My mom needs help, this is it

[Frivolousz21]

My mom is 48 yrs old.  She is addicted to Xanax, some strong anti depressant, and some anti psychotic. And she binge drinks.  She get 120, 1 mg ativan from the doc every month or two months I am not sure...and she steals .5 mg bottles from my grandma who doesn't take them.  They live together, my grandma is 80 and my mom doesn't do **** to take care of her. I am 28 and I have a half sister who is 12 and recently was basically taken away from my mom from her father because my mom took her to a party and got hammered drunk and it scared my sister.  So she has put up no fight to get her back.  She functions enough for people to leave her alone and basically has been a **** up for so long the family pretty much lets is slide with apathy.

she has had a troubled life of a abuse starting with my grandpa, and then my father who abused both of us bad, she wont even speak of my father to me and acts like it didn't really happen.  I distanced myself from her when I needed help, now I am getting better and can take a leadership role but I am not sure what to do?  What can I do?  I don't want to involve my grandma in kicking her out and trying to get her to rehab she is to old and the stress will kill her.

Maybe I can get her set up with the cops driving with my grandmas scripts?  This is a desperate situation even if my mom acts like she is fine.  I am either going to do something about it or let it go and stop giving a crap.

[joyagain]

Hi, Take care of your grandma first, just talk to her.  She may know, and want help for your mother as well.....You can do that......Joy  Keep your spirits up.

[gnarly_1]

HI i feel for your situation but unless your mom wants to get clean theres not much you can do...drop by often and make sure your grandma is being taken care of you might try talking with your mom it couldn't hurt to try theres also alanon meetings you can go to that will teach you how to deal with this kind of thing....im sorry your having to deal with this so early in recovery remember to take care of you...good luck and God bless......Gnarly  

[dominosarah]

Right now all that you can do is make sure your grandma is taken care of.

[MzHolly]

my mom's even the same age! If you need to talk I'm here.

[MzHolly]

I have a very similar mom, addicted to xanax lortab and beer. I also come from an abusive history as does she, but as an addict myself I know there is nothing I can do to change her ways, she has to want to and she doesn't. Does your grandma know she's stealing her pills? Can you talk to her about it or is it too much for her? If you can't talk to your grandma, you can report the abuse to adult protective services, but if your grandma covers for your mom (like I used to cover for my mom) nothing will come of it. I hope you can help your grandma but with your mom your hands are pretty tied. I need to take my own advice on this but you need to start taking care of you now. I've had my mom petitioned into the psych ward (she gets some delusions when she drinks from years of abuse, and she's bipolar) a few times, this got her clean and sober and on proper meds for her issues....until she got out. All you can really do here is see if you can help your grandma, and take care of yourself. Sorry if I sound like a downer, I feel for you and your situation since I have a similar thing going on in my life (but my grandma lives far away, and my parents are still together). I wish you the best.
-Holly

[Jaybay]

You know yourself that you can't force your mom into recovery.  What you CAN do is get some help for your grandma.  Contact your county Adult Protective Services and report this as a case of elder abuse.  In my area, APS is part of Child Protective Services, which is buried under a warren of Department of Health and Human Services agencies.  There is help out there for your grandma and she needs it.  

They may be able to give you some ideas about your mom, but as long as she is "sane" enough to refuse treatment, that's pretty much the end of it legally speaking.  We have legally protected civil rights, and that includes the right to destroy our own lives.  If you want to try to force the issue, you would probably have to get a lawyer and apply for a conservatorship for your mom.  That's darn difficult to do.  Essentially, you are suing your mom.  She'll clean up enough to tell the judge she's just fine and dandy, and that'll be the end of that.  Sorry to be so pessimistic about this, but I learned more than I ever wanted to about these things when my mom was sick and demented and insisted on dying alone.  Best of luck to you, and I really hope you can at least help your grandma.