My partner is on crack, He is the most caring, loving person and I can see crack is ruining him but he wont get any help for it, what can I do to emotionally help him and what is the best thing for me to do?? Im stuck, in love with a crack smoker!

I have been going out with my boyfriend 4 quite a while now and he is the loveliest, most kind hearted generous person I know but he smokes crack. Its wierd because i always had the perception that crack users needed a fix all the time every day, but my boyfriend can go nights without it even if it is sitting there on the bedside cabinet. I do see signs of anxiety though, like he cant sleep and he will eat constantly and start cleaning the room whilst we are in bed watchin dvd's etc... When he does smoke crack, he starts talking about things like the whole world is against him and all he has seen in his life is pain etc... I know he has been through alot but all I see is negativity and gloom. He talks about trying to get away from the devil alot and all the faith he has in God but im starting to wonder if this is all crack talk because his way of thinking is all abit extreme and strange to me. When he is on it, he is quite affectionate and likes talking about our relationship and his feeling towards me which I dont know whether they are real or fake but when he is off it he is very distant and less affectionate with me.  As time has gone by he has become very selfish and does not consider my feelings anymore. If im upset or hurt he will simply cut me off and not see me or have any contact with me till a week later in which that week i dont know or atually, im pretty sure he is with other women to get his mind off his life and depression. He says he loves me and cares 4 me more than anything but I dont know whether I believe him anymore. I used to believe him but if he is cheating on me and acting this way with me I dont know how to feel. Iv tried leaving several times but he always drags me back in emotionally saying he shows me more love than he has ever shown anyone and that he doesnt want me to ever leave him.... what do I do and is his behaviour a major part of his crack habit??? I love him and dont want to leave him because I can see he is destroying his life and he doesnt deserve it! He doesn't want to stop smokin crack, noone can make him but what can help??? he wont go to rehab or anywhere so emotionally what can I do4him 2mhelp or make him have hope n feel better??? This is very emotional because he is such a lovely, caring person with a big heart... he doesnt ever want to hurt anybody.

He also makes alot of money which he very hard for. he does it all for his mum, me and his sons... being on crack im suprised that he still does his best to provide 4 his family, which he ''says'' comes before the crack.

[gizzy32]

I think your in total denial, sorry. You say how he is so loving and caring, yet you think he's with other women and selfish, does not consider your feelings, and all you see is negativity, and he's smoking crack! He does not want to quit so please understand he will take you down with him and continue this behaviour. Crack is an evil drug and the mental part is something most will never understand and very tough to stop without help, but he does not want to quit so it won't happen. I think you need to think about YOU. Im sorry if this sounds harsh, but I was around this drug a lot and see the damage it causes and you don't need to be a part of this if he wants to keep using and treating you like dirt.

Nothing comes before crack to someone that is addicted to this drug. Have you ever heard of alanon? I think it could benefit you a lot. I wish you the best, I just feel bad that you have to go through this with him, but you don't have to. Good luck

[mtgoat911]

nar-a-non, this will totally change your life
my husband continued to use matience drugs when i got clean, it took me a while but i finally started going to nar-a-non
the best book i can offer you in this situation is called
paths to recovery............................................................
if you read this book and it does not help you, send me an email and i will reimburse you for the book
i am serious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we do become as sick as the addict, it is a family disease, take action for yourself now

[worried878]

I believe he is a caring and good person..but addiction knows no boundaries...nice, mean, ugly, pretty, smart, poor, rich...addiction doesnt care..if u have the tendency toward addiction doesnt make u a bad person..just someone who will have to keep a long term plan so as not to slip into darkness

crack is not physically addiucting like narcs or benzoscomparable to cocaine..mentally it a hard addiction to beat///and for narcotic users.it is the hardest component tio beat,,the mental will get u just when u tgought things we great//always look over ur shoulder as relapse is but one pill or one snort, smoke away for an addict...always

often the drugs can take away the qualities u r speaking of..the compassion and the good provider values he has..often in the end/unless the person quits/the drug will eventually win...just depends on the fight the useer decides to do//or how hard they r willing to fight

addiction doesnt get better...only worse..good luck...can he post here?

[PfizerFighter]

You have to be firm with him, tell him that you love him and care a lot for him, and that is why you cannot stand beside him if he is going to continue smoking. Unless he accepts your offer of help to get clean, you will have to walk away. He is hurting you both, whether it is casual or daily usage.

[leeisgettingclean]

you ask what can you do to help him, lets turn it around , your man knows you are going to leave if he does not stop using, what do you see him doing?......hummmmmmmmmmm, if he is like any crack head i have ever known(even the "nice and caring" ones), he would prob let you go. Drugs are overpowering, people loss controll, loss emotions, we stop caring. He might love you, but if you try to get between him and his drug, you might see the devil in him.

[trimama]

I have the same situation.
The disappearing, the other women, the lying, the gloom talk, the selfishness.
Where once I had a caring friend, now I have a self-absorbed jerk who will use me up and throw me to the side like so much chewed gum...all because of crack.

[myrle23]

After years of physical abuse, I was finally able to get out of that relationship.  Four years ago I met a wonderful man who was kind and made me feel really loved.  I didn't know too much about crack, but discovered a pipe and some wire in his pants pocket.  He was secretly doing crack.  He told me that he only does it occassionally, but soon after I noticed that at the end of the work week he was almost broke.  He always had excuses to where the money went.  Then he started stealing money out of my purse.  He would steal money I had put away for our bills.  I then started hiding my money, which was really strange to me.  I've never had to hide money from someone I loved.  Without my knowledge, he started having someone bring him the crack and he would do it in the bathroom.  When he came out of the bathroom, it smelled like crack and he definitely looked high and acted so weird.  Of course, he denied using it.  I was so embarrased and afraid someone would see him like that.  I've tried to get him to admit that he's an addict, but he refuses and always promises to never do crack again.  If he drinks too much and becomes intoxicated, he becomes violent because I refuse to give him money or my car keys.  I think the hardest part to all of this is that I absolutely have no trust in him.  I have not told anyone about my problem.  I definitely don't want my family or friends to know.   I know I don't want to live like this.  I am very depressed and have no where to turn.

[ImDONENoMore]

Hi myrie and welcome - I'm so sorry you're going through this - post your situation on a new question thread and I'm sure many members will reply to you - the older threads tend to get overlooked.  Good luck to you!  :)

[BlueOpiate]

I'm afraid I agree with gizzy, and I'm very sorry you are going through this.  I lost a friend to crack, a very good friend I knew for many years.  Before crack he was a friend I could count on to be there no matter what I did or what had happened.  In the end, he used me, stole from me, and left me in a real bad spot that I had to take the fall for.  I saw the same warnings you did but still trusted and wanted to believe in him.  You know the answer to this problem, he gets help or your done, it's that simple.  I know this is always easier said then done and you have time and love invested in this.  It's not easy and I'm sorry but most crack addicts have to lose things very dear to them before they seek help.  You sound like a wonderful, loyal person.  You being out of his life, sadly may compel him to seek help.  You ask what can you do to get him help, really he is the only one who can want to get help.