My son is 27 years old and he is addicted to cocacine and marijuana! A day can not go by without using! He is angery, irritable, a slob, and doesnt care about anyone or anything. He get friends a few years younger than him and dictates everything they do. Its like they all let him be in charge and they will do anything he says. My son is abusive and self destructing! We are a high profile case and I usually dont go into blogs like this but I am seeking help! My son is either going to die or go to prison. He does not want help, he explodes when i mention anything about help. I have an organization and I am very helpful to so many kids and parents...just a horrible feeling. I have tried and tried and tried. My son called me in the restroom and I just about fainted. It was PURE blood in the toilet! Lots of it, it was as if someone poured a whole bottle of red dye in the toilet. he said he has had it now for about 7 months. He is always blowing his nose and has a nasty cough especially when he gets up in the morning. A month ago, I packed his stuff up and put it at the door, he got it and threw it all over my house punched walls and then went to his room and literally picked up dressers and threw them, putting holes in the ceiling and walls. I am mentally hurt, exhausted and just outright helpless! Restless mom in Tampa
Please let me know what my opinions are, I probably know just dont want to hear it...I am afraid he is going to bleed internal and die!
I guess I need to hear something that I can say to him to make him go to ER, he refuses and actually left this morning after I tried to talk him into going. What can you say to someone who is so deep into it and doesnt want help! I know he does deep down but he is on that tough guy role.
I wish so much that I knew the right words to say to you or that I had a worthy answer for you.I'm afraid I would fall short and I would never think to offer up advice unless I was absolutely sure it would be of some help.I can tell you that there are other mothers here in your situation as well as recovering addicts who have used the same drug as your son and most likely shared some similar experiences in relation to health and family issues.Someone with much more knowledge will come along so hang in here.I will offer you and your son my prayers and hope that you both soon find the answers you are looking for.Peace.Keep posting.
My heart goes out to you. We love our children so much. I don't think I could be capable of doing what I'm about to tell you.
My very good friend lost her parents when she was of legal age, but had 3 younger brothers & sister that she had to raise until they finished their school and were out on their own.
Two of the sibblings had drug addictions. She did the tough love thing. OUT! They had to find out on their own that there was no longer someone there for them. One straightened up quick and learned her lesson fast. The other however, (brother) did not. He got in trouble time after time, and later on without a choice finally got on the right track.
She never let them back into the house since. Even though they both cleaned up, she didn't want to give them te second chance to mess up again and put her through all the agony again.
They are so grateful to her. It's been several years since this. (About 15)
Like I said, I don't know if I have that much toughness in me to do it to my child. I just wanted to share this with you.
I feel so awful for what your going through. I know it is just breaking your heart. I watched my mother go through this with my brother (different drugs). My mother attended Alanon meetings for years. I think they would tell you not to enable him. Which probably means through him out and let him hit bottom. I truley know this is soooo much easier said than done.
Your son definately needs to see a doctor. Blood coming from anywhere is not good, but something that might ease your mind a bit is that red blood means its fresh and could possibly be coming from an internal hemaroid (sp). Blood that has gone through the intestines & colon is usually black and looks like coffee grounds. Please know that I am not saying he doesn't need medical attention. I just thought this might calm you a bit.
Keep reading and posting here. There are many mom's here in your situation that will probably be able to help you more. My thoughts are with you. Mary
I am so very sorry about your situation..I have to say that I agree with Enemy. Your son is 27 yrs old..I have had to do the tough love thing as well..It is not easy by any means!! But it is necessary..You are enabling him to have the freedom in mind if knowing he has a place to sleep..food in his stomach and a mother who loves him..I am not saying to not love him..BUT you can not make him do anything. He has to hit the bottom like so many others have including myself when I was younger. I have 6 kids and have had to go through some pretty heartbreaking things. You can either give him an ultimatum..if you continue to let him stay with you or kick him out...where does he get all this $$ for his drugs? Does he pay rent? or work? Do you have other children watching this happen? (sorry for all the questions) I am in the middle of some very heartwrenching things with my daughter who is 22..hurts like no other..If your son destroys your property etc..you need to call the police..he needs to know that you are NOT going to let his addiction run or ruin your life. You could go and have him committed for 72 hrs if you feel he is a danger to himself and/or others..If he doesn't want to go to the hospital there really isn't anything you can do. He is an adult and has to care about himself more than you do...Alot of us on this site have been on the path your son is on and has been on..It is still up to him..He needs to really hit the bottom..what he decides is his choice..He isn't at the bottom when he has a place to destroy, people that bend over backwards still,pay his bills, put food in his stomach and a roof over his head..I am sorry if i am sounding harsh..but I am at my wits end too with 2 of my kids..I know how bad it hurts..
