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Need advise regarding heroin addicted loved one
How do you provide support and encouragement when you truely feel you're being lied to? My live-in boyfriend (father of my 14yr old son) has been addicted to heroin for the past 15 years. He has been to several rehab programs but has always relapsed. We have only been together since last October when he was admitted into the hospital for endocarditis ( I was working as a nurse at the same hospital). He was hospitalized for 45 days after which he came home with me. My son met his father for the first time during his hospital stay. I really feel he wants to quit...He sounds very convincing when he talks of how tired he is of the "game", of waking up sick day after day and living just to use. Our son has no idea of what is really going on..he thinks that dad is just sick alot...Recently he went on methodone for a couple of weeks. He has been off for about one week. He used xanax to get through a couple of days - slept all day, everyday. Yesterday he woke up feeling good - spent some time with an old friend (old using buddy who has supposidly quit). I just feel that something isn't right - can't place my finger on it but I have this really uneasy feeling that he is using again. I have told him that this is his last chance. He has cost me thousands of dollars - all of my savings have been used up to keep him from being sick...I can't take much more but I don't know what to do.....I have read many postings stating that "tough love" doesn't work for adults....If I ask him to leave he will end up much worse than he is now...I really believe that my son and I are his last chance and would hate to take that away from him....Help!!!
Hi,
I am in a similar situation - my partner is a long time heroin addict and he has tried many times to stop. All my life savings have been used up supporting him in his career. He is working now and earns a good wage but is still using.
When I met him he had stopped because he was getting a naltrexone implant. It lasted 3 months and he was clean for about 9 months in total. We then suffered a miscarrage and he began using behind my back - his explanation was that he felt he was losing me because I was distant and bad tempered. I was going through my own grieving and looking back I did cold shoulder him but if he had hung in there and been patient we would have got back on track.
Anyway, he is determined to get another implant but for 12 months this time. Only problem is that we now have to save up for it so in the meantime he is trying to cut down gradually.
Even though there is a light at the end of our tunnel it is still hard to watch him using day after day. I have tried tough love on him - left him completely in the lurch but all it did was make him use more to the extent he nearly died.
Now I have stopped threatening to leave him and I just treat him as though he does not use heroin. This has made things better for both of us - no rows, no stress, I don't worry, he doesn't feel guilty and helpless which has helped him to reduce his usage. He is in total control of it.
I don't know if you have heard of naltrexone implants or if they are available where you live, or if they would be the answer for your partner. You can goole them and decide for yourselves but one of these would garauntee that he wouldn't use heroin for a set period of time eg 3, 6 or 12 months. In our experience 3 months was not long enough as it takes about 12 months for heroin to get out of a person's brain ie the call to use it.
I really feel for you and your son it is so hard to support someone doing this and they don't realise what you are going through because they take themselves away to la-la land while you have to carry on around them. I do know though that people who have beaten it all say that it's the best decision they ever made and they can't believe that they ever did heroin and don't even recognise that person they used to be.
So there is light at the end of the tunnel but I think that you should and probably will have to let him know that you think he is using. If you want to stay with him then my suggestion is that you talk to him in a calm, non-judgemental way and let him know you are on his side. Tell him that you will stand by him but in return you want him to be honest with you and most importantly you want him to plan with you how he will stop eg what treatment he would prefer out of all that is on offer around you. If you are to stay together then you must tackle this problem together all the way. It is the problem that you must both be tough on not each other.
Good luck and let me know how things go.
Thinking of you all - Vron.
I am in a similar situation - my partner is a long time heroin addict and he has tried many times to stop. All my life savings have been used up supporting him in his career. He is working now and earns a good wage but is still using.
When I met him he had stopped because he was getting a naltrexone implant. It lasted 3 months and he was clean for about 9 months in total. We then suffered a miscarrage and he began using behind my back - his explanation was that he felt he was losing me because I was distant and bad tempered. I was going through my own grieving and looking back I did cold shoulder him but if he had hung in there and been patient we would have got back on track.
