I am inspired by your words of support. I am about to start a FOREVER detox and am hoping I can turn to you for my own support over the next few days.
I have been using vicodin as needed for the past few years for a condition in my spine. Never had a problem until this past flair up. The Dr. upped my prescription and my tolerance skyrocketed. Anyway, over the past 2 weeks I have been weaning myself and went from 10 regular strength per day to 1 Ultram per day finally. On Saturday my taper will end and we will see what my detox experience is like.
The one thing I noticed after the first couple weeks is that I have adjusted to *feeling* things again, which was challenging at first after not feeling much for the months on Vicodin. Sitting through feelings and not being numb when the day was stressful, painful, difficult, etc. was the first change I noticed. I am used to that again now, so at least there is one piece of the struggle dealt with.
I am exercising, taking my vitamins, very active in church, looking forward to falling in love again with all the things that have fallen away because of the pain and pills. I’m eating well, drinking fluids, ready to begin this next chapter of the rest of my life.
Can I please post here each day to check in with you all? I am suddenly a single mom to three young children and I need to do this for myself, and my little ones of course. No one knows about my addiction (my life is somewhat public), so I will go through this process on my own. That’s how I want it. But having you to talk to and if you could look out for me a little bit, it would mean the whole world. If you can post any words of advice or encouragement please, I will drink them in like water - I promise!
Haha! I guess you figured out that we would tell you to stay hydrated! : ) It is very important though. All the things you are doing will help you. I also go to church, exercise and take my vitamins, which boggles the minds of my family as I am not a "vitamin girl" usually! They do make a difference in the grand scheme of things. There is no "all better" pill, but all of it together will be good for you. I would also add that aftercare is SO important. Even just talking with your pastor or a counselor. My pastor is so supportive of me. He knows basically everything. It feels good to be able to tell someone, in person, all about it and how it has effected you.
You are very strong for doing this. It will be the greatest gift you have ever given yourself or your children!
Keep posting. This is a wonderful place! We (I) can get a little goofy sometimes to keep our (my!) sanity, but you will get so much support!
We will be here to support you as we know what you are going thru. Aftercare is very important also as getting clean is the easy part, staying clean is the hard part. You are taking Ultram also? Keep posting. We are glad you found this site.......sara
Thanks for your message. Yes, I do need to make plans for some kind of ongoing support once I get through the detox. Right now my immediate concerns are sticking it through when it gets tough physically.
As for the ultram I was prescribed Vicodin and Ultram. The Vicodin for serious flair ups and the Ultram for chronic pain. I rarely took the Ultram, but have used it the past 1-2 weeks as I got the Vicodin out of my system. At first I needed 6-8, then 4, then 2, and now I’m down to 1. This weekend I will go to zero and have no idea what to expect.
I really appreciate having a place to come for support during any tough moments that are ahead in the next week. :)
Thanks so much! Remember how I was asking about the Tramdol taper thing yesterday? Well today, even though I have a day left in my system, I can tell that things are moving along already (chills, stomach). I'm sure it's from the pretty rapid taper I did. So perhaps (fingers crossed) I have diluted the intensity a bit. We’ll see though....either way I'm excited to just get this process moving along already!
Thank you for the hugs and thank you for the prayers. :)
Thanks for saying I'm doing great. :) I am excited about this all being behind me very soon. The fear of what WD might be like kept me a prisoner for the past couple months, so getting through this will be my first triumph!
Yes, all prescriptions are gone. :) thank you. And yes, the kids force you to keep moving, keep smiling and keep pushing yourself past anything you thought you were capable of. I'm sure that is a good thing. though a day resting in the sun and relaxing would surely have its benefits too!
Know your not alone here, there are soooooooooooo many nice people that know what your going through that will help all they can.
I am on day 3 clean from Hydro's and starting to feel somewhat better, although I know the road will be hard.