Like Mary said, Your son should be checked by a doctor, but chances are its something like hemroids, since it is fresh blood.
Get to some alanon or nar-anon meetings. They will help you with what needs to be done with your son, which is tuff love. This has to be made his problem, not yours, unless he surrenders and asks for help.
Yes, easier said than done.
Take care of yourself first. Good luck to you and your son.
you know what you need to do, it just isnt easy. It wont be any easier for you to stop enabling him then it will be for him to stop using. Unfortunatly, that is the cycle a lot of families get into, in my experience anyway. As for the blood--i did the same thing, both while i was on drugs and before, my GI Dr. said that the blood being bright red is much better than it being dark and thick-- that means that it is probably somthing like an internal hemroihd (?) it still needs to be checked out, but internal bleeding or a more serious origin usually is thick, dark and tarry. Good luck! Here if ya need anything
As worried said plz get him to the ER ,the blood is coming from somewhere .I went threw this not to long ago it scared me to death and it was only had the blood a few times . Once that is under control then try to see if you can convince him he needs help.
The hardest part is you cant make people get help that don't want it .That is the heart breaking part.
U need 2 get him to a ER now!!!!!!!!!!!! rectal bleeding is VERY serious if it was that much blood it is NOT hemmroids it could be internal bleeding from the cocaine abuse or if he is a heavy drinker. I am a nurse and i am telling u that u need to take care of this NOW after it is under control then try to get him help with the other problems but the rectal bleeding is a serious matter!!!!!!!!!! Not only could it be internal bleeding it could lead 2 rectal cancer if untreated plz try 2 tell him this and maybe it will scare him into going to ER maybe losing his life will b scary enough???? Best of luck and u and ur son r in my prayers!!
I am soooo sorry you are dealing with this. I am a mother of 2 young boys...and I cant even imagine the hurt you must feel....BUT....
#1...you HAVE GOT to find a way to get him to an ER...ASAP! I worked in one, and we did STAT tests when patients would come in with even "little" amounts of recal bleeding. I hope he decides to go!! I will keep him in my prayers.
#2...I dont know if you ever heard of the show "Intervention" on A&E. Well, honestly, I would write them and tell them what you told us here. You can go to A&E.com I believe. This child is in NEED of some serious help, mentally and with his addiction. I watch that show alot, and been on this forum for awhile now, and Ive never read something so hard, and I dont know what other options you have. Its worth a try!! Heck, serioulsy. In that show, they do interventions with drug addicts, and during the family intervention part, the interventist tells the parents about TOUGH LOVE! YOU CAN LOVE HIM, BUT DO NOT LOVE HIM TO DEATH!!! Take everything away, you cant be his enabler anymore. I dont mean to sound harsh, but its the truth. Hes 27 you said. Take his car keys away if hes driving your car, take his cell away if its YOUR cell phone plan, you need to have him removed from your home, if even by police. It seems you have tried everything else. I know it cant be easy...but he might hate you when you do it, but love you later when he hopefully gets clean. Tell him you will no longer live like this, or lose all the sleep you lose...you need your life. Tell him its not fair what hes doing to you. There HAS to be consiquences for his actions....
I hope Im not sounding to harsh, and some on here may not agree with me...but I seen that it is an effective stragety...
All the best of luck to you and him...I will keep you in my prayers....
just to let u know this happend to me when i was doing oxycontin. i got constipated a lot and one day i couldnt push out any poop. i had to get an enema and it was still hard to go but it helped a lot. i was screaming in the bathroom. it sucks A LOT. but the enema helps break down the poop. before i did that i was just pooring blood, tha pharmacist told me it was because it was too big. i hope your sons better by now. by the way my dad is the exactly same way as your son, he's 42 and his mom helps him with everything. he hangsout with people my age. his girlfriends 24 (3 years older than me). i dont know how u can help him except finally kick him out and let him learn a real lesson. i know its probably hard but otherwise youre gunna support him the rest of your life
Thank you so much for all of your kind comments! I truly needed to hear all of this! I am a pretty tough mom but my son has just worn me down! It's a horrible feeling when you begin to feel hatred in your heart. Jason's old therapist told me a long time ago, you can love him but hate his behavior...so hard. I just feel like he just doesnt care about life!
He is so smart and has great skills, he is very articlate and can make good money but he just blows it!
I have a younger son, 24, he is doing good. Big heart and a kind person. Jason has court June 11, and I am determined to tell teh Judge that he can not come back to my house and beg him for a program as part of probation or jail, at least he can will have time to get away from drugs and MAYBE see what he is doing to everyone.
The way you describe your circumstances, this is out of your hands, so let the system take over. The system isn't perfect, but I have seen a lot of lives saved with it.