Anyway, he is determined to get another implant but for 12 months this time. Only problem is that we now have to save up for it so in the meantime he is trying to cut down gradually.
Even though there is a light at the end of our tunnel it is still hard to watch him using day after day. I have tried tough love on him - left him completely in the lurch but all it did was make him use more to the extent he nearly died.
Now I have stopped threatening to leave him and I just treat him as though he does not use heroin. This has made things better for both of us - no rows, no stress, I don't worry, he doesn't feel guilty and helpless which has helped him to reduce his usage. He is in total control of it.
I don't know if you have heard of naltrexone implants or if they are available where you live, or if they would be the answer for your partner. You can goole them and decide for yourselves but one of these would garauntee that he wouldn't use heroin for a set period of time eg 3, 6 or 12 months. In our experience 3 months was not long enough as it takes about 12 months for heroin to get out of a person's brain ie the call to use it.
I really feel for you and your son it is so hard to support someone doing this and they don't realise what you are going through because they take themselves away to la-la land while you have to carry on around them. I do know though that people who have beaten it all say that it's the best decision they ever made and they can't believe that they ever did heroin and don't even recognise that person they used to be.
So there is light at the end of the tunnel but I think that you should and probably will have to let him know that you think he is using. If you want to stay with him then my suggestion is that you talk to him in a calm, non-judgemental way and let him know you are on his side. Tell him that you will stand by him but in return you want him to be honest with you and most importantly you want him to plan with you how he will stop eg what treatment he would prefer out of all that is on offer around you. If you are to stay together then you must tackle this problem together all the way. It is the problem that you must both be tough on not each other.
Good luck and let me know how things go.
Thinking of you all - Vron.
I have told him that this is his last chance. He has cost me thousands of dollars - all of my savings have been used up to keep him from being sick...I can't take much more but I don't know what to do.....I have read many postings stating that "tough love" doesn't work for adults....If I ask him to leave he will end up much worse than he is now...I really believe that my son and I are his last chance and would hate to take that away from him....Help!!!
I was an addict for many years Heroin is among the top two drugs to a successful recovery. ...
I would ask you this question you mention your son is it in his best interest to grow up with a Heroin addict?
What effects will it have on him?
Tough love also means protecting your children.......
Inpatient rehab for a minimum of 6 months then supervision drug testing and N/A afterward until the light goes on in his head....
To him his addiction is his priority just read your words above if you disagree wtih my post......sorry but you have a son to protect......
I was an addict for many years Heroin is among the top two drugs to a successful recovery. ...
I would ask you this question you mention your son is it in his best interest to grow up with a Heroin addict?
What effects will it have on him?
Tough love also means protecting your children.......
Inpatient rehab for a minimum of 6 months then supervision drug testing and N/A afterward until the light goes on in his head....
To him his addiction is his priority just read your words above if you disagree wtih my post......sorry but you have a son to protect......
Hey there
I have NO experiance with herion but i myself grew up in a home where my own mother did meth and sold it. Then i began to do it . Mom was so addicted she was shooting up and nothing stoped her.....except when she went to jail. Some times i thinkppl need to hit rock bottom before they truley will quit for good. Mom has not touched meth since she got caught and put in jail. Sorry if this is not very helpful to u but all in all this forum is great support lots of luck to u and love to u i will be praying for your husband lots of luv~~~~Chros
I have NO experiance with herion but i myself grew up in a home where my own mother did meth and sold it. Then i began to do it . Mom was so addicted she was shooting up and nothing stoped her.....except when she went to jail. Some times i thinkppl need to hit rock bottom before they truley will quit for good. Mom has not touched meth since she got caught and put in jail. Sorry if this is not very helpful to u but all in all this forum is great support lots of luck to u and love to u i will be praying for your husband lots of luv~~~~Chros
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