but, I have to admit that even then I still thought about them--daily--!! And finally I thought I could just take a few and well you know what happens then!!!!My appetite just increased!!Like you--I liked that feeling it gave me,but after awhile all your creative juices go away. I can spend all day just being a couch potatoe, watching movies etc.and taking my pills. Slowly--very slowly the ironing piles up--bills to be paid piles up--My laundry room is always full of dirty clothes and all my counter space in the kitchen is cluttered with Mail to open!! All I care about is doing nothing. I use to be a very active person-always going and doing--My kids are constantly asking me when are you going to the grocery store???? Normal everyday things that I should be doing to keep my house in order is driving me crazy because I am not me anymore and I want Me back again!!The guilt of it all eats at me daily!!I usually do so much decorating at Holidays but this year--I did good to put up a tree!!It depressed me so much to leave the house at Christmas and see all the beautifully decorated houses--I just stayed at home as much as possible so I wouldn't be reminded of it!! This drug takes the real you away--Don't forget that!! Yes!!My withdrawels in the past were HORRIBLE;worst that childbirth and women forget that pain so its human to forget the pain of this withdrawel!! But now that I have found this forum it can help me to stay focused(I hope) when I can arrange to start again.Yes, I can arrange to be off work for a few weeks; my excuses in the past have been the flu--trouble with my High blood Pressure--Going through the change and I am having trouble getting my harmone regulated etc. You name it!!! Yours would probably be different!But you really need to have time to recover during the withdrawel--I would panic thinking I had to work and go through it and I would take the pills on the days I had to work!!Believe me I tried it once; didn't work!! I have always been a strong minded person in the past--but it takes ALOT of will power that I have found I didn't have. But you can do anything if you put your mind to it.I know I can do this!!!But I guess each of us has to push our on limits to realize that. In the end I think everyone would agree to that. Good Luck to you and to me!!Shirley

["james"]

a addiction is something i don't have, i might have a deathwish...i have had vicodin in my life for the past 2 years, right now i have about 25 pills left. i don't think i'm addictated to them.  i take 1 or 2 of them about twice a month, but when i take them i make sure i have a empty stomach and i follow them with at least 2 beers and maybe a couple of shots of alchol....i do this to heighten the effects of the vicodin and also it makes me feel real good, plus it helps me sleet pretty good......while taking vicodin and alchol, i might dip into some pot and/or cocaine every once in a while...i might be one of those people who say it can never happen to me, iam not addicated when in fact i know i am....my motto is "if it makes you feel good, do it" my family or my wife doesn't know about this and i hope i get help or stop before it leads into something else.

[Cambre]

For anyone who has the hyrocodone monkey on their back-I feel
your pain! I am not what you would call an addict in the classical sense of the word as I work on a ship so I am
gone for long periods of time without access to drugs & I
don't risk bringing any with me. As soon as I'm headed home
though I am scheduling myself for a trip to a doctor who is
not so particular about prescribing Lortab. The trip to that
Doctor is an odyssey in itself as whenever I begin to think
I have a drug problem I get to see some people with a SERIOUS
polydrug use problem. It's standing room only most of the time
with people lining up outside before the office opens. There are
people making drug trades out in the parking lot (Xanax, Valium,
Lortab for you name it), People smoking weed while sitting on the
hoods of their cars waiting for their names to be called to get
a refill on their prescription, When everyone knows everybody
else in the waiting room something is definitely wrong. Not to
sound like a hypocrite I find it so obvious & Im suprised the DEA
hasn't made any kind of a bust there. I've heard that Lortab makes coming off of cocaine or speed a lot smoother & thats what I think most of those people are there for. I've never experienced any physical withdrawal symptoms after taking 6-8 10 mg tablets a day for about 2 months but for a few days after going back to work I'm really irritable. It just seems that I feel a lot more motivated to do tasks around the house that I normally wouldn't feel inclined to do when I have a good Lortab buzz on. I wonder if I have a problem. I am in good physical shape and don't do anything on Lortab I wouldn't do normally so it hasn't adversely affected my life as of yet. Any thoughts on this?

[Chrissie]

Greeting to All,

My motto is "if you don't need painkillers, you don't take them."  I truly wish that I wasn't in the condition that I am in.  I have the rare form of neurofibromatosis, NF-2, and taking painkillers is crucial if I want to have any "quality of life" at all.  I've taken lortab to vicoden to oxycontin to oramorph... only to find that ms-contin would be a continual part of my life, probably until the day I pass on into the hereafter.  It is merely 1/4th of my total painkiller intake.  There are 3 others.  For you vicoden addicts, the total amount that I ingest would knock (and I repeat) knock you on your ass, but I can guarantee you would not feel yourself hit the floor because one of the medications.  Mexiletine, is one of the "caines" and numbs from within.  I have cut myself and not really felt it, so it's safe to say that my schwannoma networks are "comfortably numb" (as per Pink Floyd-ha).

I had a massive craniotomy last May.  Two entire networks of schwannoma were excised, which reduced my pain by half.  Needless to say, along with the reduction of pain went a reduction in medications.  You talk about hell.  I was there.  No doubt about it because when a person takes morphine in high doses, methylphenidate (ritalin) goes along with it if you want to stay "awake" and "focused".  I withdrew from both... at the same time.  What is crazy about the whole deal is the fact that I don't have cravings for the morphine.  I have cravings for the methylphenidate.  So, I guess you might have to classify me as an ex-speed freak because I LOVE SPEED, and when I went through withdrawal, I was down.  I puked, I had hot/cold flashes, I shook, I had heart palpitations, my skin felt like it was shaking and crawling, and the depression that goes hand in hand.  I cried, wept, sobbed and wanted it all to end... and it did, eventually, after 3 days of turmoil.  Now, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I had some ritalin because I still take morphine.  Truth is, I don't want to take any of it anymore but have to.