In most states they have a law similar to Penal Code 5150 in California. This code states that if a person is harmful to him/herself or to others, they can be taken by police to the local mental health ward for 72 hours observation. It is commonly referred to as a "benevolent booking".
Your son's neglect of his addiction and commensurate bleeding certainly qualifies as harmful to himself.
I urge you to call the police and explain that he is the equivalent of our "5150" and ask that he be committed for 72 hours. At the mental health ward they will address his addiction as well as assess his bleeding problem and may use the latter as reason for holding him long enough to stabilize his physical, if not his mental, condition.
Also, look for a local chapter of AMI (Alliance for the Mentally Ill). It is a volunteer group of parents with adult children having problems similar to what you are encountering. They can give you support and advice drawn from experience.
I woundn't think that the amount of blood you are describing would be a hemmeroid. doesn't sound right to me......thats a lot of blood. I really hate to say this, but if this continues......he will get to the hospital one way or the other. Hopefully in time to help him. As, painful as it must be.......you can't force him. Same thing happened to me with my Father. Doctors told him if he left the hospital he will die. As painful as it was...he demanded to leave and I had to take him home. He died three days later. Not saying this will happen to your son, hopefully he will get a divine intervention, or get to a doctor.
Thank you for your support and great advice!! You are right, it is a lot of blood! I know I can't do a thing about it but surrender! I had him Baker Acted and did a MARCHMANS ACT ON HIM IN THE PAST AND HE OUTRIGHT MADE ME LOOK LIKE A DRAMA MAMA. HE GOT OUT NEXT DAY AND THE STUPID DOC REFERRED US TO FAMILY COUNSELING...WHAT A JOKE THAT WAS! I AM GOING TO HOLD OUT UNTIL HIS COURT DATE...AND PRAY THAT THE JUDGE DOESNT JUST LET HIM WALK. Getting mental health in Florida is more than a JOKE, its sad!
That amount of blood doesn't sound right. I dont want to scare you but my sister in law had colon cancer and died at 28years old I hope your son get's to a doctor soon the sooner the better best of luck♥
My son passed away march 1st 2010 at the age of 23. Every day is hard for me. For 3 I had tried what I could to get my son off these pills (Roxie, valium, and soma) all prescribed by a pain management dr. My son was on probation so it was very hard to get him help with out telling Probation that he was addicted to the pill that he had a letter from his dr for. It is to late for my son. He was so bright, beautiful and didn't deserve to have this happen to him at such an early age. I didn't know what where lies and what were truths. I was an enabler too. My son had a reckless driving offense that was a violation of probation. I did get the dept of corrections to but him into Carp. but that is another story. I guess the end of the story is and always will be he loved the drugs more then he loved us or his own life. The drugs romance them, lie to them and make them believe that nothing else matters but the drugs. In the end the drugs won him and I lost him. The sooner I can come to terms with that the soon I can get over never giving my son a hug, kissing him goodnight. He died at home in his own bed, It is hard every day I loved him so much. I still can't believe he is really gone from our lives at 23. He was in business with my husband and was fortunate to have seen a lot of the world at his young age. Fight for your sons don't enable them.
Mom I am very sorry for your loss.This is a very old post why don't you copy the post and start a new thread .We have many loved ones of addicts that I think you could help.Welcome to the forum I hope to yes you out there .
well I can tell you that it could be as simply as hemroids...I have seen them(i work in a nursing home) bleed so bad i thought the lady was dying, however, that is the least of your problems--Your son has a bad problem--he is abusive and seems out of controll. Personal question, is your son homosexually? the reason i ask is cause that could be a sourse of the blood--I have read that cocaine and other drugs can cause severly unusaul sexually behavior and he could be acting out in a way that is causing harm, this is not meant to sound bad or pass judgement(me being gay myself) but more so just a thought. I do hope that you get help for yourself, you are the one you need to focus on rite now--YOU WANT HELP-it sounds like your son is unwilling to accept help at this time. Good luck and if you wanna talk message me anytime, Lee
If your son is out of control and instead, under the control of his addictions and refuses to help himself, or get help for himself, when all else fails, please know that you have the option of applying for general or limited guardianship in his behalf with or without his permission.
If you do not have the finances for an attorney to help you with this you may call the legal aid services in your state for advice, legal assistance, and filing.
Be advised your son will NOT like or appreciate you doing this in the beginning. This is to be expected, since all addicts would prefer someone to take care of them and support them in their habits and addictions, foot the bill, feed, clothe, nurture and provide a roof over their head.
Guardianship takes this out of their control and places it in yours...for your own safety and protection as well as theirs.
