Need help reaching out to an addict

[verta]

Hi,
This is my first time posting here and I’m hoping some of you can offer me some advice.  My ex-boyfriend takes oxycodone multiple times a day, everyday.  I don’t know exactly how much he’s taking but I do know that his doctor recently increased his prescription from 15mg pills to 30mg.  He says he takes them for residual pain from injuries that he sustained in an accident a number of years ago.  He sometimes snorts the pills and often looks for ways to potentiate the pills.  He gets severe mood swings which would often lead to fights between us.  That is why we’re on the outs right now.  He’s also on the outs with his entire immediate family.  He refuses to talk to me or any of them at the moment.  However, people who have seen him recently tell me that they’re very worried about him.  They say he’s very depressed, sickly & pale looking, suffering from flu-like symptoms and increasingly moody and angry.  I am the only one who knows about his oxycodone usage.  I have no idea what to do because, first of all, I’m not positive his use is out of control (maybe that sounds ridiculous, but it’s hard to tell when you’re so close to the problem).  He always denies addiction, but he has also mentioned that he feels he needs to cut back, but was worried about withdrawal pain.   I guess I’m starting to realize now just how much his days revolve around his drug.  If he really does have a problem, then I want to help him (especially since I’m the only one who knows about this).   I have no idea how to reach out to him though.  Please help.

[kim715]

Hi and welcome.First let me say that your ex is very lucky to have someone who cares about him as much as you seem too.Second ,being a recovering addict myself,I can tell you from what you wrote that your ex definitely has a problem.The fact that he is snorting the pills also makes it a double whammy.Snorting is absolutely addictive behavior.The most that you can do is confront him about his addiction,let him know that you care for him and that you will be there for him to support him in his recovery but that you will not in any way enable him in his addiction.The truth of the matter is though hon,and I am sure you have heard this before,until HE is ready to admit he has a problem and HE is willing to take the steps necessary to get help,it won't stop,he won't stop.Please also be sure to take care of you.Addiction doesn't only destroy the addict but it can destroy all those around us who love and care for us.Keep posting,lots of help and support here.Goodluck to you...Kim

[Lisa034]

I do agree with Kim about the snorting thing.  Normal people (non addicts) do not snort their pills.  That is really the only thing that really worries me because I do not know the whole story I do not know what exactly his pain level is.  Almost everyone that has to take pain meds for a long time have mood swings and yes their body does get addicted to the meds that is why he prob had to go up.  I just would not be so quick to say he is an addict just yet without knowing the whole story.  One thing you could look for is
1. Running out of meds before it is time to get refill or another rx from doc.
2. Just like you said snorting the pills
3. Again crazy mood swings up and then down all in a matter of minutes
4. Illegal behavior-stealing-buying pills from dealer
5. Never having any money, not paying bills-ect.....
6. Counting the days till next dr appt
7. Going to different doc and different pharmacies

I do not know if he is an addict.  He may be.  Just like Kim said if he is only he can make a change and sometimes when we nag at our men it will just push them the other way.  If any of the stories that you have read on this site sound kinda like yalls life then he might be.  Maybe see if he will come on here and read a few posts maybe he will relate to someone here.  At this point all you can try to do is support him without enabeling him.
Good Luck
Lisa
Jacksonville,FL

[verta]

Thank you so much for the feedback.  I should clarify that I am not positive that he is snorting the pills.  What I have seen is that he sometimes crushes the pills and dissolves it in water.  I have also found cut off straws around, so I came to the conclusion that he was using those to snort the pills.  He denied that once when I asked him.  I can't think of anything else they could be used for.  I haven't really noticed any of the symptoms that Lisa034 listed, but he is always trying to find things that will enhance the effects of the pills.  He says it's because they're not helping completely masking his pain anymore.  I do recognize that HE will need to be ready to quit and that he isn't there is nothing I can say or do that will change that.  I guess I'm still just unsure as to whether or not he really is addicted.  I want to help, but I don't want to accuse him of an addiction he doesn't have.

[Beccabeccalynn]

Just food for thought if he doesn't have a problem why would it be a secret that he has pills from everyone but you? I to am an addict like others here. I have learned that secrets are part of what kept me sick for so long. Anyone who didn't keep my secrets wasn't welome around me. In the end I was just fine alone as longas I had my drugs. Isolated from family and friends I blamed everyone but me for my problems. Be safe and don't cover for him allow him to be accountable for his behavior. Best of luck to you both.
Becca

[Beccabeccalynn]

P.S. Unless you have very short glasses short straws are a sign of snorting. During my active addiction I said I was making straw necklaces when I got caught with tooters( straws for snorting)

[verta]

thank you for your post.  it was very enlightening.  i recognize in him many of the behaviors that you mentioned.  anyone know where i can find some advice (or have any advice) on the most effective ways to offer help to an addict?

[Beccabeccalynn]

I am afraid that you can only help yourself as each of us can. Give alanon a try. Try several meetings to find one that works for you they will also have ideas about what to do about your man or ex. Keep in touch goodluck