My sister is pregnant and abusing pills and now I feel so guilty!

My sister is 33 weeks pregnant and has been using, and abusing pain pills since before she was pregnant. She was taking 40mg oxycontin 3-4 times a day and 15mg roxicodone in between, not sure how many, maybe 4 a day, if not more. And during her whole pregnancy, her dr. has been weaning her down and now she is just on percocet. The problem though is she has been taking her entire 30 day script within 5-10 days and then going through withdrawl (withdrawal). And then buying street drugs to take until her next appointment. Her husband has no idea but he is very hard to talk to and she wont let anyone even has access to talk to him (she guards the phone, and takes the mail, ect.). I have been struggling with what to do since May and I have been crying over it every day. I have talked to her MANY times and BEGGED her to stop, but she wont. Now, today she had an appointment. Her baby is measuring 4 weeks too small, movement has slowed down (but still there), and she has high blood pressure and protein in her urine. Im not sure what all of this means, but I am TERRIFIED for my nephew and now If something is wrong with him, or even if he just has to go through withdrawl (withdrawal) (which is HORRIBLE that an innocent baby would have to go through that!), I know it is all my fault. Well, not all. I know SHE did it but I DIDNT stop it, which is just as bad in my book. I really WANTED to help but every idea I had just didnt work out. But I could of tried harder. I dont know. I am just in tears worried for that baby. I have never been here before. Please help me!

[kim715]

First off stop blaming yourself.You didn't do this,your sister did.Second your sister taking all the pills in a few days and then going through w/ds over and over is dangerous to the baby.Is her doctor aware that she was abusing the pills? or Was she getting them for a 'legitimate' reason and her doctor was just trying to taper her off ? I guess what I'm asking is was she totally honest with her doctor? Next,does her husband work outside the home? If so can you call him on the job,or does he have a cell phone where you could call him when he is not around your sister? Last do you know who her doctor is? If so you could call the doctor and come clean about what your sister is doing.What type of street drugs is she using when she runs out of her script?The health and well being of your nephew depends on someone coming clean to the doctor and it doesn't sound as though your sister is in a place where she is going to do that,so you must.I know you must love your sister but this baby cannot protect himself and your sisters head is not in the right place right now.Your nephew NEEDS you to protect him,no matter what the cost.PLEASE find a way to let the doctor know whats going on.....Kim

[avisg]

There is nothing you can do if se does not want help.Just pray the baby will be ok .The doctor knows she is using right ? If this was my sister I would set down with my brother in law and tell him everything . Cuz this is not about your sister anymore its about an unborn baby but thats just me .you need to do what you feel is right

[GMommy2008]

To answer your questions. She was getting them for a legit reason and her doctor is slowly lowering her script. BUT he does NOT know that she is abusing them. He believes she is doing what he is telling her to do. As for her husband, he doesnt have a cell phone and he works in an extremely high security government job that will not allow phone calls to him unless an emergency and only my sister knows how to reach him that way. I have thought about this millions of times and I truly believe I am out of options. I do have a few questions about telling the doctor though, if anyone could help.
#1 - If I would know just his name, how could I actually go about telling him? Do I call? Who do I speak to? How do I explain myself? Do I have to let them know who I am?
#2 - What could HE do? I called an addiction line before and asked about telling her doctor and they told me that in my state (PA), the doctor nor the father have any right to do anything and that she would have to be willing to admit herself into treatment. So if thats true, what could the doctor actually DO?
I am very scared for my nephew and my sister. I still cannot help but to blame myself!

Thanks.

[liscamdave]

Kim is right, do NOT blame yourself. You have no control over what someone else does, sister or no sister. You said she blocked all lines of communication. She obviously doesn't care enough to stop. It is one thing to be under a drs care and taking meds like that. But to take an entire script in 5-10 days then allowing your body to w.d then getting more pills off the street???? and doing this repeatedly????????? My god, is all I have to say. I got the chills reading this. I don't mean to upset you or make your life more miserable. You sound so concerned and she should be proud to have you has a sister. I hope she somehow realizes what she is doing and the potential harm she may be causing. She needs to tell her dr her cycle and he needs to smack some sense into her before its too late.