I pray you find a support system like AA or NA as they are very helpful having a live person to sit with and open up to.........they will not judge you in anyway and are so helpful.
I went for the longest time holding my addiction in but because of this forum they encouraged me to tell my husband and I did and it felt like such a huge weight had been lifted and he was very supportive.
I pray in time you will find at least one person you trust that you can open up to, as this may sound crazy but its like a healing inside of you.
I appreciate your words of encouragement so much! And I believe you are right about opening up. I am actually, oddly looking forward to it. I need to do this WD part for myself, prove to myself that I am strong enough and then share with my family my accomplishment. I know having them for ongoing support down the road will be what keeps me being honest with myself. But this is important to me.
I LOVED my life before and I am very excited to get back to it. I feel like I've been on pause since all of this started. Does that make sense?
Take some immodium and for any other cramping try some Hylands restless leg syndrome meds from Wal Mart (not sure if you have access) I'm in the middle of this and about to try some sleep w/ the help of Melatonin. I hope you find some comfort. I'm also taking a lot of vitamins to include b-complex, potassium, and a woman's multi vitamin i picked up. good luck to you, and keep posting. it definitely helps~~
HI Megan...well you have already been givin some good advise ...as for a time line on how long the cramping will last its hard to really say....withdrawals are a different experience for everyone it usually runs its course in 4 or 5 days with day 3 and 4 usually being the most struggle....you have done well with your taper so you did all the harm reduction you can your withdrawals shouldn't be to bad but as you can tell there never any fun...try to keep a positive attitude it goes a long way in this process and get comfortable with the saying "you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile" its only temporary this to shall pass...I noticed you said you attend church....God was instrumental during my withdrawal ...pray that your withdrawal symptoms are minor Jesus has much love and grace to give those that call out his name and at 3 am he's all you got...I couldn't have done it without God so pray with all your heart it helped me beyond measure...keep posting for support I will check on you in the morning good luck and God bless.....Gnarly
My tummy seems better today. I took a prilosec last night and had some mint tea. I have an ulcer from taking too much ibuprofen while I was still competing (injury-related) which is what got me into this whole mess. I cannot take any NSAIDs (advil, alieve, etc.) so the only other thing were the painkillers. Anyway...
I have been gifted 3 hours this morning all by myself! So I am going to take a walk, go to a cafe and treat myself (before I start Saturday morning cleaning). That is a HUGE blessing. And those make up 2 out of the 5 big ways I distract myself anyway - cleaning and exercising, praying, reading and hot baths are the other three.
Good morning. It's interesting because I am watching and taking note of when I crave the pills. This would have been a *perfect* day before. I'm tired, low energy and I have an entire LONG day of just me and three little ones to entertain. Before I would have taken the pills, gone to the park, beach, made lunch, had a picnic, cleaned the house, played games - it gave me an abundance of energy to be super mom. That's definitely going to be one of my big trigger points.
We certainly do have those times when we best liked to use. The good news is that the longer we go without using, the less frequent those thoughts become. It's almost like we re-program ourselves. We learned these behaviors over long periods of time therefore don't expect them to leave right away.
I say....go to the park ANYWAY, do SOMETHING. Enjoy those little ones and think about how positively your new life will affect them.