Plztry and get yor son to er the bleeding is not a good sign AS for the coke and weed the make us paranoid. We also think wecan take on the world with cocaininside of us. He needs help and needs it now Me and my wife were addicted to heroin for 13 years and if we did not stop we were headed for an early grave. Gladly my wife is over 1 year clean im 6 months after relapsing a few times. I say this as this will be theoutcome for your son if he does not seek help now. Im not trying to scare you im only being honest. Good luck and may god answer your prayers ,,,,,,James
Thanks for the head's up re: my response to an outdated post. How duh of me. Sorry, this hasn't been my best last 24 hours I've ever gone through. My own pill addicted son binged again after a month an a half of being sane...ya, here in my home, and making a total mess of the house, spilling, wasting and basically tearing things up, "accidentally"...his new MO. A real David Hasselhof wannbe.
I am so sick of this, angry, disgusted, repulsed, sad, frustrated. I try to maintain, but my own health is not that great and I now have more financial problems than I had before due to trying to deal with him, compounded by his living here in the home. Just telling him to leave is not only difficult but compounded by the fact that I have no real help, and a large old place that sometimes needs repairs and work I can't do or afford to have hired done and have to depend on him to do these things. Catch 22 bigtime :(
Like the other mom's, I love my son to pieces,but plead guilty of having enabled him and bailing him out. Now, I'm fed up and worn out. He is such a great guy, and loving son when he's straight, but under the influence becomes someone neither one of us knows....or likes. I know he's miserable, but then when he's UTI, he doesn't seem to comprehend why mom gets "grouchy" at him making a mess of himself, the house.. and everything he touches. Then when he comes out from under it, doesn't remember a thing he did. I wish I had a video cam for proof to show him.
Caught me by surprise..again..when it shouldn''t have. I should have expected the shoe to drop sooner or later with him after years of doing the same ole same ole. After so long, the gut wrenching anger and frustration gets to you and you get hypersensitive.
I'm a newbie here looking for answers myself so my response to "My son has me so worried! Bleeding pure rectal blood" I posted inadvertantly to an old post was probably not the best, but in her case, like mine, when the destructive abusive son is living in the house, there is a real problem about getting them OUT.
My own son has been through drug court, and is now on supervised probation, and another slip can mean prison time. He has neck injuries and a lot of pain, plus depression and serious insomnia, and has applied for disability, so I think he not only has addiction problems but some mental issues as well...but he's in denial about the mental part AND the addiction aspect of his problems because of his "pride" and the stigma associated with these things by the culture we live in. I would like for him to get this to give him a leg up to start a new life, and also to have finances to take care of himself on his own. He's a college grad but now due to the felonies on his record can't or won't be able to get a job, and couldn't hold it down anyway due to his insomnia problem. ( Rummy from lack of sleep a lot of the time) However, I'm at the place now of letting the ball be in his court, i.e., whatever happens, happens, his choice. I think basically he want's the disability in order to help finance his medical treatment and possibly provide a legal means to get pain pills for his pain. However, he's not "just in pain"...he's an addict as well. If he were "just" in pain, he would have taken pain pills as prescribed, but that's not what he does. He binges on whatever he can get his hands on, and is in denial about his addictions.
Therefore, the only thing filing for guardianship could possibly do is force him into rehab, and possibly prevent him from od'ing and/or hurting himself or someone else while driving under the influence. However, some of the other parents/posters have indicated that forcing a loved one into rehab only pushes them away and deeper into their addiction. Maybe so, but I feel my first priority is for the safety of him and the others who may innocently cross his path. It wouldn't be the first time he's been busted for DUI and wrecked my vehicles. Only be the grace of God he never killed or maimed himself or someone else.
IBKleen, after writing all this I think I'd best start a thread of my own. I started with a sentence and then ended up venting. Thanks for your response :)
This can mean many things.....internal bleeding, hemmrohids.....cancer....or it can be from long term substance abuse.....I recommend taking him to the er asap!!! This is a ongoing issue with him and he needs help!! Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can improve for the better and you are his mother and will be there for him through it so take him NOW!!
Copyright 1994-2016 MedHelp International. All rights reserved.
MedHelp is a division of Aptus Health.
This site complies with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health information.
The Content on this Site is presented in a summary fashion, and is intended to be used for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to be and should not be interpreted as medical advice or a diagnosis of any health or fitness problem, condition or disease; or a recommendation for a specific test, doctor, care provider, procedure, treatment plan, product, or course of action. Med Help International, Inc. is not a medical or healthcare provider and your use of this Site does not create a doctor / patient relationship. We disclaim all responsibility for the professional qualifications and licensing of, and services provided by, any physician or other health providers posting on or otherwise referred to on this Site and/or any Third Party Site. Never disregard the medical advice of your physician or health professional, or delay in seeking such advice, because of something you read on this Site. We offer this Site AS IS and without any warranties. By using this Site you agree to the following Terms and Conditions. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your physician or 911 immediately.