[avisg]

The doctors have to make sure the baby is ok yes they can offer her rehab but she has to agree .You are going to have to find a way to talk to your brother in law  This is an emergency .I dont know about the legality of you telling her doctor u will have to find that out right now worry about the baby hopefully she will want to get clean.There is nothing to blame are self of you did not make your sister take the pills but you can help the baby

[liscamdave]

Well, the doctor can check for abnormalities or problems with the baby as a result of what she is doing. The stress from w.d alone can cause severe problems and early labor. She needs to be very careful. Most likely, the baby is going to be born addicted. Gosh this is so sad. If the drs know what to expect, then can help her and be prepared to take care of this baby when its born. For instance, one of my best friends was prego around the same time I was. Her dr had her on 5mg percs for about 6 months of the pregnancy and a very low dose. He weaned her off them completely about a month and a half before her due date and told her that by the time she delivered, the baby would not suffer w.d. But she continued to use off the street and was also using more that she got off the street while she was getting scripts from her dr. So the dr thought she was clean adn that the pills were out of her system for over a month when she delivered and the baby was in w.d and he wasn't prepared to deal with it. She is now dealing with Child Services. So you need to smack some darn sense into your sister and tell her she is in danger of losing that baby if she doesn't come clean now. She needs to talk to her dr and tell him what's up. If the baby is born and its in severe w.d, they will test your sister and the baby to see how much is in both systems to cause such severe w.d. Any number of things can happen, the baby could even be fine, you never know. But I wouldn't take these risks...my god, its a baby...

[vicki595]

I agree with the others: this is a nightmare.  Stop feeling guilty and try to do something more positive.  I'm thinking this: threaten her with a call to social services and follow through; they will (I think) do a welfare check. Tell them to go in the evening when her husband is at home.  She's so close to term but there may be time to get her in the hosp. and wean her off before the baby is born.  But the absolute quickest way is to call the OB's ofc. Speak to whomever answers the phone and they'll do the rest.  I'm sure he'll appreciate it.   She's out of control but that baby needs protection.  It's child abuse.   I would personally do this if it were my family.
Good luck.  Keep us informed.   Love and prayers to you....BE STRONG !

[GA Guy]

I would personally treat this exactly as if the child was already born. What would you do if your sister had a 2 year old kid and was using illegal drugs around him? And, while doing so, he was finding and ingesting some of them? I personally would call Child Protective Services. But, that's just me.

[kolo13]

How sad. I don't know what the right thing to do is but please be aware that if you contact the doctor or CPS you won't have any control over how they handle the situation and you will have to be prepared to see your nephew in treatment foster care and your sister in jail.

[vicki595]

Perhaps the above is true...I don't know.  God, this is awful.   I was thinking that because there's a Dad there they would leave the baby with him,get her help etc...What about "ambushing" the brother in law when he gets home from work but before he enters the house and giving him the facts of what you know and letting him go from there?   She's going to deny it but I can't believe he hasn't noticed or been very concerned about the drugs his baby is taking.  Maybe he knows nothing...hmmmm..... She does get the phone,the mail etc...and he IS a government security something.      I just re-read your post: her husband does not know.  God !!!!
And you don't know the OB's name.    Man...she's good (BAD) !    Okay- ambush the brother in law in my opinion and bring a friend /relative with you.  You really are in a tight squeeze here. Wow   I'll be anxious to read what the others think about an ambush.       Praying hard now...

[GMommy2008]

Thank you so much for all of your posts. You have made me feel better about the situation. The main problem with her husband is, hmmm, hes an IDIOT! There was ONE chance I did have him on the phone. It was the begining of this pregnancy and she was going through w/d. He called me! And said "what do I do?". I freaked out in such happiness that I had this chance! I told him "Look, she is in severe w/d from taking too many pills. You NEED to take her to the ER right now and let them make sure your baby is ok, then go from there." I stressed this to him. Apparently, she had a couple pills (I believe it was muscle relaxers or something, but I could be wrong and it was pain pills, either way, BAD for baby) that took her w/d symptoms away by the time they got there. She told him she was "better" so he brought her home!!!! She called me later and told me what happened. I was stunned!!   At one point, he did tell her he wanted her script that month to monitor it. She filled it up with stomach pills and gave him that bottle. He didnt know any better and gave her X amount of stomach pills each day for that month. Then he assumed she was doing what the drs. wanted so he stopped monitoring it.  Oh yeah, AND, she has stolen money from him and when he found out, she told him her dr. called her in an extra script b/c her tooth was hurting and her ins wouldnt cover it, so she had to pay $400 for it, so she printed out a fake reciept from the computer (which he has never used a computer before so he isnt too bright with that) and he believed that too!!  So please tell me, with a man this "dumb!", how do I even get through to him if I did ambush him?? If he was normal, I would of already done something like that. Thanks for the idea though!!

[GMommy2008]

Thank you as well for making me feel better about my situation. I am trying not to blame myself, but it is hard. I feel like I made a mistake waiting this long. Thank you though!

