My post??

Hey, I posted something to a newcomer and now I can't find it. I had used a garden as a metaphor for the forum??? Am I wigging out here, or maybe I just can't find it among all these posts. It's not important, I just hope I did not do anything wrong. Well, I know I didn't and that's why I am confused...???

I feel like getting high. It started with a passing thought on day one of the suboxone and now it keeps getting bigger and bigger. I am going to e-mail the doc and let him know. Compared to some people I really was not taking that many percs so I would not think that I would need a higher dose. I am glad I can't get high on the subox or I would definately be copping now. My best friend called (she's a perc head too, but does not know I am on the subox) and was saying she copped some of the strait codone w/o the acetaminaphen and I told her I had started an antidepressant and stopped the percs.

She would never admit to me how much she was taking, meanwhile she was buying everyone out and I was having a hell of a time finding them for a bit.....(random thought). She had surgery and told me they gave her torodol b/c she knew she owed me a few percs and would not part with even a rotten 5 mg. Even when I called her one day sick!!!!

Anyway, I have been thinking of stopping the subox and taking a few percs. This is where the work comes in I guess. I am supposed to set up counseling this week for myself. That should be fun what with all the calls to doctors and insurance companies.

Anyway, I want to get high and amped up so I can run around and clean and be productive..I'm productive now so maybe I just want to get high period...I really miss my percs, but I am doing myself a great disservice by focusing on this ****. I am just stressed out with work and fraudulent charges to my bank acct that left me overdrawn and would like to not think about this **** for just a little while. I wonder if the percs would work like they used to now that I haven't taken them in a week. No, I won't do it, but I want to.

Errrrrhhhhhhhhhhh.....this sucks.

[Hunter123]

I love that you just talked yourself out of having some percs in your post :)  I should have done that today when I screwed up!  You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.  The feelings of getting high suck - I wish there was something magical that could help but it has to be our willpower, strength and letting our feelings out on this forum where so many people are so supportive with great advice to give (you included).  Have a great night and I will be thinking of you :)

[tomanypills]

if ya take one youll have another emotion to deal with,,,,,,,GUILT,,,hang in there

[depressedwoman]

Just hang in there because you are doing so good, probably better than you realize. I know how you feel, I have been on the sub for 3 days now and even though your NOT supposed to crave the opiates I am. I know that it's psychological more than physical but it still doesn't make it better. Honestly the only thing stopping me from taking my remaining hydros is knowing that I will get sick if I do. The other thing that is helping me is knowing that I am not alone, I draw alot of comfort from that. So please realize that your not alone and that there are a lot of people who care for you and are willing to see you through to the end of this addiction. You can do it so just hang in there!! The best to you.

[leelee71]

Thanx everyone...Well, today is a new day and it's beautiful outside. I feel much better than I did yesterday as far as the cravings go.

DepressedWoman...You are definaely right on with the not taking a perc b/c I know I'll get sick. Pretty good deterrent LOL. I just remember how long it took me to stop craving the herioin. I did get to the point a few years into recovery where I did not think about it on a daily basis and then not at all. I know I can do this again. The cravings are totally psychological. I mean, yes I had a physical addictin where I would be sick if I didn't take my percs, but I really think that 75% of my addiction was psychological. That is how my addiction got started in the first place. I just had two days off, but took a sick day today b/c I did nothing but run around like a nut and work has really been stressful for me lately. My boyfriend has to make a road trip today, so I thought it would be nice to have the place to myself and relax. I plan on doing a little shopping (I still have gift cards from X-mas, take my kitty for a nice long walk (he loooovveees it), maybe get a massage if I can get in at the last minute.

I really love this board. I can't say enough how much it has helped me. Kind of like an internet meeting, really. Sometimes I just read and then sometimes I get chitty chatty...but it's always here for me to check out or check in when I feel like it. It's like a 24/7 meeting.

Good morning all...

[lil_rab2005]

OMG lee lee I'm soooo proud of you sweetie!!  I wish I could talk myself outta taking them lol... that was great!!  You are a true inspiration to alot of people here and myself.  You go get yourself something special for yourself!!  You deserve it!!  I'm so proud of you.  I'm going to be gone for a while today but I want you to know you're in my thoughts and prayers!!  Luvs ya, Lil.

[leelee71]

Thanx Lil Rab....have a nice day and I'll c u on the board. I am fortunate to have a place to air these little thoughts o'mine. If it was just me and my thoughts all alone together, I would probably be in deep doo doo.

[leelee71]

thanx to everyone, I mean, not just Lil'. Thanx to everyone for all your support and wisdom. I need all the help I can get.

[lil_rab2005]

You are so welcome and anytime!!  You are such a sweet person.  I love the people on this forum.  Ya'll have given me so much to look forward to.  I love the deep doo doo part... lmao.  That made me laugh.  Luvs ya, Lil.