My message to KMH's healing-Please read friends;under 'worried about you'

I just wrote my feelings that came from really down deep.  I have nothing in common with this forum friend KMH other than our addiction, but she has blessed me.

I encourage you to read my words just because it is a lesson that us addicts have such a hard time with.  We just don't believe we are worthy of such a good life.   Let me stop saying "we", I lie and until I come to a place where I believe I am better to me, and to everyone around me, clean and free of drugs, I will continue to lie, cheat, and wreck my life.

I dream of standing tall one day and setting an example for those around me, wanting to not seek their approval, just be myself and dazzle the hell out of the world.

I will work harder for that, and you are my support system all of you.  My taper is going good.  
Staying BUSY IS CRUCIAL and remember the neighbor I have on beer and zanax 24/7...well my plan "B" if I cannot go the distance between doses is to give my regimented dosages to her and she can dispense them as I promised to take them.  Doesn't sound like  a great idea I know, but she would help me with addiction because she is in such bad shape.
Hopefully that won't be necessary and I can stick to my plan.  BUSY< BUSY BUSY is the key, hell I am even knitting.  I hate knitting.

[creek]

just wanted you all to read the words from my heart.  Skip the knitting drama

[amythist2779]

Are you at all afraid that your neighbor would take your pills for herself if you give her the position to distribute them to you? The reason I am asking is because she already uses booze and xanax.

I know I could not do that with my neighbor because she is addicted to any kind of pill that will give her any kind of high. I know she would end up taking my pills for herself, hell shes already stolen my pills once over the summer, and then again last month. I invited her over for New Years and the next day I went to take my meds and they were all gone. The norco, the avinza, the amitriptyln, and my xanax.

[creek]

It is a bad idea, one I thought of because, oddly enough she is someone I do trust.  Yes, she would probably have a hard time resisting. and that in itself is the wrong thing to to FOR HER>  I just wish I had someone else (an old lady friend or something) that could keep my secret yet help).

I sound really weak.  But being honest with myself causes me to think I am weak so I need to find answers, it will be predictable when I am this weak and then when I misuse my dosages, I will not make good decisions then.

I want to get the solution in place before the problem happens again, you know what I mean?  Just drawing at straw I guess.  She (my neighbor) could use them up, it would serve me right, but I would NEVER want to do that to her, or anyone.  

Thank, bad idea, agreed.