[vicki595]

God! What a jerk/dummy/idiot he sounds like.  How can he not have computer skills with his job and all?????  Maybe I'm being harsh re him though.  As odd as he may be...it's not entirely his fault b/c he has NO IDEA what addiction is about and your sister is really good at what she does. They're an odd couple.   It does sound like he tried that one time soooooo I'd still ambush him and then it's "don't say I didn't warn you" I guess.   A thought though :  How is it you know so much about what she's doing? She's obviously not trying to cover up around you... Maybe deep down she wants help or(God forbid) is setting you up to blame when things turn badly (if).  She's a sly one and smart.  I'll be here for a bit...please post back.  V.

[GMommy2008]

Yeah she is sly. She lies constantly and I do not have a normal relationship with her, but to her, I am all she thinks she has. She trusts me enough to tell me the truth about everything even while lying to her husband. But she has been this way for 10 years, before the drugs even came into play. She would lie to him about every little thing and my Grandma and I were the only ones who really knew her. But now my Grandma is gone and its just me. Thats why I feel so guilty. I feel like I am the only one who COULD do something. The only one who really knows it all. But at the same time, I feel like I am out of options and now I believe it is too late. I am upset with myself for not finding a site like this 6 months ago and asking for help. Of course I know it is HER that is doing this, but I really am to blame as well.

[vicki595]

Hi...I've thought of you so much!!!!      Listen: YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME!   Really, stop beating yourself up.   You have tried forever to appeal to her to stop this. You know her husband had a good idea about this but became satisfied with the status quo. You reached out to MH.  I think you've done a lot in spite of the barriers she's put up.   The way I see it,even if you had done "something" months ago it probably wouldn't have worked.  Because she lies.She's an addict. She's sick.  I have other thoughts but will post this now before I lose you...   :) V.

[vicki595]

Okay Sweetie, listen to me:  It IS probably too late for an intervention unless by some miracle you talk to your brother in law.  But,really,she's almost due to have her baby so it's a bit late to detox her. Try not to worry and here's why:  She'll be going to see the OB frequently now that she's almost due.  He'll be alert to anything odd and probably already is. Once in labor and in the hospital it will be out of her hands.  She'll take her pills with her I'm sure but many hospitals now routinely do a drug screen on all labor patients. They don't want any surprises.  Then...she's busted. They'll turn her in or do an intervention of some kind.  As for the baby...they'll be prepared to take good care of him so he won't be suffering. He's small now and the OB knows it.    I feel sad for you AND for her.  She has an illness(addiction) and it's a bear!!   Please continue to post so I/we can support you.  I'll be on here for a little bit... xo   V.

[GA Guy]

Why is no one suggesting she call Child Protective Services?

[madtram]

I'm so sorry for the situation you find yourself in.  I have a very close relative with alcoholism & she has put herself & others in high risk situations many times & it's very hard to continuously feel that there must be something that you can do.

It may well be that her doctor has limited legal powers in this situation but  I strongly feel that it's still worthwhile telling them.  As we all know, there are doctors & doctors but a good doctor will be resourceful & will do their best to find a way to do the best thing for the baby.  You have to give the doctors a chance to help, as others have said, the worst outcome would be for the baby to be born in withdrawal & have to undergo painful blood tests & delayed treatment while they figure out what is wrong.

Try ringing the doctor to start with, if you can't get through, are you close enough to make an appointment with them?  Even an email would be better than nothing.

The best thing you can give your sister now is your sensible thinking self as she is obviously in no position to make rational decisions for herself.

I so hope that you find the doctor to be caring & understanding.

  Best wishes.

[vicki595]

Some of us did suggest CPS and another told her then to be prepared to see her sister go to jail and the baby taken away. Geez!!!    Also, to Madtram : This girl doesn't know the name of her sister's OB/Gyn so she can't call.  It's a really tough situation.  Just heartbreaking but alas near the end in that the baby will be born soon.

[madtram]

Agree it's very tough but gmommy did ask what to do if she did know the ob/gyn's details. If it's not a big city, you could probably narrow it down pretty quickly & leave messages for all the ob/gyn clinics in the area.  Might sound over the top but at least you are trying something.

[avisg]

If there is no other way to get to her or her hubby or doctor.Then yes you should contact DSS.I would use this as a last resort. When it comes down to it if she is not going to care for the baby then someone has too.

[vicki595]

I know they're in Pa. but don't know the city.  I hear you though...over the top or not it's SOMETHING to try.  I wish gmommy would get back on the forum here so we could ask her this: with all the trust and confiding by the sister why would she not ever say the name of the OB?  Keeping quiet I guess...worried that this girl would turn her in to the guy.  It's just a mess.    The other thing is...you really can't call a Dr.'s ofc. and say"If this is my sister "Suzie's " OB please call me back".  With patient confidentiality and HIPPA regs. they can't do it.    Talk about hands being tied...Yikes!!!      I suppose she could find out the next appt. time and follow her sister sort of "cloak and dagger" then ambush the OB as I suggested she do with the brother in law.  I agree that anything is worth it in this deserate situation.   :(

[madtram]

Vicki, I think following her to the appointment & ambushing the Ob/gyn is a great idea, i didn't think of that.