Please... once you all survive the 3 days of withdrawal, stay clean.  Bear the aftermath.  When you need not... take not.  I wish I could do the same. - Chrissie

[Brian to Tina]

First the good news, 3 a day is not bad, and the withdrawal won't be so bad, especially if you taper.  In fact, you may not even be physically dependent or addicted (it depends how long you have been at this level).  The major withdrawal symptoms are: cramps, loose bowels, hot/cold flashes, runny nose and sneezing, aches, fatigue but inability to sleep, muscle twitching and minor depression.  Imagine the flu but ten times worse, without being able to sleep.  The worst is the first 3-4 days, then gradually diminishing.  By day 7-10 it is over, except the depression and fatigue and some other minor occasional symptoms can last for months.  It is different for everyone, and depends on amount of use, over what period of time, what substance and your own body chemistry.  If you taper (i.e. start slowly reducing your usual dosage) you can limit (but not totally eliminate withdrawal).  If you take 3 a day, one every 8 hrs, try taking .75 every 8 hrs for 3 days, then .5 every 8 hrs. for 3 days, and so on until the end.  If you have minor withdrawal symptoms, clonidine can help (it is a blood pressure med. and will aid with some symptom relief).  Remember, at your dosage, it won't be so bad.  Better to do it now rather than waiting until you get up in the 10 plus pills a day range.  Good luck and post if you have any more questions.

[TINA]

I started taking vicodin for headaches. It worked and I felt great. Now the headaches are there all the time. I'm taking around 3 vicodins a day and want to stop. I also take celexa for PMS. Everyone has talked about the withdrawal sysmptoms but no one said what they are specifically. Can someone describe. I desperatley want to stop but the headaches won't go away. I take napralin (like alleve) for the headaches too but doesn't work as well as vicodin. I'm becoming a mental mess. Any advice???

[Ryan]

To Sandi:  

You don't get black-market painkillers on the street, literally.  I go through a friend's mom who has a never-ending
script for 100 ES's a month for the last 5 years.  Their street value around here (New Orleans Area) is anywhere from $3-$6 a pill.  I pay $4 for mine.  My roommate is SO addicted, he pays
$8 a pop for Percodans!  (I'm not that far gone, not yet)

And yes, I got Vic ES's for a wisdom tooth.  I'm the dentist's
computer tech so he might have just done that for me.  Who knows.
All I know is I went through over 250 ES's in 7 weeks.  (6-7 a day). That was MAJOR over-doing it for me.  I've even (gulp)
considered having another back tooth pulled just to get the pills!  (It is another wisdom tooth, just not bothering me yet)

To Katie:

Although the physical withdrawal symptoms will subside, as they
have in me countless times, usually after 2-3 days, the mental side will never go away as long as you associate pleasure with taking them.  I know this sounds like I've beat them, but I haven't.  I just know intuitively what it will take.  (I haven't found a way to dis-associate the pleasure with taking painkillers yet)

[Ryan - One more thing...]

My desire to do Vicodin's has increased exponentially since I
quit smoking in August of last year.  I wonder what the connection is...

[brian]

Hi Katie.  I started taking painkillers for fun.  A friend had a continuing prescription and would give me some occasionally.  Eventually she tired of that and gave me the name of the doctor and told me to say I got terrible headaches.  That's how I ended up with a prescription for 100 Lorcet with 2 refills.  The rest is history.  Continued with same doc, found another to get more, had a friend (dentist) also prescribe occasionally.  Found I had a monkey on my back and went into a program.  Did great for 6 months, then one day decided "what the hell."  Got more and addicted again.  Withdrawal, then 2 months clean.  One day I forgot how bad withdrawal was and started thinking how great painkillers are.  So, back again to the Lorcet.  

I'm clean again, hopefully for good.  I think I will have occasional cravings for years, but I must not act on them.  When I get them it usually seems like I must act immediately.  I am learning that if I don't act, they pass.  If you can't use your feet for exercise, join the Y or somewhere you can swim.  I swear, the best way to stay off the stuff is to replace the high with a natural high.  Otherwise, you will sit around longing for that old feeling.  Believe me, I know.  If you kick in those natural opiate like substances (endorphines/dopamine) you will feel better and will not have as bad cravings.  Best of luck.

[Katie-to Brian]

Hi Brian! You said you had been addicted "off and on." Tell me....what made you go back once you were off? See, this is what worries me. Even though I'm off right now(not by choice) I have a gut feeling that if I had a chance to get hold of some lortab I'd do it in a hot minute! I'd hate to go through those withdrawals again but I almost think the "high" i get from the lortab is worth it. You said that it's possible to feel normal again?? Are you off right now and do you feel normal or do you crave that high? If you don't mind my asking...why were you on the pills in the first place? And has whatever problem you had that made you take the pills gone away or are you just dealing with it? If so....HOW do you deal with it? I'm also having a problem with that. Any advice you can offer would be appreciated. i can't really exercise cause I have numerous heel spurs and just walking to the bathroom or kitchen causes much pain. that's not why I was on lortab....but it did help that too!I guess I need to start bicyle riding...easier on the heels.
Really I just want to know when this mental craving will go away!