HI Megan glad to see your making it without being totally miserable ...having symptoms of withdrawals are no fun even if its just a few....the lack of sleep and restlessness is enough to drive you crazy ...I think that adds to how bad you feel not getting sleep and all but hang in there....mowing the grass will do you some good it will get you outside and get you moving around...the more exercise you get the better you will feel....I know its hard when you feel so run down but trust us it helps...keep posting for support good luck and God bless......Gnarly
My word I hate this restless chilly feeling. I would LOVE to sit in a hot bath. I've got to get all the kids lunch, which is a spectacle and test of patience in itself. Just walked outside and admired my nicely mowed lawn - that helps. :)
HI Megan....I can totally relate to the chills I detoxed in the middle of the desert of phoenix az in the heat of the summer and froze .....if you cant get in a hot bath try a shower it works to and cwill be a little faster with the kids in mind....as for the restlessness about all you can do is push thew it when the kids are naping or down for the night treat yourself to a long hot soak that helped me the most.....anxiety was my worst symptom and it lingered around longer then the rest...your doing really well so far so just hang in there
take it one day at a time you will get thew this good luck and God bless....Gnarly
Woke up feeling fairly normal. Restless night but not unbearable. I do keep feeling like I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. My WD symptoms started Thursday - really intense stomach cramping and nausea - but I still had tiny little bits of the taper left in my system thru Saturday. Again I was taking 10 hydros a day and used Ultram to taper. My last doses were 1 pill Thurs, 2/3 a pill Fri then 1/3 a pill on Sat.
Is it all still about it happen or have I already been in it?
Good Morning Megan!!! You are already in it and each day now will just get better. Your positive attitude has really helped out along with getting up and moving around. Take each day as it comes as all we have is the present. Your doing great!!! sara
Thanks, I don't know why it should matter whether or not the worst is over, since there is nothing I can do about it really. But part of me wants to believe that the worst is over and it will just get better. Then the other part wants to know if I should still be in hunker down and brace for the worst mode. Brains are funny.
If there is nothing you can do about it then don't sweat it. You know what all of the wd symptoms are, if they get more or less severe there will be nothing that you can do but to push through it. That is your course, severity of wd doesn't change it.
You keep doing what you are now doing. Stay positive, keep the good attitude, get outside, keep busy, don't watch the clock. I know I'm forgetting a few but I think you get the idea!!!!!
You're doing a great job, don't worry about what may not come!!!!!
I am happy to report that it appears the worst is over. I've got to say that it wasn't as bad as I feared. It's now been 2 weeks since stopping the 10 vicodins per day and 4 days since ending the Ultram taper. I still have some uneasiness, feel sluggish and my sleep is quite restless, but those are all totally manageable.
I know that Ultram can be tricky for some folks, but for me it was a Godsend. I didn't want it in the way I did Vicodin, so I was able to use it totally on my own to taper very easily. There was no emotional connection to fight, ya know?
What saved me in those uncomfortable days was posting here, getting outside in the sunshine, light physical activity as much as possible and hot baths. But even when it was bad it wasn't anywhere near as bad as I think it would have been had I stopped cold turkey at 10 Vicodin a day. I was able to ease out.
Now I can turn my attention to putting some support systems in place to stay on this path. I can already feel the desire stirring, so I totally here you all about aftercare. I'm sure that once I have a few weeks and then months behind me even that will be less and less. :)
I'm so glad you are doing well. The symptoms you are still having are completely normal for where you are in the process. Having support will be critical to staying clean! I hated the lingering symptoms, little as they were, so bad that I always used again, until I got the right recovery care. Now I feel a lot better about staying clean. I feel like I can live without pills, and that is HUGE for me!
Morning Megan!! I am glad you are feeling better today. I would really look into some aftercare now and continue on your path to recovery. Protect your clean time and make it the most sacred thing in your life~~~sara
Oy. I actually ended up feeling sicker again yesterday - mostly stomach stuff and energy level, which surprised me as I was feeling much better on Monday. I guess it takes as long as it takes, but I was so excited to be on the mend.
Yay for Day 7 - congratulations! My stomach is soooooooo queasy still - it's miserable. I'm grossed out by the idea of drinking Immodium, but maybe I need to just get over it and buy some. Do you think it will help?
Please send some words of encouragement. I am so sick of feeling sick. It’s starting to wear me down. My stomach situation continues to be just miserable since last Thursday. Seems to be getting worse, not better each day. I don’t even have the energy anymore to do the light physical tasks that were helping me to feel better last weekend. Being a single mom is hard already, but this is becoming unbearable. It’s the nausea, CONSTANT bathroom problems and stomach cramping that is taking its toll. Suggestions?