[avisg]

yes thats what I thought I dont think she can contact the doctor becuse of hippa but I am not sure .Hopefully we will get an update soon

[vicki595]

and to avig :   I hope we hear soon as well.  This has really gotten under my skin and obviously everyone elses.  A lot of really caring folks in this forum.  :)         xo V.

[jenny06xx]

can u disscuss this with your own doctor and see what he says about the situation??
i was on codeine while i was pregnant (legitimate reasons) and just to let u know my doctor assured me this was safe although i was only taking pure codeine phosphate twice a day i never went over at that time!
if your sis is ready to stop she will it wil be mega hard and she will need all the support she can get the problem being now that she is over using and pregnant is seriously dangerous please phone a drugs helpline or talk to your doc mum anyone who can help dont leave it like this

[GA Guy]

HIPPA Laws keep health care professionals from disclosing health related information about you. It doesn't keep you from disclosing information about someone else to the doctor. The doctor would welcome this information. He won't be able to discuss her with you, but he'll listen to what you have to say. Just don't expect him to share information back and forth with you.

[GMommy2008]

To everyone really, thank you all for your care and concern! I just found this website a few days ago and wow do you guys care! And I truly appreciate it! I apologize I cant get on here much to read your posts right away but I try to get back here asap! Thanks again!   As for my situation, I'm still at a standstill. I really do not know what to do or what the best thing is for me to do. She lies and steals and talks her way out of everything. I really feel like no matter what I do, no good will be done and then it will just make her hate me. And Im not worried about myself. I'm worried that she will get away with it, hate me and quit talking to me, and then be all alone with that baby and her addiction. At least from where I am at now, I can see how she is with him after he is here and if then I see she is still doing this and cannot handle it, I will 100% call child services. But now with the pregnancy at the end, I'm not sure that doing anything now would really SAVE the baby. I dont know. I am more or less rambling. I am very tired and very stressed and very confused. Whats worse is that my sister is ten years OLDER than me! She was always my role model and now I am seeing her do this to an innocent baby, and that KILLS me inside!   Thanks again for the replies. I will be back in the morning. Goodnight all.

[avisg]

YES calling now they can help .I would call tomorrow then when the baby is born you are sure her doctor knows because dss will inform her doctor .They also can hopefully set her up with some treatment and help if not before but after she gives birth.Its kind of like you have to advocate for the baby .Don't wait until after the birth can you imagine the type of withdrawal the baby  may have to go threw after its born and if the doctor does not know whats she has been doing he can not treat the baby properly .I know this has to be one of the one of the hardest you  things u have ever thought about doing but just remember this is not about your sister it is about an innocent baby.

[vicki595]

Hi-   Just thought I'd check to hear what's going on....  I think you should make a new post as this one is getting pretty far back in the line.  You can  title it as Part 2 or something so that this post can be referenced.   Just a thought....Im sure many are anxious to hear of( some good )news.              Prayers to all    V.

[avisg]

No one thread is fine ! It comes back up when anyone posts .That way people dont get confused .

[vicki595]

Thanks for posting that...I see that,of course,you're right.   Talk about people getting confused...I'm at the top of that list sometimes!

Hope she's okay....

V.

[GMommy2008]

Everything is still the same. Her doctor has her on just percocet right now but she told me she plans on being off of those by December 1st, to give her baby 1 month without any drugs. Basically that means though that she will be taking 30 days worth of pills by December 1st, which isnt unusual for her, but she makes it sound like this is a good thing. Anyway, I will have to see how true this will end up being. In the meantime, I am going to somehow get the OBGYN/Hospital information and contact them. Thank you all again for your support! I will keep posting as things progress.

[vicki595]

Hi!!!     Great !  You'll try to get the OB/Hosp. info !   You will feel so much better once you talk with them! You'll feel like you've done something important and it IS!  Good luck trying to get the info...you can do it...she confides in you and trusts you.. Remember,the Dr. legally can't discuss her with you but he can listen !!!   Hope this contact happens soon.     I don't get the 1 month without drugs thing...I don't think she'll do it based on her history BUT didn't you say she's 33 wks. pregnant?  She doesn't have a month. That baby is almost due and although he's small for the gestational period he's going to have to be born,I think :)     Good luck with this new resolve.  We all care about all of YOU!            Look forward to any new posts-  xo  V.