Hang in there. You need to get the immodium for sure. If you only get ONE supplement, make sure it's THAT one!!!
Being a single mom is TOUGH when you feel GOOD so I can understand how difficult this must be. You just have to do what you can do and believe us when we tell you that you will eventually feel better. It is an ordeal for sure but you CAN and ARE doing it.
When the immodium takes care of the stomach stuff you will be much more able to handle this.
thanks - yes I got the immodium at noon today. Just not feeling much different yet. I am starting to feel really weak - not mentally - just physically weak. It's exhausting me to stand up and cook dinner or even walk to the next room to heat up a baby bottle.
Sometimes an antacid will help too. I know this is very draining but it really does take time. IF the stomach problems dont go away you better go and see the doctor. You have come so far so keep hanging in there. Lean on us okay~~~~~~sara
You guys are WONDERFUL! I’ve got the little ones to bed (I have 2 under 2) and it’s just me and the 5 year old left up for some games before bedtime. Wow today was a minute by minute battle to push through. Not in terms of cravings or anything, just surviving the physical effects. I literally have at least one child in my arms every second of the day, which normally I love and can handle. But having to be “on” from 6am-9pm without a break all day – AND pushing through this process – is almost too much to survive. But I did it. :) And yes, I gave myself a Monday deadline that if my stomach situation isn’t any better then I will go to the Dr. I needed to put some benchmark in place so that I knew an end was in sight worst case scenario.
One thing I did tonight that made a huge difference (I don’t know where I found the strength) but I usually have these silly dance parties with my kids a couple nights a week. Anyway, I found that “Blessed Be the Name” song that the Newsboys did on Youtube and played it three times in a row. I take turns with which baby I hold while we all dance around like maniacs. It really, really helped summon up some energy, laughter and good feelings in spite of how crummy I feel. Couldn't have done that a couple hours earlier!
HI Megan just wanted to post to you to encourage you a bit....your getting it done one day at a time....the stomach problems su## but it is what it is and your just going to have to deal with whatever this detox throws at you...try not to get discouraged the energy crash is pritty common it will pass in time....im so sorry to here your having to manage 3 little ones at the same time your doing this....it would be good if you could get some help
right now just hang in there time will soon be on your side untill then you just have to bit the bullet YOU CAN DO THIS its just going to take a little more perseverance...are you able to get any sleep at all yet ?? once that starts to return you wont feel as run down
remember to keep pushing the fluids keep posting where all out here for your support
good luck and God bless.....Gnarly
Good morning! I think my stomach is a little better today! I got only a couple hours of sleep, but the nausea and other stuff finally feels not so terrible. And despite the tiny sleep, I have a bit more energy today. Keep you posted as the day progresses!
So happy to hear you are having a better day. You are having dance parties are you??? ha ha. Distraction is key when you feel like "losing it". Sometimes just getting your mind going in a different direction can make a huge difference.
Take the sleep when you can get it. It will come back!!!!
It was great to see you still hanging in there, You CAN do this!!!
Yes thanks today is like a whole new world! I am certainly not completely recovered by any means, but it is like night and day from the past week. today has flown by. It's almost 2pm here, which means I've been up and going since 5:30 and I feel great. The past couple days I was literally counting the hours. I even just had a sandwich, root beer and bbq chips with my oldest...it was delicious for the first time in forever. :)
HI Megan just stoped by and im so happy to read things are getting better for you
im sure its been a long week but you handled it well it should be better each day from here out...hang in there your in the tail end of it now...have you thought about aftercare yet?? if not nows a good time to get pluged in good luck and God bless....Gnarly
Thank you thank you thank you for all your encouragement. Today was like a miracle. Even if tomorrow I take a step back - or even if I feel TOTALLY like poop again - I have had a taste of what waits on the other side of all this. And it is SO worth every single second of recovery. :)
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